And you know what? People accepted. And more than accepted: They rejoiced and praised her!
In the heat of emotion, I briefly lost my way, but who doesn’t make mistakes? Looking back, I realize I need to work on my empathy. It’s important to be kind, not just to family but to the people in the world around you. We’re all gimping along trying to find our way, trying to better ourselves, and if we can learn to exhibit a little empathy, that shows true strength of heart.
Life Is Not a Competition
When I was in my early twenties, I used to think life was a competition, but now I want everyone to win. We all have our own definition of success, so there’s plenty of room at the top. Another person’s success doesn’t diminish my own. On the contrary, it makes the world one person happier, and that’s got to be good for all of us, right?
When I figured this out, I came up with a mantra of my very own: I am more than enough. And damn it, it’s true! I am more than enough. I know myself and like myself, despite my weaknesses and flaws, and while I know I’ll never be perfect, I’m going to keep trying. There is no such thing as perfect. Nobody attains perfection. But if you keep working at it, you grow and evolve, and to me that’s sort of the point: to be a better person today than I was yesterday; to become the best possible version of myself.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
—Theodore Roosevelt
I also know that nothing happens overnight, not in the gym and not in my heart. Things that take longer tend to last longer, because you did them right.
For example, I used to react to things very quickly, without thinking. It made me seem hotheaded, and sometimes I still am a little hotheaded, and I don’t like that about myself, so I’m working on that. I guess you could say I’m exercising that part of my personality. (You could also say I’m exorcising it, but let’s not go there.) Now I try to think before I speak, and even if I don’t always succeed, I’m definitely showing improvement. I actually learned something about this from watching my little sister Kylie, who is only seventeen. When she sits down for an interview, she really takes time to consider her responses to questions, and she always answers in a thoughtful manner. I used to not be able to do this. If a reporter came to see me and I knew we had only ten minutes for the interview, I would try to be nice by answering quickly and talking fast and trying to give him or her as much “good” material as possible. But as I’ve become an emotionally stronger person, I’ve come to realize that one short, thoughtful, honest sentence is better than a page full of platitudes, and that thoughtfulness gets results. Slowing down is great. Slowing down can also save you a lot of trouble and pain in the long run. You don’t want to make a permanent decision in response to a temporary emotion.
Mannerisms also come into play. I tend to talk with my hands, gesticulating a little wildly at times, and I came to realize that some people found this behavior aggressive. So I began working on that, too. In fact, from time to time, I would literally sit on my hands to make sure that the person I was talking to didn’t get the mistaken impression that I was being combative. It sounds a little crazy, I know, but it works.
Sometimes I do feel a little combative and aggressive, and in recent years I’ve started figuring out how to deal with that, too. In the past, I would just get bitchy or irritable—and occasionally I still do—but recently I’ve learned to short-circuit the feeling by taking a few minutes for myself. I have no problem telling people that I need a little alone time, and people have no problem giving it to me. But I’m not perfect, and it doesn’t always work out as planned. Sometimes I am a bitch, and I’m not proud of it, but I try to be an honest bitch.
Think Before You Act
If somebody does something to hurt me or to piss me off, I want to get it off my chest. In the old days, if somebody said “Fuck you” to me, I’d say “Fuck you” right back. But that’s neither useful nor productive. That was my alter ego, Khlo-Money or K-Money, speaking. That was the Khloé who would put up her fists at the drop of a hat, ready to fight her battles (along with everybody’s else’s). But Khlo-Money doesn’t come around much anymore. The new Khloé is stronger than her; the new Khloé has more control. There will always be times when I get hotheaded or lose my temper, because that’s part of who I am. The other day, for example, somebody tweeted something about Lamar that was wrong, stupid, and meanspirited. I immediately picked up my phone to tweet back, and I was angry, but before I sent the tweet I actually managed to stop myself. I realized that my angry response wasn’t going to do anyone any good, me least of all, so I didn’t send it. I was proud of myself, and I find myself doing that kind of thing more and more lately. For example, I’ll get upset about something, so I’ll park myself in front of my laptop and write an angry email to the guilty party. Then I won’t send it right away. It’s written, and I leave it in my draft folder; an hour or two later I’ll reread it. If I still feel the same way, I’ll send it. But more often that not, the feeling will have passed and I will delete the draft and get on with my life.
A related issue is the tendency most of us have to blame circumstances on the people around us. You blame your parents, your boss, your best friend, your lover. And even if from time to time you’re right—if it really was his or her fault—blaming others doesn’t change the situation. Only you can change the situation, so what good does blaming do?
I know this guy who had a really mean, creepy father. The man was abusive and couldn’t treat people decently. By the time he reached middle age, he had driven everyone away with his unpleasantness and anger. And when my friend was still an impressionable young kid, his father used to tell him, “You’re going to be just like me when you grow up. It’s in your genes. You’ll be short-tempered and unpredictable. You’ll have no friends. People won’t like you.”
Well, my friend thought about what his father had said—obviously it made a huge, scary impression on him—and he wondered whether he might in fact be genetically predisposed toward that type of behavior. So growing up, he made an effort to be as different from his father as possible, and he succeeded beyond his wildest expectations. Today he lives in a penthouse condo in Santa Monica. He has a beautiful girlfriend. And he spends all of his free time rescuing animals.
When I asked him how he did it, he said, “It was easy. Every other day, my father would tell me I was going to be just like him, and I was young and vulnerable, and I began to believe it. But one day I decided I would do everything in my power to not be like him, to be the opposite, and it worked.”
I love that story. My friend decided he didn’t want to be a victim of genetics or of his environment growing up, and he realized he had the power to find his way out. But he could just as easily have turned into a creep, and spent the rest of his life blaming his father.
The Art of Prayer
When I was growing up, we used to go to church every Sunday and to Bible study every Wednesday. Later we stopped going, but my father would visit each of our rooms every night, to see how we were doing.
These visits were a form of prayer. He guided our conversations so that we became aware that our lives were full of blessings. He would begin by thanking me—“I am really glad you helped me with the garden this afternoon”—and then he would ask me about the rest of my day. How were things going at school? Did I have anything on my mind? Did I need anything from him? Amazingly, he was always able to turn every negative into a positive. If I didn’t do well on a test, for example, he assured me that I would do better next time. If the popular girls at school didn’t want to be friends with me, it was their loss. These nightly conversations always ended the same way. My father would say, “Give me a hug.” And after we hugged, he’d say, “Now we have a wall of protection around us.”
This was the way my father prayed with us. It was a conversation, but at a higher level, and every night I looked forward to those conversations with my father. He made me feel loved and safe, and beyond that, he made me understand the meaning of the word gr
atitude. Life was a huge gift, he always reminded me. Live it wisely.
I still pray every night before I go to bed. Then I try to read a little, usually something inspirational—I like books by Joel Osteen—and after I turn out the light I have a conversation with my father. I know he’s there and he’s listening, and just saying hello and chatting about my day makes me feel good inside. I keep my father close to my heart.
Buddhist mindfulness is about the present, but I also think it's about being real. Being awake to everything. Feeling like nothing can hurt you if you can look it straight on.
—Krista Tippett
The Future
When I think about the future, I definitely see myself married, and with plenty of kids running around. That’s who I am and what I want and I know it will come about.
When your marriage fails, it’s a lousy feeling, but this doesn’t mean you’re a failure. The marriage failed, period. Dust yourself off and learn from it and move on. It was especially hard for me because I’ve never believed in divorce, and I still don’t. When people marry, they should believe in their hearts that it’s going to last forever. To believe less is to try less, and this is not a good way to start.
I have a number of girlfriends who’ve also been through divorce, and they’ve all survived it. Some of them have already moved on to new relationships, and some have sworn that they’ll never fall in love again. I understand both extremes. I fall somewhere in the middle. I don’t need a man, but I am certainly not bitter. I loved being married, being part of a team, and I know it will happen again. But I’m not in a hurry. When the right one comes along, I’ll know.
One of my favorite quotes is “You can’t love someone into loving you.” I know this from experience. No matter how much you love someone, no matter how much of yourself you give, if that other person doesn’t feel it, it’s not happening. Stop chasing him or her. The right one will come along.
Since my marriage ended, I have been enjoying a time of tremendous growth. I really don’t mind being alone. I know so many people, particularly in the arts and entertainment, who simply can’t stand to be alone. Even their entourages have entourages! And I don’t understand that. We all need quiet time, time to be alone with our thoughts. If you can’t learn to enjoy your own company, you’ll never really get to know yourself.
My goal is to be happy. I know there will be periods of happiness and periods of unhappiness, and like it or not, I will have to live with both. But, my goal is to live a rich, interesting, productive, generous, kind, mindful life full of love.
I had the pleasure of shooting the photos for this book at One Gun Ranch, the gorgeous home of Alice Bamford and Ann Eysenring, the authors of The Malibu Biodynamic Diet.
Acknowledgments
There are so many people who helped me along this journey—thank you all for your loyalty, your endless love, your generosity, and your overwhelming support.
Endless thanks to my family. You are my heart and happiness. Thanks to Mom whose wisdom, strength, love, and support has made me who I am, and for her close read, which helped bring the book home. I love you Mama. To Kourtney, Kimberly, Rob, Kendall, and Kylie who help me be the best version of myself, who make me laugh, who fill my heart with peace, and keep me strong at my lowest points. To all my nieces and nephews, thanks for giving me the purest form of love and laughter. Thank you to Caitlyn for showing me how to be true to myself.
Thank you to Lamar for giving me some of the best years of my life and for everything you taught me about being strong. Before I met you I felt invisible, and after I felt seen.
Thank you to my best friends Malika and Khadijah who were with me every step of the way. The secret-keepers to my life, they are the ones who pass no judgment but only give love.
Thank you to my glam squad/therapists/besties—Jen Atkin, Joyce Bonelli, Clyde Haygood, and Rob Scheppy—for your loyalty and for your protection of my heart. And for enduring my mood swings.
Thanks to Cynthia Bussey who brings me joy in a thousand different ways. Cici you have no idea the positive impact you have on my life. To Alexa Okyle and Sydney Hitchcock, who smooth the way every single day.
I’m indebted to Philip Goglia for teaching me how to fuel a healthy body, to Brad Johnson for being a spiritual beacon, and to Gunnar Peterson for helping me build my strength—physically and mentally—and for giving me the confidence I never thought I could have. I’m forever grateful!!!
Many thanks to all the people at William Morris Endeavor who have been so supportive, and special thanks to Mel Berger, who is a calming force, and Lance Klein, who is a tireless advocate for me. Thanks too, to the ladies at 42 West, Holly Shakoor Fleischer and Carrie Gordon. Thank you to Steven Gomillion for his amazing photographs and to Alice Bamford and Ann Eysenring of One Gun Ranch for opening their home to us for the photo shoot.
I’m so grateful to Pablo Fenjves who helped me not only to find my voice, but also helped me write a book that captures my spirit and my heart, and to Alexis Gargagliano, my editor, who helped bring the book to life—on the page and in the world. The entire Regan Arts team has been wonderful to work with. Judith Regan is visionary and made this book a reality. Richard Ljoenes created the gorgeous cover, Nancy Singer made every page beautiful, and so many other creative, talented people helped get the book into the world—Kurt Andrews, Mia Abrahams, Lynne Ciccaglione, and John Ekizian.
Big thanks to my fans for all your support. You are an inspiration.
IMAGE CREDITS
Steven Gomillion, ii, Photo Insert; Courtesy of the author, vi, viii, xi, xiii, xiv, xvii, xx, 2, 6, 8, 16, 18, 38, 47, 49, 53, 58, 67, 85, 107, 110, 112, 116, 119, 129, 133, 138, 140, 144, 154, 157, 162, 175, 176, 192, 194; © Brock Miller/Splash News/Corbis, 32; Dave Lee/Getty Images, 33; ©ImageCollect.com/StarMaxWorldwide, 52; © 2010 Phil Ramey/RameyPix/Corbis, 72; Frazer Harrison/GettyImages, 73; Tinseltown/Shutterstock.com, 78; David Becker/Getty Images, 79.
About the Author
Khloé Kardashian is a New York Times bestselling author and star of the E! Network number one hit show, Keeping Up with the Kardashians. She has also starred in Kourtney and Khloé take Miami, Khloé and Lamar, Kourtney and Khloé Take The Hamptons, Celebrity Apprentice, and The X-Factor, among many other shows. She is also the host of the new talk show Kocktails With Khloé. Khloé is an accomplished entrepreneur who, along with her sisters, owns her own clothing line, Kardashian Collection, hair care line, Kardashian Beauty, kids’ line, Kardashian Kids, and her own DASH boutiques around the country. She is also executive producer of DASH Dolls, the sixth series installment of the franchise. She lives in Los Angeles.
65 Bleecker Street
New York, NY 10012
Copyright © 2015 by Khloé Kardashian
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Regan Arts Subsidiary Rights Department, 65 Bleecker Street, New York, NY 10012.
First Regan Arts hardcover edition, November 2015
Library of Congress Control Number: 2015938350
ISBN 978-1-942872-48-1
eISBN 978-1-942872-49-8
Interior design by Nancy Singer
Cover design by Richard Ljoenes
Jacket photographs and photo insert by Steven Gomillion
Image credits, which constitute an extension of this copyright page, appear on page 219.
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