Then you’re halfway there.
Next you make them think that what you want is what they want, and that it was their idea in the first place.
Appeal to their nobler motives. And when all else fails, smile.
That placid smile of Charming Corina’s works in almost every situation. So I decide to play this by the book. Seth is so upset right now that he’ll be easy to work with. “Seth,” I whisper, lying down on the bed next him. “It’s a big deal, you coming here. I bet that wasn’t easy.”
“No, it wasn’t.” Seth rolls over to look at me, so that we’re nose to nose. “But it was worth it.”
“Just to see me? But you’re so busy. I bet you have a million things to do for Veritas Rex. I didn’t understand how famous it was until Cal told me.”
“My dad talked about me?”
“A little bit. I know he’s proud of you.” I run my hand down Seth’s arm, and we link fingertips. “So what was it like growing up in McNeal Manor?”
“Ordinary,” Seth answers.
Like I’m supposed to understand what “ordinary” means. But it’s a good opportunity to keep Seth talking.
“From those pictures it seems like you had the perfect family,” I say.
“Until he ruined it.”
“But you’re better than that,” I whisper. “You’re a man who moves on, who fights for the truth.” I lean in for a kiss.
I never thought I’d be this involved with a Virus. Seth slides his hand down my back and pulls me snugly against his body. I let him, because that might be what it takes to hook him.
But first I need to get Seth talking. He needs to remember the good things about Cal and start thinking about making things right, all on his own.
I put some space between us by tracing one of his tattoos. “What’s this one for?” I touch a Celtic knot.
“Family trip to Scotland when I was fifteen.” Seth breathes hard. “I snuck out when my parents were at a pub. Boy, did my mom roar when I came back after midnight. You should have heard her.” Seth smiles a bit, but then the happiness fades from his expression. “That was our last big trip together before her diagnosis.”
I slide my gaze down his chest. Another tattoo peeks out from under Seth’s shirt.
“What’s this one?” I point to something that looks Egyptian. “Is that … is that an aardvark?” I’ll never understand tattoos, ever. Blank skin makes me feel safe from bad decisions. Why would Seth want to spend the next eighty years with an aardvark?
But Seth’s not embarrassed at all. He pulls his shirt off so I can see it better—or maybe to see him better. And I have to admit, Seth has a fine physique to display. “That’s the Egyptian god Seth. He’s always shown with the head of an animal.”
“So you think you’re a god, do you?” I say, teasing. I rub my hands across a wall of pectoral muscles and ignore the fluttering in my stomach.
“What do you think?”
My hands freeze. “I think you took a totally perfect body and ruined it with tattoos,” I answer truthfully.
“Everyone gets tattoos, Blanca. Blank skin is really alternative.”
“That’s not true!” I say. “Your dad doesn’t have any.”
Seth hoots. “Whoa! Well that answers that question once and for all.”
“What are you talking about?”
“My dad does too have a tattoo. But it’s not someplace people can normally see. It’s practically the only part of him that wasn’t visible in that video.”
I feel my cheeks burn. Cal’s surreptitious tattoo is not something I want to know about.
“Don’t you want to know what it is?”
“No,” I say. “I’d rather not.” Of course, as soon as I say that I immediately begin wondering. It’s like something you wish you could un-know.
“My mom had the same one.” Seth nibbles behind my ears, trying to pique my interest. When I lay my head on his chest and don’t respond, he kisses my hair. “What do Vestals have against tattoos anyway?”
“They’re inauthentic,” I say. “They get in the way of who you really are. When people see you, they don’t see you anymore. All they see are your tattoos.”
“But my tattoos are exactly who I am. Every last one!”
“Truly?” I lift my head. “There aren’t any you regret? Not even this one?” I tap an elaborate angel, right next to a sun, on his inside biceps.
“I got that one when my mom died,” Seth murmurs. He wants me to feel pity, I know it. But I’m tougher than that.
“What about this one?” I point to a scribble on his abdomen. “Who’s Tiffany?”
“First girl I ever, you know … ” Seth grins. He rubs his hand down the pristine skin of my arm.
I smile like I think it’s funny. “I hope you’re not expecting to tattoo my name on your butt any time soon.”
“Maybe not today, but the future is ripe with possibility.” Seth leaves the unspoken question hanging in the air. What exactly are we doing here on this bed? Seth with his shirt off. Me willing to please. He slides his hands up my leg, and then rolls me over, crushing me with his weight. “Should I stop?”
“Whatever it takes,” Cal told me. “Hook him. Keep Seth coming back for more.”
So I say it, because I have to say it. Because I’ve gone Geisha.
“No. I want you to keep going.”
And the sick thing is part of me does want him to keep going. The part of me that’s one human being attracted to another, higher morals be damned. The part of me I could never let the Vestals see in a million years.
Seth stares into my eyes with his crazily tattooed face. He knows I’m telling the truth, but he doesn’t know all of it.
“Blanca,” Seth whispers hoarsely. “Blanca, I—”
But I don’t get to hear what he was planning on saying next. Right then his fingers twitch. I can feel them on my thigh. They vibrate so hard it hurts.
“Sorry, but I need a minute,” Seth says. “An important message came through. I’ll be right back.”
I watch him head through the door to the bathroom, hungry for tech.
That fluttering feeling evaporates like steam. There’s something twisted about a guy who would leave me lying here in bed to go look at stuff online.
My white silk catsuit fits like a glove. I climb out of bed and slip on my boots. I bend over and shake out my brown hair. Then I run my fingers along my scalp to lift the roots.
Seth is still in the bathroom, and I knock gently on the door. “Are you decent?”
“Sure thing,” he answers.
I swing the door open and find Seth sitting on the edge of the bathtub. The lion-headed snake hovers on the visual, floating right in front of the toilet. Seth types away at the air, a blur of fingers.
“What are you doing?” I ask, leaning against the sink.
“Nothing about you. Don’t worry. Although, man, every other tabloid out there is talking about you. Whoever sold that picture from last night made a whole lot of money.”
“We’re like pandas,” I explain.
“What?”
“Vestals are like pandas. That’s what the teachers at Tabula Rasa used to say. Vestals are like pandas, movie stars, and Amish people all rolled into one. We’re so rare that everyone wants to take our picture. That’s why we have to be so careful.”
“Pandas, huh?” Seth says. “I guess you are kind of cute. But I don’t think that’s why they took your picture last night.”
“Why, then?” My heart pounds hard. Did Seth find out about Alan?
“There’s a bounty on your head,” Seth answers. “The other Viruses are totally pissed that I scooped them with that first shot. They’re desperate to get some more.”
A flicker of fright crosses over me before I can fight it. I pull my face to neutral but not before Seth sees the fear.
“Don’t worry, Blanca. You’re safe here.” Seth reaches for me, and I sit
down next to him on the bathtub. “My dad may be a huge jackass, but I’m pretty sure you’re safe at McNeal Manor.”
I rest my head on Seth’s shoulder. “So why are you here in the bathroom?”
“I had to do some updates on Veritas Rex.”
“About what?”
“Some tips about other things came in while we were … ” Seth raises his eyebrows at me. “I’m blogging them in.”
But I’m already pulling away. “You couldn’t go one hour.” I’m unable to keep the edge from my voice. “Not one.”
“I could! Give me a sec, and I’ll be right back.”
“No!” I stand, and my heels slam the tile floor. “You couldn’t spend one morning with me without sneaking off to the Internet. I don’t know what I was thinking. A Virus like you could never understand what’s important to me. I can’t believe I’ve been falling for a tech-addict! This was definitely a mistake.”
I’m gone before Seth pulls down his screen.
A mistake is right. Seth is every bit as selfish and disloyal as my textbooks said. A Vestal like me could never fall for a Virus like him. Hopefully I’ve captured Seth’s interest enough that I can keep my promise to Cal. But right now I could use some air to cool down my tingling nervous system.
The trouble with being somebody who doesn’t go anywhere is that when I do try to leave, I have no idea where I’m going. I’m not familiar with this wing of the manor, and I can’t remember how to get out. All the potted houseplants look the same to me. One tapestry on the wall blends into the next. The red carpet is thick and unending. I run into dead ends with doors that I don’t want to open.
Finally I find a small staircase. It goes up, but I follow it anyway. I hear footsteps behind me, but I keep climbing.
It’s strange because I must have come to the only part of the mansion that’s not scrupulously clean and heated. The staircase is claustrophobic. The coldness grows stronger with each step. When I get to the landing, there’s a wooden door, cracked open.
This must be the attic Cal told me about a while ago. The one they had to dig around to find his chip-watch. It’s almost as big as the whole wing below me. There’s old furniture everywhere, covered with white cloths, and a bunch of boarded-up crates. Filtered light shines through the windows.
It’s like walking through the buried memories of the house.
Under one sheet, I see a cello case; underneath another is the outline of a harp. There’s an old dresser by a window with a rocking chair next to it. It’s the perfect place to sit and gain some clarity. So I sit down to rest. I rock back and forth until I can no longer feel Seth. Until the memory of what almost happened is gone.
All this would be easier if Seth were ugly. If my body didn’t betray me every time we touched.
I know better than to let Seth get under my skin even for one minute. I have a job to do. That’s all. And I definitely don’t care about anything. If Seth wants to be a tech addict, then fine. That’s not my problem. It’s not like I’m choosing any of this.
I concentrate hard on letting my mind go blank. I stare out the window, at the unfamiliar outside. I’ve never seen as much of the estate as I do now. The view from my cloister is the walled-in courtyard. But the grounds I see from the attic are green and flowering. There are orange trees and benches. Winding paths circle around the gardens. I also see the security cameras, which I know are still on.
In the far, far distance, I can barely see the billboards marking the entry to Silicon Valley. Somewhere out there my friends smile down at me, showing me what normal Vestals look like. Fatima … Beau … Ethan … Do they ever think of me?
Here, I am alone with my mission. I don’t have anyone who understands what it’s like to be me. I don’t have anybody to witness my moments or experience them with me. Without the Brethren, I’m in solitary confinement.
“Sophia?” I hear somebody say from way behind.
I turn my head and look. Cal is standing next to the cello, and his face blanches like he’s seen a ghost.
“Oh, forgive me, Blanca. I thought, I thought I—” But Cal can’t finish his sentence. He sits down on a couch partially covered in a sheet and puts his head in his hands.
I go over and sit a few inches away.
“It never gets better,” Cal mumbles. “It gets easier to deal with, but it never gets better.”
“I’m sorry.” I’m unsure if my words help. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a family member.
“I’m not the same person without Sophia. I’m different. I’m diminished,” Cal whispers.
I nod like I understand what Cal means, though I don’t.
Cal lifts his head. “Part of my life is going on fine, like nothing ever happened. And that makes me feel horrible! But the other parts of my life are total chaos. Like with Seth. And I haven’t known what to do. I haven’t known how to fix things.”
“You’re not alone anymore,” I say. “You’ve got me. I’m on your side.”
“Nobody’s been on my side for so long. To hear you say that means everything.” Cal takes out his handkerchief and blows his nose. “See that box up there in the corner?” He points to something gray and flashing up high. “That was one of the first power boxes McNeal Solar ever manufactured for home use. It’s what launched our brand. Sometimes I come up here to see it working perfectly after all these years. It’s the only thing I have left that’s perfect.”
The technology is suspicious, but I pretend to be impressed. “It’s like a trophy almost. A reminder of success.”
“Precisely. One little box powering a whole mansion. One powerful idea taking me from college graduate to self-made man.” Sadness falls across Cal’s face like a shadow. “But I got it wrong for so long. That box didn’t make me important. It was the people in my life that mattered. Only I didn’t see it until it was too late.”
“Sophia and Seth,” I offer.
“Yes, and I was a horrible father.”
“What do you mean? This is a beautiful house. You gave them a wonderful life.”
Cal shakes his head. “I was hardly ever there. I missed out on everything.”
“You must have been there, Cal. At least some of the time.”
“Some of the time, yes. But I was always in a rush. I never stopped to recognize that everything I wanted was right in front of me. My family.”
When he says that last part, it hurts me for some reason. I’ve never had a family, and I never will. And I have to be okay with that.
“What happens after I get Seth back for you?” I ask. “What then?”
“What do you mean?”
I say it bravely. A statement of fact. “I know you don’t want to adopt a daughter.”
Cal’s mouth opens but then closes again, like he’s struggling to find the words. “No, I don’t. Sophia always wanted a daughter, but I never thought about it.”
That’s what I suspected. The hurt continues.
“The irony!” Cal laughs. “Sophia always wanted a daughter, and now here you are, five years too late.”
Cal thinks it’s funny, so I fake chuckle with him.
But deep down and hidden, I ache. I’ve always wanted a mother. I bet Sophia would have been a good one.
Chapter Six
The flowers come the next day, a big bouquet of white roses. They’re soft and yielding, like the inside of my elbow, the small of my back, and my creamy white skin that could have sold soap. If I had been normal.
“It appears you’ve got him,” Cal says to me after breakfast, when he comes up to my cloister to survey the blooms.
“Yes.” I crack the window because the fragrance is overpowering. “How much time do I have?”
“Seth just passed the front gate.” Cal leans down to smell a rose. “Beautiful. I can’t believe this is working.”
“You can’t?” I furrow my eyebrows. “But I told you I’d make him come back.”
“I know
. It’s not that I don’t have faith in you. But I’ve waited so long to see him … I’d almost given up hope. I’ll explain to Seth tonight. Okay?”
I nod.
“Whatever it takes, Blanca. Only please, get Seth to show up for dinner.”
“Yes, Cal. Of course.”
“Good.”
Cal’s gone by the time Seth knocks on my door. I don’t open it on purpose.
“I’m an ass,” Seth calls through the metal. “Can you forgive me?” When I don’t respond, he tries again. “I’ll give you my full attention today. I promise!” His voice is muffled by the lead-lined door.
I wait a full fifteen seconds. Then I slide the deadbolt, pull open the door, and find Seth holding yet another bouquet of white roses.
“No tech?” I take the flowers. “No Veritas Rex? No blogging? No texting? Just me?”
Seth nods. “Cross my heart. I promise.” His dark eyes implore me to believe him. Nobody has ever looked at me with such longing. Something inside me zings back in response.
“Blanca,” Seth says when I don’t move an inch. “I know we just met, and … I mean … I thought this would only be a hookup or whatever. But the more I get to know you, the more I really like you. You understand what this place means.” At this, Seth waves his arms around, indicating all McNeal Manor. “I haven’t talked about my mom—or my dad—in forever.”
I tilt my chin down and gaze up at him, like Ms. Corina taught me.
“Do you feel anything for me?” Seth asks. “Do you want to spend more time together, get to know one another?”
And I don’t. A Vestal could never want a Virus. That’s ridiculous.
I wasn’t raised to allow lust to affect my decision-making either. It doesn’t matter that Seth is swoon-worthy or that my breath catches when he’s near me. It doesn’t matter that something inside me wants to fix him. Get Seth help for his tech-addiction and show him a better way to live. Like he was my own personal reform project. He’s an ass!
I have to focus. I have to finish this. I have to forget whatever stupid thing I might do or feel if I’m not careful.
I need him to stay for dinner. To complete my mission.
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