Down & Dirty: Dawg (Dirty Angels MC Book 7)

by Jeanne St. James

  His fingers dug into the soft flesh of her ass as she wrapped her arms around his neck, grabbing handfuls of his hair, arching her back to press her beautiful fucking tits into his chest.

  His rhythm stuttered when she ripped his head back and bit the side of his throat.

  He squeezed his eyes shut and stilled, trying not to come. But it was hard. So hard.

  No way was he done with her. Not yet.

  “Can’t get any deeper than that, baby girl,” he groaned, letting her weight drop a little farther, grinding hard against her.

  “Baby, you feel so good inside me,” her honey-smooth voice whispered near his ear.

  She normally didn’t say much during sex. Made a lot of noises, fuck yeah, but talking? No. So when she said shit like that, he appreciated every word that came out of her mouth.

  He pressed his forehead against hers and sucked in a breath as he slowed this pace, savoring her tight heat, her soft skin, her baby blues. Everything about her.

  “Think that feels fuckin’ good? You should be me. Ain’t no better feelin’ then bein’ inside you, Em. None.”

  “When you say things like that...” Her words drifted off, but he needed to hear her finish her thought.

  “Tell me,” he encouraged.

  “You make it difficult...”

  “To what?” His heart thumped heavily in his chest.

  She shook her head. “Not now.”

  Fuck.

  Whatever she was going to say wasn’t what he thought. So, yeah, he didn’t want to hear it now.

  Because in this shower, it was just the two of them. No one else. Reality could wait its asshole-self outside the bathroom door. But right now, this was his time alone with her. No customers, no ex-husbands, no Shadow Warriors, no clubs of any kind, no worries about their daughters.

  It was just them. Every time they fucked, it was their break from the craziness that surrounded them.

  Even though, for the most part, Emma acted like she had her shit together and was dealing with Lily’s abduction as best as she could, he knew on the inside she was ripped apart and worried constantly.

  He’d catch her just staring at an object, lost in her head. Chewing on her bottom lip as she thought about her daughter. Or sometimes she’d try to hide her tears, thinking he didn’t see her crying.

  He did. It tore him apart, too. And each and every tear she shed over Lily made him want to kill the bastard that much more.

  He wanted to go with Hunter and Walker to Brunei or wherever Lily was. But he had no passport. No training in being covert. He could fuck everything up.

  Because like D would turn into a beast if Jewelee was ever snatched again, Dawg would be the same way... kicking in doors and busting fucking heads.

  He’d blow the whole mission.

  So he needed to let those men do what they did best. And he needed to take care of his woman, be her support, and remind her that people did care.

  Especially him.

  “Dawson,” she murmured against his throat.

  He realized he had slowed his thrusting to almost a complete stop.

  “Yeah, baby girl.”

  “The water’s freezing.”

  He hadn’t even noticed until she said it. But it sure as fuck was.

  He turned off the shower and without breaking their connection, stepped out, carried her over to the sink, propped her ass on the edge and took his time to get her worked up once more.

  She clung tightly to him as she came once more, and he finally let go. And when he glanced up in the mirror at the two of them, he saw two people who looked like they belonged in totally different worlds.

  But maybe they could make it work.

  Hawk and Kiki couldn’t have been more different. Sophie and Z were, too. And look at them now.

  Perfect examples of how no two puzzle pieces were ever the same, but somehow when placed together they fit seamlessly.

  He’d never put a puzzle together in his life, but he was willing to try.

  Emma collapsed on Dawg, her breathing as ragged as his. After they had dried off from their shower, they had moved to the bed for round two.

  Dawg rubbed a strand of her long hair between his fingers, marveling on how it felt like silk draped over his chest.

  Funny how the chaos in his head quieted during moments like these. He hoped it was the same for her.

  “We need to talk about some of the things you said in Kiki’s office,” she murmured, her breath sweeping over his still heated skin.

  “My dick’s still in you, wanna talk ‘bout that shit now?”

  She rolled her head until her chin was planted on his chest and she locked her gaze with his. “Yes, before I need to go downstairs. I don’t want it distracting me when I work the floor.”

  Right. Because soon he’d need to share her with the rest of the world again.

  Reality was creeping in with each passing second.

  But what she brought up first made it close in around him like a hand squeezing his throat.

  “You’re not giving up your club or your place for me and Lily. First, I owe you, you don’t owe me. Second, I’ve disrupted your life enough as it is. There’s no reason for it. I’ll find a place, a teaching job. You have a good thing here, Dawson. You’re successful, the girls tell me how good you are to them and they rely on you. I’m not going to screw that up.”

  His chest tightened. “Ain’t screwin’ up anything.” This kind of talk made his dick soften faster than normal and he slipped out of her with a disappointed sigh.

  She traced her fingers over his collar bone and up his throat. “It doesn’t make sense to flip your life upside down for me. I don’t even know why you’d want to do it.”

  “Not just doin’ it for you, Em.” Though, she was a major part of it. “This whole thing with you an’ Lily got me thinkin’.”

  “About what? Reevaluating your life?” She combed her fingers through his beard and he lifted his chin to give her better access. He loved when she did that. It made him want to purr like a mountain lion. “There’s nothing wrong with the life you live. It may not be for everyone but it’s your life, Dawson.”

  “Your daughter’s important to you...” he began.

  “Of course she is.”

  “Mine needs to be important to me, too,” he admitted. It hit him then that he’d opened up to this woman more than he’d ever opened up to anyone else in his life.

  Her fingers stilled. “Your daughter spent the first fourteen years of her life not knowing you exist. Are you sure you want to get involved now? Flip her life upside down? She might not want anything to do with you. She might feel betrayed by her mother for lying to her all these years. She probably thinks her stepfather is her real father.”

  “Don’t make it right,” he muttered.

  “I agree. It doesn’t make it right. Not at all. What her mother did was wrong. For you. For Caitlin. But she may have done what she thought was best at the time. Just like me coming to you and begging for a job. Do you think I wanted to be a stripper? No. But I need to do what’s best for my daughter, which is bring her home. And to do that, I need money. So I was ready to do whatever I needed to do, even get naked on a stage in front of strangers.” Before Dawg could answer she lifted her hand to stop him. “Now, maybe Todd thinks he’s doing what’s best for Lily. I don’t know. I don’t know what he’s thinking, besides being a selfish prick. But he very well may have thought I was a horrible mother.”

  There was no way Emma was a horrible mother, not even close. “Doubt it, baby girl. Look what you’re doin’ to get her back. A horrible mother wouldn’t go to all that trouble.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not.” Her fingers continued on their journey brushing through his beard. “But to give up everything you’ve known for... how long?”

  “Fifteen years.”

  “Right. Think long and hard about giving up everything you’ve known, what you’ve built for the past fifteen years, Dawson. I’m not sure if
you should give that all up for Caitlin. And especially not for me and Lily. You’ve only known me for a little over a week. This place has been a part of you longer than your daughter has been on this earth. Make sure whatever decision you make, you don’t regret later.”

  Fuck, he told her the same thing about her decision to sleep with him. He’d needed her to be sure, so she wouldn’t regret it later. Now she was flipping that around on him.

  “Regret being in my bed, baby girl?”

  “No.”

  She answered him without even a hesitation and something swelled deep inside him. Something he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt before.

  He grabbed her hand to stop its motion, then lifted her fingers to his lips, brushing his mouth along the tips.

  “Emma,” he murmured. “Never want you to regret bein’ with me. Got me?”

  “I just said I didn’t.”

  She thought he meant only in bed. It was more than that. “Not now. Later. Don’t wanna be the one to hurt your chances gettin’ full custody of Lily. Don’t wanna be the reason anyone would call you an unfit mother. Because you on your own are not. With me by your side...” He let that hang and laid her hand on his chest, covering it with his.

  “My daughter comes first, Dawson. No matter what,” she said softly.

  Of course she did. He’d expect nothing less from Emma.

  His mother never made him a priority. Having a man in her bed, taking care of the lot rent and being able to buy her cigarettes was the most important to her. Whether that man was a drunk or not. His mother couldn’t care less whether that man was good to her son. Or even a good influence. To her, Dawg was simply an inconvenience.

  What if one day Caitlin found out the truth and he’d never come forward? What if she found out that he knew about her but didn’t do shit about it? Would she feel the same way about him as he did about his mother? Would she feel unwanted?

  He didn’t want that. All children should feel wanted, loved.

  Right?

  He opened his mouth to tell her how he knew that Lily would be first on her list but he’d like to be on her list, too. Second, third, whatever. As long as Emma could slip him somewhere into her life, he wanted to be a part of it.

  Maybe, just maybe, he could build a life, a family with Emma, Lily and Caitlin, too.

  He closed his mouth and stayed silent as the ache in his chest grew. He wanted to build something he’d never had. Something he never thought he would have until a honey-smooth, husky voiced kindergarten teacher showed up in his club begging for a stripper job.

  “Did you ever think about approaching her mother, telling her that you know, and asking for visitation? It doesn’t have to be court-ordered, you know. She might be agreeable.”

  “Doubt she’ll be agreeable.”

  “You don’t know that until you ask.”

  “Yeah, baby girl, she kept Caitlin a secret, so I can pretty much guess what her answer will be. A big ‘fuck you.’”

  “It can’t hurt. Especially if you’re going to proceed in court, anyway. Try to be civil first. Approach her, see if she’s even willing to consider it. It also might give you an idea of what kind of fight you might have on your hands.”

  What Em said was true. He might want to get a read on Regan.

  “You know if you establish paternity, you might have to pay back child support. I’m not sure on how all that works.”

  He wasn’t, either. Especially since Regan kept him in the dark all those years and allowed her husband to adopt her. Or that’s what he heard. He didn’t know if the adoption was true or not. “Yeah.”

  “It might be a lot.”

  “Yeah,” he grunted.

  “Are you prepared for that?”

  “Got the money.”

  “Another reason why you shouldn’t be financially covering anything for me. You need to cover your own expenses. Not mine.”

  “Got the money, Em. Ain’t a problem. Club’s got fat coffers, worse comes to worse. A lotta that comes from my club. Z would have no problem agreein’ to get shit settled for me. An’ for you. ‘Specially now he’s got a family of his own. He gets it.”

  “I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around why any of you would spend resources like that on me and Lily.”

  Dawg rolled quickly, taking Emma with him until she was flat on her back and he was perched above her, practically nose to nose. “How many times have the women welcomed you to the sisterhood?”

  “Too many.”

  “Think there’s a reason for that?”

  She got quiet.

  “Asked you a question,” he prodded.

  “I think you’re expecting me to stick around after Lily comes home.”

  She thought right. “Yeah.”

  “I think we need to discuss that, too.”

  Fuck. “Em...”

  She reached up and cupped his chin. “Dawson...”

  “Don’t wanna fuck up your chances with all the legal shit, but also don’t want you to walk outta my life. Got me?”

  There. He said it. He laid it out for her.

  “You want a relationship.” Not a question, but a confirmation.

  “Want you in my life, baby girl. An’ before you argue again ‘bout how we’ve only known each other not very long... Fuckin’ know that. Lemme tell you somethin’ ‘bout us Angels. We’re fuckin’ stubborn. Hard-headed. An’ when we see what we want, we go for it. An’, baby girl, I want you. Nobody but you, got me?”

  “Why?” she asked softly, her eyes shiny and filling with what he knew would soon spill over and down her cheeks.

  Fuck. He hated when women cried. Especially Emma.

  Though he wasn’t quite sure how to answer her question, he gave it a shot and hoped he didn’t sound too much like a stupid fuck.

  “You’re good for me, Em. Never thought I’d say that to any woman. Never thought I’d want somethin’ long term with one, either. But I’m gonna be thirty-six years old. Built a successful business from the ground up. Found my family, my brothers. But I need somethin’ else. Didn’t realize it ‘til you walked in the door, lookin’ all awkward as fuck. You got to me, Em, not just in the dick, but here.” He slapped his hand on his chest over his heart. “Never thought it could happen to me. Saw my brothers goin’ down left an’ right. Gotta admit, kinda laughed at ‘em, ‘til I saw how their women were right for ‘em. Perfect. Made ‘em whole. Made ‘em better. Complete. Maybe I’m soundin’ like a fuckin’ pussy sayin’ all this. An’, honestly, don’t give a flyin’ fuck. But I tell you shit I’ve never told anyone else an’ that’s sayin’ somethin’. Never spilled my guts to just any snatch in my bed before. An’ you know why? ‘Cause they were just pussy. Nothin’ more, nothin’ less. That ain’t you, Emma. Ain’t just pussy. You’re so much more than that. An’ now I’m done talkin’ ‘bout this shit before I grow a pair of tits an’ my balls disappear into my cunt.”

  The whole time he was spilling his guts, her mouth hung open, her eyes were wide and her face had become pale.

  He must have scared the shit out of her. Because his speech scared the shit out of him. But it was said, and he wasn’t taking it back. Not that he could even if he wanted to.

  “Dawson,” she whispered.

  He closed his eyes, waiting for the rejection. Waiting for her to tell him that this was all just temporary. That they’d never be a thing. That he was a means to an end. That there was only one reason why she was in his life.

  And that reason wasn’t him.

  Because why the fuck would she want to spend the rest of her life with someone like him? An uneducated biker and strip club manager.

  She wouldn’t.

  “Dawson, look at me.”

  Fuck. The ache in his chest was now unbearable. She just needed to put him out of his misery. Pull the trigger...

  Tell him he’s a stupid fuck for even thinking those thoughts.

  “Look at me!” she demanded loudly.

  His eyes p
opped open, and he saw something in her face that made his gut twist and his heart stop.

  A lone tear rolled down from the corner of her eye, disappearing into the blonde hair that was spread out around her like a satin cape.

  “I didn’t realize it until you started talking...”

  That I’m a stupid fuck?

  “Just how I felt...”

  An’ you wanted to run out of the room screamin’?

  “And I’m not sure I should tell you this...”

  She was killing him. This hesitation, this uncertainty.

  “But...”

  HOLY FUCK!

  “Dawson... I think...”

  “Emma,” he finally barked because he had no more patience left. None. Zip. Zero. It was like she was digging a knife slowly into his heart. The pain was deep and unbearable.

  “I love you.”

  His head jerked back.

  What?

  Wait. What?

  He glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one was behind him. That she wasn’t saying that to anyone else but him.

  She reached up and cupped his cheek. “Does that freak you out? Because I have to admit that it freaks me out a bit.”

  Fuck yeah, it freaked him the fuck out. It was the last thing he expected to come out of her mouth.

  “Fuck, baby girl,” was the only thing he could say because, fuck him, he had no idea how to respond to the bomb she just dropped. He already had flayed himself open enough to her.

  Instead, he lowered his head and took her mouth, licking her bottom lip that now belonged to him, tangling their tongues, exploring every part of it. She groaned as he took the kiss deeper. He dug his fingers into her hair, fisting them tight, holding her down, claiming her as his.

  Because now there was no doubt she was his. And no matter what happened in their life with the shitty hands they’ve been dealt, he knew one thing for sure, he was not letting her go.

  Not now. Not ever.

  When he finally broke the kiss, she stared up at him in a daze. “I need to get to work.”

  “Yeah.” They both did. But the woman just admitted something that almost blew his brains out. He needed to respond to that. “Gotta tell you somethin’, baby girl.”