Undaunted: Knights in Black Leather

by Ronnie Douglas

  I wanted to ask more, but she’d looked away to stare at the track. I felt like a fool, trying to figure out this whole dating thing. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to date Noah or not. I liked it well enough when he flirted with me, but I couldn’t help looking toward the track in search of another biker—one who was off-limits.

  The races started, and everyone seemed to want to make sure I was having fun. I tried to follow their explanations, but honestly, a lot of it just looked like people driving in circles really fast. I knew there was more to it than that because they would point out when a driver was going to do something before it happened sometimes. It was fun cheering and yelling.

  Ellen was at ease here in the way that comes of knowing people one’s whole life—as long as she didn’t talk to Noah. Whatever their drama was, it meant that her expression grew icy when she so much as glanced at him. Aside from him, she was completely at ease. Apparently, most of the Wolves knew her and her mom, Bitty, who was the widow of one of the Wolves.

  Then the motorcycle race started, and my attention was on the track again.

  Ellen had moved a few steps up the bleachers and was talking to an older biker with a snow-white beard and a shaved head, and Noah moved closer to me. We were almost knee to knee, not quite touching.

  “This isn’t a date,” I told him quietly. “Friends I can do, but no dating.”

  “Because of him?”

  Noah didn’t say Zion’s name, but he didn’t have to. We both knew whom he meant. After a longer pause than I should’ve needed, I said, “No. I just don’t date. I told you that already.”

  “Me either.” Noah turned his attention back to the race.

  We watched the bikes zip around the track, and I tried not to gasp as several of the riders leaned almost horizontal.

  “They know what they’re doing,” Noah said.

  On the track in front of us, the motorcycles whined as they zipped around. Zion was easy to spot. He was the only one on the track wearing the Wolves’ insignia. We both watched him.

  “He’s good, right?”

  “Yeah.” Noah reached out and twined his fingers with mine. “He’s also a lifer with the club, Aubrey. If you want to take a turn playing with danger, I’ll volunteer. I have a job, and I’m working on a degree. Killer is . . . not housebroken. You need to let it go.”

  I glanced at our hands. “Is that why you asked me out? To distract me from him?”

  “No. I like you, and you looked like you could use a night out.” He looked down at the track for a moment before adding, “If I didn’t like you, I’d tell you to give him a shot.”

  I thought about it. There was a strange truthfulness to his words, but it wasn’t enough of an answer. “So . . . what do you want? You say you like me. What’s the goal here?”

  “Straight up?”

  I nodded.

  Noah lifted my hand, turned it over, and kissed my palm. “Since you don’t date either, I’m hoping we can be friends with more. That wouldn’t technically be breaking your no-dating rule.”

  I froze. Friends with benefits. That’s what Noah was offering. I’d known people who had that sort of arrangement. It was more or less how I explained my one experience with sex. Could I do that? Did I want to do that with him?

  Since being in Williamsville, I’d been having the kind of thoughts and urges that I hadn’t had in years. I caught myself imagining kissing and touching Zion. I’d dreamed about him. He was forbidden, but Noah wasn’t off-limits for a fling. He was gorgeous too, and he was okay with my refusal to date. Maybe being with Noah would help me get my focus back, work through the lust I had, but safely.

  I kept my voice low as I asked, “And there’d be no strings? Just friends?”

  “Exactly.”

  “And no one would know”—my gaze darted to the track, to Zion, and then back to Noah—“what we did?”

  “If that’s the way you want it,” Noah said. “I’ve had a friend with no strings before. I can keep a secret, Aubrey.”

  “I just can’t . . . I don’t want to hurt him or . . .” I didn’t even have words for what I meant.

  Noah squeezed my hand. “Understood.”

  I nodded, and we watched the race in silence. I didn’t object to Noah’s hand in mine, but I didn’t move closer either. Was I really considering this? I felt guilty even thinking it. I stared at the motorcycles zipping around the track.

  When the race ended, Zion had come in second. Now that he was done, I didn’t feel like staying around in the bleachers waiting for him to come over and see me with Noah. I stood and motioned to Ellen.

  “I’ll let you know what I decide,” I told Noah mildly, and then I called to Ellen, “Let’s walk a bit.”

  Noah stood too. “I’ll head down to see Killer while you’re with Ellie.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  Noah squeezed my hand again and then he let me go.

  Chapter 17

  BEFORE WE GOT very far from the stands where we’d been sitting, Zion was in front of me. I wasn’t sure how he’d managed to get there so fast, but he was headed my way. I was torn between excitement and fear as he walked toward me. He’d already yanked his helmet off. It dangled from his hand, looking foreign in comparison to the small helmets I’d started to think of as “normal.” This was a full-face helmet. With it on, I couldn’t have identified him . . . well, aside from the club insignia on his leathers.

  “Regulation at the track,” he said, answering the question before I even asked about the markedly different helmet. “They worry about us spilling our brains and ruining the race.”

  Suddenly, Noah’s voice interrupted all the words I wanted to say. “Great race,” he started. He’d obviously seen Zion and come to intercept him.

  Standing there beside Noah while Zion watched me like I was a gazelle he’d like to stalk and carry off was enough to make me want to whimper. I wanted to ask where he’d been, to tell him I was sorry for upsetting him, to beg him to at least be my friend since we couldn’t be anything else. I wanted to ask him to take me home. I wanted to explain again that it wasn’t that I didn’t feel all the things he seemed to feel. I wanted to make him understand. It felt like a million things clashed in my mind, but all I could say was “Hi.”

  Ellen saved me from madness then. In a deft move, she stepped in front of me, blocking me from Zion’s gaze. “Come on,” she urged. “I want you to meet some people.”

  “Red and I have some things to discuss,” Zion said in a tone that left no room for argument.

  But Ellen was a force to reckon with too. She acted as if the tension weren’t there and said, “Sorry, Killer. Aubrey is with me tonight.” She flashed a bright smile at both men and led me away.

  We weren’t but yards away when she looked at me and said, “Dash looked ready to throw down with Killer.”

  “He just doesn’t want me to get mixed up with Zion,” I told Ellen. I left off the fact that I already had, and I was trying to stop it from going any further. I debated telling her what Noah had suggested, but I wasn’t sure what she’d think—and I wasn’t sure I could do it.

  “Because they both want you for themselves.”

  “Maybe,” I started.

  Ellen gave me an incredulous look, but said nothing.

  “Okay, yes, I know Noah wants me. That doesn’t mean he wants to date me—or that I want to date him. And it doesn’t matter if Zion does. He’s . . .” My words faded. I didn’t want to talk about what he did. “Zion’s a Wolf. I need the job at the bar, and I don’t need a criminal.”

  “And Dash?”

  “I don’t know, Ellen. It doesn’t matter, though. Like I keep telling everyone: I’m not staying here, not forever.”

  “Since when did dating mean forever?” Ellen nudged me with her elbow. “This is not the 1940s or ’50s, despite your current gorgeous hairstyle.”

  I laughed. It was either that or cry. She was right. I’d as much as said to Noah that what I was consid
ering was a far more . . . modern relationship. No strings. No romance. Friends who might get naked. It was practical. I could do practical, right?

  Despite myself, I glanced back at the boys. Some of the other Wolves had joined them. Noah was talking with one of them, but Zion was watching me. I wished I could do casual with him, but I couldn’t. Whatever it was I felt when he looked at me, it wasn’t casual.

  I snapped my head back around and asked Ellen, “So, who are we meeting?”

  “Stick with Dash,” Ellen said quietly. “I see the sparks between you and Killer, but he’s not the sort to be okay with someone else calling the shots. If you gave him a chance and then told him you were leaving in a few months, he’d find a way to make you stay. He doesn’t do relationships any more than Dash does, but when either of them fall for real, they’ll be harder to dislodge than ticks on a black dog.”

  “Maybe I don’t want a relationship either,” I said.

  “You do, but not with someone who will break your heart. Trust me on this.”

  “You and . . . Zion?”

  “No!” Ellen shuddered. “We went out once, but he’s not the guy for me. There was someone else I . . . cared about, but it was a mistake. I thought we wanted the same thing, but I realized I wanted more so I broke it off.”

  “Who?”

  “Never mind,” she said firmly. “The point, my dear, is that Dash could be what you need. Casual. You’re not going to fall for him like you are for Killer. Anyone can see that you only have eyes for Killer. Take it from me. The best way to get him out of your mind is to find someone else.”

  I opened my mouth to protest, but no words came. Her theory seemed wrong to me, but I couldn’t argue from any personal experience. The best I had was “Did it work for you?”

  Ellen flashed me a smile that was more wicked than usual. “I haven’t fallen back into his arms since then. Trust Dr. Ellen. What you need is a distraction from Killer.”

  Noah did seem willing to settle for no strings. Maybe that was all the answer I needed: I could enjoy being Noah’s friend with a side benefit of finding out if my initial impression of sex was mistaken. But I felt like I was being disloyal to Zion to even consider kissing anyone but him.

  Ellen stopped beside a group of people, and I tried to push all my thoughts away. Being here was supposed to relax me. That was the point of coming out tonight.

  “Aubrey,” Ellen said, and then started nodding at people and saying names.

  I caught Toby, Cheyenne, and possibly a LeeAnn. They all seemed friendly enough, and I happily let Ellen steer the conversation. There was something comfortable about being on the periphery of a group. It was where I’d always lived, not the social butterfly or the one leading the group in plans, just a girl quietly at the edge of the conversation. Ellen, obviously, was exceedingly assertive. She was the type of girl I always ended up friends with: someone who led, decided, acted.

  We weren’t with Toby and the rest of Ellen’s friends for more than ten minutes before the surprisingly easy conversation stalled. Toby was talking about going mud bogging and asked, “Do you want to come?”

  “Me?” I clarified.

  “Yeah, you.”

  Mud bogging, which as far as I could tell was driving a truck into swampy areas and over bumps, wasn’t my thing. I was about to politely decline. Thoughts of the awkwardness of my night out with Quincy put me even more off of things that might be dates. Before I could answer, Toby and the other guys with him tensed. The two guys with girlfriends both reached for their partners.

  “Or not,” Ellen said quietly.

  “Aubrey? Ellen? Are you ready to head out?” Noah was at my side then.

  I glanced at him, and saw Zion there too. He smiled at me before saying, “Tony. Ken. Ladies.”

  “Toby,” the one girl corrected.

  “Right, Toby.” Zion smiled in that mocking way of his. “I’m not as good with guys’ names as with women’s.”

  One of the girls looked down, and I knew she was on the long list of panty-droppers. Obviously, so did everyone else. They all excused themselves and in a matter of minutes, I was once again standing with the two guys and Ellen.

  I couldn’t exactly chastise them for being intimidating. Considering how angry Zion seemed tonight, his behavior was downright proper. Neither of the boys had been rude per se. Okay, maybe Zion had been a little derisive, but he hadn’t done more than pretend to not know one of their names and imply that he slept with a lot of girls. That wasn’t reason for them all to leave. They had, though.

  “Nice of you to bring a date for my cousin, Red,” Zion murmured, pulling me to him in a hug. “We need to talk.”

  The feel of his arms around me made me want to forget every warning. For a moment, I leaned into his embrace, but then reluctantly I stepped back. “I can’t.”

  Noah looked between us. “Don’t do this, man. Aubrey and I are here as friends. I told you that.”

  “Friends?” Zion scoffed. “Don’t lie to me, cuz. I’ve seen how you look at her.”

  The boys exchanged some sort of silent conversation that I didn’t understand, and the moment passed.

  “Red?”

  I shook my head again. “I’m . . .”

  “I can take you home,” Noah offered.

  Zion’s hands fisted. “You rode here with him?”

  “No,” I said. “I came here with Ellen.”

  Zion’s darkened expression faded as quickly as it had come. “You need a ride home?”

  “Not from you,” I said

  Zion met my gaze and, in a terse voice, said, “I see.”

  He grabbed for my hand, but I jerked out of reach. “Don’t. Please, don’t do this.”

  “Fine.” He drained his beer. “Go with Ellen then.”

  “No,” I said softly. “Noah is my friend, just like you are.”

  “Is that what we are?” he challenged. “Friends don’t back away all skittish like you are, Red.”

  “Fine.” I stepped closer and hugged him briefly.

  When I tried to pull away, he said, “Not so fast. Don’t give up on me yet. Please?”

  “I can’t—”

  “Just tell me you missed me,” Zion insisted, holding on to my hips. “I missed you. I was away until last night. I know what it looked like, but I had work. It was shit timing, but I had to go.”

  “To work for Echo?” I prompted, pulling away finally. “I can’t . . . We . . . It’s not going to happen, not with what you do. I just can’t.”

  “So that’s it?”

  “Friends,” I said in a shaking voice. “That’s all I can do.”

  Zion turned to Ellen. “I’ll walk you to your car, Ellie.”

  “I can take you home, Aubrey,” Ellen offered.

  “No.” Maybe it was foolish, but I needed to prove to myself that I didn’t need Zion’s permission to talk to another guy. I needed to prove to myself that I could let him go despite how miserable I’d been all week. It didn’t matter that he’d been out of town. What mattered was that there was a better than good chance that whatever he’d been doing was illegal.

  I felt Noah’s arm come around me after Zion and Ellen turned and walked away.

  Noah didn’t say anything, though, until they were well gone. Then he said, “I’ve never seen him like this. He’s not sure how to cope with whatever you two had going on and—”

  “Wait,” I interrupted. “Did you proposition me to protect him? I understand if you did. It’s not nice, but . . .”

  A flash of anger filled Noah’s eyes, but his voice was level when he pointed out, “In case you weren’t listening earlier, I already told you: I like you. It has nothing to do with protecting Killer or competing with him.”

  “Okay. I just . . .” I sighed. “Never mind. I don’t even know anymore. This is why I don’t date, you know? I’m no good at any of this stuff.”

  “You’re fine,” Noah said. “I’m not sure anyone would deal well with my cousin.”
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  The urge to defend Zion warred with my common sense. I bit my tongue, and we walked in silence toward the lot where I assumed we’d find Noah’s bike. Before we reached it, though, he motioned to a trail that twisted into the darkness. “I can take you home, we could ride, or we could take a walk. Lady’s choice.”

  “I feel like I’d be using you,” I admitted.

  “It was my idea,” he reminded me. “So . . . go directly home, ride, or walk?”

  “Walk,” I said quietly. “I want us to take a walk.”

  He followed me into the shadows, catching my hand in his as we walked deeper into the copse of trees.

  “This”—I gestured between us—“isn’t dating. It’s friends deciding if there will be benefits.”

  “Right.”

  I put my free hand flat on his chest. I pushed him toward a wide tree, as if I could actually move him. He didn’t resist, stopping only when his back was to the tree.

  “No strings,” I said. “No relationships. No dating. And no one knows.”

  “Promise,” Noah said.

  I faltered a little then. My experience at the start of high school and with a few scattered dates hadn’t prepared me for whatever we were doing here. “Okay then . . . so now what?”

  Instead of answering, he smiled, and I remembered why I’d thought he and Zion both looked like angels that first night. The thought of Zion made me falter, but then I looked at Noah and decided to stop thinking. I didn’t want to be pursued. If I was doing this, I needed to choose it. I reached out and tugged him toward me for a kiss.

  He let me have control at first, and then he spun us around and hoisted me into the air. My legs wrapped around him, seemingly of their own accord, and suddenly I was the one who was leaning on the tree. As he pressed closer, I gasped at the pain of the rough bark against my back where my shirt had been pulled up.

  Kissing Noah made every other experience seem nonexistent. This was why I didn’t get involved. In that moment, I didn’t care that we were in public. I didn’t think about anything. It was just want, and the last threads of logic were slipping away. Somehow, though, it still felt . . . lacking.