by Lara Wynter
Jemma tries to apologize again as the elevator slowly descends. I run my hands through my messy hair. “Sorry, Jemma,” I say gently, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
“No, you were right to be mad. I should have known she’d try and go without us if she could.”
I sigh. “At least the rest of the guys should be there with her, we can’t all have slept in. And Leon’s with her, he wouldn’t let that little douchebag get away with anything.”
Jemma smiles. No doubt picturing the big black man. Leon is imposing with his size and physique but he’s a gentle giant. Perfect for the job. The doors open and we hurry to the reserved dining room Finn booked for breakfast. I paste a fake smile on my face as I enter first. Finn and Autumn look up and smiles. But my eyes are drawn to the end of the large table where Sophie sits next to Jackson Durant with her chair drawn up right beside his. Both of them are looking down at her phone and smiling. They haven’t even noticed our arrival.
“Morning everyone,” I say loud enough to get their attention. Sophie startles and drops her phone into her lap. Jackson looks up and smiles, standing up to offer me his hand.
“Wes Bowman, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
I scowl. “Hello, Jackson. This is my friend Jemma Jones.”
Jackson looks at Jemma and does a double take as he notices her scars, but he recovers quickly. “Hello Jemma Jones, JJ, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Uh, hi. I hope Sophie hasn’t been bothering you?”
Jackson smiles. “Oh no, I always like to meet my fans. It keeps things real, you know?”
Sophie glares at both of us. “Yeah, why don’t you have some breakfast? You both look really tired.”
Her statement makes me focus on Jemma for the first time. The dark smudges under her eyes must mirror my own. She actually looks like she’s about to drop from exhaustion. Guilt wraps around me and I pull out a vacant seat for her. She slides into it. I sit beside her.
“Are you alright, Jemma? How much sleep did you get?”
“About an hour or two I think.”
“Sorry, I should have noticed. There’s no reason you need to be here. You should go back to bed.”
Her smile drops and she looks hurt. Sometimes I just can’t get anything right. A waitress comes in carrying the food we pre-ordered yesterday and sits it down in front of us. Jemma places both hands around the mug of coffee in front of her.
“I’m fine really. Besides, aren’t we seeing the sights today? I’ve never been to New York before, so I can catch up on sleep later.”
“Are you sure? I’m sure we can swap a few things around if you want?”
“Are you kidding? Trent would kill you if you rearranged his schedule for me.”
I grimace, she’s right, but I’d do it for her anyway. “Alright then. My infamous tour of the sights of New York will go ahead as scheduled.” I say trying to lighten the moment.
It works. She smiles. “Infamous?”
“Well, I haven’t actually given anyone the tour before, but you know my reputation as a bad ass rock star precedes me.”
Jemma laughs her adorable laugh, and I suddenly wish we were alone in the room so I could kiss her again.
“Speaking of reputations, have you seen Zane or Ryan?”
I know for a fact, both of them had company last night, but I don’t want to tell Jemma that. I know she doesn’t believe in casual sex, and I’d hate for her to think less of the other guys in the band. Although, I know she’s not the judgmental sort either. Not sure what to say, I say nothing.
She looks at me knowingly. “I’m guessing they are otherwise occupied today?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
“Do you ever,” her face flushes, “I didn’t mean to ask…um…just pretend I didn’t say anything.”
“If you’re asking if I’ve ever taken women back to my room after a show, then no, not when I have Soph with me. But I’m not going to lie and tell you I’ve never done anything like that. When I was younger and the band first hit it big. Well, let’s just say I learned that wasn’t me pretty quickly. Does that help?”
Jemma looks down at her coffee cup. “I had no right to ask you that.” She stares at me with her big blue eyes. “Can you forgive me?”
“Hey, I chose to answer. I want you to know what sort of man I am. I’m not gonna lie and pretend I’m perfect. But I don’t sleep around. Period. In fact, it’s been nearly two years since I’ve been in a relationship. I…I haven’t really been in the right headspace to have someone else in my life like that.”
“I know what you mean. That song you wrote, Trapped Within, it describes how I feel perfectly. It was as if you got inside my head somehow and wrote what I was feeling. It was beautiful and perfect.”
I stare into her deep blue eyes, and I’m drawn to her in a new way. As if somehow our hearts are joined on some primal instinctual level. “Thank you. That means a lot.” I take a big gulp of my coffee to try to get a handle on my emotions.
Jemma looks away too and takes a bite of her toast. She’s so beautiful and fragile, but strong at the same time. I’d do anything not to bring any more pain into her life. Will my growing feelings for her bring her happiness or heartbreak? Until I’m sure, I need to keep my emotions in check.
Jemma
I paste a smile on my face to cover my exhaustion and address everyone in the room. “So guys, what’s the plan for sightseeing today?”
Autumn’s face flushes. “Um, sorry Jem, Finn and I have something to do today, but we can meet up for dinner later?”
I’ll definitely have to find out what that’s about later. Unless they’re just heading back to bed and then I definitely don’t need to know…
Sophie looks up from her phone. “Uh, JD’s promised to show me where they’ll be filming tomorrow, so I won’t be able to join you either.”
Wes’s mouth flattens into a grim line. “Over my dead body is that happening!”
Sophie jumps up from her seat and moves around the table. Wes stands and they whisper furiously at each other. I can’t quite make out what they’re saying but I get the general gist. Sophie thinks she’s older than she is and Wes wants to keep her safe and protected.
Sophie smiles triumphantly and skips back to her place next to Jackson looking extremely pleased with herself. I’m kind of shocked. I was sure Wes would win that argument. Wes sits back down and rubs his hands over his face.
“Are you alright?” I whisper worriedly.
Wes rubs the back of his neck with one hand. “Yeah, whatever.” He frowns. “Sorry, it’s not your fault my sister is so headstrong.” He places a hand over mine on the table and smiles. “So, what would you like to see first?”
“Can we see the Empire State building? I really love that movie.”
“Which one? An Affair to Remember or Sleepless in Seattle?”
A little laugh escapes me. “Sleepless in Seattle. I’m actually embarrassed to admit I haven’t even seen the other one.”
Wes grins. “Me either. Maybe we can watch it sometime?”
Like a date? Is that what he means? What would it be like to actually date Wes? I know I shouldn’t even be considering it. There are so many reasons why it’s a bad idea. He probably just meant as friends anyway. It’s much safer if I just assume he meant as a friend. “Sure, that would be nice.”
“Great, Empire State Building it is. Are you ready to get going, or do you need to go back to your room first?”
I’m glad I’ve already applied some make-up to minimize my scars. “No, I’m good to go…if you think what I’m wearing is okay?”
He glances down at my jeans and flats. “You look great. You good to walk? It’ll only take twenty minutes or so from here.”
“A walk sounds great. The fresh air will help wake me up a bit more.”
Wes grins. “Well, the air may not be quite as fresh as it is back home, but I know what you mean.”
I laugh. “Yeah, I feel a bi
t out of place here in New York. I think I’m more of a country girl at heart.” I stand, more excited than I should be by the prospect of spending a whole day with Wes.”
Wes pushes his chair back and stands. “Excuse me for a minute. I just need to have a word with the movie star.”
The way he says ‘movie star’ is far from pleasant. I think Jackson is about to get the lecture of his life. Wes motions to Jackson and the two of them leave the room. I take it as a good sign that there are no sounds of violence coming from the other room. A few minutes later Jackson slinks back into the room looking quite subdued. Sophie might not get it now, but I’m sure she’ll thank Wes one day…maybe.
Wes takes my hand as we leave the hotel. It feels so perfect surrounding my own that I can’t make myself pull away. The sun shines brightly and it’s the perfect day to wander around the city. Is this actually my life? I risk a glance at Wes. Even exhausted, he’s gorgeous. Perfect casually mussed rock star hair, straight nose, and high cheekbones. Just enough stubble to give him an edge. And those eyes. Who knew brown eyes could contain so many different flecks and shades of color? His designer jeans fit him perfectly and his shirt shows off how fit and toned his body is. I need to say something. Talking will hopefully stop me from staring at him in a way that I probably shouldn’t be.
“Aren’t you worried someone is going to recognize you?”
“I probably should be. I don’t want to ruin today.” He slips on a pair of dark glasses. “Do you mind?”
“Of course not. But I’m not really sure that’s going to work. Those glasses only make you look like even more of a rock star.”
He grins. “Well, Finn’s the one who usually can’t go anywhere without being swarmed. So I guess I should thank him that he decided not to come today.”
“What’s up with that? Do you know what they’re doing today?”
“Nope, no idea. I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough though.”
I stop walking. “You know something don’t you?”
Wes turns to face me. “No, I really don’t. It’s just a guess.”
For the first time, I notice Stan following along behind us. Well of course he is. What was I thinking? Wes needs a bodyguard practically everywhere he goes. That must be why he let Sophie go off with Jackson. They’ll never actually be alone together.
“So, what do you suspect then?”
“Well the last week of the tour, Autumn spent more time in their room…resting when she didn’t feel well. At first, I just thought it must be a virus but no one else got sick so…”
I gasp. “Autumn’s pregnant? You think Autumn’s pregnant!”
Wes pulls his sunglasses off. “Shh, you can’t say anything to anyone okay? Besides, I could be wrong.”
I think back to the last few times I’ve seen or talked to Autumn. She did seem a bit pale, but somehow quietly excited. I’m so thrilled for them if it’s true. “Wow…just wow. I won’t say anything of course. But I’m so excited I’m sure she’s going to be able to tell something’s up.”
Wes puts both arms around me and draws me closer in a loose hug. “Well, maybe we’ll just have to give her some other reason to think you’re excited.”
My heart thumps in my chest. Does he mean what I think he means? Or is he just teasing? He’s smiling, but his eyes lack the intensity they had when he kissed me. Teasing, he’s definitely just having fun with a friend. I smile and gently extricate myself from his arms. I can’t let my heart become too invested. I’m not the sort of person who can just be casual about relationships. When I give my heart to someone, I want it to be forever.
Chapter 10
Wes
We reach the Empire State Building in what seems like no time at all. Talking to Jemma is so fun and relaxing the time just flies by. On the way here, she pulled me over to a shop selling scarves and hats and insisted on helping me to improve my disguise. I’m now wearing a khaki slouch knit cap and matching scarf. Jemma looks totally adorable in a pink version of the same thing. I also insisted she needed matching sunglasses. While she looks gorgeous, I look totally ridiculous. But at least no one will recognize me. The way she smiled at me when she saw me all kitted out made it all worthwhile.
At least it’s still early enough that it’s not too crazy busy yet, and with the tickets Stan ordered on the way over we don’t have to wait long. Taking Jemma’s hand, I head to the back corner of the elevator. Stan does a great job of blocking me from view with his large frame, and I’m able to relax as we ascend to the 86th floor. Jemma watches the numbers, and I’m able to watch her. She looks so beautiful, her face alight with excitement. I’ve never seen the appeal of these sort of touristy things before, but now…
There's already quite a crowd on the observation deck. What if someone recognizes me up here? I’ll be trapped. Jemma could get hurt. My feet stop moving forward.
“Wes? What is it? Are you okay?” Jemma’s concerned face looks up at me. I hate that I can’t see her beautiful eyes behind her dark sunglasses.”
I attempt a smile. “Just, ah…wondering where to head to get the best view.”
Jemma smiles taking me at my word. “Can you see Liberty Island from here?”
“Sure, you might need to use the binoculars though.” It’s enough to get me moving again. I try to relax as we head toward the railing.
Looking through the lenses, I get my bearings and then focus on Liberty Island. I hand the binoculars over to Jemma and she smiles as she focuses her attention where I was looking.
“Wow, she’s beautiful,” Jemma breathes. “Can we go there next, Wes?”
At the sound of my name, my shoulders tense up again. I try and glance surreptitiously around me. Has anyone noticed? Is anyone paying us too much attention? I roll my shoulders back trying to loosen them up.
“Wes? What is it?”
I force myself to smile. “Just distracted I guess…of course we can go see Miss Liberty. The day is yours.”
Rather than the return smile I expect, Jemma’s lips turn down and her brow furrows slightly. “What is it? What’s wrong? Please Wes, you can tell me anything you know.”
“Um, can you maybe not…use my name while we’re up here? Around all these people…” I shrug my shoulders feeling like an idiot.
“Oh, I should have realized. We’re kind of trapped up here with all these people aren’t we?”
“Yeah.”
“I should have thought of that before I dragged you up here. Do you want to leave?”
“No, of course not. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
Jemma slips her sunglasses off, and I can see her beautiful eyes again. “What can I do? The tension radiating from you right now can’t be good for you.”
I smile, and this time it’s much more genuine. Her caring nature is impossible to resist. “Thanks, just knowing you care is enough.”
“Hey, do you mind…can I pray for you?” Her smile is tentative but her eyes stare straight into my soul.
“Wow, really? No one’s ever prayed for me before.”
She smiles and takes both my hands in hers. Her eyes close and her head bows.
“Um, here? You’re going to pray right here?”
Her eyes open again. “Sure. Do you mind?”
“Won’t everyone stare at us, and that will kind of defeat the purpose won’t it?”
Jemma smiles. “Trust me?”
Her words relax me. I do trust her, more than anyone. I make myself close my eyes and take a deep breath.
“Dear Lord, thank you for this beautiful day and the opportunity to explore this amazing city. Please help us to relax and know you are watching over us today. Help us to enjoy the day and know that your plans for us are good. Thank you for the amazing gifts that you’ve given to my friend, I ask that you will help him to realize what an amazing gift he has and help him not to be afraid to share that gift with the world. I’m thankful that you’ve brought this wonderful man into my life and that our friendship has
given us both a sense of peace and belonging. Amen.”
Opening my eyes, I see Jemma’s beautiful smile. Wow, I can’t believe she would actually pray for me. I’m not really sure what I believe about God, but knowing that she believes and would do this for me. It makes my heart lift. And somehow, I do feel more relaxed. It’s almost as if a weight I didn’t know I had been carrying has been lifted. I only hope the feeling will continue for the rest of the day.
Jemma
Wes hasn’t said much since we left the Empire State Building and took a cab to Battery Park. I leave him to his thoughts, hoping I haven’t overstepped by offering to pray for him. He just seems so lost sometimes. I’m not sure how I would have coped with what happened to me if I didn’t have my faith to guide me. If I hadn’t forgiven my ex for what he did to me, the hate would have crippled me by now. Not that I don’t still have those feelings sometimes, but it doesn’t overwhelm me anymore.
We find a place by the railing as the ferry heads out into the river. The breeze feels nice against my skin, and I turn my face to the sun feeling so blessed to be here right now. My composure is shattered as I feel Wes’s hand slip gently over mine as it hugs the railing.
“Thank you. I think you must be the most understanding and patient woman on the planet.” He takes his sunglasses off and the sun highlights the golden flecks in his brown eyes.
My cheeks heat, and I pull a few curls across my face. “Hardly that. But thank you all the same.”
Wes gently tucks the curls back behind one ear. “Please don’t try to hide yourself from me. You are beautiful. I love everything about you. The way your eyes shine with such sincerity, the way you care so much for Sophie and me, and your face is perfect. To me anyway, please never feel like it matters to me.”
My heart drums a frantic beat against the walls of my chest. How can he say things like that to me and not expect me to fall in love with him? And I can’t. We could never work together. Our lives are so different, our beliefs, our…everything. Oh God, what am I supposed to do? What do you want me to do now? I think I’m in love with this man. I never meant for it to happen but it has. I’ve never felt like this before, and I just don’t know what to do. Please help me to stop feeling like this. I need to be his friend. It’s what we both need.