Regency Romance: The Duke’s Ever Burning Passion (Fire and Smoke: CLEAN Historical Romance)

by Charlotte Stone

  “Oh?” she asked, as if she was not waiting with baited breath for him to elaborate. “Regarding what?”

  “Pity,” he told her.

  “I am sorry, but I do not understand your riddles and frankly the dance is almost over so if you have something to say to me, Shep…” She raised her eyes to his.

  He met her gaze head on, even as he swallowed deeply. “Speaking of pity, I fear that you may think I asked you a particular question out of pity.” It was not possible to speak of his proposal blatantly here because there were always ears listening in places like this. If one wanted a rumor spread, the ballrooms of London were the best places. Shep and Julia had already made such a mess of their relationship all on their own. He could not imagine if the London gossips sunk their teeth into it. They would have no hope.

  “I do think that,” she replied, finally arching her brow in the way he loved. “I think that because you told me as much.”

  The dance ended as expected, but it felt sudden to the both of them. They bowed toward one another before she accepted his arm to walk her back to her place.

  “I let you think that,” he said into her ear, his words full of feeling and passion, his lips brushing her temple. “It was…cowardly of me to speak of rescue and let you think I pitied you when I should have been speaking of love, when I should have asked you that question a very long time ago because…” She felt faint. This was not possibly happening. Hope filled her and it hurt because she had hoped so many times. “Because I love you and have always loved you.”

  Her throat was parched. She touched a hand to her neck. She squeezed her eyes shut. In a million years, she never expected this to be her reaction if he ever said those words to her. “I…I don’t know what to say.” She had always known what to say! What was wrong with her?

  He smiled, but there was some sadness in his eyes now. He had taken a chance, gambled his heart, and this was not the reaction he hoped for. Still, he was glad that he had told her the truth. She deserved that. And she was entitled to whatever reaction she gave. He could not expect her to put her heart on the line for the third time.

  “Well, I believe this is the first time you have ever been speechless in my presence. I feel quite honored.” But his grin did not match his eyes. He tried to sound as if he was teasing her like normal but he could not quite manage it. There was a strange lump in his throat. He had almost returned her to her brother. It was horrifying to realize how desperately sad he was to know that this may be the last time they would ever speak about any of this. It felt as if a door was closing and locking and it made him slow his steps even more. Just one more moment with her. Just one and that will be enough.

  “Shep,” she whispered, startling him from his despondent thoughts. Her throat was terribly dry, and she had to repeat herself. “Shep.”

  She felt as if she might swoon, which would be horribly embarrassing, as she had never been one of those delicate types. And she was afraid if she did not say this now, then she would never have the courage again. This might be their last chance. It had to be. It was now or never. She squeezed her eyes shut and tightened every muscle in her body as she tried to force the words out. Then she took a breath. She looked up at him, taking in his golden hair and green eyes, the lips she loved, the man she loved. She could do this. Even if it did not work out, it was worth the risk. For the first time, she truly believed it.

  “You spoke…of love.” It took every ounce of bravery she had to meet his eyes now. She felt completely stripped of every artifice and every mask she’d worn her whole life. In some ways, it was a relief, but also a bit scary. Just as he handed her off to Ben, she squeezed his hand. “If it is true…” She smiled timidly, which made Shep’s heart beat wildly. He had never seen her look quite this way before. She was always so fierce, so sure, so certain. “If what you said is true, you should ask me that question again.”

  She smiled to herself as she walked away, hope soaring inside of her. For the first time, hope did not feel painful. She did not look back. She did not need to look back to know what would happen next.

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  20

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  Give me an answer. And let it be yes. …

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  CHAPTER TWENTY

  The Happily Ever After

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  Julia had been sure she would not be able to sleep after her interaction with Shep at the ball. But she surprised even herself by falling asleep as soon as her head hit the feather pillow, sleeping so deeply that by the time she woke up, she actually felt refreshed for the first time in months. For a moment, she cuddled beneath the covers, holding the secret to herself. She felt giddy and young. The perpetual weight on her shoulders was gone. Could it be that this would end happily? She hoped so. She truly hoped so and that hope no longer scared her. It propelled her, so she jumped from bed and began her toilette.

  After dressing, she made her way downstairs and spotted Jane at the breakfast table. Jane raised her eyebrows hopefully, wondering if Shep had made his feelings clear the night before, but Julia did not give anything away. Part of that was because she was so unused to the feeling of happiness she did not yet know how to lower her guard.

  “Darling,” she murmured, so only the two of them could hear. “You have interfered.”

  Jane had the grace to look a little bashful. “And if it did not work then I am sorry,” she admitted. “But if it did…” A quick glance at Julia’s face showed that though things were far from finalized, at least there was hope. Jane grinned and shook her head. “Then I cannot be sorry at all! Oh, please tell me it worked!”

  Julia laughed. “Just remember this conversation if I ever intervene in your affairs now that you are growing up.”

  Jane thought of John and the last conversation they’d shared and how impossible their situation was. She had not told anyone, not even her sister, not even Julia. She did not think they would understand and now was certainly not the time. “I do not doubt it.” She made herself smile though she was a bit heartsick when she brought John’s countenance to mind.

  “What are you two discussing over there?” Ben asked when he looked up from his papers.

  Jane opened her mouth to share the exciting news, but Julia gently placed her silk slipper on top of the young girl’s foot. “Nothing, Ben.”

  “It does not look like nothing,” Ben remarked, quirking his head at his sister.

  “Just some business between sisters,” Julia replied, which made Jane giggle.

  Ben sighed. “Lord help me when it is your turn next year, Jane. I do not know if my heart will be able to take all the intrigue that comes with it.”

  “Oh, please,” Julia disputed. “As if I was not a shoulder for you to cry on as you tried to convince Cat to marry you. Men have their intrigues too. I should know. You have been my brother my whole life, have you not?”

  Ben grinned, one dimple showing. “I do not know to what you are referring. My behavior was always reserved.”

  Jane giggled. “I do not know if that is the word I would use to describe it.”

  “Me neither,” Julia retorted dryly as Cat entered the room with George.

  “We should not tease him though,” Jane said kindly. “John says…” She broke off her sentence before she completed it.

  “Oh? John says?” Ben asked while both Julia and Cat looked at one another, shocked that Jane would speak of the young man in front of the family. Jane was extremely open, but by focusing on others, she rarely spoke of her own feelings. In that way, she had always understood Julia, though they handled their emotions much differently.

  Jane blushed bright red. “Nothing. It is nothing.”

  “Jane…” Cat began softly and regretfully. She did not want to have to remind her sister of why her friendship with John could not continue.

  “I know,” Jane said quietly and a bit
tersely for her usually sunny demeanor. “I know, Cat. And it doesn’t matter anyway because he is leaving so you do not have to worry about our friendship being inappropriate because I shall probably never see him again.”

  “Jane,” Cat murmured, coming to stand by her sister as Julia touched the girl’s hand. “You do not know what I was going to say.”

  Jane cleared her throat and straightened her back. Her blush began to fade. “I do, though. You have said it before. And I agree. I am only explaining that it hardly matters because by the time we are back at Pritchford Place, he will be gone, so if you have been worried…”

  “We have not been worried,” Julia interrupted. Her statement was true. Cat and Julia had never had a conversation about the relationship between John and Jane, but Julia had been concerned at times and she was sure Cat had been as well.

  “I do not wish to speak of it any longer,” Jane admitted. “I am glad you know he will be leaving so the subject can be closed. I will not bring him up again.”

  Just as Julia thought that those were the final words of a girl on the brink of falling in love, the butler announced that the Duke of Sermont had come to visit, asking Ben if the house was accepting visitors.

  At once, Ben said, “Of course. It is Shep. He is always welcome where we are.” Then he looked at Julia, realizing he may have made an error. Julia had not shared with Cat or her brother what had taken place during her dance with Shep. It felt too sacred to speak of, almost like a dream.

  “Well, please do not throw him out on my account,” Julia said with a great deal of dignity as she dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. “I have always been able to handle myself around Shep.”

  “Actually…” The butler cleared his throat. “His Grace has asked to speak with Lady Julia, Your Lordship.”

  Benjamin looked at her sister, his brows drawn together, as if he was trying to figure out a puzzle. “What is going on here, Jules?”

  “How should I know?” Julia snapped out of nervousness. “He is the one who showed up here before we even finished breakfast!”

  “Please show the duke into the drawing room and let him know that either Lady Julia or I will be able to see him in a moment,” Ben told the butler as he stared at his sister. Once the man had been dispatched to do his duty, Ben stood and looked at his sister. “What’s going on here?”

  “How should I know?” she repeated.

  “I think you do know,” Ben accused her, but there was no heat behind his words. Honestly, all he wanted was his sister to be happy and if that meant that she and Shep had come to some understanding or could come to some understanding then all the better. “Would you care to fill me in?”

  Julia grinned. “No.”

  “My goodness, you are difficult,” Ben huffed, but again he thought he could see a gleam of happiness in his sister’s eye that warmed his heart. “I suppose you should go and see him then. Is there any reason why I should not trust my oldest friend and my sister to be alone with one another?”

  Julia stood and came around the table to lean up and press a kiss to Ben’s cheek. It was so rare that she showed any affection, let alone this, the room went quiet. “There are probably lots of reasons, but I promise you I will be on my best behavior.” She paused to look him in the eyes. “I’ll be fine, Ben.” She smoothed her skirts and began to walk to the drawing room.

  “Good luck!” Jane called.

  “Tell me everything you know,” Cat told her sister as soon as Julia turned the corner. “Is this a good thing or a bad thing?”

  As Julia walked closer and closer to the doors of the drawing room, her footsteps became slower and slower. It was scary to know that this would either be the very end of anything they may have had or the beginning of something beyond her wildest dreams. The stakes were incredibly high, but Julia had always been a woman who could handle pressure without showing the strain at all.

  And if it was the beginning, then what happened next? She had always dreamed about what the next few minutes would feel like, but what would happen after? None of the books ever talked about what happened after the happily ever after.

  When Julia entered the drawing room, Shep turned toward her slightly, framed in the sunlight. She wanted to go to him but as clear as they both had been last night, things had to be completely set in stone and they were far from that. “Jules,” he murmured, walking to her. He ran his hands up her arms, feeling the bones in her wrists, her elbows, and then running back to caress her hands before he held them in his. “I could not sleep. I had to come right away.”

  She laughed and it was the most joyful laugh she could ever remember. “I slept wonderfully for the first time in months.”

  One of his palms touched her cheek. “You look so happy, so beautiful.” He paused. “I mean to say… You have always been the most beautiful woman I have ever known but today… You look happy in a way I have never seen before.”

  She squeezed his hand and stepped closer to him. “Because I am happy. Last night, you told me you loved me. I am the happiest of women.”

  He smiled wryly. “Last night feels like a dream.” He touched her nose, her hair, her lips. “It was real though, was it not?”

  “It was real,” she whispered, covering the palm that touched her cheek with her hand. “See?” She took another step nearer to him and leaned up on her tiptoes. Never before had she initiated a kiss between them, although she had been a willing participant. But this time, when she leaned up, a soft nervous breath tickled his lips before she pressed her lips to his. His hands framed her face as her arms slipped around his waist. She pulled back just the tiniest bit to murmur, “I love you.” She kissed him again.

  His hands moved to her neck and then her shoulders. The kiss deepened as she opened her mouth against his in the sunlit room. She trembled against him, and he pulled away this time. “Say it again.”

  Her eyes twinkled up at him. “You say it again first.”

  He pressed his mouth to her neck, his whole body curving around hers, before he took a giant sigh of relief. “I love you.” He kissed her neck a second time. “I love you.” He kissed her neck a third time.

  “And I love you.” She giggled against his chest. “Now, you see. I do not see why that was so difficult for us all these years.”

  He had so rarely heard her giggle in all the time he had known her, but now he was certain he would spend a lifetime listening to it. “Probably because I made such a fool of myself.”

  She smiled gently at him, curling his hair at the back of his neck around her fingers. “You were not alone in being foolish.”

  Earnestly, he squeezed both of her hands in his. “Will you forgive me for what I did all those years ago? Can you? And for what I said in the garden that night and how I bungled everything?”

  She did not raise an eyebrow. There was no need. Instead, she smiled fully, her dark eyes dreamy and loving. “I already have.” Grasping her hands, he brought them to his lips and kissed them, pressing his face to them. “It was not a matter of forgiving you, Shep. I just could not let you see that I was hurt.”

  “I do not want you to hurt anymore,” he whispered against her palms. “And if you are hurt, for any reason, I want to be the one you share that with. I want to be the person you turn to, not the person who is doing the hurting. I want to be that person for you, the one who is there for you, the one who loves you. I do not want you to feel alone anymore.”

  She teared up as he recognized how she had felt for so many years. He understood. He finally understood the innermost part of her. She touched his cheek with her hand. “Then you must not feel alone either. I know…I know I have been hard on you but I would…if we would be together…I would like to be a soft place for you to find comfort.”

  He touched her hair lovingly. “You already are. It has just taken me much too long to realize it. Can you put me out of this misery and marry me?”

  She grinned at him, arching a teasing brow. “You have not asked me yet. Not off
icially. Not to be your wife.” To even say the word wife to him felt like such a thrill. It made her want a short engagement, because she could not imagine how incredible it would feel to actually be his wife. When he tightened his arms around her, she giggled again. “You must actually ask me. You must do it properly.”

  “Then if I should do it properly, shall I go and find Ben and speak to him first before we speak on the subject?” This time he raised his brow at her. He did not have the same skill in that secret art she had, but it only made her love him more.

  “No,” she replied quickly. “We will tell him after. After you ask me.”

  “And after you accept me?” He realized they would always tease one another but that it would not be painful. Instead it could be great fun.

  She pressed her cheek to his so she could whisper in his ear, “Ask me, Shep. I have been dreaming of this moment for more years than I care to admit. So ask me.”

  He caressed her waist. He loved her so much. “I know you want children…” She went still in his arms. This was a twist in the happily ever after she had not seen coming but she should have. She should have been more sensitive to the tragedy he had endured.

  “Shep,” she murmured, laying her head on his chest, feeling horribly for everything he had lost in his life.

  He took a deep breath. “I know you want…children, a family,” he repeated. She held her breath and told herself that marrying Shep would be enough, even if he refused her this. Although there was nothing she wanted more than to hold his golden-haired babies in her arms. “I want that too,” he whispered with great difficulty. “I do.” She could feel his heart beat more quickly. “But I am scared. I could not bear to lose you. If something happened to you…” He swallowed and pulled her closer. “I do not think I would survive it, Julia. So, if you can be patient with me…”