Oculus

by S. E. Akers

  I unclenched my teeth. “Sorry.”

  Tanner yanked out the star and plunked it down on the table. “It’s fine,” he insisted, once he’d secured a relieving breath. His leg had already started to swell, expanding like a helium balloon with no one to tie it off. It was just a matter of time before his jeans ripped apart at their seams.

  “What do they want?” Tanner snapped. His irritation was as obvious as its source. But at least the news took his mind off the pain. A little.

  Silas moistened his mouth with a gentle rub and licked his lips into a smile. “Why an audience with the Diamond Talisman, of course. The same one who now claims the golden topaz.”

  My chest felt like someone had just sucked out all the air and left a nauseous haze in its place. “Helaine’s not with them, is she?” I asked brusquely.

  “Who do you think rang the bell?” Silas submitted.

  I could have puked right then and there. It was obvious what this gathering was about — I’d killed their sister, and they wanted to know the hows and whys, every wretched and gritty detail.

  “I’m not here,” I grunted and averted my stare. I wasn’t about to dig up that particularly painful memory nor give an out-loud recap of it either, no matter how far they’d traveled.

  Silas lowered his head, eyes peering at me. “It’s not in my nature to tell lies, Ms. Wallace.”

  But you have no problem pulling the wool over someone’s eyes or even letting someone think they’re getting away with something scot-free, I argued silently.

  “Fine!” I huffed and turned invisible. Now he wouldn’t have to shelve his skewed morals. “Tell them you haven’t seen me, happy?”

  “This meeting is inevitable,” Tanner said. “You might as well get it over with.”

  My veil dropped right along with my low-hanging spirits. “I don’t—”

  “It may help rid your soul of that misplaced guilt you’re still carting around?” Tanner suggested. “Clear your heart enough so that pulling her memories isn’t a problem anymore?”

  Like I need psychoanalysis right now… “But I know WHY they’re here,” I objected. “They think I murdered their sister. I’m sure that’s what Helaine told them.”

  “You know, you may be onto something,” Tanner agreed, rubbing his thigh. “You might want to bring that shuriken.” Just as I started to walk off, he locked on to my arm and pulled me back in front of him. “I’m kidding. Everything will be fine, for all parties involved . . . once you explain why.”

  There was something about my mentor that made me feel safe and invincible at the same time, no matter the looming threat. Whether it was the look in his eyes, the truth hoisting his words, or the passion behind them, I couldn’t deny that he had a powerful hold over my actions.

  “All right,” I agreed.

  “Inviting them to stay for dinner may lighten the mood?” Silas suggested. “Shall I set seven extra places?”

  My eyes shot into a testy roll. Breaking bread with them too? I figured that was his way of getting in my torture for the day. That tireless tyrant didn’t need a gym full of iron.

  Tanner stroked his finger across his chin. “Seven? Who didn’t show?”

  “Gwendalyne, I believe,” Silas replied.

  A distinct violet twinkle sparked in the Amethyst Talisman’s eyes. “Yes, by all means, please do,” Tanner urged and then turned to me with a comforting wink. “Go on, Shiloh. You need to freshen up for our guests.” His stare returned to the house steward. “We both do.”

  I wasn’t halfway to the door when Silas called out, “I’ll need the leaves to the table back . . . and the chairs.”

  My feet halted immediately. I’m just losin’ all the way around today. I dug my hand into my hip and let out a sigh. “Five levels down, third chamber on the left.”

  I was about to resume my departure when Silas added, “I’ve already looked in there.”

  His tone was so dry and droll that it inevitably flattened my mouth into a whipped grin. “I staked a golden topaz to them,” I revealed, glancing back. “Take one of your magnetized cannonballs to throw. You’ll find them.” With my snarky instructions fired off, I marched out the door.

  Here was the real kicker in all of this: despite the termination of my little gag, I knew I wasn’t getting those daggone faucet knobs back (not a chance), and I would have to say bye-bye to my ringside seat.

  He’ll make sure those things NEVER disappear again.

  I’d almost made it halfway to my room when a rush of panic started to surge that sent me clutching my chest. Its force was building rapidly with each of my breaths. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster, and the swirling twist of the stairs was only making it worse. I quickened my steps, fearing its fateful crash. Then just as I’d predicted, tormenting thoughts began battering my mind like a tumultuous sea while the sickest of feelings churned deep inside me. I jerked open my bedroom door and closed it just as fast. All of my memories of that night were relentlessly drowning me from within.

  Why did they have to come? I paced the floor in a sweat while the hardwood boards rattled my nerves further with their incessant creaks. I hadn’t been this apprehensive walking into any of the cells in Tanner’s dungeon. I didn’t want to think about what lies Helaine had told them, but I couldn’t stop myself. I supposed the respectful thing would have been to reach out to Bea’s sisters in some way after it had happened. That could have offered some damage control. But how could I? They weren’t supposed to know the diamond had been claimed. Plus, Beatrix never really talked about them. I knew her feelings towards Helaine and agreed that they were more than justified. But the six others? I didn’t have a clue what they were like. Would they even believe me? Hell, one of them didn’t even show, Gwyndaline. I couldn’t imagine her being more pissed off than Helaine. Oddly enough, I found the thought of six complete strangers potentially “hating me” extremely upsetting. As insane as it sounded, I wanted them to like me. It was almost as if some twisted mystical force hovered at the helm of my emotions that demanded another’s esteem and then hung the punishing threat of heartbreak over my head if it wasn’t received — my own razor-sharp guilt-otine, ready and waiting to drop. The damn thing had tortured me for years with Charlotte. I’d always wanted her to see me like she did Chloe. I didn’t realize how truly plaguing it was until recently when Silas had taken such an immediate dislike to me. And I didn’t even really hate him. I simply hated the fact that he was leaving me no other alternative but to come back at him so strong, just to freaking “keep up”. I still didn’t know what I’d done or how to fix it. You would have thought I’d purposely run over his pet cat and then backed up to fluff out its fur for giggles. But I’d barely squeaked out a “hello” before his gavel fell, and it secretly drove me crazy! It still did, though I would never admit it to him. Hell, the balegore was starting to show me more regard. It had actually cut our bout short the other day, all on its own, and then carried me to the chamber door when it saw I was too whipped to even stand, let alone walk. No layria bark required. Go figure on that one? I wasn’t expecting any of Bea’s sisters to be all hugs & kisses or “Let’s have tea”, but I wanted an unbiased shot at earning their respect. They were all members of The Guild and in a way, like my extended supernatural family. They were supposed to be on my side — the diamond’s side, unconditionally. My gut burned with suspicion between its harrowing rolls. I couldn’t envision a snowball’s chance in hell that they would be, and for some screwy reason, I found that as distressing as having to give them a grueling play-by-play.

  I plopped down on my bed with a sigh. What do I even say to them?

  I opted for a practical shower — speedy & no-fuss. Normally that ritual tended to be the perfect time and place where my head could linger with random thoughts. However I didn’t risk entertaining any right now, mainly because I feared what form they would take. Why taint my watery haven with a nagging image of Helaine throwing open the shower door with her knife arched?


  I thought I’d heard some rustling outside my door when I was turning off the water. Possibly? I hopped out straightaway and threw on my white terry robe. Then a peculiar “thump” blared from my bedroom as I was wrapping my hair in a towel. I whisked open the bathroom doors. The room may have appeared empty now, but my intuition beat a path straight to my bedroom door.

  I opened it with a jerk to find Silas heading up the steps.

  “Where you just in my room?” I asked.

  “I beg your pardon,” he gruffed. “I’ve been downstairs collecting something for Professor Grey.” He held up a small glass vial and gave the evidence a showy wave.

  My brow furrowed suspiciously. Maybe… I inspected the curious-looking bottle. I’d never seen it before, and I thought I’d been through every potion in my mentor’s stockpile of concoctions. It was sized like one of his tinctures, but this particular one had been molded from a glistening green-colored glass. All the others were housed in clear vials so that you could see their contents.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  Silas extended the vial. “Kordthistle. It’s for taking care of pains,” he stressed.

  “Oh,” I muttered. Tanner had been in quite a bit of it earlier. Three more inches to the left and that shuriken would’ve become my worst nightmare!

  I was shaking off my cringe when Silas approached my door. “I think you should concentrate on getting ready.” He made a quick sweep of my face, eyeing it diligently. “Maybe a dash of rouge on your cheeks and a smidge of lipstick to boost your confidence?” he hinted. “You look somewhat peaked. Confidence is what you need to be radiating.” He swiftly extended his finger. “One should never face the enemy without their war-paint.”

  I kept my stare engaged as I slammed the door. Ugh, I grumbled. His nerve in my tooth would not be a good thing! I stared at the vanity, head shaking. Make-up was the last thing on my mind. I was already stressing enough about what to wear. I picked up a couple of the tops I’d pulled out of my armoire that were lying on the bed. Black is synonymous with mourning… But white screams innocence. My reservations forced out a sigh. But I don’t want to be seen as naïve either… I threw the white blouse down on my bed and held up the black one. Or heartless and power-hungry, I groaned and cast it aside with a sling as well. My lungs shot out a long, lip-ruffling stream of air. I shook my head. And he’s worried about my freaking makeup. I ought to march up there in a red dress and painted up like a Ho. At least I wouldn’t have to guess what they were thinking.

  I was as ready as I could be twenty minutes later. I’d opted for a lagoon-colored fitted blouse, a perfect mixture of blue and green that felt peaceful, but had a definite presence about it. Well, that’s what I told myself. I downplayed the makeup — a light dusting of power, neutral beiges on the eyes, a wisp of peachy color on my cheeks, but no lipstick whatsoever. They all just seemed too bright, and I didn’t need to worry about it ending up on my chin during dinner anyway.

  I ran into Silas as I was heading up the stairs. He stopped and spun around quickly when I passed by him. “I was coming down to collect you,” he huffed.

  “No need,” I called back and continued my speedy climb.

  Silas was hot on my trail. I’d already reached the triptych by the time he’d caught up with me. “Let me look at you,” he ordered as the panels whisked away. He stared at my face in complete disapproval. “You still look pale,” he confirmed, nostrils curling. “I think it’s those white-washed lips.”

  “I’m nervous enough, Silas. Could you give it a rest, please? I’m not in the mood right now.”

  “I’ll run down and fetch one of your tubes,” he insisted.

  “No,” I snapped. “I’m going on trial — not competing in a beauty pageant.”

  Tanner was coming down the hall. Silas passed him a discreet headshake as he headed off to the dining room. The Amethyst Talisman frowned at his gesture and then turned to me. His expression didn’t hoist the first inch either.

  Great… TWO critics and I haven’t even hit the dance floor. “I don’t need you saying anything about how I look either,” I snapped. “I’m stressed enough.”

  “Why would I say anything?” he posed, somewhat surprised. “You look the way you always do.”

  Ouch. Granted I wasn’t in a dress, but I did look a little nicer.

  “But you do look worried,” he added.

  I twisted nervously. “I can’t help it. I feel like I’m going to be sick.” Since he’d come straight from the dining room, I had to ask. “What’s it like in there?”

  “A pack of focused and anxiously awaiting ladies sitting around a table chattering non-stop,” Tanner remarked and then gave his shoulders a shrug. “Like a bingo parlor on a Saturday night.”

  I wasn’t in the mood for cheeky humor either. “Ha. Ha. You’re not the one headed for the firing squad.” Another wave of panic walloped my nerves, and this one’s force had me heaving for breaths, desperate for some cool fresh air.

  “Shiloh, everything’s going to be fine. There’s no need for you to get so worked up over this. You’ll meet them, say your peace, we’ll eat, and then they’ll leave.”

  I rubbed my arms vigorously. Hearing his cut and dried version had sent my skin crawling. His strong façade could weather a supernatural inquisition led by a bitter bitty, but not mine. She’d vowed her revenge on both of us before she blew off down the street like a bat out of Hell. He may have filed that one away in old Number 13, but my reminder was still stuck on the daggone fridge. The more I thought about how seething mad Helaine had looked wrestling around in those rose bushes after Tanner had thrown her butt out of Bea’s house, the harder it was to imagine that she’d told any of her sisters the truth.

  They’re absolutely going to hate me, I theorized. I gave the end of my hilt a comforting squeeze. At least I’m going in armed.

  Tanner’s brow furrowed. “Shiloh, what is it? I’ve never seen you this rattled.”

  My insides tightened like I was standing on the edge of a cliff, foreseeing every second of my impending drop. “You would think it’s silly,” I stated and averted my stare.

  “No. I wouldn’t,” he vowed.

  My head lifted in a sharp pop. “Oh, I’m pretty certain you would.”

  “I doubt something silly has the strength to emotionally fetter you this way, so tell me,” he insisted.

  The hard stance he’d taken was undeniable, from the determined rasp in his voice to the pale lavender hue enveloping his eyes. He was more than curious. My refusal had actually hurt him.

  My eyes fell to the floor. “I don’t want them to hate me,” I muttered. “I know it’s ridiculous, but I want them to like me and be okay with how it happened . . . not judge me for it.” The silence after my admission felt leaden, but I carried on hoping I would make it to that white light up ahead. “Maybe it will help me get over what I did, or maybe it’s just something I need for me?” My eyes started to water as soon as my gaze returned to his. “I’m not like you . . . or even Kamya. I may not show it, but deep down it eats at me. It always has. Maybe it’s guilt in another form? I’ve spent years dwelling on Charlotte’s hatred, and she’s supposed to be biologically-bound to love me. I can’t stand being on the other end of anyone’s anger, especially when there’s no reason as to ‘why’.” I let out a harsh sigh. “If the entire world hated you, it wouldn’t faze you a bit. You’d let it roll right off your back without a second-thought. But I’m not like that. I’ve never been that way. I may hold my own to a point, but my armor’s nowhere near as thick as yours. My diamond skin only goes so deep. So as silly as it sounds, I need them to like me . . . for my own peace of mind.”

  “Shiloh, your armor is plenty thick, but guilt isn’t your problem. It’s that heart of yours. The same selfless, compassionate heart that sees the good in everyone. The one you wear so proudly on your sleeve,” he elaborated. “Your heart can’t comprehend someone not finding something to like about you because yours doesn�
��t operate that way. What someone thinks of another person says more about what kind of soul they claim than anything else. The more judgmental their eyes, the harsher their words and the harder their hearts. That’s what you need to realize. You may give as good as you get when pushed, but you’ll always be bothered by others until you do. I have no doubt that their nasty opinions lurk in that head of yours, tormenting you on some level. Take your enemies for example, those you genuinely couldn’t care less about. They want to kill you for the diamond, and that’s their reason. It’s something they covet. You can justify their rationale because it’s so violent and extreme, but it’s no different than anyone else’s. Even if the person’s grounds are petty, it’s still them drawing conclusions based on what lives in their hearts, what lays at the root of their desires, and how the world has molded their views. Anyone with merely an ounce of the humanity you carry around could never cast the first evil-eye your way.”

  The corners of my mouth lifted. Again, the soothing swaddle of his words caressed my soul. I wanted everything he’d said to be true. I needed to believe his theory with the same conviction he held. Though even if my mind couldn’t fully wrap itself around the notion unequivocally, I was grateful for his attempt. But I knew I couldn’t just turn off my long-held idiosyncrasies with the flip of a switch, no matter how lost I found myself in the light of his eyes.

  “Now,” Tanner began and laid his hands on my shoulders, massaging them with a few comforting squeezes. “You need to clear your head, so I want you to relax and close your eyes.” He pointed his finger. “And don’t open them until I say.”

  I roused a compliant smile as my lids fell to a slow close and then waited breathlessly for my mentor’s next devoted effort.