Right Now

by Marie Hall

  Clasping my fingers, he rubbed circles with his thumb against my palms in a robotic, repetitive cycle.

  My mouth tasted like lead when I asked, “Was it you?” I’d asked so low, I was sure he wouldn’t be able to hear me above the din, but he surprised me by shaking his head.

  “No.” Now he was running his hands down my body, up and down my spine, across my butt, pulling me closer to him. This wasn’t sexual; it was more like he needed connection, needed to feel me.

  “Was he sent to jail?”

  His eyes squeezed shut and his face screwed into a grimace, before he finally shook his head.

  “I don’t under—”

  “Because I was too much of a chickenshit to tell. Because I kept my mouth shut when I should have told somebody. By the time I did tell somebody, they didn’t care anymore. She didn’t care.”

  He sobbed, his shoulders shook, and my jaw trembled, wanting desperately to ease the ache inside him. But the tears, they weren’t sad; they were angry and so was he.

  “You want to know who I am? You’re right. I’m vanilla. I’m pathetic. I’m nothing. I’m a coward that hid behind his mommy’s skirt, too afraid to tell the truth because I didn’t want anybody to know. And he suffered because of it!”

  In an instant I knew, but I wouldn’t ask him. But it made so much sense. Why he and Ryan were as tight as they were, why Lili was so protective, why Alex visited a shrink. Slowly the pieces of the cracked puzzle were coming together.

  His dad had raped Ryan.

  Alex had seen it happen.

  That was why sometimes Alex would go cold, stop laughing, and grow distracted.

  Framing his face, I forced his eyes to mine. “I love you.”

  His pupils dilated, the silver almost seemed to grow brighter, and then he was dragging my face to his, claiming my lips for his own. His tongue moved inside my mouth like he wanted to eat me, swallow me whole, and I let him, because I needed it too.

  I finally understood why my cowboy had done all those things. While my heart shattered for his truths, I was also overjoyed. He’d trusted me enough to tell me, so he had to love me too. No man would ever share something that dark and deep if he didn’t.

  “I love you,” I whispered again against his heated flesh.

  Thunder cracked, the violence of it rocking the world around us. It filled the air with the aroma of ozone and burnt wood. Lifting me up, Alex forced me to wrap my legs around his waist, and then he was turning, walking us back to my empty house.

  I knew we were going to make love again, and I could hardly contain my excitement. My thighs trembled, my skin tightened with a flush of need and want. After I showed him where my parents hid the extra set of keys in case we were ever locked out, he quickly opened the door and then we were in the eerily empty house, but he still wouldn’t set me down.

  He dropped to his knees in front of the fireplace, and we violently shoved the clothes off each other, desperation making us clumsy in our haste to be pressed skin to skin with one another.

  And though I was soaked, my skin was on fire when he tossed the sodden bikini off me. Our joining wasn’t loving, wasn’t easy.

  It was furious and needy, almost violent.

  But I needed to feel him present, needed to know he was here, right here with me. Murmuring against my neck, he licked the hollow of my throat, and then he was spreading my thighs open. I felt his rigid thickness rub against my heated, wet flesh a second before he slipped inside.

  He didn’t grab a condom and I didn’t make him. We’d tested clean, I was on the pill, and this was exactly what I wanted. No barriers. No walls between us, not anymore.

  “Misaki, Misaki.” He moaned my name over and over; the only time he used my real name was when we were joined. I didn’t know if he knew that, but I loved it. It was like his own personal pet name for me. The only time I loved to hear that name. The only man I’d ever let use it, because Alex was mine and I was all his.

  He was rough, pounding into me, shoving me hard into the rug on the wooden floor, but I barely felt the hard ground. All I felt was him inside of me, shoving in so deep I swear it was like he was moving all the way through me. Wrapping my arms and legs around his body, I panted and moaned as the rising tide of my own orgasm began to wash over me.

  This was so much more than just meeting our needs. We were joining our hearts and souls, and no matter what happened from here on out, I’d never regret it. I’d given myself to him completely. Alex Donovan owned me, and I was okay with that.

  “You almost there?” he gritted out, eyes squeezed tight, his face contorted into an ugly mask of exertion. The fact that he was waiting to take his pleasure until I reached my own, it sent me over the edge.

  I grabbed his nipple piercings and turned them gently, howling as the orgasm finally ripped me apart. I was shattered and clutching at him because I was dizzy and couldn’t focus.

  His hands were rubbing my hair, my face. “I love you too, Misaki. I love you so goddamned much it hurts. Always, my beautiful flower. Always.”

  Chapter 15

  Alex

  Her voice had guided me back; her touch made me whole. I was never going to give her up. She was my drug and I was an addict. This was my woman, and in her arms I’d found myself again.

  “Do you mean it?” Her soft voice floated to me on a cloud of citrus-scented perfume, and I rolled over, pulling her onto my body.

  I nodded, hoping she could read the sincerity in my gaze. “Every word.” Now that the dam had broken and I was touching her, it was all I wanted to do. I couldn’t seem to stop.

  A soft chuckle spilled from her lips and she tucked her wet head against my neck. “I was so scared. You’d stopped touching me. I thought maybe you were getting bored.”

  “Never.” I blew out a heavy breath. “Zoe, I have so much to apologize for. I should have been honest with you from the beginning. I’ve been seeing Doc Alvarez off and on for over a year now. Not touching you, that was her suggestion.”

  Rolling to the side, she dropped her chin onto her fist and stared at me, curling her leg around mine as she ran her free hand up and down my chest. “Why would she tell you to not touch me?”

  I sighed, toying with the tips of her dark hair. “Honestly, she only told me to stay away for a week because she thinks I use sex to forget, and that by doing that, I was using you. But then after a while I got worried. Worried you’d start to think you were like all the other girls. Because you’re more, Zo. So much more. I swear it’s always been about more than just sex with you, I want you to…”

  Placing her finger against my lip, she hushed me. “No more apologies. Clean slate, Alex. No more baggage, no more secrets. Let’s just stop and be honest with each other. Can we do that? Please?”

  That she even had to ask made me feel ashamed of myself. All the crap I’d told Ryan, how he had to tell Lili—I’d done the same thing to Zoe. I was just lucky she hadn’t bailed on me.

  Pulling her back onto me because I liked the warmth of her body covering mine and that was where she belonged—naked on top of me—I rubbed my hand down her back. “I almost screwed this thing up, didn’t I?”

  She kissed the side of my jaw and my pulse throbbed, my cock rose to half-mast, and I couldn’t believe I was ready for her again. But it’d been so fast and angry, and I wanted more. Everything. I was a greedy bastard, but I didn’t care anymore. I wanted everything my girl had to give, and I wanted to give her everything in return too.

  She must have felt me, because a sensual smile curved her lips and she wiggled down on me, eliciting a groan.

  “Babe, you keep that up and I won’t last.”

  “Mmm. I kind of like the sound of that. But not here.” She stood, her luscious body on full display for my famished gaze, then held her hand out to me. “Shower.”

  Her eyes were hot as she took me in and when they landed on my cock, it twitched in response. She bit the corner of her lip and all I could do was scramble to my feet.<
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  Zoe was a masterpiece, no matter which side of her I glimpsed. When she turned, my gaze followed the trail of cherry blossoms she had tattooed around her rib cage and down to the juncture where her back met her ass.

  “You’re so beautiful, Zo,” I whispered reverently, tugging her lithe body into mine, rubbing myself between her soft thighs and groaning when I felt the heat of her arousal kiss the tip of my cock.

  Somehow we managed to stumble our way into the bathroom. She opened the door and I gaped at the enormous Jacuzzi tub that waited for us.

  Turning on the tap, she plugged the bath up, then slid in and patted the empty space beside her with a wicked curl of her lips. I jumped in and pulled her into me, and I wanted to go slow, but I just couldn’t.

  I still couldn’t believe we were here. That she hadn’t broken up with me, that she hadn’t decided I wasn’t worth it. Zoe was too good for me, so perfect, and I wanted to make it up to her. Make up for the past few weeks of my hot and cold, my secrets, and everything I’d erected as a wall between us, including shutting her out when she’d tried so hard to just be there for me.

  She was straddling my hips and the water was so warm on my body, and when she slid down on me, sheathing me so tight, I groaned loud and long. “Misaki, only you. Only you.”

  This time she set the pace, where I wanted fast, she went slow and methodical, sliding up and down, bouncing her luscious breasts under my nose. Moaning, I cupped them, guiding a nipple to my mouth and rolling the sweet bud between my teeth, around my tongue.

  Her body trembled as I proceeded to worship her other side the same way. My head was dizzy with lust as she slid up and down. Nuzzling the citrus-scented hollow of her throat, I laved and gently nipped at it.

  Dropping her head back, she exposed the long, slim column of her throat while she worked me, her body a tight fist.

  “Baby,” I mumbled, so lost to the mind-numbing pleasure I don’t think I would have cared if her parents or Uncle Hank had walked in on us.

  She laughed and started moving a little faster. “Like this?”

  “Nugh.” I’m not sure that was really a word, but it was the only thing that came out of my mouth.

  Then she was kissing me, and I was sucking on her thumb. I felt the heat starting to gather at the base of my balls, felt my cock begin to twitch inside her, and the pressure was building to a cataclysmic eruption.

  “Misaki, Misaki,” I moaned over and over. “Close. So close.”

  “Yes. Yes. Yes,” she groaned. “Go, cowboy. Now.”

  My soul literally seemed to slip out of my body as my orgasm rocked through me. I came over and over, feeling as if the pleasure would never end, walking a tightrope of almost-pain as I ejaculated deep and long inside her warm, safe haven.

  Her little nails were digging into my biceps and she was shaking, twitching, long after her own orgasm had taken her. We sat like that for a while, panting and breathless. Feeling like a boneless heap, I could barely move.

  Slowly I slid out of her and then she was laughing, flicking water at my nose. “Make-up sex rocks.”

  That was my girl, amazing in every way. I laughed with her and couldn’t do much else other than lean my head back on the tub and pant as she drained out the water.

  “I think we need clean water since we got just a little dirty.” She wrinkled her nose in an adorable way, but my body was finally sated and right now, as wussy as it was to admit, all I wanted to do was cuddle up to Zo and sleep. But judging by the look in her eyes, I think this was now the time where we had to actually talk about what I’d just told her.

  Sighing, as ready for the conversation as I would ever be, I waited. “Go ahead, babe. Ask me anything.”

  Nibbling on the corner of her lip, she scooted closer. She’d poured some sort of flower soap into the bath and now bubbles were starting to crawl up my body. I didn’t normally do baths and I’d kill myself before ever admitting this out loud, but it wasn’t so bad. Especially when I had a sexy little piece of eye candy with me. I smiled.

  “It’s okay. Nothing’s off-limits. I decided today, no more secrets.”

  “Who did your father rape?”

  Ice froze in my veins. I’d said no secrets, but talking about what happened to Ryan, that wasn’t really my secret to share. I just hoped she’d understand.

  “That I can’t tell you. I…” Shoving my hand through my hair, I shook my head. “I’m sorry, it’s not my secret to share.”

  Thinning her lips, she scooted into me, dragging a soft sponge up and down my back, breaking me out in a wash of goose bumps. I could get used to this.

  “Fair enough.” She nipped my nose. “Did he ever do it to you?”

  “No. Which considering what I saw him doing, you’d think so. But no, apart from that one time, I never saw him do it again. After I told my mom, she wouldn’t leave me alone with him or out of her sight.”

  “Why didn’t he go to jail?”

  I sighed. “Because the person against whom the crime was committed didn’t report it. Neither did I, or my mother.”

  “But there’s not a statute of limitations in Texas. So—”

  I shook my head. “If there’s recoverable DNA. He didn’t go to the hospital the night it happened, but even if he had…” Blowing out a heavy breath, I imagined putting Ryan through the circus of court, of having the fighters he sparred with know what had happened to him—no way. “He doesn’t want to mess with it anymore. It’s over and done with, and he’s just trying his damnedest to move on. He made me promise the night it happened to never tell. I almost blew it when I turned fifteen. I almost did it; that was why I called 911. I hated John and wanted him to rot, but…” I swallowed. “I just couldn’t.”

  “But that doesn’t seem fair.” She scowled and I loved that about her. How she immediately took my side, came to my defense. Now I understood why Ryan had been willing to bend over backward for Lili, why he’d fought so hard to keep her even if it meant telling her everything. Because I felt the same way about Zoe; she was mine and I was going to do whatever I had to do to keep it that way.

  “He’s dying.”

  She gasped. “Who? Ryan?”

  My eyes zeroed in on her face. Of course she’d guessed, she was too smart not to. “You can never tell him you know. Swear. He’s moving on, picking up the pieces. But he doesn’t want the world knowing or pitying him for it.”

  “I would never.” She crossed her heart and then began scrubbing my chest in rhythmic circles.

  “But no, not Ryan. John. Cancer. Mom says he’s only got a few weeks left. They’re planning a huge barbeque for his birthday party. They want me to go. Even my shrink thinks I should.”

  “What do you think?” she asked quietly.

  “I don’t want to,” I grudgingly admitted, leaning into her touch, enjoying it almost as much as the hot sex we’d just had.

  “So will you?”

  “I don’t know.” I sighed. “Doc thinks by going and giving John a piece of my mind without yelling, screaming, or pimp-slapping him, I’ll finally be able to move on. She wants to meet you, you know.”

  She frowned. “Who? Your doctor?”

  “Yeah.”

  Thrusting out her breasts, she straightened her spine. “I’ll do it. I’ll go. When?”

  “Really?” I smiled, not believing she was willing to do that for me. After everything I’d put her through, that she was still willing to try was humbling. I touched her jaw. “This Friday. Two thirty.”

  “I’ll be there, cowboy.”

  ~*~

  The next day I came out of my bedroom with a definite hop in my step. A hop Lili spotted immediately. She and Ryan were sitting at their customary spot at the kitchen table. Javier was reading his comic books beside them, and Lili’s smile was a mile wide.

  “Wow. Look at you. Oh my God, you’re in love.”

  Ryan snorted, taking a sip of his chamomile tea.

  “Shut up,” I growled, but the tone was fri
endly because I really didn’t care that they knew. I was in love; last night had been amazing.

  “No, he glows. Right, Ryan?” Lili prodded Ryan’s shoulder.

  “Yup, he’s definitely glowing.” Ryan’s large hand engulfed her petite thigh.

  I poured milk into my bowl of cereal, then joined them at the table. “Whatever, losers. Get a life.”

  She tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Methinks the boy doth protest too much.”

  “So how’s the wedding going?”

  If at first you don’t succeed, evade, evade, evade.

  Lili shook her head. “Smooth move there, mister. And it’s going great. We’ve got the venue and flowers.”

  “And you’re my best man, and as my best man you need to get fitted like yesterday.” Ryan punched my bicep.

  Rubbing my arm, I nodded. “Fine, whatever. I’ll go try on the monkey suit.”

  “Zoe coming?” Lili asked.

  “Of course.” I grinned. “That girl knows what’s what.”

  She snorted.

  Shaking my head, I attempted to ignore them, but it was difficult while Lili and Ryan proceeded to make loud kissing noises. When my phone rang, I didn’t think to look at the screen, I just picked it up with a chuckle. “What’s up?”

  “Alex?”

  Everything inside me went still. All the humor vanished.

  “Are you there?”

  Cereal suddenly feeling like a brick in my gut, I jerked to my feet and dropped the half-full bowl into the sink. Lili and Ryan stared at me with large eyes. I shook my head and headed back to my room.

  “Mom, why are you calling me?”

  A loud sigh echoed down the line. “Alex, baby, I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have called, I know that, but it’s important. This is important.”

  I shut my door and leaned my head against it, then picked at the torn edge of the beer poster I’d taped to my wall years ago. “I’m not going to that party. Please don’t ask again. I can’t celebrate that man’s life, Mom. I’m sorry.”