Amelia Bedelia Chapter Book #4

by Herman Parish

  “I was thinking,” said Amelia Bedelia, “that I could offer my friends bananas for a snack this afternoon. They’re healthy.”

  “I’m glad to hear you say that,” said Amelia Bedelia’s mother. “I’ll get you a bunch of bunches.”

  And that is how Amelia Bedelia’s Rule #2 was born: Include the word “healthy” in your request or comment, and grown-ups will automatically agree.

  That afternoon after school, Amelia Bedelia and her friends worked on Pet Alley and the Rain Forest Habitat. They made signs and installed the hose in the apple tree. They got a ton done. But too soon it was time for everyone to go home to do their homework. Amelia Bedelia was just heading upstairs when she heard a commotion in the kitchen. It was her father, and he was not happy. He was holding something behind his back.

  “Young lady,” her father began. (This was not a good sign, in Amelia Bedelia’s experience.) “I was searching for an after-work, before-dinner treat. I had my heart set on ice cream. A morsel of rocky road, perhaps. Instead I find . . . roadkill lizard!” He held up a plastic bag of frozen gecko.

  “That’s Georgie,” said Amelia Bedelia. “A gold dust day gecko from Madagascar.”

  “I don’t care if it’s Robin Hood from Sherwood Forest,” said her father. “He doesn’t belong in our freezer. What if your mother had found this thing?”

  “I forgot he was in there,” said Amelia Bedelia. “I need him for my zoo.”

  “Zoo!” bellowed her father. “This poor creature is frozen stiff!”

  Amelia Bedelia explained everything, including Clay’s idea to freeze Georgie in a block of ice that would be placed on the birdbath pedestal. Amelia Bedelia’s father shook his head, then smiled. He glanced out the window at the driveway.

  “We don’t have much time,” he said. “Mom just went to run a quick errand, and she’ll be back any second.”

  They made a good team. Amelia Bedelia’s dad acted like a surgeon performing a delicate operation, and Amelia Bedelia was his nurse.

  “Milk carton,” he said.

  Amelia Bedelia handed him a large carton of milk from the refrigerator, and he poured the milk into a pitcher. Then he opened the carton at the top, sponged it out, and held it under the faucet.

  “Water,” he said.

  Amelia Bedelia turned on the faucet and filled the carton with water.

  “Lizard,” he said.

  “Gecko,” said Amelia Bedelia, correcting him as she handed him Georgie in his plastic bag.

  “Oh, no,” said her dad. “This is your zoo. You do the honors.”

  Amelia Bedelia made a face as she looked at her father and then at the flattened, frozen gecko in the bag. She sighed, then opened the bag and extracted Georgie by his tail. She lowered him into the milk carton, headfirst. Georgie fit perfectly.

  “Tape,” said her dad. He closed up the end of the milk carton and taped it shut. Then he buried it in the back of the freezer.

  “I hid him behind a frozen chunk of your grandmother’s fruitcake,” he said. “That would frighten off anyone.”

  Amelia Bedelia agreed. “Her fruitcake is scarier than a dead lizard.”

  “Gecko,” said her father, correcting her.

  Just then the back door swung open. Amelia Bedelia’s mother came in carrying groceries.

  “What’s that pitcher of milk doing on the counter?” she asked.

  “The carton was leaking,” fibbed Amelia Bedelia’s father.

  “Dad notices all kinds of things,” said Amelia Bedelia.

  Her father winked at her.

  Amelia Bedelia winked back.

  Amelia Bedelia’s mother started unpacking the groceries. “Honey, I half expected to catch you sneaking a bowl of rocky road ice cream when I came in,” she said.

  “Sweetheart,” he said, “I’m shocked you’d think that!”

  “Sorry,” she said, giving Amelia Bedelia’s father a hug. “Good news! Lamb chops were on sale.”

  “Oh, they’re my favorite!” he said.

  While her parents were discussing recipes, Amelia Bedelia reached into the fruit bowl and broke off three bananas. Hiding them behind her, she backed out of the kitchen. She didn’t give those lamb chops a second thought. If she had, she would have realized they were baaaaaaa-d news.

  That evening, after she had eaten dinner and finished all of her homework, Amelia Bedelia grabbed her three bananas and went out to the backyard. Her brain hurt from too much thinking. She still couldn’t hear herself think, but she could definitely feel it. She was thinking like Amelia Bedelia and trying to think like a monkey at the same time. If I were a monkey, she thought, what would I do all day? Where would I sleep?

  She went into her garage to look for something that might catch a monkey. If she could actually capture a real, live monkey, her zoo would be the best ever. She found a long, skinny net, but that was for their badminton set. She found boxes, some garden stakes, and a spool of string. Next to a croquet set, she discovered a relic from her past—her car seat.

  Amelia Bedelia sat down in it. She was way too big for it now, so it was a tight squeeze, but she fit. There was a harness, a snack holder, and a cup holder. She remembered that she hadn’t liked riding in it until her dad installed a horn in the snack holder. Beep-beep! It still worked. Amazing. She used to drive her mother crazy, beeping at every car she saw.

  If I were a monkey, I would sit right here, thought Amelia Bedelia. It would be my recliner—just like Dad’s. I’d take naps in it. She put one of the bananas in the seat. She peeled another banana and left a trail of pieces from the side door of the garage to the tree near her bedroom window. Then she went inside to get ready for bed.

  Amelia Bedelia brushed her teeth and put on her pajamas and kissed her parents good-night. Then she read two chapters in her book. She was just about to turn off the light when she remembered to put a banana on the ledge outside her window. She nudged her stuffed squirrel monkey to the side and was just opening the window when a face popped up on the other side of the glass.

  “Yahhhhhhh!” screamed Amelia Bedelia, flinging the banana and her stuffed monkey into the air.

  Seconds later, her mother and father ran into her room.

  “What’s wrong?” asked her mother.

  “I saw something!” said Amelia Bedelia. She sat on the bed hugging her mother while her father looked out the window, in the closet, and under the bed.

  “The only thing I found is this banana,” he said, his shirt covered with dust bunnies.

  Amelia Bedelia was still shaking. “I—I saw something moving outside,” she said.

  Her father picked up the toy monkey and handed it to her. “Bitty baby baboon,” he said, “you’ve been eating too many bananas. Did you mistake this for a real monkey?”

  Amelia Bedelia’s mother laughed and tucked in Amelia Bedelia and her monkey. “Good night, sweetie,” she said, “and good night, little imp.”

  As soon as her parents turned off the light and closed her door, Amelia Bedelia slipped out of bed and looked out the window. She hoped she hadn’t scared the real monkey away. The moon was shining brightly down on the backyard zoo. She looked to the right and then to the left.

  Right there! A real, live monkey was scampering on top of the garage and eating a banana. She almost yelled, “Yippee!” but her parents would have come running again, and she wasn’t ready to explain her plan to them. She hoped the monkey would discover her old car seat. She hoped he would be cozy in his recliner all night, dreaming of the tropical forest.

  The next day was unusual—there were no catastrophes. In school, Amelia Bedelia focused on learning all about monkeys. Mrs. Shauk was happy to see her paying attention again.

  Amelia Bedelia’s friend Pat was really handy at building things. Pat’s dad also had tons of tools, so during recess, she asked Pat if he could borrow some tools and rig up something special for her. That afternoon, while everyone else was working on the exhibits, Amelia Bedelia took Pat to the gara
ge to show him what she wanted, but she did not tell him exactly why she wanted it.

  Amelia Bedelia had researched how to train a monkey. She had learned that monkeys are very clever and can be taught to do amazing things. Monkeys had even flown into space, and they could assist people who needed help with everyday things. For example, if you dropped your keys and couldn’t reach them yourself, you could teach your monkey to pick them up.

  The best way to train a monkey was to show it how to do something and let it copy you—monkey see, monkey do. Of course, using a treat as a reward helped. Amelia Bedelia felt the same way. She would do almost anything for a double-fudge brownie.

  Together, Amelia Bedelia and Pat drew up a plan.

  “This is definitely a contraption,” said Pat.

  Amelia Bedelia liked that word. She wrote it on a big piece of poster board while Pat worked. She opened up cans of her dad’s old paint and made some signs for her zoo.

  Her favorite was: MRS. SHAUK SAYS, BE AN ANIMAL!

  When she had painted all the signs she could think of and Pat was still working on the contraption, she decided to tour the backyard to check on everyone’s progress.

  Dawn was putting the final touches on a giant pair of ears. “Here, try them!” she said.

  Amelia Bedelia put them on while Dawn walked to the edge of the yard and whispered a question to test them.

  “Wow,” said Amelia Bedelia. “Yes, I can hear just like a jackrabbit!”

  Then she tried on a pair of fuzzy slippers next to the rodent display. They let her walk as quietly as a mouse. A pair of binoculars would let visitors see like a hawk (or a Shauk).

  Chip and Heather were finishing up the hibernation tunnel. At the entrance, they had taped a sign that said NOVEMBER and at the exit there was a sign that said APRIL. When the flaps at both ends of the tunnel were shut, it was pitch dark inside. There were pillows and blankets and a window inside the tunnel, but when the curtains were pushed aside, the “hibernator” just saw snow flurries!

  Amelia Bedelia made a list of hibernating animals in her notebook. They were so amazing! She had most of these animals—except maybe a hedgehog—in the stuffed-animal basket in her room. Joy probably had a stuffed hedgehog, she thought. They could tuck all the animals under the blankets in the tunnel!

  Soon it was almost time for supper. Amelia Bedelia’s friends left one by one. Just before he went home, Pat installed the dangling banana. Amelia Bedelia sat down in the car seat and pulled the banana to her. She did it a couple of times, hoping that she was teaching someone. Unknown to her, monkey eyes were watching.

  The next morning, the car-seat banana was missing. “So far, so good,” said Amelia Bedelia. “Monkey saw, monkey did.”

  Finally it was Friday, the last day before the zoo was to officially open. Everyone in Amelia Bedelia’s class came to her house after school to make sure that the zoo would be ready in time.

  Pat and Amelia Bedelia went straight to the garage to work on the contraption. They tested it a couple of times. It took three seconds after the treat was grabbed for the inflatable tube to fall into place. All that was missing was a banana . . . and a monkey.

  Rose’s mother stopped by with cupcakes for everyone and three mini trampolines! Amelia Bedelia and Rose decided to set them up in a line, one right after the other. Rose hopped on. Boing-boing-boing!

  “I’m a kangaroo!” she hollered.

  Then everyone had to try it.

  The trampolines were the perfect addition to the Be an Animal! exhibit.

  The whole class worked together on the final exhibit—Signs of Animals. There was a section of a tree trunk with claw marks made from clay. It looked exactly like a bear had been there! Penny used more clay on another tree to make it look like a beaver had gnawed the wood. And Nate used a dark brown marker to create fake holes—a woodpecker searching for bugs!

  That night, Amelia Bedelia’s family sat down to a special dinner of grilled lamb chops. Her father had been talking about dinner nonstop since he came home from work. At last, the table was set, the candles were lit, and dinner was served. “Mmmmm,” he said.

  “Baaaaaaa.”

  Amelia Bedelia’s father looked at Amelia Bedelia’s mother, who looked at Amelia Bedelia, who tried to look like nothing had happened. Amelia Bedelia’s father shrugged and popped a bite of lamb into his mouth.

  “Baaaaaaaaa!”

  Amelia Bedelia’s dad stopped chewing. “Sweetheart,” he said, “either this is the freshest lamb you’ve ever made, or there is a sheep right outside our window.”

  They both looked at Amelia Bedelia.

  “You look sheepish,” said her mother.

  “Sheepish?” said Amelia Bedelia. “I’m not a sheep. What sheep?”

  “Baaaaa, baaaaaa, baaaaaa!”

  Her parents jumped up and ran outside, with Amelia Bedelia close behind them. The sun was setting, songbirds were chirping, and a sheep was grazing on the grass. This peaceful scene lasted less than a second.

  “Okay, young lady,” said her mother. “Out with it. What’s that sheep doing in our yard?”

  “Ummm . . . eating supper?” said Amelia Bedelia.

  Amelia Bedelia’s mother put her hands on her hips, her eyes narrowing to slits.

  Amelia Bedelia’s father gazed up at the heavens as he slowly shook his head.

  Amelia Bedelia realized that she had run out of luck. It was time for the truth.

  “You know Wade, right? Well, Wade’s uncle, Fred, has a farm,” she explained. “He grows vegetables and he has animals like chickens and pigs and sheep and cows. When he came to town today for the farmer’s market, he dropped off a spare sheep.”

  “Sweetie,” said Amelia Bedelia’s mother. “I don’t recall giving you permission to have a sheep.”

  “But my zoo opens tomorrow,” said Amelia Bedelia. “Uncle Fred will stop by afterward and pick it up.”

  “Look,” said her father. “Your ideas are super, but you’ve gone wild! You’re making me nuts with these animals. Are you trying to get my goat?”

  “Goat?” said Amelia Bedelia. “If I knew you had a goat, I wouldn’t have gotten a sheep.”

  Amelia Bedelia’s mother clapped her hand to her mouth and snorted. “Amelia Bedelia,” she said, trying not to laugh, “you don’t have any more animals up your sleeve, do you?”

  “See for yourselves,” said Amelia Bedelia, rolling up both of her sleeves. “Empty!”

  Now her father was trying not to laugh. But he managed to say, “No more surprise animals, young lady!” in his firmest I’m-really-not-kidding-this-time voice.

  “Cross my heart,” said Amelia Bedelia, tracing a giant X on her chest.

  Luckily the sheep was wearing a collar. Amelia Bedelia’s father tied a rope to the collar and led the sheep to a spot where it would have plenty of grass but couldn’t reach any of her mother’s flower beds.

  “I need to attach the rope to something,” he said. “Any ideas?”

  “How about a stake?” asked Amelia Bedelia’s mother.

  “Dad doesn’t need a steak,” said Amelia Bedelia. “He’s got a plate full of lamb chops waiting for him.”

  Her parents looked at her, then at each other, and then at the sheep.

  “Baaaaaaaaa!”

  “Here’s an idea,” said Amelia Bedelia’s father. “Let’s put those lamb chops in the fridge. I vote we all go out for pizza. All those in favor, say baaaaaaaaa!”

  “Baaaaaaaaa!” said Amelia Bedelia.

  “Baaaaaaaaa!” said her mother.

  “Baaaaaaaaa!” said the sheep.

  “It’s ewe-nanimous!” said her father.

  “Hey, Mom and Dad,” Amelia Bedelia said from the backseat as they pulled out of the driveway. “When we get back home, remind me to call and cancel the cow.”

  Now she was the one who couldn’t keep a straight face. She burst out laughing and her parents did too, and they laughed all the way to the Perfect Pizza Parlor.

&nbs
p; Late that night, Finally began acting very strangely. She danced at the back door, whining, growling, and barking.

  Amelia Bedelia’s father opened the door from the outside—he had just put out the trash—and Finally tore past him and ran into the backyard.

  “Wow,” said Amelia Bedelia’s father. “I’d hate to run into Finally! She’s loaded for bear.”

  “Daddy, what are you talking about?” said Amelia Bedelia. “We don’t have any bears in our backyard! Only a sheep.”

  Finally barked, then growled, then yelped.

  “Whoa!” said Amelia Bedelia’s father. “Do you smell that?”

  Anyone with a nose could smell that. Finally had been sprayed by a skunk!

  “No chance,” said Amelia Bedelia’s father when Finally appeared at the back door, eager to come in. “You raised a stink, and then you found one. We need to clean you up first.”

  Amelia Bedelia’s mother called Diana the dog walker to ask for a recipe for getting rid of the skunk odor. Luckily, Finally got more of a skunk spritz than a full spray. Amelia Bedelia and her parents took turns scrubbing, so she cleaned up pretty quickly. The only good part was that before they scrubbed her, Amelia Bedelia took a clipping of Finally’s hair and put it in a plastic bag. She wrote SKUNK SMELL on the outside of the bag. She’d add it to the Signs of Animals exhibit in the morning, with a warning to anyone brave enough to take a whiff.