by Jean Adams
Quickly, she slipped into the bathrobe and made her way through to the lounge.
Lucas sat on the sofa, reading a newspaper, one bare foot crossed over the opposite knee. He wore jeans and a dark red T-shirt. How did he manage to look as sexy first thing in the morning as he had last night? It messed with a girl’s mind. He glanced up when she came into the room and offered her one of his rare smiles. “Good morning. Sleep well?”
“Great, thanks.” She hid a yawn behind her hand. “Did I oversleep?”
He closed his paper and placed it on the seat beside him. “‘Course not. Unless you’re in a desperate hurry to get home.”
She shook her head. I’m happy to stay here as long as you want. “No, no particular hurry.”
He got to his feet. “Good, then sit. I’ll make some toast. Coffee’s still hot.”
“Don’t go to too much trouble. I can always eat later.”
“It’s no trouble.” And he was gone, into the inner sanctum of the kitchen.
After resolving last night not to ask any more questions, her natural curiosity, which had been gnawing at her for most of last night, finally got the better of her. Despite it being none of her business, the need to know about those clothes became a priority.
“I hope your girlfriend won’t mind me staying the night?” Oops. That wasn’t the way it was supposed to come out.
His handsome face peered around the kitchen door, a deep scowl again furrowing his brow. “Girlfriend?”
Can’t stop now. He expects an answer. “The one whose clothes are hanging in the closet in my room.”
His scowl deepened. “Have you been snooping?”
She didn’t expect quite such a damning reaction and swallowed to hide her stupid, blundering question. “N—No. But the bathrobe wasn’t where you said it’d be, so I had to search for it.”
The scowl dissolved as quickly as it’d appeared. “Sorry. My cleaner must have put it away. I rarely go in there.”
Jenna pressed home her slight advantage. “My uniform is nowhere near dry. I thought I might find something to wear to go home in.”
He stood by the door, dishtowel in hand. “You know there’s no one in my life right now.”
Jenna offered a defensive smile. “You could’ve found someone new.”
Dark eyebrows rose in question. “Sure I could have, but where do you suppose she was last night?”
“Last night?”
“It is, after all, the weekend. Wouldn’t we be spending it together?” Even from where she sat she could swear she saw that sparkle in his eyes again.
The thought of spending the weekend with an exciting, sexy man like Lucas Nelson suddenly took on thrilling proportions. Especially since sharing a weekend with a man wasn’t an idea she’d entertained before. It didn’t suit her plans. Besides, she’d never met one she’d care to spend time with. But with this man, all her promises to herself could easily fly out the window. She reined in her wayward thoughts. “I suppose I didn’t think about it.”
His shoulders visibly relaxed. As weak as her reasoning was at least he appeared to accept her explanation since, mentally, she had been snooping.
He pulled a face of disdain. “Hell will freeze over before I venture into those waters again.”
He turned and disappeared into the kitchen to emerge moments later carrying a cup of coffee. He set it on the table in front of her. “The clothes belong to my sister, Lisa. The stewardess I told you about. She stays with me when she’s in LA.”
His sister! I’d forgotten about her. “Oh.” A surge of relief washed through her like a tidal wave. She had to say something to lower the heat of embarrassment rising in her face. “I’ll bet you’re a wonderful brother.”
He leaned against the doorjamb and folded his arms across his chest. “Family’s important. As sisters go, she’s not so bad either.”
“So, will it be all right if I borrow something of hers to go home in?”
“Of course. She won’t mind. Take what you need.”
The toaster popped. Lucas uncrossed his arms and pushed away from the doorjamb. “That’s breakfast.” He disappeared into the kitchen again to return moments later with a rack of golden toast.
He sat opposite her and rested his arms on the table, then pushed his chair away so it balanced on the two back legs. Jenna half smiled. It was good to see him relaxing after the awkwardness of last night. Maybe now she could…
“What happened to you, Lucas?”
She couldn’t leave it alone, could she? It was bad enough she’d practically admitted to rummaging through his closets, now to add insult to injury, she had blurted out the one thing she knew he didn’t want to talk about. If he hadn’t told his best friend the gory details, what made her think he’d tell her, a virtual stranger?
She wasn’t being nosey. The question had come from deep inside herself, as one human being reaching out to ease another’s pain. She wanted to do whatever she could to make things better for him. Couldn’t bear to think of him hurting so badly.
He let his chair fall forward with a heavy thud and put down his cup. Dark brown eyes pierced her soul. She braced for his anger, but he wasn’t even remotely cross. Instead, he took a breath deep into his lungs.
“Why would you want to know that?” His voice sounded flat, lifeless. He leaned forward, locked his fingers and rested his hands on the table.
“Because I find it difficult to believe a person could treat another person so...horribly, that it would make them just shut down.”
He let out a bitter laugh. “Shut down. That’s a bit far-fetched, don’t you think?”
She took a sip of coffee. “That’s what Bill said.”
“Bill can be melodramatic at times. Usually when people don’t tell him what he wants to know.” He buttered a slice of toast. “How do you know what she did was horrible?”
She looked right into his eyes. “You’re dodging the question.”
His eyebrows rose briefly and when he spoke his voice sounded sharp. “Yes, I am.”
Jenna leaned back in her chair and fixed her gaze on him. “I’m sorry, it’s none of my business, I know.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t need to. But I was just trying to help.”
“I don’t need any help.”
“I’m sorry, I just thought sometimes you seem so…” She paused, unready to finish what she’d started.
“So?” he prompted.
She drew in a deep breath. “Alone. Unhappy. I don’t know. Something.”
“Not sure I understand how I should take that.” He was quiet for long moments. Luckily, this time Jenna had sense enough to hold her tongue. “It wasn’t the first time a woman played me for a prize mug. But I can tell you one thing,”—he glanced away and out the window—“it was the last.”
The latter he said with such venom she wondered if he’d disappeared inside himself. He studied his clenched hands on the table before continuing. “The first time I was stupid. Let my hormones get in the way of my common sense.”
“Why call yourself stupid just because someone else was… was…?”
He looked her straight in the eye. “A bitch?” The word snapped from him like the crack of a whip.
Tempted to reach out and touch his hand, she thought better of it. “Yes, I suppose.”
“This much I’ll tell you, since it’s common knowledge anyway.” His steady gaze held hers. “Somewhere in this big, bad, lousy world of ours, I have a daughter. One I’ve never seen, and probably never will.” He looked down and away. “I don’t even know her name.”
The bitterness in his voice cut deep into Jenna’s soul on a personal level. She shifted in her seat as long, suppressed memories, memories she’d tried to keep hidden, fought their way to surface. She toyed with the butter knife until she realized she was carving doodles in the butter while she fought thoughts she’d rather forget. But this was Lucas’ story. She had to hide her own sorrow as best she coul
d.
Recovering quickly, this time she reached out to place her hand on his arm. “Oh, Lucas, I’m sorry. Have you no idea what happened to her?”
When he brought his head up she saw the deep sadness in his eyes. Now she wished she hadn’t forced the issue, made him talk about it.
“Her mother warned me I wasn’t to go anywhere near her. But I tried. God, how I tried. Her daughter was pregnant with my child. Then the two of them snuck away one night so she could give birth to the baby she had no intention of keeping. They put her up for adoption. Just handed my daughter to strangers and walked away. Out of spite. She didn’t care I would’ve taken care of her, that I desperately wanted her.”
Jenna pursed her lips as a sharp pain pierced her chest. Tears threatened as memories of her own childhood tried to surface. Blinking furiously, she fought to hold the tears at bay. “That’s—that was an evil thing to do.”
He took her comforting hand from his arm and held it between both of his. “Yes, it was.”
Clearing thick emotion from her throat, she managed to say, “I suppose there’s some comfort in knowing she didn’t do the unthinkable.”
He took a deep breath. “You mean abortion?”
Jenna mashed her lips in an effort to stop her bottom lip from quivering.
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Luckily, her beliefs don’t allow that.”
“But surely you have rights.” Her voice wobbled now. She cleared her throat again. “Couldn’t you make her tell you where the baby is?”
“Don’t you think I would if I could?” He paused for a moment in reflection, glancing out of the window. “Somewhere out there is four-year-old girl who doesn’t know who her daddy is.” His hands were clasped so hard around hers she could feel the hard pressure of his fingers. He looked back at her. “A daddy who should be protecting her, keeping her safe from harm.” He lowered his head, so that she almost didn’t hear the last sentence.
Tears spilled from her eyes and tracked down her cheeks. “Oh, Lucas, I’m so sorry.”
He straightened his back and eased his strong grip on her fingers. “Hey, no tears for me, Jenna.”
She couldn’t stop the cascade bubbling up from the sense of shame deep in her soul.
He leaned over to the bench, grabbed a box of tissues and handed them to her. “So many tears aren’t only for me, are they?”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry, but no, they’re not.”
“I thought not. What’s the problem?”
His thumb rubbed the back of her hand and she became aware of him studying her face. She sniffed and dabbed her eyes. “I’m being selfish. I should be comforting you, instead of feeling sorry for myself.”
“For yourself?” He laughed on his breath. “Hey, don’t let me be the only one wallowing in misery.”
“I’m so ashamed.”
“What do you have to be ashamed about? Did you murder someone?”
She shook her head.
“Did you con someone out of their hard-earned cash?”
She managed a half laugh and wiped her nose. “No, of course not.”
“Then it can’t be so bad. You can tell me. I don’t shock easy.”
“No, I couldn’t.”
“Hey, I’ve shared with you. Now it’s your turn.”
Jenna caught her lip between her teeth. Finally, she took a deep breath. “If I tell you, you’ll be the only one who knows. I don’t want anyone else here to find out. And if Claude ever…”
A frown creased his brow. “You can trust me, scout’s honor.”
She looked into his eyes and saw compassion reflected there. Her breath caught in her throat. Lucas sat motionless, his chocolate-brown gaze riveted on her, waiting as though he could sit with her all day. He held her hands between his, while shame and humiliation broke through the mask she showed to the world.
Unable to hold it back any longer, the awful, damning words rushed out of her mouth.
“I’m illegitimate.”
Chapter Seven
As though he’d known what she was going to say Lucas smiled. “It’s not a crime, Jenna.”
“It is where I come from.”
“That’s just plain cruel.”
She fought back tears of humiliation. “I was teased and taunted unmercifully in my home town. People are so keen to inflict others with their own standards, however distorted those standards might be.” She heard her voice wobble, and blew cooling air up and over her face in an effort to control her quivering bottom lip.
“Jenna, sweetheart, it’s not your fault.”
She let out a self-deprecating breath. “Tell that to some of the people I grew up with. And if it ever…” She checked herself, unable to say the words.
Lucas finished the sentence for her. “If people like that earl got to hear about it?”
She nodded and gazed into his deep brown eyes. “I’ve always had such dreams, Lucas. If my past ever leaked into them, I could kiss them goodbye.”
He reached across the table, took her chin between his fingers and lifted her head. “Anything you want to share?”
“You’ll laugh.”
“Is your opinion of me that low?”
“No, of course not. I haven’t got a low opinion of you.”
He sat back and smiled. “Glad to hear it. So come on, give.”
She didn’t want to tell him. Not because she thought he’d judge her, he wouldn’t, but because strangely, being here with him, they didn’t seem so important any more. But he’d put her on the spot.
“When I was a little girl I used to dream of being a great lady. Of a big, white society wedding, of being married to a handsome lord.” She laughed self-consciously. “You know, the kind of thing all young girls fantasize about. Well, the fantasies followed me into adulthood, and,”—she shrugged—“here I am.”
“Seems to me then, that you’re on the right track.”
Even as she told him, the dream had faded a little. Nevertheless, she carried on. “So you see, the circumstances of my birth can’t be known. Things have a way of—”
“No one will ever hear it from me.”
“I know. I wouldn’t have told you if I thought you’d blab.”
His grip tightened on her hands. “Then you honor me.”
“Lucas!” Her eyes flew open wide as one thought burst through the turmoil of others swirling around her brain. “What if I’m like your little girl?”
He shifted in his seat. “What do you mean?”
She pulled her hands from his and pushed hair behind her ears, her mind working overtime. “What if my mother lied?”
His brow furrowed in non-comprehension. “Your mother?”
Her heart beat double time as new thoughts raced through her mind. “What if she didn’t tell me the truth about my father?”
He straightened his back. “I don’t follow.”
“What if she lied to me? What if she took me away from him in the dead of night?” She reached out and grabbed his arm. Muscle locked like forged steel beneath her fingers.
Her hand tightly gripped his arm. “Anything’s possible.”
“So many questions. Unanswerable questions.” Her head swirled with racing thoughts. “What if he was as unhappy as you are about the disappearance of his little girl? I mean, my mother could’ve told me all kinds of untruths about him.”
Had her father once looked the way Lucas did now? Did he still? She dragged in a painful breath.
“Hold on, Jenna. Don’t get ahead of yourself. Was your mother in the habit of lying to you?”
“I don’t know for sure, do I? Maybe I’ll never know.” She blinked back tears threatening to escape. “I’m not sure of anything any more.”
“Have you ever tried to find him?”
Jenna shook her head. “Like you, I wouldn’t know where to start searching.”
Trying desperately to hold on to tears she hadn’t cried for years, Jenna chewed her bottom lip. Crying was weakness. She was str
onger than that.
She didn’t want to remember all the nights when, as a child, she had cried for the father she never knew. Didn’t want to remember sitting, with silent tears cascading down her cheeks, watching the other children with their fathers playing on the swings and roundabouts in the park.
Lucas leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. “Don’t fight it. It’s okay to cry.”
She shook her head and wiped her nose. “I’ll be all right.”
“Don’t give me that British stiff upper lip garbage. Holding it in isn’t going to help. If you need to cry, cry. If you want some privacy, I won’t be offended if you want to go to your room for as long as it takes.”
She gave him a tearful, wobbly smile. “Thanks, but I really will be all right.”
He lifted his chin as though bracing for a blow. “Yeah? Well then, maybe you can answer something for me.”
She battled to clear away all her mental cobwebs. “I’m sorry. Listen to me, sitting on my pity pot. What do you need to know?”
His gaze locked onto hers. Dark eyes softened, but she could see it wasn’t easy for him. Finally, he took in a long, deep breath and let it out slowly. “What would make a woman hate a man so much she’d up and leave his child without a second thought?”
Given the circumstances, she was the last person he should ask. “Have you asked Helen? Or Lisa?”
“I haven’t asked Helen. Lisa wasn’t able to help.”
“I’m not sure I’ll be any better, but if I could answer that, I would. Maybe she did suffer. Maybe she’s still suffering. She can’t have hated you. She must have loved you once.”
“No, she didn’t.” He sounded so certain.
“Why else would she have made love with you?”
“She didn’t make love with me. It was a dare, Jenna. She let me have sex with her for a dare.”
Horrified, Jenna gasped. “A dare? Why would she do that?”
“Who knows what thoughts go through a woman’s mind? Her friends dared her so she just gritted her teeth and let me get on with it. Unfortunately for me, or should I say for my daughter, the condom broke.”
“I can’t believe a woman would let a man have sex with her for no reason. She must have felt something.”