Year of the Orphan

by Daniel Findlay

  She were powerful tired but she woke durin the night a coupla times, hand to knife. Once she were dreamin of an army of Ghosts an they was just sittin there watchin her sleep. She come up searchin but there was nuthin but the cold wind out there, not a creature bringin any kinda warmth. This were waste, she knew it now. This were sum proper badlands an she knew that all her travellin in the Glows an all what she done werent no preparation for this place she were comin to. Things had happened out on this land that even the dust was tryna forget. There was ghosts of a different kind here an memories comin to her that sure dint belong in her head. She musta drifted cos she woke again with a start, this time dreamin of Block. She was seein him comin home to the System but there were sumthin wrong an it were all burnin. She seen a cloud risin up over the land an evrywhere it rained things was burnin, meltin, fadin to ash. The wind come with it too an there were a light an a heat like nuthin she’d ever saw. Dust knew she had moren a few reasons to hate that place but moren a part of her still called it home an she had the fear in her for Block an his fellas. Werent no tellin what Karra would do if he were on top an worse if he had his back up. She werent ready to see it burn an the dream put a powerful fear in her. She were a long way from evrythin but not in the normal way she were used to. Things was gettin real out here an she hadda lot to be thinkin on an not a whole lotta time to do it. She sucked in sum of the cold air, wonderin if she were drinkin in the poison itself an just zackly what it were she was lookin for. The fire had gone out long before an the tea she’d brewed were just a tiny speck of warm memory fightin against the dark an the cold. She’d sand in her mouth an she hadnt put a cloth in. Might not be a beast in cooee but there was more bad fellas out there than she knew so she took the rag from her pocket an chewed on it as she fell asleep.

  She woke again as the sun was comin up but she were sleepin facin West an it just come on slow as a black turnin to blue an she left her head layin down, lookin out from under the struts of the ship, feelin good it were there an that she’d lasted the night. She dint wanna move anythin cos she knew what it was gunna feel like when she tried so she jus stayed there, watchin the fingers of dawn reach out an feelin the warm glow on the back of her wrap. Itd been a long dark night she reckoned an wun she were glad to see the end of. In the light she could see proper where she was an it looked like no place she’d seen in all her years of trekkin the sand. No more trees, just sand, but it were a different colour, paler than the red she knew, an darker brown in other places, near a burned colour like a stick that hadnt caught proper in the flames. Either side of her she could see big flat pads of concrete or sum kinda carved stone an she’d seen enough out on the flats to know they was the footprints of buildings made in the old times an long since vanished into dust an wind. Past them was great rocks here an there but they dint look like they was meant to be where they was an even though she could see the edges was rounded by time an sand they still looked like they was wounded, cracked an tossed there by sum great careless hand. She couldnt stay where she was, she knew that, even though it were powerful temptin to just huddle there under the ship for a bit longer. She could feel a breeze was gunna pick up an she knew from the map an her own rough reckonins that she couldnt be more than a day or two from the Maralinga place. Even though she carried a drawin of it with her the map were stuck in her head an when she closed her eyes she could see it clear as at Blocks table. She crawled out from under the deck, stiff an cold an still tired, an then she turned herself around sittin there so she was facin the sun comin up. It were a reckonin she knew now, it were a day where she were gunna find sumthin she’d been lookin for a real long time. It were a shame Block werent with her an it were a shame she dint have the Old Woman with her to see it too. Nuthin woulda made her warmer than knowin she were there with her showin her what to do next but she knew it were only proper that she was on her lonesum again. She was gunna lose count of all the times she figgered herself an orphan but that were near enough her name werent it? She hauled herself to her feet, knees crackin and bones grumblin at the poor treatment but she werent feelin quite so heavy right now. There were a great settlin comin an she were makin herself ready for whatever it were she were gunna find.

  The wind were the only thing movin, besides the Wide Open Road, an she dint hardly have to steer her save around sum of them strange rocks that come up evry now an then. She’d checked the map twice to make real sure an she knew she were on a good course for where it said the place were. There was strange glitterin out there too like salt were crustin on the sand but when she went to take a look she found it hard an green an melted lookin. Sorta like the glass that she’d seen down sum of the better Glowholes an like scavs sumtimes dug outta the hulks that were buried or left rustin out on the plains, autos the old fella had called em once, funny name. Dint make no sense like so many of the things what she’d been told. Yeah an sure enough this were dead country, she saw bones out on the sand but she dint wanna go too close to em, dint wanna find out what kinda creature they was from, special if they was the same kinda creature she was. What had happened out here? There were a powerful bad feelin like the land aint forgot the treatment itd had an it werent healed an it werent ready to welcome nowun back to it yet, if ever. She were scannin the horizon an thought she saw sumthin. A few minutes more sailin she knew she was comin up on sum built thing, whatever it were, sumthin square what dint fit into the land. She stopped the Open Road an took out the scratched scope but it were near the same colour as the desert an she were still too far away to get much idea of what it was. Sum kinda marker an more than she’d seen in days of crossin pure dead nuthin without so much as the sense of water or anythin havin ever been alive out here. Nuthin for it now she reckoned, been a while comin.

  63

  Blockd seen smoke from miles off an he’d stowed the Taipan afore his dust announced him proper an he’d been walkin from there. The System were on the horizon, a glow comin off it he dint like much at all and what with the wind dyin itd taken days back across the sand, sum of it in harness an now he were comin up on the place in the dusk, which truth be werent a bad time if he had to be comin in unannounced but it were sure as dust a lot later than he woulda chosen for himself. As he come closer he could smell it. It were the taste of panic an burnin rubber like the tyre towers was goin up an he knew if they was burnin things was pretty bad. He dint know what Karra might be capable of but he reckoned it were the worst. Reckoned he’da done whatever he saw fit to run things. Block started comin real close an even against the blueblack sky he could see the smoke risin an the terrible thing were the quiet. He was plannin on goin in the Silent Gates if the Orphans friends was still keepin watch like theyd promised so he kept hisself hidden by the wadis an riverruns, movin quiet in the neardark. He came within a half mile of the walls an could see better now. The burnin he’d smelled seemed to be comin from well inside the loomin walls an the Stacks stood black an cold as they ever was, untouched by flame an silent. He snaked across the sand slow, smellin the smoke on the breeze an closer he got the surer he were that things was as bad as could be. The entrance theyd come outta was quiet an the Orphans mates was nowhere at all an he dint trust it in the end. Block shrugged his pack an took out the hook as he sat in the shadows of the stack, moren wun way in an out and he werent such an old bloke yet that he couldnt climb. It were a long fall though an itd been a while. He breathed a long breath an scanned the wall that sat distant either side of the black cliffs that stood over him. There dint seem to be no Watch set that he could see an that suited him just fine. It were the quiet though that were most unnervin, he dint think he was that late that evrywund be slaughtered but there was no tellin from where he stood.

  He came down West of the burn pits after workin his way up the cracks an gaps in the wall. The rubber were petrified like stone and he’d hadta dig the hook in moren once for purchase as he climbed. Droppin deep in the rubbish the smell nearly felled him. Shit an rottin meat and he jus hoped it were mostly animal
s he was smellin. The smoke were thicker now that he were inside the System but he still couldnt see nuthin burnin an strange enough there werent nowun to be seen. He made his way in from the outer rings, not seein anywun, were like evrythin livin had been vanished all at wunce. He were near spooked but now an then there were a glow behind an he felt hisself bein watched from a whole lotta diffrent directions though he dint see a face nowhere. The place dint look destroyed neither but there were black smoke in the air, thick an stingin his eyes an it were comin from sumwhere near the centre he reckoned. He started hurryin along even faster, a tick in the back of his mind, a faint scratchin like a memory you was tryna forget or hopin not to haveta remember. He came round the hook an it all come clear, droppin like a weight but not so surprisin that he dint stick to the shadows. It were Blocks place an all them that was next to it that were burnin.

  The place were surrounded by Karras fellas, them same fellas he’d seen a hundred times before an not paid too much nevermind. Standin free among em was a heavybuilt lad with candlesoot ink on both his arms, an it were Gus. Wun of the two Blockd left lookin after things. He’d done a real good job of lookin after them. Block could see a few fallen in the street, lads an lasses with pikes and parangs through em, sum still half alive an tryna get away but there werent nowhere to go. He knew now why there weren’t nowun in the streets. Big bludlettin gettin done. Gus’s mate Cutter was bein held by a coupla big lads an he was bleedin out the head far as Block could tell an fierce wounded through the chest by the way his shoulders was heavin. As Block watched Gus took up a long blade an walked up to Cutter an ran him through without so much as a byyourleave. They was friends too, Block knew em to be close knit, always hangin about, stayin close to each other. He’d figgered em good mates. Showed how much he knew. Gus wiped the blade on his strides an then took Cutter from the lads holdin him an set him down gentle on the sand. They was all lit by firelight comin through the front of the place an it was startin to burn up through the roof, spittin tongues of flame to the night sky. Even though the bile were risin in Blocks gullet the more he looked at his lads strewn in the dust he was thinkin clear about what musta gone down. Gusd waited till he were gone for sure, had waited long an patient like hed been taught an then told Karra the hourd come. Theyd figgered Block were only dangerous while he were here an it looked like theyd been right for the most part about that. Sum of his lads musta got away cos there werent enough laid out in the street an he were just hopin fierce there werent any trapped inside by the flames. Sumwhere out there in the dark hidin from smoke an Karras blokes was a handful of his yungens what had survived an before he did nuthin else he hadta find em an get em together an safe. Sumthin gotta be done he reckoned an it were fallin to him. Sumtimes the game werent chess or checkers or nuthin like that. Sumtimes the game was kill or get kilt an he were plenny good at that wun too.

  64

  Of all the things she were sure she werent gunna find it were big black letters sayin Maralinga an yet here she were, lookin at em. Maralinga Nuclear Test Site on a gate standin in the middle of nowhere an next to the letters a whole mess of numbers an the circle of six, three black, three yellow. She knew what they meant an she stood starin at it for a while, ship anchored, just takin it in an wonderin what it meant that her secret were sittin there three spans high, starin her in the face. Behind the gate the road stretched long into the distance, edged with low mallee scrub before it turned left into a stand of dead gums an vanished from sight. She left the ship where it was an walked around the gate, lookin at it both ways, sniffin the air comin from the West an gettin nuthin from it. There were no fence either side but she figgered there musta been wun time. It were dead. Not just dead but sterile, like itd never been livin but she knew from the Old Woman that werent the case. She looked at the gate itself an took the latch off its hook, swingin them big old doors wide an they moved awful good for sumthin that oughtntve seen no grease in dust knew how long. Maybe they was just built to last. She got that Ghost feelin on her an stopped an breathed openmouth, tryna taste what direction blud was gunna come but her senses werent what they shoulda been. Just a lotta dustforsaken nuthin an her own blud in her ears the only reminder all was not forgotten.

  She dragged the Wide Open Road through an then set the sail along the white road. It were just a breeze, not much more than walkin but she were glad of it an it carried her past the low scrub, more an more of them flat concrete blocks out in the bush an around em rusted spars an corrugated iron. Burned glass an stands of poisonous bush tomatoes growin through the ruins. On corners of the road she could see crumbled concrete boxes an rusted iron drums an the further she travelled in the more an more leavebehinds started to creep in. Overtakin the scrub until she were back on a flatland, scarred orange earth stretchin evrywhichway, hills of pale green in the long distance an a scrub inches high fightin its way through in the odd hollow. The heat come up an started to bear on her but the wind stayed true an the ship rattled on, crossin junction after junction of smooth white road stretchin out in all directions an she knew she were on sum kinda grid, that these straight lines was laid down by them with no love of the land. Lines laid down by fellas what never had to walk em. Out the sand came poles like broken teeth an she could see from the deck of her ship there was sum that was fallen in between the wuns that was standin an they lay part buried, sand washed up on em an pullin em back to the earth. She could see strands of wire too, so old it were the colour of the ground but parts of it still wrapped in black plastic gone grey an she knew that she dint wanna scav a scrap of it no matter what it were. It were like travellin through the Boundaries cept there werent bodies staked out, it were a grave for all them things thatd come before. Like she’d wished it on herself the wind died halfway up a ridge an she were becalmed again. Might be more gusts on the crest, she dint know, but she stepped off the spars at a jog an then took up the rope again. No harness for now, she were still too battered from the long walk. She took the tension an started pullin her ship up the hill, heat droppin on her like a blanket.

  65

  Before

  I never knew it but I dreamed it, Orphan. There were a heat. There were a light. An it were a light like you never seen an if ya did you werent never gunna see again. A cloud, miles high, earth turned to glass an a wind to strip the skin from ya, flay ya an turn ya ta ash where ya stood. Turn family to memories. Unnerstand Orphan? This is what yer facin. The warp an weft of the truth. I know my own end is comin soon but about summa them old times my knowin gets scarce. I dont know how it were dun an in the end I dont know why Im sorry Orphan. I know ya got a place in yer heart for me an I hope I aint led ya astray. I know Im gunna bleed out on this sand but after all that, about you I dont reckon I know nuthin. Thought I did but I was wrong. Thought you was gunna live through it all but now its all gone cloudy on me.

  66

  Dark

  You showed quarter.

  He dint say nuthin.

  You showed quarter an you let them go. They had a recknin comin an you showed quarter. Why them when youve made blud peace with so many of them what come before?

  It weren’t a question that needed answerin. He kept his head low, waitin for them to make the decision. There were noises come out of them that sounded like sighs an gusts of wind an he knew they was speakin in a way he couldnt. In a way he werent built for, spite all the graces theyd shown him. Itd been stirrin up in him a long time but out on the sand he’d not been certain. In ways he aint never come across. He were always so sure, aint never had cause to hold his steel but this time. This time. He knew they was takin it all in. That to them he dint have no secrets. That he owed em his very life an the debt was to hold the old ways dear an do as they bid. Lest we forget the fallen. Still they spoke the sigh an whisper about him an he felt himself held by the thinnest web, just the faintest blessin on him, held in the palm of the rocks an dust an trees with just their favour keepin him breathin.