‘Are you really going to fall backwards off the stage?’ Serena questioned, her dark eyes scanning mine.
I looked away. ‘Yeah.’ My heart skipped a beat at the thought of it, countering the pain for a split second. I needed to do this, to feel something, anything else.
‘Maybe we should do a few shots,’ she suggested. ‘That way if you hit the floor you won’t feel it.’ She left and approached the bar along the side wall, talked to the girls attending it for a few minutes, and returned with two brimming shot glasses rimmed with sugar and two lemon wedges.
I hadn’t planned on drinking. But in order to get up on that stage –
‘To breathing!’ Serena raised her shot glass to mine. My chest tightened with her words. I clicked her glass and threw back the shot, swallowing it as I’d seen done so many times in my life. I coughed in protest, and my body shuddered. The lemon did a little to cut the distinct vodka bite. My stomach ignited as the alcohol seeped into its walls.
‘Didn’t love that,’ I admitted, puckering my lips at the sourness of the lemon.
‘It gets easier,’ she promised, smiling softly. I had a feeling she wasn’t talking about the shot. ‘Let’s find a good spot in front of the stage before it gets too crowded.’ She leapt up from the couch and pulled me after her.
Serena fed me a few more shots as we listened to the opening act. I kept thinking I was fine, that the alcohol wasn’t really taking effect. But I honestly couldn’t tell.
The headliner took the stage, and the crowd squeezed in around us. We jumped to each song, rocking our heads and pumping our fists in the air. Serena appeared with another shot. I was so lost in the music, I hadn’t even noticed she’d disappeared.
‘This is it, Em!’ she yelled as she held up the shot. ‘It’s now or never!’ We tossed the liquid back easily – I seemed to have acquired a taste for it.
Serena shouted encouragement as I walked towards James. Without a hint of emotion, he nodded his head slightly, letting me know the stage was all mine. My heart thrust to life, and my body buzzed with nerves. He murmured, ‘Good luck’, just before I hopped onto the platform.
I shuffled to the centre of the stage and saw a few people pointing at me out of the corner of my eye. Another bouncer from the opposite side started moving towards me, and I knew I didn’t have much time. If I was going to do this, I had to do it fast. My breath quickened. I could feel the adrenaline pump through me until everything else was gone, and it was all I could feel.
I turned my back to the audience, hoping they had their arms outstretched behind me. The lead singer continued belting out the lyrics. I glanced at him as his eyes twitched curiously. I grinned at him ever so slightly … and I fell back.
My stomach opened up, and I let out an excited yell. Hands gripped, jostled and guided me across the crowd. Music bellowed around me. People hollered beneath me as I passed over them. The lights flew by in a blur of colour. I rode along the turbulent sea of hands until I was gently lowered to my feet. I stood in the spot for a moment, orienting myself as faces flashed before me. The crowd rocked in unison, their energy gliding over my skin like a hot breeze.
I thrust my arm in the air, bellowing out the lyrics while jumping with the crowd. Serena burst through the bodies and screamed, ‘That was so fucking awesome!’ We leapt side by side until we were drenched in sweat, and there was no more music to keep us on our feet.
We collapsed on our couch as everyone filed out. I had a permanent smile on my face, and all that pulsed through me was elation. The room swirled, and images shifted before my eyes. I blinked heavily, having a hard time holding my head steady.
‘I’m going to find James and get us some water,’ Serena told me. I think I nodded. If I didn’t, I meant to.
A moment later, the couch jostled beside me. I flopped my head to the side and found a lean guy with tightly trimmed deep auburn hair and a chin capped with a buzz of whiskers.
I smiled. Or maybe I hadn’t stopped.
‘Hi,’ he said, throwing his arm along the couch above my head. ‘I’m Aiden.’
‘Hey, Aiden,’ I greeted loudly. ‘I’m Emma.’
‘Emma, you shouldn’t be sitting here all by yourself. You need to come to a party with me and my friends.’
‘I do?’ I laughed.
‘Yes, you do,’ he confirmed with a charming smile.
‘I’m waiting for my friend,’ I explained. ‘I don’t know where she is.’ I couldn’t remember where Serena had disappeared to. The fog in my head was too thick to recall her words. ‘But then we’ll go … with you … to the party.’ I smiled again – or I continued to.
‘You’re cute,’ he said, scooting in a little closer.
‘You’re not so bad yourself,’ my mouth said. He leaned over and thanked my mouth with a kiss, and I let him. I realized again that I couldn’t feel his lips. Or maybe it was my lips I couldn’t feel. I really needed to figure that out. I realized I was drunk. And I was okay with that too.
‘Emma!’
Aiden pulled back. I was confused by his retreat, and when I opened my eyes, Serena was standing in front of me. She looked mad. Why was she mad?
‘Serena!’ I yelled enthusiastically. ‘There you are! This is Aiden. We’re going to a party with him.’
‘Hi,’ he said.
‘Uh, no we’re not,’ she snipped. Wow. She was really mad. ‘Get lost, Aiden.’
Aiden pushed up from the couch. ‘See you later, Emma.’ And then he disappeared.
‘Where’s he going?’ I asked in confusion.
‘Who cares,’ Serena muttered. ‘Let’s go home, Emma.’
‘Are you mad at me, Serena?’ I asked, my smile lost.
‘No, Em,’ she sighed. ‘I just screwed up and fed you too many shots. You’re drunk, and you need to go to bed.’
‘Yeah, I’m tired.’
I felt dizzy on the ride home, so I kept my eyes shut, but everything kept spinning. I pressed my head against the window, begging for it to stop. And then we did.
‘Em, we’re home,’ Serena announced.
‘Huh?’ I tried to lift my head, but it was so heavy. I blinked my eyes open as Serena appeared next to me by the open door. I stumbled to the front porch, leaning into her. My feet were clumsy, almost as bad as my head.
‘Help me,’ Serena said.
‘I’m trying,’ I muttered.
‘How did this happen?’ Meg asked. Her arm slid around me.
‘My fault,’ Serena said. I followed the stairs up to my room, but I wasn’t sure if my legs were moving.
‘There you go, Em,’ Meg said as I felt the pillow cradle my head.
‘I fell off the stage,’ I told Meg, my tongue lazy and uncooperative.
‘You did what?’
‘She did a backwards stage dive,’ Serena clarified.
My eyes wouldn’t stay open, so I couldn’t see Meg’s reaction. There was a tornado in my brain that kept the room spinning beneath my lids. I groaned and flopped my arm over my eyes to try to keep myself pinned down.
‘Just get some sleep,’ Meg said, pulling a blanket over me.
When I woke the next day, my head was trying to split itself in half. Serena was overly apologetic, claiming she’d been so nervous about my stage dive that she thought she was helping take the edge off with the shots. I couldn’t connect the logic of how getting me drunk helped her nerves, but the knife plunged into my head distracted me from arguing the point. I vowed to never drink again … again.
5
Not Boring
I FELT A PRESENCE HOVERING ABOVE ME AS I bent over my Anatomy book with music blasting in my ears. I raised my head to find Cole standing across the communal table. I eyed him curiously, not expecting to see him standing across from me after I’d ditched him … twice.
I removed my earbuds without a word and looked at him in expectation.
‘How’s the list of new things coming along?’ he whispered. ‘That was an impressive stage dive at The Grov
e a couple of weeks ago.’
‘You were there?’ I wasn’t certain I liked that he’d witnessed the next thing on my list. The list that hadn’t existed before I’d met him. ‘I didn’t figure you for the type to like that kind of music.’
‘I’m pretty open to anything,’ he answered casually. ‘Can’t always judge by appearances.’
It was true. I had judged him the moment I saw him. ‘I’m surprised you’re talking to me.’
‘Me too,’ he replied. ‘I didn’t call you for a reason after Peyton gave me your number. A guy can only get blown off so many times before taking a hint.’
‘So, why are you talking to me now?’
‘Maybe a part of me is convinced you’re not a total bitch,’ he answered, his eyes crinkling wryly.
‘Just most of me.’ My mouth quirked slightly.
‘Well, I’ll let you get back to studying. I think my time’s about up.’ He adjusted the strap of his backpack on his shoulder and turned to leave.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Before you walk away – it’s usually about now.’ He gave me a crooked smile.
‘Nice,’ I smirked.
Cole strode away without another comment, or a goodbye. I found myself following the untucked white T-shirt that hugged the contours of his muscular back until he was out of sight. I shook off the distraction, replaced the earbuds and dived back into studying the ventricles of the heart without giving him another thought. Mostly.
I was packing up my laptop to head to the library and finish typing my Sociology paper when my phone rang. I noted the California listing on the screen and was prepared for a wrong number.
‘Hi. It’s Cole.’
My lips twitched in amusement. ‘I thought you weren’t going to use my number,’ I teased.
‘I decided to take a chance,’ he responded. ‘Not sure why, but I’m calling you anyway.’
I released an offended laugh. ‘Well, maybe I should let you go then.’
‘Wait,’ he said quickly. ‘Don’t hang up.’
‘I’m not much of a phone talker. And I’m on my way to the library.’
‘It’s Saturday night.’ He sounded confused. ‘Why aren’t you going out?’
‘Despite my resolution to try new things, I really don’t party much,’ I told him. ‘You just happened to be at every party and show I went to this year.’
‘Lucky me,’ he replied, making me scrunch my forehead and wonder why I hadn’t hung up on him yet. ‘Meet me out.’
‘What?’ I was stunned by the directness of his statement, like he was telling me versus asking. ‘Did you not hear the part about going to the library?’
‘Meet me on your way,’ he proposed. ‘Fifteen minutes, that’s it.’
I drew in a deep breath while considering his request. ‘Okay.’
‘You’re not going to blow me off, are you?’ he asked bluntly. I stifled a laugh.
‘No, I won’t blow you off.’
‘I’m at Joe’s.’
He hung up. The abruptness of it left me staring at the Call Ended time flashing on my screen. Why had I agreed to this? Glancing at my image in the mirror, I shrugged, not bothering to make an effort before slipping my canvas flip-flops on my feet. I really wasn’t concerned if this guy saw me without make-up and wearing a holey T-shirt and cargo pants. I zipped up my hoodie before heading towards the stairs.
Peyton peeked out of her room, her hair in hot curlers. ‘Where are you going?’
‘To Joe’s, then the library,’ I answered without looking back as I tromped down the stairs.
‘Why are you going to Joe’s?’
‘To meet Cole,’ I hollered back, before closing the door behind me.
It was past the dinner rush when I entered the sports bar, and way too early for the college drinkers. Various sizes of flat-screen TVs suspended at every angle broadcasted different athletic events to the virtually empty room. Cole was poised on a stool at the bar, watching a college basketball game on the large screen. I sat down next him without a word, my eyes on the TV.
‘Wow, you’re here,’ he gawked, shifting towards me.
‘Fifteen minutes,’ I reminded him, inspiring the return of that crooked grin.
‘Fair enough.’ He took a sip of the beer he had clasped between his hands, and I remained quiet, watching the game. ‘Oh, you’re still going to make me do all the talking, huh?’ he noted with a chuckle.
‘I’ll talk. But you’ll probably be disappointed, because I don’t have a lot to reveal.’
‘If you’re too boring, I just won’t call you again.’ One side of his mouth curled up when I raised my eyebrows in offence.
‘I’m anything but boring,’ I retorted, focused on his clear blue eyes.
‘I had a feeling,’ he murmured, not breaking the connection. I redirected my gaze back to the game, even though I had no idea who was playing and couldn’t concentrate enough to figure out who was winning. I fidgeted on the stool and tried to contain the impulse to get up and walk out the door, knowing it was what I should do.
‘So, have you thought about the next new thing to add to your list?’
‘Um …’ I cast my eyes towards the ceiling in thought and said the first thing that came into my head. ‘Skinny-dipping.’ Granted, I’d never had the desire to strip out of my clothes and swim before, but I hadn’t done it yet – so I blurted it without considering whether I would.
‘You don’t have anything small on your list, do you? It’s all or nothing?’
All in, huh?
A hot spear shot through my chest as his words echoed a voice from my past.
‘That’s the point,’ I responded calmly, despite the tension along my back.
Cole chuckled with a small shake of his head. Evidently he found me entertaining. ‘As long as you don’t go skinny-dipping at a party – that would be a little too much.’
‘That’s not my style.’
‘But jumping in the pool completely clothed is?’
‘I wasn’t supposed to get pulled in,’ I explained. ‘But I had a little too much to drink, and I wasn’t fast enough when she grabbed me.’
‘So, you were pushing your room-mate in?’ he clarified. I nodded.
He laughed. ‘You’re crazy.’
‘Yeah, I think am.’
Cole held the amused expression on his face for a moment longer, and then he noticed that I wasn’t joking. His eyebrows pulled together. ‘You’re serious?’ I shrugged in admission.
I stood from my stool. This seemed like the best time to make my exit – he was way too intrigued.
Cole looked at his watch. ‘Uh, we still have six minutes.’
‘Not any more,’ I replied and headed towards the door with a committed stride. I thought I heard him let out an exasperated breath, or it could’ve been the air in my lungs that I’d been holding in since I sat down. I shouldn’t have come here to begin with. I’d hoped I could convince him that I wasn’t worth his time. Not even fifteen minutes of it.
‘You promised fifteen minutes,’ he declared, jogging up next to me on the sidewalk.
‘Wow, you’re either the most stubbornly determined person I’ve ever met, or you love the abuse. Because I know it’s not my charming personality.’
The corner of his mouth lifted. ‘I think it’s morbid curiosity, because no, you’re not all that pleasant to be around.’
I sighed in exasperation. ‘I don’t understand you.’
‘What do you want to know?’ he offered, seeming sincere. ‘I’ll tell you anything.’
I quickened my pace towards my car.
‘Walk with me,’ he suggested. ‘For’ – he glanced at his watch – ‘another four and a half minutes.’
‘Fine. I’ll feed into your twisted curiosity and give you your four minutes,’ I said sharply. ‘Tell me something about you worth knowing.’
‘Worth knowing? Wow, that’s pressure,’ he pondered. As I glanced at my watch he blurted
out: ‘I surf.’
‘And that was more predictable than the sun rising every day,’ I scoffed. ‘Is there anything you do that most of the state doesn’t?’
‘Well, I’m not exactly adrenaline-driven like you,’ he countered. ‘I don’t live my life in quest of the next adventure; sorry to disappoint.’
He should have been pissed off. He should have turned around and told me to fuck off. But he didn’t. He was seriously considering my question. He stopped along the sidewalk, next to a house with an ill-fated garden.
‘Umm … okay.’ He paused in contemplation. ‘I listen to silence.’ With this, he started walking again. I stared after him. At first I thought he was antagonizing me with his cryptic response, but then it struck me that he was serious. I caught up with him.
‘I’m pretty good at it too. It might have something to do with having four sisters and never getting a word in. I became a sort of expert at listening to what no one said. I could tell when my older sister was fighting with her boyfriend, or when my younger sister was mad at my mother, or when my youngest sister was frustrated when she couldn’t run as fast as she wanted to in track. I knew my parents were getting a divorce way before it happened, even though my sisters swear they had no idea.’ Cole stopped and turned to face me. ‘I listen to silence. And you –’ his mouth pulled into a smirk – ‘you have a lot to say. Although I haven’t quite figured out what it is yet.’
My brow creased as I stared back into the depths of his eyes. I didn’t have anything to say. I didn’t want to be this puzzle he was trying to solve, or listen to.
‘Time’s up,’ I announced, starting back towards my car. Something stirred inside me, something I wasn’t comfortable with.
Cole jogged to catch up. ‘I think we should hang out again,’ he concluded as he followed me down the sidewalk.
‘You do? Why? Wasn’t this disastrous enough?’
He just laughed in response.
‘I promise not to delve into what makes your silence so loud, if you promise not to walk out on me.’
I should have said no. I should have kept walking and let him go on with his life, without my interference. But I didn’t.
Out of Breath (The Breathing Series #3) Page 5