Strong Looks Better Naked

by Khloé Kardashian

  And here’s the thing: I love work. When I was drinking, doing nothing, I felt like an unproductive nobody. But when I work, I feel energized and alive.

  The most effective way to do it, is to do it.

  —Amelia Earhart

  Work: The Great Escape

  Work has plenty of other benefits, too. When you’re busy, your problems tend to fade into the background. I had things to do. I was busy. I was focused. I knew I still had problems, of course, and that they were waiting for me at home, but work took me away from them for a period of time, and I was grateful for that. I discovered that the best therapy is to be busy and productive. It seems to rewire your brain. It’s as if the lights go back on.

  That’s why I’m very goal-oriented. I think it’s important to look for purpose every day, whether that’s at an office or at home. I’m especially in awe of stay-at-home moms. A stay-at-home mom has to keep a lot of balls in the air and rarely gets a moment for herself—she’s getting everyone up and ready, clothed and fed, she’s making sure the house runs smoothly. That gives her purpose. She’s busy. And while some women might not find those domestic responsibilities all that exciting, I bet they still realize how necessary their work is, and I have a feeling that this is a reward in and of itself. (I know it was for me, back when I was a stepmom.) The point is, you have to find something for you, something that excites you. And it could be as simple as—and admittedly I’m biased here—a membership at your local gym.

  If you put out positive energy, if you’re moving and grooving, the wheels on that bike are going to take you in all sorts of new and exciting directions. And even when I experience low-energy days (because I have those, too), I look for a way to make my life exciting. How can I challenge myself today? What do I need to do here to switch gears?

  A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work.

  —John Lubbock

  All it takes is a little willpower. Like with my sister Kourtney, who works really hard to take care of her family but no matter what is going on makes sure that she gets out of bed and goes to see her trainer. Her trainer is impressed by her dedication. “It’s good you showed up,” he tells her. “Most people would have used this as an excuse not to exercise, when this is in fact the time in your life that you need it most.” I couldn’t agree more. That’s part of the formula for success. When things get tough, you get tougher. As I told Kourtney, “Exercise saved me.”

  We’re all allowed to have a bad day from time to time, but there’s a limit. Inactivity and depression feed on themselves. The more you wallow, the worse it gets. But energy is the opposite of depression. It’s like a powerful motor that’s going to move you exactly where you need to be.

  People get into ruts for lots of reasons. A lot of women, for example, get into a really bad place right after they have babies. They’re exhausted, the constant breastfeeding really takes it out of them, and their bodies are changing radically. They find it almost impossible to look and feel great. It’s hard even to keep their clothes presentable; everything they wear ends up dirty—spit up, diaper explosions, leaking milk. After your baby is born, your body is recovering from trauma, you are exhausted, and your life is constrained by the baby’s needs. Your shoulders, back, and neck ache. It’s hard to give yourself the chance to feel good, even for a few minutes. But even a tiny effort can change that. You get up, you shower, and you wash your hair. The transformation is instant. Or when your baby is doing tummy time, you can get down on the floor and stretch or do a few simple exercises—taking the time to tend to the muscles that ache. Or you bundle your baby up and go for a short walk. You look better and you feel better.

  Of course, all the sacrifices you make as a parent are beyond worth it. You are shaping the life of a little human being! I haven’t had that experience yet, but I am looking forward to it because I can’t imagine anything in life compares to the miracle of motherhood.

  And I have my own bad days (not yet related to the demands of motherhood, of course). For example, when I’m sick, I have a hard time getting motivated. I mean, if I’m truly sick, I’m probably not going to hit the gym, but if I’m just a little sick, I might go for a brisk walk. I want to get that blood pumping, one way or another. I like to feel that sweat oozing out of my pores. And no matter how sick I am, I always, always, always take a shower. Just being clean makes me feel better. People who focus on being sick make themselves sicker. If your body tells you not to get out of bed, listen to it. But you also need to listen when it’s telling you to get your ass in gear.

  • • •

  I’m lucky in that I have such a large, loving family. And while I tend to be more introverted than the others, less inclined to share, I also know that they are always there for me. In my family we have a saying: Two heads are better than one, and three heads are better than two. We’re not just looking out for ourselves; we’re a team, watching out for one another. We challenge one another and it keeps us fresh and alert. And we feel secure with one another, which helps us make better, bolder decisions.

  Also, I’ve learned from my mom that you have to fight for the things you believe in. For example, she met Bruce before her divorce was final, and they were crazy about each other, so Bruce went to see my father to ask him to please hurry things along so he and my mother could get married. Bruce also told him that they weren’t interested in his money.

  As soon as the papers were signed, Bruce and my mother got married, and not long afterward, they realized they were broke. Bruce was a motivational speaker at the time, but the business was basically treading water, and my mom decided she was going to change that. She got on the phone and began booking Bruce into any venue that would take him, no matter how small or how low the pay, and she simultaneously helped him create a series of workout videos (in which she costarred, naturally). She pushed and pushed until at long last Coca-Cola and Visa came calling. And that, as they say, changed everything.

  And this was back in the days before the Internet! Zero social media! My mother did everything on the phone or via snail mail. She had a Rolodex! (And if you don’t know what that is, check it out on the Web. You won’t believe how our parents used to live, LOL. It’s a miracle they survived!)

  Now, many years later, my mother likes to joke that Bruce was her first major project, and that we children came next. But the point is, she didn’t curl up in a fetal position and give up, even when things were at their lowest point. She fought like hell. Actions speak louder than words. I have learned so much about strength from my mother. Even during the toughest times in her life, she carried herself with dignity and strength, and she knew that the only person who could save her life was herself.

  I was only six years old when she and Bruce got married, so of course I don’t remember the details, but years later, when I heard the story—and I’ve heard it many times—it was a great source of inspiration. Knowing that story, and being a product of the result, I don’t need anyone to tell me how important it is to get motivated. On the contrary, I learned early that without motivation you are lost. And how do you get motivated? Well, it’s actually pretty simple and boils down to two choices. One, you can sit here in the dark, crying. Or two, you can come to grips with the fact that nobody is going to do it for you and make a commitment to change.

  Bruce is the first one to tell you that my mother turned his life around. When she met him, his Olympic gold medal was sitting at the bottom of his underwear drawer, and he was struggling to motivate himself, let alone others. This is a problem for anyone, and a huge problem for a motivational speaker. But Mom came along and built a fire under his ass, and the rest is history.

  People look at our extended clan, the Jenner Kardashians, and they see an empire. And while it’s true that we’ve had more opportunities than most people, we’ve had to fight hard, too. People love to discredit the hard work we have put into succeeding and keeping all of our trains moving steadily. And even when you get to a good place, which is an achievem
ent in and of itself, it’s challenging to maintain the success.

  Khlo-$ (“Khlo Money”)

  As long as we’re on the subject, I’ll say this about money: It’s great, but it’s not the answer. I know people who have more money than they could possibly spend in a lifetime, and they’re not happy. And I know that a good part of the reason is that they’ve lost their motivation. They made it. They’ve got the big house and the fancy cars and even the private plane. There’s nothing left to work for, and they find that doing nothing leaves them empty.

  We are propelled through life by our hopes and dreams, but we also have to deal with reality. The trick is not to let reality get in the way. There will be setbacks, disappointment, and heartbreak, but the dream will keep you going. Believe in yourself and the dreams will come true.

  I love what Jim Carrey said: “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they have ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”

  Life is about forward motion. You have to keep moving. It’s up to each of us to move in the right direction. No excuses. Stop wasting your time and energy by discrediting the hard work and dedication of other people. So what if they had more opportunities than you? If they had fewer opportunities, how would that change your situation? Focus your passion and energy on your own goals.

  I have a lot of friends who talk a good game. They’re, like, “Oh, I want a great job,” or “I’m so tired of this lifestyle.” Or they get a little jealous when they see my new car. But the thing is, they’re not doing anything to get that job or that lifestyle or that car. There is no action there. Some of them are my age and older and they still act like high school kids. I remember when I was in high school, I actually got a credit card from Victoria’s Secret, with a $500 limit, and I immediately went out and spent the entire limit. By the end of the month, I was being asked to pay it back, and I didn’t have the money to pay it back—I was a kid!—and was also too embarrassed to ask my parents, so that unpaid bill haunted me for the next three years (and to this day has affected my credit score). I was seventeen at the time, and I dealt with the situation with all the maturity of a seventeen-year-old, but I know too many thirty-year-olds who still behave like confused teens. What is that about? At some point you have to deal with adulthood and everything it entails. You have to pay your bills. You have to get health insurance, even if it feels like a monumental waste of money. And yes, you have to file a tax return every year. But I have friends who come crying to me because they’re in debt or have no health insurance or are in trouble with the Internal Revenue Service because they have never filed a tax return.

  As you mature, you have to take on greater responsibilities. It’s your life, and no one can live it for you. No one can organize it for you, either. Take care of the little things before the little things take over your life.

  People ask me all the time, “Why do you guys work so much? You could retire.” And in fact I got that a lot after Lamar and I were married; he was making a lot of money and people couldn’t understand why I remained so driven. I remember one of my friends saying, “Why don’t you just become a housewife?”

  And I told her: “I am a housewife. And I think I’m a pretty good one. But I want my own identity. I want to make my own way and my own money. And I want a good reason to get out of bed in the morning.”

  Beyond that, though, and even more important, I want to be productive. I know many housewives, mothers, and homemakers who are completely fulfilled in their lives, and I salute them, but I’m wired a little differently; I’m one of those women who wants it all, absolutely, but I want it in balance. I’ll take everything life has to offer, and then some. I like to drop into bed at the end of the day with a happy sigh, thinking, “What a great day. I accomplished so much.”

  Now, I’m the first to admit that I didn’t do it alone. I have a tremendously loyal family. They are there for me every day, and they were there to lend a helping hand when I was in a deep, dark place. I’m super grateful because they have always believed in me, even in my darkest hours. But nothing good would have come of their efforts if I hadn’t believed in myself, and at the end of the day, that’s what it boils down to for us all. Success is about doing the work even when you don’t feel like it, and often especially when you don’t feel like it.

  To me, working is not that different from working out. When you work out, your body changes, and you feel good about those changes. When you work, you feel a sense of accomplishment, especially if you’re lucky enough to be doing meaningful work. If not, at least your bank balance changes, and you feel good about that. After all, when you have money in the bank, you don’t have to worry about not having money in the bank! And that makes everything worthwhile, right?

  Wired to Be Good

  If you don’t have a supportive family or a network of good friends, things will of course be a little more challenging, but you can be proactive and change that. You can get involved in the community, take classes, do volunteer work. I know people who spend their days trying to figure out how to help others, and it makes you wonder whether some people are just wired to be good. But one of my friends explained it to me. “When I volunteer, I feel really good about myself,” she said. “So in a strange way, it’s a selfish act. The more I do for others, the better I feel about my own life.”

  I thought that was amazing. She herself is enriched by her generosity. If she is being “selfish,” she has found the perfect way to do it. That story reminded me of my father, who was a self-made millionaire at twenty-one, but who still made us help out at soup kitchens when we were young. He used to say, “We are very lucky. You should never forget that. As you go through life, you should always look for opportunities to help people who aren’t as lucky as you.”

  From my father, I learned that there are basically three ways to be charitable. One is to donate your time, as we did when we were young. Another is to write a check to a deserving organization, which I still do, but privately. And the third is to help the people around you, people who will genuinely benefit from your generosity. This last method is my favorite. When dealing with charitable organizations, I worry about where my contribution is going. You hear terrible stories about organizations that use ninety cents out of every dollar to cover salaries for the executives, and that only ten cents—if that—actually gets to the people who need the money. But if a friend needs a loan to go to college, or has to get her car fixed in order to get to work, or has a health problem, and I can help that person. I do what I can, within reason, and I feel good both for my friend and for myself.

  As far as donating my time, however, that’s no longer in the cards. Can you imagine what would happen if the Kardashians showed up at a soup kitchen, ready to serve? It would be bedlam, with paparazzi and news crews jostling for the best shots.

  But really, to give is to receive, no matter how you do it. That’s something to think about when you’re feeling disconnected and alone.

  Do right. Do your best. Treat others as you want to be treated.

  —Lou Holtz

  Good Values and Good Habits Can Be Learned

  For me, success in life really boils down to developing good habits. We talked about structure, about getting on that bike, about having purpose, but even the lesser habits add up to a healthy whole.

  When I was around fourteen and on my summer break, my mother would come into my room every morning at seven and wake me up. I was, like, “Mom! Why do I have to get up this early?” And she would say, “You’re not sleeping till noon. I don’t care if it’s summer. You need to get up every day and have purpose.”

  At the time I didn’t understand this, and I found it immensely irritating. My friends stayed in bed till noon, and I was jealous. I would complain that I had nothing to do, and my mom would drag me along to wherever she was going. To a Tae Bo class. To the dry cleaner’s. To Gunnar’s gym. Grocery shopping. “You have to get out of the house,” she would say. “You have to do
something. Life is about being active, alive.”

  She did that with all of the kids except Kylie. Kylie was the youngest, and I guess she got a free pass because eventually parents get tired of pushing. Kylie often sleeps in, like a lot of teenagers, but it doesn’t seem to have hurt her. And I think that’s because she’s surrounded by a large and very hardworking family, so she gets the message every day.

  I actually find myself unable to lounge in bed until all hours, thanks—or no thanks!—to my mom. I used to have a radio show and didn’t get home till about 2:00 a.m., and that gave me a good excuse to sleep late, but even then I couldn’t do it. I’d feel guilty. And if I had a houseguest, I’d feel both guilty and embarrassed. That Khloé! My God. All she does is sleep!

  Those values—get up, seize the day—were ingrained at an early age, and I’m glad they were. But good values and good habits can be learned. Nobody taught me to go to the gym five days a week. I figured that out on my own. Try it. Set the alarm for 7:00 a.m. and you might be surprised by what you can accomplish in a single day.

  Things do not happen. Things are made to happen.

  —John F. Kennedy

  Don’t cheat yourself—treat yourself. When you don’t take full advantage of your day, you are only shortchanging yourself. Think about it: Oprah has the exact same number of hours in her day as you do, and look at what she has done with them!

  Getting your mind right has a lot of components, and most of them are about healthy habits. For example, I’m pretty obsessive about punctuality. I don’t think there’s any excuse for being late. I think it shows a flagrant disrespect for the other person’s time.