If We Fall: A What If Novel

by Nina Lane

  “We’ve already budgeted for the paint and scaffolding.” John Porter, vice-president of the Historical Society and a man who’d been a close friend of Benjamin Mays, hands Josie a budget sheet. “If you could let us know what else you need, that will help us going forward.”

  “And you can get this done by August tenth?” Miriam, the Castille Museum director, asks. “The plans for the festival are well underway, and we’d like to unveil the mural in the morning so people can enjoy it for the rest of the day.”

  Josie nods. “I need to finalize my sketches, but yes. I’ll make the deadline.”

  “Invicta Spirits is our main sponsor of the festival.” Allegra gives me a tight smile. “I’ve asked Mr. Danforth to be present so he can give us further ideas about his company’s role.”

  Avoiding Josie’s gaze, I open my folder and pass a stack of printed papers to my right.

  “Much as I appreciate the effort to beautify Lantern Square,” I say, “I need to point out that the mural is prohibited based on municipal city code ordinance 105.54B.”

  A tense hush falls over the room.

  “The ordinance only allows murals on private property, and with strict regulations.” I tap a forefinger on the paper. “It also groups murals not on private property in the same category as graffiti, which is illegal vandalism punishable by both a fine and possible jail time.”

  Silence. Josie’s shocked glare spears into my chest like a harpoon.

  “That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.” Allegra tosses the paper onto the table, anger sparking in her eyes. “This work of art is the exact opposite of graffiti.”

  “It’s still city code. There’s also the matter of the historical preservation ordinance, which likewise prohibits murals on or in the vicinity of historic property. The wall enclosing the Botanical Gardens was built shortly after the garden itself was constructed, dating it to the late nineteenth century.”

  “A wall is not a historic building,” Miriam snaps.

  “I’m sure the Historical Society would disagree.”

  Another silence stretches. They study the code print-outs I’d given them. I feel Josie’s anger like a living thing. I can’t look at her.

  “We’ll get this fixed next week.” Allegra sweeps her gaze around the room with a sharp nod of satisfaction. “Ordinances can’t be amended overnight, but we can start the process right away. Everyone is in favor of the mural being painted on the garden wall.”

  “What about the property owner?” I ask.

  “The property owner?” Miriam pulls her eyebrows together. “The city owns the property.”

  “The city owns the Botanical Gardens,” I correct. “Not the masonry section of the wall.”

  “What in the love of God are you talking about now?” Allegra snaps. “Josie, I apologize for this interruption.”

  “On page three, you’ll see the zoning and parcel map for the Snapdragon Inn, which I purchased five years ago,” I continue. “The southeast corner of the property extends past the boundary of the garden wall. History will attest to the fact that when the gardens were constructed, the owner of the Snapdragon Inn, a Mr. Charles Buckham, sought to block any potential noise or crowding that might disturb his guests. To that end, he constructed the wall separating the gardens from his property lot.”

  “What is the point of this?” Allegra pinches the bridge of her nose in exasperation.

  “The point is that I am the legal owner of the garden wall. The masonry section is within the boundaries of the lot I purchased. Murals on private property are allowed only with express permission of the owner.”

  Josie plants her hands on the table, leaning forward to skewer me with a glare. “Then give me permission.”

  “No.”

  She pales, disbelief flashing in her eyes. “This is for my parents.”

  Fuck. Pain splinters in my chest. I submerge it beneath a layer of ice and shake my head.

  “I will not give you permission.” Gripping the edge of the table, I force myself to meet her gaze. “If you go through with this project, you’ll be in violation of the law.”

  She stares at me like she’s never seen me before. The air crackles between us, lit with her fire.

  “I intend to verify all this with the city assessor’s office.” Allegra grabs the folder and rises to her feet. “Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for this unpleasant wrench in the works. Josie, rest assured I will get to the bottom of this immediately. Meeting adjourned.”

  She throws me a withering scowl and stalks out of the room. Josie stuffs her drawings back into her portfolio and follows, her shoulders set.

  Sweat trickles down my neck. Every muscle in my body is locked. I grab the empty folder and leave the room.

  * * *

  The early summer air does nothing to ease the burn. I lock my office door before sitting down to work. I’ve trained myself to be single-minded and analytical about budgets, acquisitions, and expansion. I’ve learned to make decisions fast and execute them with as little compromise as possible. No warning either. The little craft distilleries and Blue River never knew what hit them.

  It should have been easier to blindside Josie the same way.

  “Sir?” The security guard phones in from downstairs. “There’s a woman here insisting she needs to speak with you.”

  “Name?”

  “Josephine Mays.”

  “Let her in.”

  I turn off the intercom and unlock my office door. A few minutes pass before the door flies open. Josie barges in, her hands fisted and an angry light in her eyes.

  “You are an asshole,” she snaps.

  “I’ve been told.”

  “How dare you pull that kind of stunt?”

  “It’s the truth.”

  “And we both know damned well you brought it up only because I’m involved.” She tosses her backpack and art portfolio onto a chair. She’s trembling with anger. “I don’t care what you think about me, but bringing the people of this town into our personal shit is low, even for you.”

  My shoulders tense. “Even for me? What do you know about me?”

  “Nothing anymore.” She slams her hands to her hips, her features twisting. “But I used to know everything about you. Do you remember that? Then you walked out on me right when I needed you the most, proving you were never the man I thought you were. Now I find out that you run this company like a dictator, you’re crushing independent businesses and putting people out of work, and you’re publicly trying to stop me from creating a mural that’s intended for both this town and my parents. What the hell happened to you?”

  “You happened to me.”

  The words fly out of my mouth before I can stop them. The pencil I’m holding breaks in two with the force of my grip.

  Josie steps back, her eyes widening. Her dark hair is windblown, her cheeks flushed, her chest heaving under her old army jacket. I’d once had the right to comb her hair back from her forehead, slide my palm over her neck before edging my fingers into her V-necked T-shirt...

  Anger crushes my chest. I shove away from my desk and stride toward her. Fear flashes in her green eyes, which pisses me off even more. When the fuck was she ever afraid of me?

  I grab the lapels of her jacket, yanking her closer. Our lower bodies collide. She gasps, a little catching noise in the back of her throat that used to get me hot in a second.

  It still does. My blood starts to boil. She tilts her head back, her eyes flashing. I lower my head to look at her, fighting to ignore her scent—goddamned summer leaves and cherry candy.

  “I once would have done anything for you.” The words grate roughly from my throat. “And then I failed you in the worst possible way. I failed you, I failed Teddy, and I failed your parents.”

  She stares at me, her breath hitching. “Cole, I—”

  “When you left, I hoped with everything I was that you’d have a chance at a normal life.” I pull her closer, anger warring with the undeniable
flare of lust. “That you could be happy again if you weren’t constantly surrounded by reminders of everything you lost. Everything I took from you.”

  “Goddamn you, Cole Danforth.” Fire flames over her expression. She plants her hands on my chest and shoves herself away. “The only thing you took from me was you. That is the only way you failed me. When you walked out that door, I lost any chance of happiness or healing. So don’t you fucking dare think you can push me away again by stopping me from doing what I came here to do.”

  I clench my teeth. My breath burns my lungs.

  Lost any chance.

  Holy shit. What have I done to her? I failed her in more ways than I can count, for longer than I’d ever imagined. Nothing I’ve done has worked to protect her. The girl I’d once loved more than life. I can’t fail her again. Won’t.

  “And it doesn’t look like the past ten years have worked out well for you either.” She extends her arm to the view of Lantern Square. “Yeah, you’re a big shot now. But throwing your weight around and crushing other businesses for revenge on this town? That’s not something the Cole Danforth I used to know would do.”

  “I’m not the Cole Danforth you used to know.”

  Pain darkens her eyes. “And you have no idea how much that breaks my heart.”

  Curses lash through my brain. I stare at her—flushed skin, her perfect mouth tight with anger, her fire-green eyes. I might not be able to drive her away from Castille. But I sure as hell can drive her away from me.

  After stalking across the room, I grab her shoulders. I lower my head and pull her closer at the same time. Crush my mouth to hers.

  Oh fuck.

  My head spins. Her gasp melts on my tongue. My chest constricts. She’s everything I remember and more—ripe cherries and whipped cream. Fireflies. Waterfalls. Cotton candy.

  She presses her body into mine, arching forward, her curves fitting against my chest. Heat fires my veins. I clutch her hips, pushing my tongue into her mouth, drinking her in. She tenses, then parts her lips wider, tangling her tongue with mine. So damned sweet.

  Pressure collects at the base of my spine. Blood pulses in my dick. She drives her other hand into my hair and tugs me closer. Images flash in my head—Josie naked and writhing underneath me, grabbing my hair, her breathy cries filling my ears. Locking her legs around my hips, letting me thrust into her so deep…

  The world tilts. It’s like the first hit of a drug, all-consuming and addictive, driving the urgent craving for more. More. Fucking more.

  Pulling her head back, I devour her perfect mouth. I push my hand up the back of her T-shirt. Stroke my fingers over the hot curve of her lower back. She flinches, her grip tightening in my hair, her breath increasing.

  Then she moans, a soft little sound like she used to make when I woke her from a deep sleep, and rubs her breasts against my chest. I want to rip her clothes off, spread her legs, thrust my cock so hard into her she’ll never again doubt that she will always belong to me.

  Scare her away.

  Tension claws at my insides. I trail my lips over her cheek to her ear, dragging in a heavy breath. Her hair smells like strawberries.

  Scare her, you stupid fuck.

  I tighten my hands on her waist and push her backward. She stumbles, her back coming up against the wall. Her eyes widen. Fire flares in my blood. I shove my knee between her legs and press a hand to her pussy. Oh, shit, I feel her heat burning through her jeans. She’s wet too, I sense it like an animal, her arousal slick and hot…

  Gripping her throat, I slant my mouth over hers and pinion her to the wall. Tension vibrates through her, even as she clenches her thighs around my hand. I want to shove my cock between her naked thighs, feel her soft flesh enveloping my shaft.

  Two thrusts and I’d come, shooting all over her cotton panties, her breath hot against my mouth. Christ, it was always so good with her.

  “Been awhile for you, huh, Josie?” I drag my teeth over her lower lip. “No wonder you’re so fired up. Your pussy is wet, isn’t it? You still need to rub your clit to get yourself off or does fucking yourself with your fingers get the job done?”

  She yanks her head back, her eyes burning. “Goddamn you.”

  I smile. “Too late.”

  Grabbing my shirt, she shoves me away and stalks past me to pick up her backpack. “I mean it. You’re an asshole.”

  I drag in a breath, trying to smother the heat still boiling in my blood.

  “I told you I don’t want you here,” I reply coldly. “But if it’s a fuck you’re after, I’m happy to oblige.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” The lines of her body tense. Her eyes spit fire at me. “Hate-fucking was never my style, but there’s a first time for everything.”

  Pushing her hair away from her face, she heads to the door. Just before opening it, she turns back to face me.

  “I came back to do something good here.” Her jaw clenches. “It makes me sick that you, of all people, want to stop me.” She shakes her head, pressing her lips together. “I’m so fucking disappointed in you.”

  The words hit the middle of my chest like a blow, robbing my breath. She leaves, shutting the door hard behind her.

  I sink into a chair, resting my head in my hands. Fear burns low in my gut.

  When I was eleven, I had very few defenses against Josie Mays. Now, at thirty-three, I have none. She demolished them with one look.

  That right there could be my downfall.

  Chapter 8

  Josie

  * * *

  “Oh, God.”

  I grabbed the headboard with both hands. My breath escaped on a hot rush. Cole gripped my hips and thrust his cock into me from behind, jarring my whole body forward. I moaned, struggling to take the full length of him. My head swam with lust and urgency. Sweat rolled between my breasts. I tightened my grip on the headboard and arched my back.

  “Perfect.” Hoarse lust edged his voice. He pulled out of me and plunged in again. “Ah, so fucking tight…”

  His cock was a pulsing rod inside me, throbbing against my inner walls. Noises spilled from my throat—cries and ragged whimpers in a keening voice I didn’t even recognize. My breasts swayed under me, my stiff nipples rubbing with exquisite friction against the sheet.

  I buried my head in the pillow and thrust backward again. I was drowning in sensations—the smell of sex, Cole’s overwhelming possession of my body, the erotic tension coiling through every nerve. I pumped my hips, feeling him sliding in and out of me, stimulating a delicious friction that drove my urgency higher and higher.

  Just when I thought I surely couldn’t take anymore—it was too fast, too hard, too intense—he grabbed my waist and turned me onto my back.

  I opened for him. My heart crashed against my ribs. He was all hot, smoldering intensity, his chest damp with sweat and his muscles tense. He got to his knees and held my legs apart, pushing into me with a single, deep surge that rocked me to the core. I clutched my breasts and surrendered, letting him fuck me with the kind of power only he possessed. He spread his hand over my pussy, stroking my clit with his thumb.

  “Come on, sweetie,” he murmured. “Come around my cock, squeeze it tight…that’s it…ah, fuck…”

  * * *

  I come with a moan, shuddering around the pressure of my fingers. I turn my face to the shower spray and close my eyes as the sensations pulse through my body. My fantasies about Cole have always been exceptionally vivid, intensified by my body’s memory that everything I think about had once been so real.

  And now…

  Pulling in a breath, I turn off the shower and step out. Though I’m pissed off that Cole’s angry kiss and dirty words yesterday turned me on so much, I cut myself some slack. I haven’t even been kissed, much less had sex, in well over a year and a half. It’s hardly a wonder that such a hot encounter aroused me to the breaking point. Even with him.

  Especially with him.

  After drying myself off, I get dressed,
slipping the evil-eye amulet into my pocket. I try to stop thinking about Cole, focusing instead on what I have to do next to get the mural painted. I’ve spent the morning on the phone discussing options with city council members, though no alternate plan has been reached.

  “I’ve been involved in Castille government for years,” Allegra King had told me. “I can honestly tell you I don’t remember a single time we’ve had to address the city’s mural code. I was unacceptably remiss in not looking into it in more depth when I received your proposal.”

  Since Allegra has never struck me as a woman who is anything less than scrupulous, I suspect she’s politely taking the blame for something that was the responsibility of a City Hall subordinate.

  Not that anyone except big bad Cole Danforth should be blamed.

  At two, I walk downtown to meet Vanessa, who is waiting for me beside her car near the courthouse. Her rusted old Dodge looks as if it was salvaged from a junkyard.

  “All I could afford after my bastard ex took off.” Noticing me eyeing the car, she gives me a wry smile. “But at least it runs.”

  I dislike the idea of her driving such a junk heap while she’s seven months pregnant. And what about when the baby is born? No way does this car have all the necessary safety features for a car seat.

  Since our relationship is still on tentative ground, I keep my mouth shut for now but plan to strategize about how I can help her get a new car. We head to the shops, stopping to visit several home goods stores and baby boutiques. I tell her about the meeting and Cole’s blockade of the mural.

  “Given his asshole reputation, I’m not surprised.” She takes a baby-blue infant jumpsuit off the rack and holds it up. “But there are plenty of other places in town where you can paint the mural. It’s not as if the garden wall is the only place.”

  “I know, but that’s not the entire point.” I run my hand over a plush rocking horse in the center of the baby boutique. “If I paint it on city property, there’s some sort of mural ordinance that has to be dealt with. Whereas if Cole would stop being a jerk and give me permission, I could get started right away. And there’s definitely no other suitable wall in Lantern Square, which is the oldest and most popular part of town. The mural was supposed to be in the heart of downtown. Now Allegra is scrambling to try and find another location.”