by K. S. Adkins
My dad filmed her speech and if he’s watched it six times, I’ve watched it a dozen. Time was magnificent. She was brave and she spoke in such a way that it captured the audience’s attention from start to finish. Time spoke from experience, you felt it.
Now because she had asked for a family trip, the three of us are kicking our shoes off before attempting to climb a sand dune. With Bella at her side and me on the other, she closes her eyes and inhales.
“What you’re smelling is fish,” my dad says pushing past her. “Only your wife could get me to sit in a car for three and half hours with a dog breathing in my face.” Barging ahead he scouts the hill for any hidden obstacles that might hurt Time. To make sure she doesn’t catch on, he riles her up to throw her off and it works like a charm.
“Cheer up, dad,” she says happily. “It’s a onetime deal for you anyway. You’ll be dead soon.”
“I like you, Time,” he says tossing a large piece of driftwood out of the way. “You remind me of when I was young and stupid.”
Not giving him an inch, she continues to climb the hill slowly but smiling while she did it. “I'd like to see things from your point of view, dad, but I can't seem to get my head that far up your ass.”
“Your wife needs to learn manners,” he grunts.
“Really?” I argue. “Time?”
“Yes, Drum?”
“Did you hear the one about the depressed proctologist?”
“Can’t say that I have,” she laughs.
“He’s feeling down in the dumps.”
Throwing her head back she laughs loud and long. “Real original, Drummond,” he mumbles. When she lets out an oomph and falls to the sand the jokes stopped. “Are you hurt?” my dad rushes out. “What tripped you?” Honestly, he looked devastated that he didn’t see it, like the fault was his alone.
“My own foot,” she laughs getting up.
“That’s just laziness,” he says but the look on his face said otherwise. He was scared for her. “When we get back we’ll play a fun game, I call it rearranging the furniture.”
“Hey, dad?” she says doing her best to catch her breath. “I’m proud of you, of your accomplishments, I really am.”
“Thank you for recognizing that, Time,” he says proudly.
“It’s a big deal right, Drum?” she asks.
“It is,” I agree only because I know what’s coming.
“So dad, what’s it like being a brain surgeon for lawyers?”
Cracking a smile he was about to let her have it when he noticed how tired she was. A seeing person would have no trouble with the climb. My wife, however, was climbing a sand dune with her guide dog and no sense of direction. Man, I was so fucking proud of her. “It’s beautiful,” she says closing her eyes.
My dad, for once didn’t open his mouth. Instead he helped me escort Time and Bella over to the bench. “Rest,” he says sitting next to her.
“Not a chance,” she smiles. “I’ve waited my whole life to see this.”
Dropping his head I watched him struggle with the fact that she couldn’t see it no matter how much he wanted her too. Now he knew how I felt, every day. Oh that’s right, he already did know. Only my mom wasn’t like Time. The moment diabetes took her sight, we lost her. Unlike my mom who quit, Time was a fighter. “Tell us about it,” he urges her.
With Bella between her legs, him to her right and me to her left we sat there as a family, listening to her describe Little Sable Point. A lighthouse built in 1874, that stood 107 feet tall, which was also a major coastal light for Lake Michigan shipping, and still an active aid to navigation. Honestly, I didn’t know any of that but I wasn’t surprised she knew.
“Drum?” she asks resting her head on my shoulder. “Can we walk over so I can touch it?”
My dad had eyes full of tears but for once, I wasn’t ready to lose it. My wife needed me present. “Absolutely,” taking her hand she wraps herself around me and speaks to my dad.
“Would you mind watching Bella for just a minute?”
“I’d be happy to,” he says easily. “I like Bella’s company. Unlike you, she’s quiet.”
“Who can be an asshole with Lake Michigan right there?” she asks pointing at the parking lot.
“Come on, Drum,” he pleads. “She walked right into that one.”
“I didn’t point at the lake did I?” she mumbles.
“Fraid not.”
“Shit.”
As for my dad, he kept a close eye on Bella and an even closer eye on Time.
The brick was warm under my fingers. With the sun in my face, I traced the mortar feeling its edges and grooves. The breeze from the lake tasted clean. The sand was smooth under my feet. With my husband’s hand firmly holding mine, I did not find the moment bittersweet.
I found it breathtaking.
I’ve dreamt about it, read about it, and hoped one day to come here. Funny that I don’t recall wanting to do it before I lost my vision, I just wanted to do it, period.
Today, I was.
“Would you like to go inside?”
“Are you sure? What if—” I begin to worry almost immediately.
“I’ve got you,” he says securing my waist. “No what ifs.”
“Then hell yes, I want to go inside.”
And that’s what we did. Granted, it took us a long time but Drum was patient, the people stuck behind us were patient and for once, I was patient too. Committing every second of it to memory, Drum took me back to dad and Bella where the three of us joked, played in the sand, and ending with introducing Bella to the water.
Lab’s loved the water, good thing I did too considering I was soaked in it.
Driving home, we stopped near the house for dinner at Green Dot Stables before calling it a day. Ordering three of everything, we settled into a comfortable rhythm of inappropriate conversation while stuffing our faces. Laughing at dad, I was taken by surprise when a little girl asked to pet Bella. Turning in my chair attempting to locate her by voice, I was about to respond when her mom showed up. Apologizing for her daughter’s perceived rudeness, I told them both that Bella would like a scratch behind the ears. Voicing the command, Bella sits up quickly ready to help me. She was rewarded with enthusiasm from the tiny girl and her fingers.
“You’re allowed to say no,” dad points out.
“Bella is off duty,” I counter. “Plus, she’ll have to get used to kids eventually.”
“Are you knocked up?”
“Dad…” Drum tries.
“I’m baffled you ran a successful practice if you spoke to patients like this.”
“Time,” he draws out. “It takes an asshole to work with an asshole.”
“Are you sure he’s your dad?” I ask Drum. “Because the more time I spend with him, I’m starting to question it.”
“He takes after his mother,” dad says, no doubt rolling his eyes. “She was far too polite, whereas I am—”
“An asshole?” Drum throws in.
“I was going to say forth coming, but asshole works too.”
When the server dropped off the check, I stood up bringing Bella with me. My plan was to wait until we made it home but my bladder had other ideas. “I need to use the restroom, I’ll be right back.”
“Wait,” says Drum.
“I know where it is,” I promise him. “Trust me.”
I’d been here before, a lot actually and managed to find it (eventually) on my own. Business handled, hands washed, and ready to get back to my family, I heard my name before reaching the table.
Standing still, I wait to hear it again and when I did, I cursed my luck. “I thought that was you,” he says crowding me. “Is that a seeing eye dog?”
“Hey, Jeff,” I say resuming my slow walk. “Thanks for coming over to say hi, but I have to go.”
Ignoring him, I make it back to my family and take my seat. When he called my name not three, but four more times, dad had reached his limit. “She’s blind not deaf, you idiot,�
� did I ever mention how his voice carried? Jesus…
“Dad,” Drum growls.
“Would you like to see an idiot, son? Well look no further than to the bar, he’s an employee too. That means he’s paid for his idiocy.”
“Time,” Jeff says coming to my side of the table.
“This isn’t happening,” I mumble.
“I never heard from you,” he tosses out there for everyone to hear. “I thought we had a good time.”
Closing my eyes in humiliation, I feel Drum watching me. I also felt dad’s blood pressure go up too. These are the perks of enhanced senses. I felt everything now. “Is it the blind thing?” he flat out asks me.
“A bartender,” dad accuses. “You dated a bartender? You dated an idiot bartender, no less? Way to set the bar low, Time, no wonder my son put a ring on it. Next to this putz, he’s a God damn—”
“Dad,” I snap. “Please…” he really said put a ring on it.
“You got married?” Jeff asks, clearly shocked that the blind girl could get married at all.
“I did,” I confirm. “I’m just going to pass on the intros because… I’m doing you a favor. trust me. Jeff, it was good seeing you.” I ignored my dad’s snort at the seeing you comment. “Drum, dad, let’s go home.”
“Wait,” he rushes out. “You’re still beautiful, I mean—”
Grabbing my elbow, I felt Drum close the gap between Jeff and I. “She has always been beautiful, will continue to be beautiful and if you want to continue to have full use of your own eyes, I suggest you back the fuck off and stop checking out my wife.”
“He gets that from me,” dad leans in.
Pulling my husband away and ordering dad to follow, I move as quickly as possible back to the car. Once inside, I couldn’t help it, I started laughing. I didn’t need to see the looks on anyone’s faces to know they were priceless.
One thing about Time, her mind was never still. She was always thinking, planning, or creating something. While lying here in bed together, her expression said she was miles away. As for me, my mind was on the bartender. At the restaurant, he was genuinely happy to see her. He had been disappointed that there wasn’t a second date. Time had looked embarrassed and slightly annoyed about it but showed zero interest in the guy.
Granted, my dad wasn’t helping matters, but I’ve never known her to be dismissive. Jeff was good looking, obviously employed and certainly into her… Christ, this was jealousy. I married her, she’s in bed next to me and I was more than jealous, I was feeling territorial.
“That guy? Really, Time?”
Letting out a soft sigh she turns to face me. “Took you long enough,” she smiles.
“Fine, I’m jealous,” I grunt. “Did you sleep with him?” There, I said it.
“Stop,” she groans. “We had an art class together, abstracts, I think. We went for coffee that was it. He gave me his number, which obviously, I never used. I didn’t know he tended bar because in the hour I spent with him I didn’t care to ask. So no, I didn’t sleep with him. It was coffee, not a booty call.”
That made me feel only marginally better. However… “Would you say before me that you dated a lot?”
“What’s a lot?”
“Jesus.”
Scooting closer, she crawls onto my chest resting her head there like always. “Let’s put it this way,” she says listening to my heart beat. “Until you, I never had a reason to keep my eyes open.”
“I shouldn’t have asked,” I tell her, feeling like a prick and a bit queasy.
“Drum,” she whispers. “I don’t think about the past, not when I’m married to my future.”
“Good answer,” I mumble tracing her back.
“What about you?” she asks. “Did you date a lot or just sleep around?”
“Christ,” I groan, not wanting to answer. “This is about you, not me.”
“Try again,” she says pinching my nipple.
“Fine. Until you I never kept my eyes open either, how’s that?”
“I’m good with that, besides you didn’t learn that tongue flick all on your own.”
“Whoa!” I did not like where this was going. “I’ve never done that before you. What about you, smart ass? You weren’t a virgin either. Where did you learn to suck cock like that?”
“You inspired me,” she giggles. “Now shut up and give me an orgasm.”
“Why don’t you have friends?” I ask gently. She was the sweetest most giving person I’d ever met; it didn’t make sense to me that she didn’t have a network of friends.
“Why don’t you?” she counters trying to distract me with her hand on my cock. And dammit it was working.
“I don’t like people,” I remind her. “But you do, so tell me why.”
“There was a time I had a lot of friends actually. But when my sight started to prevent me from living the life I was used to, I pulled away. I wasn’t ready to rely on them for help, I wanted their friendship not their pity.”
“True friends would have been there for you.”
“I know that and they would have been, had I asked. I don’t know, Drum, at the time, letting them go by choice seemed easier then losing them later.”
“Was it?” I ask. “Easier?”
“No.”
I didn’t push any further. Though I understood why she did it, all you had to do was spend five minutes with her to want another five. Time was infectious, she was a great friend to have. Letting those relationships go was an act of self-preservation, for her. The sacrifices she’s made have always been at her expense.
Just once, I’d like to see the universe make a sacrifice for her.
He was driving me nuts.
As in, bat shit crazy.
It was rare he could rile me up like this but he was really working my nerves today.
“What about this one?” he asks and I wanted to rip my hair out. He’s asking me like I can see what he’s talking about and he’s doing it on purpose. My father-in-law had a sick sense of humor and I loved him for it. There were days that being blind pummeled me, had it not been for him today would have been one of those days. “We’ve covered this, Time, you are not deaf, you’re blind.” See what I mean? “So what about this one?”
“Jesus, dad! We’re cleaning out the space not having a sleepover!”
“But it’s pretty,” he defends. “Can I have it?”
“Yes! You can have that one and any other one you want!”
“Okay then, crab ass, I’ll take all of them. You’re welcome for freeing up all this space for you, by the way.”
Growling at him didn’t work. Ignoring him didn’t work either. The man was pushy to a fault and yet, I still loved his ass. “Move,” he says bumping me out of the way.
“Dick move, dad!”
“I’m loading my car, so do something productive while I’m gone. Just not another trip to the ER, God, that was a long night…”
Okay so he had a point there. But honestly, now that I know where the vase is (or rather was) I wouldn’t be dropping it on my head again. Plus, he ended up getting the nurse’s number, so in my opinion, he came out the winner; whereas; I came out with four stitches.
With him out of my hair, I set Bella up in the corner to relax while I set my space back up. The last time I was in this room I was losing my sight. The equipment was the same, the easels and the paints. The only difference now was…me.
When the door clicked, I made my way over and jiggled the handle. That sonofa---…
“Dad! Open the door!”
“Sit your ass in that chair and create something. Personally, I have all day and screaming doesn’t faze me. I’m used to people yelling at me.” He was so fucking bossy! But then he lowered his voice to the sincere tone he used with me often. “You have beautiful memories to paint, visions to share, for Drum to see. Quite frankly, you have emotions to let out too. No more suppressing it, purge it. You may see the world differently now, but sweetheart, you still see it. Sho
w us what you see.” Man he was good, so good that I did not scream.
Slowly making my way over to my stool, I lift a brush and bring the soft bristles to my cheek. Running my finger down the canvas, I think back to our trip to St. Vincent. I could still hear the waterfall, taste the sweet air, and see the crinkles by Drum’s eyes when he promised me the world. I wasn’t aware hours had passed. That I was using the paints, brushes and extra pallets for blending, without seeing them.
I was focused on my husband, our adventures, and our happiness. In this room, at this moment, I had my sight. My husband showed me beautiful things because he loved me. He wanted me to remember that beauty when the darkness became unbearable. I feared never seeing color again, of it being stolen from me.
But in my little room with Bella snoring in the corner, I realized my memories could never be stolen.
I would always have them because I lived it.
Color was me.
Standing just outside my office door, I do as I always do, it was automatic, as necessary as breathing.
I watched Time move forward.
For me, Time was my breath. She filled me, sustained me, and gave me life. Hell, she gave my life meaning.
From the moment I stepped through my office door and saw her staring at that white wall, I saw color for the first time. In her hair, her skin, and those crystal blue eyes. We fell fast, we fell hard and we fought to keep it.