Shooting Stars
Page 33
Charlie and I stayed in L.A. for the first three months of his life and the best three ever of mine. He was the ultimate pap-cover in his stroller when he helped me shoot an undercover job at just one month old. I shot Demi and Ashton (who were still together) and Bruce Willis at their daughter’s graduation and made $1,400. After that, I retired my camera except for baby pictures…and the occasional celebrity who happened to cross my path.
The next six months—equally perfect—were spent at home in the South with family and friends. Then, Charlie and I moved to Colorado where I lived frugally off savings and residuals, loved my baby, and wrote this story. It’s raw and leaves me open to judgment, but how could I not share it with the world? Hopefully you’ve gotten a glimpse into what it’s like to shoot the stars.
And what about a man? Well, that’s in the next book.
Oh, and Kate Bosworth got married. Simon says she still hates us, but I think I’ve forgiven her.
Glossary of Paparazzi Terms
Bitch– noun
[slang] a celebrity who “makes” getting his or her photograph very difficult. [In my opinion a derogatory term, but what does my opinion matter.]
Usage: Celebs who are bitches too often, we leave alone.
Block– verb, block-ed, block-ing
to prevent the shot of a pap using any object, commonly one’s hand or body. Valets, security, boyfriends, and the like can block very effectively; paps often cannot since the blocker generally wants to shoot too. Always an act done for someone; one cannot block oneself. See cover.
Usage: “I was blocking Jennifer [so she could not get any shots] and that’s why I was unable to take any pictures of Rihanna.”
to prevent a pap from following a vehicle by using another vehicle.
Usage: There is no point in following Victoria; Beckham’s security will just block.
Blow– verb, blew, blow-ing
[slang] to ditch.
Usage: Jessica blew me at the first intersection.
Bottom feeding– verb phrase
to troll around attempting to “pick off” (shoot) B-, C-, and D-list celebrities, whom no one really cares much about.
Usage: After Kristen “went bust,” late day bottom feeding was our only option.
Burn it– verb phrase, burn-ed, burn-ing
to intentionally—usually because of lack of a better choice—get busted when shooting.
Usage: We knew we’d burn it on the first shot, so we got ready to run.
[The] Chase– noun phrase
[slang] the act of following a celebrity once he or she leaves a location. This term is typically, yet inappropriately, used by novice paps, as paps don’t “chase”; they “follow” (except on Britney).
Usage: Carlos got a flat on the Britney chase yesterday.
Chirp– verb, chirp-ed, chirp-ing
the cricket-like sound a Nextel makes when connecting to another Nextel; the act of Nextelling.
Usage: Chirp/beep/Nextel me when you’re moving.
[The] City– noun phrase
also town. the cities of West Hollywood and Beverly Hills, a hubbub of celebrity action; more or less east of Santa Monica Boulevard where it hits the Beverly Hilton hotel, west of Fairfax Avenue at about the Grove, north of Wilshire Boulevard if in Beverly Hills or north of 3rd Street if in West Hollywood, and south of the Hollywood Hills and Sunset Boulevard.
Usage: J.R.: “You in the city? McC’s at Bristol Farms.” Me: “I’m in town. I can make it.”
Cover– verb, cover-ed, cover-ing
to prevent the shot of oneself by blocking one’s face with one’s hand or with an item held by oneself. Not to be confused with blocking, an act done by someone other than a celebrity-self.
Usage: Never try to outrun a pap. Just cover.
Doorstep– noun
near to the exterior of a celebrity’s location, typically the celebrity’s house, from where he or she will naturally depart.
Usage: Pink’s [or just “Pink”] is a pleasant doorstep because there is always shade and never any traffic.
Verb, doorstep-ped, doorstep-ping
the act of sitting outside a celebrity’s house (or office, or a similar “home base”) waiting for the celebrity to leave in order to either follow or get an immediate shot.
Usage: I doorstepped Isla [Fisher] from two to five, but she never came out.
Down the barrel– Adverb phrase
into the lens of the camera.
Usage: Tabloids love it when celebs are staring down the barrel—it’s like they’re smiling just for us.
Flash– noun
[formal] the light affixed to the top of the camera which produces a sudden and brief burst when taking a picture.
Usage: I have a Canon 580 flash
Verb, flash-ed, flash-ing
to photograph with the use of the camera flash.
Usage: I had to flash Garner. Hate that. It’s so boorish when she’s with her kids.
[The] Follow– noun phrase
the act of trailing a celebrity once he or she leaves a location, typically by car but also possible on foot.
Usage: Did you pick up the follow?
Gangbang– noun
a large group of paparazzi photographing a celebrity at the same time.
Usage: When Rodeo2 arrived, it turned into a gangbang.
Get– noun
the one to photograph.
Usage: Of the former TomKat, Tom was the harder get.
Verb, got, get-ting
to shoot and nail the shot.
Usage: I got Ryan Gosling today. SNAP!
Give it up– verb phrase, gave, giv-ing
to allow one’s picture to be taken.
Usage: Does Natalie Portman give it up?
Hero– noun
an individual who takes it upon him-or herself to block or otherwise “protect” a celebrity.
Usage: A hero got in the way of my shot.
Hose– verb, hos-ed, hos-ing
to take copious photographs of a celebrity.
Usage: I hosed Selena on Melrose.
In the bag– interjection
[British slang] An expression used when you are certain of success and often relaxed about the outcome.
Usage: Simon: “Rest easy, luv. Pics are in the bag.”
Job– noun
the story or celebrity a pap is working on.
Usage: “I’ll fuck you up if you jump my job,” said Hooper from LMN.
Jump– verb, jump-ed, jump-ing
to join another photographer who is already working on a story/celebrity, usually without permission.
Usage: Rodeo2 will always jump your job.
Leave it– verb phrase, left, leav-ing
to depart from a celebrity (a story) while that celebrity is still out.
Usage: J-Lo turned into a gangbang so we left it.
Local– noun
[British] a neighborhood pub, typically within walking distance to one’s home.
Usage: The British paps met for a beer at their local.
Long– noun
[informal] a lens, long in length.
Usage: “My long’s in my rugsack,” says Aaron.
Adj.
[formal] a description of the length of a lens. On the high end, generally over 50mm and up to 600mm or more.
Usage: The 70– 200mm is the pap’s go-to long lens.
Adverb
[informal] a way of shooting, using a long lens.
Usage: Are we going short or long?
Nail it– verb phrase, nail-ed, nail-ing
to get the shot just right, artistically and technically, for publication.
Usage: They kissed, and I nailed it.
Nextel– noun
a Sprint walkie-talkie–type cell phone that most paps use to chat on and coordinate with. It makes a chipper, high-pitched “beep” before establishing a talk connection, and an ugly, low-pitched “beep” when the line is occupied.
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sp; Usage: “Who you been talking to? I’ve been trying to get through to your Nextel all morning.”
Pick up– verb phrase, pick-ed up, pick-ing up
to run across and then join a celebrity (or the follow of a celebrity), either by spotting the celebrity (often in the car) or getting a tip.
Usage: I picked up Cameron on Melrose and followed her to the Chateau; Pick up the follow when it leaves Jamba Juice.
Post up– verb phrase, post-ed up, post-ing up
to go somewhere and get ready to shoot.
Usage: He posted up behind the mannequins at Barneys.
Pull off– verb phrase, pull-ed off, pull-ing off
to leave the location of a celebrity, or to intentionally let the celebrity go without following.
Usage: I pulled off the Lohan follow. With over twenty vehicles, it was too dangerous.
Reccy– noun
[British slang] reconnaissance.
Usage: Aaron’s been doing drive-by reccys of Sandra’s house every day because he wants to be the first to work her when she’s back in town.
Savage– noun
a bad-mannered paparazzi who prefers gangbang short-and-flash style shooting to long-lens stealth operations.
Usage: “With ten savages waiting outside Barneys, I couldn’t be bothered,” says Simon.
Verb, savag-ed, savag-ing
to work a celebrity (usually in daily gangbangs) to the point of his or her exhaustion.
Usage: A celeb can be savaged for three months, four max, then it’s done. No one can put up with more than that.
Short– noun
[informal] a lens, short in length.
Usage: Ideally a pap should have two camera bodies set up and ready for immediate use: a short and a long.
Adj.
[formal] a description of the length of a lens. On the low end, generally between 16mm and 28mm.
Usage: My short Tameron lens zooms down to twenty-eight [28mm] and doesn’t cause distortion; though in a gangbang I can’t compete with a sixteen or seventeen [16mm, 17mm] for a full-length.
Adverb
[informal] a way of shooting, using a short lens.
Usage: We tried to stay long, but when Rodeo2 got there, everyone went short.
Short-and-flash– noun
[informal] a short lens with an attached flash.
Usage: You always use short-and-flash at gangbangs.
Adverb
[informal] a way of shooting, using a short lens and a flash.
Usage: Simon says we shouldn’t be too hard on Rodeo-ers because they don’t know how to shoot any other way but short-and-flash.
Sit– noun
a period of sitting.
Usage: Britney’s [doorstep] is always a long, hot sit.
Verb, sat, sit-ting
to wait on a celebrity, generally at his or her doorstep.
Usage: I sat on Julia all day.
Stealth– noun
[formal] a clandestine act of moving without detection.
Usage: The stealth of our movements prevented us from being seen.
Adj.
[formal] covert; secret.
Usage: A stealth follow is hard to pull off.
Adverb
[informal] stealthily.
Usage: We follow stealth, not stealthily, because we like to think of ourselves as fighter pilots.
Story– noun
the celebrity herself; or the tabloid occasion for working on a particular job/celebrity.
Usage: It’s an out-of-town story in Mexico—super dangerous but could really pay off; “J-Lo is my story—I’m warning you, I’ll block you if you don’t leave.”
Troll– verb, troll-ed, troll-ing
British: trawl
to circle around (by car or foot) looking for celebrities.
Usage: My doorstep went to pot. I’m going to the city to troll.
Web– noun
a location formed by strategic weaving, and one in which a pap, like a spider, will wait for her prey.
Usage: “I prefer they come to me: Me web is sticky,” Simon says.
Work [on]– verb, verb phrase, work-ed, work-ing
to pursue shooting a celebrity, eventually to the point of understanding his or her habits.
Usage: It’s hard to make any money on Miley since the Brazilians work her every day; “Hope you don’t mind how much I work on you, Katherine”; I like working Fergie—she usually goes out and always gives it up.
Acknowledgments
My life as a paparazza and my journey to this point has been such a wild, exciting, and wonderful ride, but I never would have been able to come this far alone. It’s hard to know where to begin thanking everyone who has supported, guided, and encouraged me along the way, and inevitably I’ll draw a total blank on someone (sorry in advance and please know I still love you all the same!). But I do want to acknowledge a number of special people without whom this memoir would be a very different story.
Thank you to Stephanie Bowen, my superstar editor at Sourcebooks, and Andy Ross, my rockstar agent, for immediately “getting me,” and not chucking this book straight in the trash ’cause everybody knows everybody hates the paparazzi. It has been such a blast working with both of you, and this book is a reality because you believed in it and believed in me. I can’t thank you both enough.
Thank you Elizabeth Zack and the “Evil Editor,” for your edits on my early drafts, particularly recommending limits to my digressions on the LAPD, the lack of free healthcare, and similar “poor-Jen” pity parties. Thank you Julie Pappas, my sister, who made sure this was (fairly) family-friendly, and thank you Melissa Thibodeau, my friend and celebrity connoisseur, who wanted even more stories than the ridiculous number she proofread. Thank you Mom, for making me your grammar protégé, for a lifetime of gentle syntax corrections and for helping me read between the lines. Thank you Susan Gilmore for teaching me how to write in college, and showing me that I could. Thank you Simon, Elif, and Donna (you know who you are) for your encouragement, advice, and comradeship—without you I would never have succeeded in this profession. Thank you Amy for listening to my stories every night and keeping me as positive as possible. Thank you JoDeane, Rhea, and Alexandra for loving me just the way I was, am, and will be. Thank you Charlie, for changing my life. And thank you God for Your incredible sense of humor. I will never grow tired of the adventure you put in front of us all.
About the Author
Braden Gunem Photography
Jennifer Buhl was a top-earning paparazza in Los Angeles for three years, where she photographed hundreds of A-list celebrities. Her work appeared frequently in publications such as People, Us Weekly, the United Kingdom’s The Guardian, TMZ, and E! Online. Prior to photography, Jennifer worked in journalism at CNN, and at television networks abroad in New Zealand and Australia. She now lives in Colorado where she owns a “celebrity-style” family photography business.