Control

by J. F. Jenkins

  “If that were the case, then why do I see him whenever I look at you?”

  His eyes closed tightly. “Because you know so much about what I used to be like. From what I remember, you were too busy partying with your college friends to know I was alive. Good to know it takes a fifteen-year-old boy slitting his wrists to get your attention. I’ll remember that for the future.”

  “That’s not funny. I worry about you enough as it is and—”

  “I never asked you to worry about me.”

  “You’re my brother.”

  “And?” He opened his eyes again and stared at her, making sure his blue eyes were as sharp as ever. “Don’t tell me it’s your job. Mom and Dad are our parents because it’s a job to them. I’d rather be emancipated if that’s how you feel about me.”

  Lyssa sat down, putting her head in her hands. “It started out that way, but I genuinely care about you too. All I was trying to say is I miss your old happy self. Maybe I’m expecting too much from you so soon. It’s only been a year and a half, two, since we lost him? But I wasn’t sure if your mocking his style was some kind of strange coping method. Is it? It’s okay, I won’t think less of you because of it. I just want to know what’s going on in your head because I barely understand you. You keep changing on me.”

  “I thought that was normal for teenagers?”

  She shrugged, but didn’t look up at him. “It is. Throw me a bone Orly, even if it’s a small one?”

  Grabbing his food from the microwave, he started to task himself with preparing it, spreading butter over the flesh of the potato. “I don’t know what’s going on. He was the only person who accepted me for...me.” He swallowed and he could feel tears stinging his eyes, which he hated. This is why he didn’t like to talk about Dallas. “All I wanted in school was to be liked because it seemed like a good thing to be at the time. It feels good, but I won’t do it anymore at the cost of my integrity. Does that make more sense to you?”

  “I think so. Please at least make sure you’re being true to yourself okay?”

  Being myself is what killed him. He shook his head, not wanting to open up that can of worms. “While I figure that part out more fully, I at least want to emulate someone I admire. I haven’t changed as much as you think. No, I’m not some kind of happy, fluffy, jock anymore. But I’ve always been sarcastic. The only thing different is maybe I’m jaded, but that happens over time anyway. Right?”

  “Unfortunately. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if you’re punishing yourself.”

  She’s too perceptive for her own good. “This is my problem to figure out. It’s part of my journey, or whatever cliché philosophical mumbo jumbo phrase you want to use. They all mean the same thing.”

  “Just promise me you’ll tell me if you think you’re going to, I don’t know, hurt yourself.”

  “I promise.” And he meant it. The last thing he wanted to do was go down the same path as his friend. Orlando had issues to deal with, but he vowed a long time ago to never put his family through the same kind of pain. He didn’t want to take that kind of an out.

  She nodded, and let out a quiet sigh. “As long as you are happy, that’s all I can ask for. Before, when you were into the sports and the popular scene, I could tell it wasn’t part of who you are. I’m not sure what is anymore, but you’re right. It is for you to figure out on your own. I’m sorry. Starting drama wasn’t my intent either. My point is, it’s just nice to see you happy and doing things for yourself again. Moving forward instead of staying home and playing video games, and continuing to isolate yourself. I’m not too thrilled with how you got there, but leaving Morningtide has been the best thing to happen to you for awhile.”

  “Didn’t I tell you it’d be a blessing in disguise?” He smirked, taking the opportunity to switch the gears of the conversation to something more pleasant.

  “I remember.” She smiled too, and Orlando could feel his entire body begin to relax. Though they did it fairly often, arguing with his sister wasn’t something he enjoyed.

  “Anyway, I’m not going to come to Thanksgiving at John’s. I’ve been invited elsewhere, but you can pass along the message that I’m happy to be thought of.” He brought his food to the table, sat in his usual seat, and began to eat.

  “He wants to spend some time with you soon. Maybe he can come to dinner some day?”

  “Sure.” He shrugged. He’d been expecting this to happen eventually. As much as he wanted to point out to his sister that her dating life was her business, and he didn’t need to be involved, he knew she wouldn’t be okay with it. His approval was important to her. The more he knew about John and her, the harder it would be for him to like the guy. Protective brother instincts took over easily. Things would be a lot more simple if she’d date the guy and stop trying to shove Orlando into the equation.

  “And when do I get to meet this girlfriend of yours?” she asked. Another thing he was dreading.

  He shrugged. “Eventually. Whenever you come home after work instead of staying late to do stuff.”

  “Fair enough. I know, how about you bring her to dinner with John and me?”

  “Excuse me?” He raised an eyebrow, unsure of how to feel about the idea. On the one hand, having Tait there might make things easier. He could feel more relaxed, they’d be killing two birds with one stone, and he’d be on better behavior since he would also be in the hot seat. On the other hand, however, he didn’t know how comfortable he’d feel about the whole thing. There were too many factors to consider.

  “You heard me,” she said and bit into a slice of buttered bread.

  He ate his potato quietly for a moment. “Yeah, let’s plan on it. Would next week be too soon? Probably? Yeah, don’t want to put too much family drama into the mix all at once.”

  “It’s not going to be dramatic.”

  “More time to prepare would be nice though, so two weeks. I’ll bring her over after school, and cook.”

  Lyssa’s eyes narrowed. “Why does this plan worry me?”

  Letting out a soft sigh, he stared into her eyes. “Because you have some bizarre expectations of me. Like I’m going to do something bad? I may be the delinquent of the family, but promise only good intentions here. Why would I purposefully hurt the two most important people in my life?”

  A soft smile formed on her lips and she nodded. “Two weeks then on Monday? That’s the easiest day for John. He does a lot of work over the weekend at home. Some nerd club thing he’s a part of. He builds robots and fights them. They’re pretty cool looking. But Mondays are slow at work, so we won’t be too tired. I know it’s a school night, but this doesn’t have to last for long.”

  “Works for me.” He was about to take another bite from his food when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. Soon, the unmistakable sound of heavy metal rock and roll was being played which meant he didn’t know the caller. He had a ring tone assigned to everyone in his phone, even the pizza delivery guy. This was either a crank call, or a telemarketer. Maybe a wrong number. As he stared at the digits on the screen, he couldn’t help but wonder why they looked so familiar to him. Then it dawned on him.

  “Angela,” he whispered and immediately left the kitchen so he could talk in peace. His sister watched him the whole time, an eyebrow raised.

  “Hello?” he answered, trying to stay cool and not wanting to be presumptuous in the off chance he was wrong.

  “Hey Orly,” Angela said with no hint of unease in her tone. If anything, she spoke to him like they were old time pals. She was so different from her brother.

  I’m apparently popular tonight. He couldn’t help but smirk as he sat down on the staircase, once more settling in the foyer of his house. “And to what do I owe the pleasure of your call? I know we exchanged numbers, but I thought I was supposed to wait three days before giving you a buzz. Isn’t that the boy code for ‘I’ll call you’?”

  “Yeah, it is, and that’s why I’m calling tonight because I don’t want to wait th
ree days. This weekend, you and me are going to practice this stuff. I’d even say now, but for the time being I think I have things under control. Almost started the toaster on fire at home because I was feeling impatient while waiting for it.”

  He bit his lip, wincing slightly. “Not a good thing, no. Remember patience is a virtue and try to hold onto it until we can discuss concentration. Did Alan get you anything to help yet?”

  “He gave me a book and something I’m supposed to use to translate his native language, but it kind of hurts my eyes. Actually, I’m not sure I can call this a book. He said it was, but it reminds me of one of those electronic tablet things? But it’s thicker and has multiple pages. It’s kind of hard to explain. Besides, I’m more of a hands-on learner.”

  “Noted, we can plan for Saturday. I should be free all day, so anytime you want to come over, go ahead. Actually, any time you want to, show up. Just call first, so I can make sure I’m awake or whatever. The Apartment is always accessible.” That was the first rule they had made about their headquarters: it was always to remain open.

  “I’ll keep that in mind in case of an emergency. For now, Saturday should be fine. Thanks a bunch, you’re a life saver! I’ll talk to you then unless I see you sooner.”

  “Yeah, sure thing, bye.” He hung up and stared at his phone, half-expecting it to come back to life with another person trying to get hold of him. When it did nothing, he went back to the kitchen so he could finish his dinner.

  Lyssa started to stare at him again while she ate. “Who was that?”

  “A friend.”

  “A female friend, who isn’t your girlfriend?”

  “Yes, I have those. You’ve met Cadence. What’s your point?”

  She smirked. “Just an observation.”

  Chapter Six

  Per their usual routine, JD dropped Cadence off at her apartment building and then walked her up to her door. She shivered while fumbling with her keys. There wasn’t any snow on the ground yet, but it was still getting cold to the point where it was the only thing missing. Thanksgiving was too early to have snow, in her eyes. Even in the Midwest where it was acceptable for it to fall from any point past October, she didn’t want to see any fluffy white flakes until a week before Christmas and then it needed to be gone promptly after the new year.

  JD moved his hands to her arms and rubbed them up and down to help warm her. It worked, and she appreciated it. She always took forever to heat back up again after being outside.

  “I think I’m supposed to live in the tropical areas of the world. You know, where it doesn’t go below seventy degrees and it rains once a day for about ten minutes,” she said and opened up her door. Like always, her mom was gone for the night working. She’d have Thanksgiving off, and that was all Cadence could ask for. That had always been their most treasured family holiday when her Dad was still alive. Breaking the tradition would break her heart.

  “Promise to take me with you?” JD asked with small smile.

  “Of course! I couldn’t go anywhere without my best friend.” She nudged him playfully as she moved past him to hang up her coat. He scowled a little. Did she do something wrong? Or maybe he was still upset from earlier. His sister getting powers had to be bothering him to no end.

  “You okay?” she asked. “Be honest.”

  JD shrugged, kicked off his shoes, hung his jacket over a nearby kitchen chair, and then made himself comfortable on the living room couch. “Yeah, I think so.”

  “I wanted to be sure. With Angela getting powers and all, I didn’t know how that was affecting you. How her even being on the team was. I know you two don’t always get along,” Cadence said with a shrug. She grabbed two cans of soda from the refrigerator and then joined him on the couch. Pulling a blanket around her, she picked up the remote for the television so they could have some background noise.

  He helped her with the blanket, taking extra care to make sure it wrapped around her completely. When he wanted to, JD could be super sweet. Those moments were the ones that caught her eye the most, and sometimes made her wonder if he could ever be more than just her best friend. He was certainly attractive. They were close to being the same height, him maybe having a couple of inches on her at the most, but he was strong. His tan complexion made his hazel eyes look dark more often than not and that, along with his dark hair, gave him a great deal of mystery. And all of the times he’d been able to make her laugh, the way he understood her so well, it was easy to let her mind wander down that path of “what if”.

  The problem with JD was he didn’t have the best romantic record on the planet. He tended to fall hard and fast. One week he was in love with Bethany, and then the next it was Rachel. The guy got around, and he had issues saying he was committed to one girl. Cadence understood why he did things that way even if she didn’t like it, nor did she think it all too smart. If he could get over all of that, then maybe she’d be able to date him. He’d been single for a lot longer than he usually was. All through the summer and the beginning of the school year. More often than not it lasted for a couple of months at the most. Maybe he was finally starting to understand. He’d been a little more affectionate with her lately too. Was he trying to hint at something?

  Better to not think about it, she decided. If she started to imagine things that weren’t there, it would only get messier. If he continued to stay single and showed he could offer her something more than just a fling, she might have a hard time not developing stronger feelings. Who am I kidding? I already have stronger feelings for him. I think. Boys were too complicated.

  JD was looking at her, and she couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or bad. He didn’t seem upset, so she didn’t think she’d just zoned out while he spoke. He must have known she’d gone off to her own thoughts because she was pretty sure he was waiting for her to snap back to reality. Over the past couple of months, he’d grown a lot more patient. As much as he griped about everything changing on him, he’d been doing a lot of it himself. If only he’d see it, and how good of a thing it was…

  “Well?” she asked, trying to urge him to talk about what was going on. He didn’t need to hear about her thoughts. Plus she was worried about him. There was a lot of resentment between him and his sister as it was. Her gaining powers would only add to that.

  He shrugged and put an arm around her, once more rubbing her slowly to help keep her warm. “It’s okay Cadence. There isn’t more to say. She got powers, I didn’t. Add it on to the list of all the other stuff she gets to have and I don’t. My skills will come. I know it. Like, I can feel them inside of me, so I know they’re there. They’re just taking a lot longer to get moving. When they do, I’m sure it’ll be like...POW...you know? And it’s going to be worth it, totally awesome.”

  “I’ve heard you say that before to describe other things.”

  “Well one of these days I’ll get it right, right?” He laughed as well and stopped rubbing her arm. But he didn’t move his hand away from her either. It just sat there, as though that sort of thing was normal for them. It wasn’t. Cadence hardly ever liked to be touched for long periods of time, yet she didn’t try to stop him. There was something comforting about the feeling of him holding her. Different, and she couldn’t help but wonder if that was what it was like to have a boyfriend. Unlike JD, Cadence had absolutely no relationship experience.

  Cadence nodded slowly, swallowing. “Of course. But if you hype everything up so much, you’re going to create an unrealistic image of it. Then you’ll disappoint yourself all over again.”

  “Aren’t you an optimist today,” JD said, and snorted.

  “I’ve seen you talk yourself into a lot of things using that kind of logic. Your first girlfriend you loved and thought was it? So you gave ‘it’ away and that broke your heart. The bright idea to have no strings attached relationships didn’t end up being all too bright. Trying to make mashed potatoes in the blender didn’t go over well either. Oh, and trying to catapult a watermelon in a water ba
lloon launcher...” Cadence glanced at him sideways, smirking playfully so he hopefully didn’t think he was being attacked.

  He shrugged. “So I have a lot of ideas. They’re not all bad. If I don’t hope, then I have no light at the end of the tunnel. I need that. Sometimes I need to know the good thing is gonna be there so all the work is worth it.” He gazed into her eyes for a moment, and she couldn’t help but wonder what he meant by those words exactly. “Besides, with all this time I’m spending waiting for these powers, they had better be pretty cool.”

  “I’m sure they’ll be everything you could have ever hoped for and then some.”

  “There we go! There’s the optimistic, sunshine Cadence I love.” He beamed. She tried not to get too hung up on his word choice. He couldn’t have meant it how it came off, or he better not have, because she wasn’t sure she wanted him to have such strong feelings for her. Not when the words usually didn’t mean much from him when he said them to anyone else. He’d confessed to throwing the love word around in the past. Why would she be different? Then again, if he meant it in terms of their friendship, that would be an honor. JD was the most loyal person she’d ever met.

  After a slight moment of hesitation, she smiled as well. “You’re contagious, that’s why. I get it from you.” It was hard to be optimistic when she knew just about everything there was to know. That had been the ability she gained from Alan, knowledge. A great tool, but along with it came a great price. She’d never felt more jaded before in her life.

  “I like being contagious in a good way,” he said. JD let go of her and shifted his weight so he was leaning away. His feet tucked under her blanket and playfully nudged her. “You should really start lightening up. It’s making me concerned for your mental health.”

  “I have been feeling tense lately,” she said with a soft sigh. There were so many new opportunities that she’d never even thought about considering before. After all, she had brains now. The world was her oyster, but where would she begin exploring all of the possibilities? What did she even want to do with herself? Two months ago she would have been happy to graduate with a C average. She could bump up her GPA significantly, get into a good school, do just about anything she wanted to if she applied herself well enough. JD was right, she needed to relax and have a little more fun.