Out of Breath (The Breathing Series #3)

by Donovan, Rebecca

  ‘Shit,’ she replied. ‘He knew, Em. He knew as soon as Evan stepped off that plane that it was over.’

  ‘Evan?’ I questioned in surprise. ‘I’m the reason he left.’

  ‘Whatever,’ she said dismissively. ‘You don’t always have the clearest perspective on things, Em. Either way. He left, so how are you?’

  I averted my eyes. ‘Fine.’

  ‘What?’ she demanded. ‘Are you upset that he’s gone?’

  ‘I hate how it ended,’ I admitted. ‘He was a good guy. Really.’

  ‘I know,’ Sara acknowledged. ‘I liked him.’

  I nodded. ‘I knew it was going to happen. I knew there would be an end eventually. I just didn’t want it to get … complicated.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Sara scoffed. ‘If you don’t want complicated, then stay away from guys.’

  I made a face at her advice.

  ‘Now what about Evan?’ she continued. ‘How have you been getting along? Was it weird to be alone with him here last night?’

  I shook my head, trying to keep my body temperature from rising. But the heat rushed to my cheeks anyway.

  Sara switched off the hairdryer. ‘What happened?’ I glanced up, and she was staring at me with large eyes. ‘Did you have sex with him?!’

  ‘What?! Omigod, no!’ I answered quickly, my entire face now red. ‘We’ve been talking, that’s all. And … well …’

  ‘Emma,’ Sara said in her familiar lecturing tone. ‘What did you do?’

  ‘He stayed with me, in here, last night,’ I explained quietly. ‘We talked until we fell asleep.’

  ‘And you didn’t exactly sleep on opposite sides of that huge bed, did you?’ She knew the answer when I couldn’t meet her eyes. ‘What’s happening between you two?’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ I answered honestly. ‘We really are just talking. And it’s good, I guess. It’s honest, anyway. And I cry way too much. It’s kind of pathetic.’

  ‘I’m sure it’s not pathetic,’ Sara comforted me. ‘You probably haven’t cried enough in your life, so you’re making up for it.’

  ‘Great,’ I grumbled, wishing I knew how to find the off switch again. ‘But –’

  ‘Are you almost ready?’ Evan hollered into the room.

  ‘We’ll be right out,’ Sara answered, turning on the dryer to finish my hair. ‘This conversation isn’t over.’ She gave me a stern look, and I nodded meekly.

  Sara walked out of the bedroom before Emma with a smile on her face that wouldn’t quit. I glanced over at Jared, who stared at her with an I’ve-been-hit-on-the-head-with-a-hammer look on his face. Their reconciliation was bound to make things a little awkward around here, especially when Emma and I didn’t even touch … except when we went to sleep.

  ‘We need to talk,’ Sara said between her smiling teeth.

  ‘What did I do now?’ I asked. She looked behind me, and I turned to find Emma with her leg bent behind her, using the wall as support to slide on a pair of dress sandals – her feet still covered in bandages. The white shorts were short enough to show off the legs that made me weak. I realized I was staring when her cheeks glowed red, and she smiled at me awkwardly.

  ‘Uh, ready?’ I confirmed, noticing that Jared and Sara were already at the door. I reached out to grab her hand, but caught myself and ran it along the side of my khakis instead, hoping she hadn’t noticed. Maybe inviting her wasn’t the best idea. It felt like a date, and despite the connection we were feeling, we weren’t ready for that. I started for the door as she grabbed a sweater out of the closet.

  ‘You look nice,’ she said, turning me around. ‘I like that shirt on you.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I responded, completely taken by surprise. ‘You look … amazing.’

  She smiled shyly and said, ‘Thanks,’ as she walked by me out the door.

  ‘Sweet Scout,’ Jared admired, climbing in behind the driver’s seat. ‘What year is it?’

  ‘Sixty-nine,’ I responded, waiting for Emma to climb in so I could close the door behind her. I noticed Sara’s eyes scrunch slightly, like she was trying to figure out the same thing Emma had earlier. I decided to let Emma tell her about me transferring, not certain what her reaction would be. Sara wanted Emma to be happy, but I knew she was still worried about her. I didn’t know if she was still concerned about my motives, or just the emotional turbulence that had swept into Emma’s life this summer. Either way, I knew I was part of it.

  If I’d heeded Nate’s warning about his Satanic tweener cousins, I would never have exposed Sara and Emma to them. I don’t know how, but somehow we survived dinner without anyone ending up stabbed in the eye or floating face down in the pool, although I could tell by Jared’s menacing glare that he was thinking it. We escaped as soon as we could, making an excuse about a movie. Nate and the guys disappeared to a party to save themselves.

  ‘I think I have barbecue sauce on my back,’ Emma said as we drove home. She was trying to wipe it off her shoulder blade, but was unable to reach it. ‘I didn’t know anyone could be so annoying.’

  ‘Dude, I am never having kids,’ Jared declared. I glanced in the rearview mirror and noticed Sara staring at him. He quickly added, ‘Like that. Those two kids were hatched by gremlins, I swear.’

  I reached over and ran my finger across the brown streak on Emma’s back.

  ‘Thanks,’ she said, turning her head to look out the open window.

  ‘What time are Serena and Meg arriving tomorrow?’ Sara asked. Emma turned towards her, and I grinned at the flush of colour that my touch had caused.

  ‘Late tonight. So we won’t see them until the morning. James is supposed to be coming too,’ Emma told her, then appeared alarmed when she noticed my expression. ‘What?’

  I shrugged innocently, but couldn’t keep from smirking as we pulled into the driveway. This only made her redder. I exhaled a quick laugh.

  ‘Just tell me,’ she demanded. ‘Did that little brat write his initials on my back or something?’

  ‘No.’ I shook my head.

  ‘But he was trying to look up your shorts every time he purposely dropped his fork under the table,’ Jared shared.

  She looked to Sara for confirmation. ‘Did he?’

  ‘He tried,’ Sara affirmed, ‘until I dug my heel into his hand. I think I may have scarred him for life.’

  ‘Nicely done,’ Jared said proudly. He pulled her into him and kissed her on the forehead. I looked away from the mirror. Their couple status was definitely uncomfortable to witness.

  ‘Sara, you’re cruel,’ Emma accused playfully.

  ‘Yes, I am,’ Sara gloated, causing Jared to laugh loudly.

  When we entered the house, Sara announced, ‘We’re going to bed,’ practically dragging Jared up the stairs behind her.

  Emma and I exchanged glances, very aware that they were not going to sleep. And just to make it obvious, Sara leaned over the railing at the top of the stairs and said, ‘You may want to put on music, or the TV, and turn it up.’

  My eyes widened as Jared laughed, trailing after her.

  ‘Wow,’ I said, ‘that was …’

  ‘Awkward,’ Evan finished for me. ‘Uh, so …’

  ‘Want to go for a walk?’ I suggested. We both looked down at the Band-Aids on my feet.

  ‘What if I built a fire on the patio instead?’ Evan suggested.

  I glanced at the clock – it was later than I thought. And in truth, I really didn’t want to talk, which I knew would happen if we sat out on the patio.

  ‘You know what, I think I’m going to go to bed,’ I declared. ‘I’ll read until I fall asleep.’

  ‘Oh,’ Evan replied with disappointment. ‘Okay. Well …’

  Sara’s exuberant laughter carried down the stairs. Evan eyed the second floor in dread.

  ‘You can stay in my room … if you want,’ I offered.

  ‘Are you sure?’ he asked cautiously. ‘I don’t want it to feel like we’re –’

  ‘I know,’ I responde
d. I was very aware of what we weren’t, and I didn’t need to hear him say it.

  ‘I’ll be right down,’ he told me. ‘I need to get my bag.’

  Evan rushed up the stairs, probably not wanting to be within earshot of them any longer than he had to. I continued to the bedroom to prepare for bed. Evan knocked lightly on the bathroom door while I was brushing my teeth. ‘I’m changing out here, so give me a minute before you come out.’

  ‘Okay,’ I responded, my voice garbled with a mouthful of toothpaste. And of course, the only thing I could think about was Evan changing.

  I rinsed my mouth and washed my face, patting it dry just as he knocked again.

  ‘You can come in,’ I announced. Evan opened the door, dressed in a pair of shorts and a worn T-shirt that left little to the imagination about what was concealed underneath. I let out an exasperated breath as I passed him.

  ‘What?’ Evan laughed, obviously reading my expression.

  I got into bed without responding and clicked on the bedside lamp. I could hear the water running as Evan brushed his teeth. Eyeing his bag on the chaise, I wondered just how many nights he planned to spend in this room.

  I opened the book as Evan emerged from the bathroom, setting the oak leaf on the pillow next to me. He slipped under the covers on the far end of the bed.

  ‘That’s a good book so far,’ he noted. ‘I was reading it earlier today.’

  ‘Want to read it with me?’ I offered, without really thinking it through.

  ‘Have you ever done that before,’ he asked, ‘read a book at the same time as someone else?’

  ‘No. Have you?’

  ‘No.’ He laughed lightly.

  ‘Come here,’ he beckoned, gently picking up the leaf and scooting towards the middle pillow. I eyed him suspiciously. ‘Don’t worry, just come here.’

  I moved over, and he opened his arm and patted the shoulder closest to me. ‘Lie here, and I’ll hold the book.’

  I hesitated, contemplating.

  ‘Emma, just come lie down.’

  I sighed and rested my head on his chest, fitting perfectly along the dip of his shoulder. He handed me the leaf, taking the book from me. I could hear his heart beating under my ear. I didn’t know where to put my arm, so I rested my hand on his chest, listening to his heart pick up its pace at my touch, knowing mine was doing the same thing. I took a slow breath and tried to concentrate on the words as he held the book above our heads.

  ‘I’m a couple of pages behind,’ he told me. ‘Do you mind if I catch up real quick?’

  ‘Go ahead,’ I said, pinching the stem of the leaf that was still in my hand, brushing it gently against his chest.

  I lay there silently as he read. I could feel the heat from his body along my skin. I could hear the erratic beating of his heart. I was being pulled to him, and it was becoming too much for me to resist. Just as I was about to move away, Evan said, ‘I’m going to miss that house.’ His gaze was focused on the leaf I was nervously playing with.

  He rested the opened book on his stomach and brushed his fingers along my arm. I propped up on my elbow so I could see him, still closer than I should’ve been.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘My mother’s selling it,’ he told me, his voice heavy and quiet.

  ‘She can’t do that,’ I said passionately, my heart convulsing at the thought of it belonging to anyone else.

  ‘I’m working on it,’ he assured me with a deflated breath. ‘But it’s not looking good.’

  I lowered my head back on his chest, reflecting.

  ‘I love this tree,’ I said in a hushed tone, ‘and the swing.’ I stared at the leaf so he wouldn’t see the emotion surfacing.

  ‘Me too,’ he muttered softly. ‘And the barn. That was such a great place to escape to.’

  ‘Yeah.’ I flipped the leaf over on his chest. ‘If those walls could talk, right?’

  Evan laughed. ‘I would listen.’ I smiled fondly at the thought of what they’d say.

  ‘Those woods freaked me out though,’ I recalled. ‘Or maybe it was your driving.’

  ‘Hey,’ he balked defensively. ‘I thought I was pretty good on that bike. You didn’t trust me?’

  ‘Only when my eyes were closed,’ I teased.

  ‘I love that kitchen,’ Evan stressed. ‘I set it up exactly how I wanted it.’

  ‘The kitchen, really?’ I laughed. ‘Of course you’d love the kitchen.’

  ‘If I remember correctly, you loved that kitchen too.’

  ‘It was more about the food than the kitchen,’ I corrected. I paused, mentally walking the halls of the house, inhaling the scent of wood and polish. ‘You never did play the piano for me.’

  ‘No,’ he said quickly. ‘That never did, or will, happen. My parents forced me take lessons, but these fingers are most definitely not meant to play the piano.’ He splayed his fingers in front of him, and I grinned, lying back against his shoulder to look up at them.

  ‘Yeah, you’re right; they don’t look worthy of a piano,’ I mocked.

  ‘I wish I could’ve swum in that pool at least once.’

  ‘I still don’t believe there was a pool. I think it was just a hole, because why else would it never get uncovered?’

  ‘Guess we’ll never know,’ he sighed, his voice heavy. ‘I can’t believe she’s selling it. The best moments of my life happened in that house.’

  ‘Mine too,’ I whispered, lost in the remembrance of all the life-changing moments that had happened while I was protected within the borders of that property. Evan was quiet. I suddenly realized what we were really saying.

  ‘Have you caught up?’ I asked, clearing my throat.

  Evan picked up the book again. ‘Yeah.’

  We began reading. I’d nod when I was done with the page, being the slower reader – or maybe he wasn’t really reading any more.

  At one point he shifted, and I could feel his breath along my cheek. I couldn’t concentrate. My heart raced, and my body flooded with heat.

  I closed my eyes, pushing away the desire to tilt my head up towards him. I knew he was right there; I could feel him. I pressed my lips together and inhaled. When I opened my eyes, the book was gone, and Evan had carefully removed the leaf from my hand.

  ‘I know this is hard,’ Evan said in an exhale, rolling on his side with his arm still under my neck. I kept facing up, staring at the ceiling, trying to breathe. I knew I should move away, but I couldn’t. ‘I feel it too. And I’m having just as hard a time resisting, Emma. Because I don’t want to do anything we’re not ready for.’

  I closed my eyes, my chest tightening, knowing I wasn’t ready. But the firmness of his body against my side and his scent held me captive, keeping me from moving a single muscle. I was afraid to lose this – his touch, his warmth. His hand ran across my stomach, and I inhaled quickly.

  ‘Oh, Emma,’ he murmured in my ear, making me bite my lip. His fingers coiled into a fist on my stomach, and his arm tightened in restraint. ‘Maybe I should go upstairs.’

  Just as he turned on his back, I uttered, ‘Don’t go.’ He was suddenly very still. ‘You’re right. We’re not ready. And I don’t know what’s happening between us. But … if you can, will you just lie with me? If you can’t, I …’

  ‘I can do that.’

  He exhaled deeply. I realized he needed some distance, so I rolled on my side and shut off the light. A few minutes later, Evan slid behind me and I found his hand, gripping it tightly in front of me.

  ‘Goodnight, Emma,’ he whispered in my ear just before he kissed the top of my head. My breath faltered. I squeezed his hand, and as impossible as it seemed, I fell asleep.

  32

  Relentless

  I THOUGHT I HEARD VOICES. I TRIED TO ignore them, but they were … giggly and almost shrieking. I shifted and Evan mumbled something behind me, his arm still draped over me. ‘Evan?’ Still deep in sleep, he didn’t respond.

  I listened again and heard, ‘I’m s
o glad you’re here. We’re going to have the best weekend.’ I shot up in bed, forcing Evan to roll over.

  ‘Evan, wake up,’ I urged in a panic.

  ‘Yeah, Emma’s still in bed,’ Sara said to one of the girls. ‘Her room’s right there, if you want to wake her.’

  ‘Shit, Evan.’ I shoved him. He blinked his eyes open. ‘The girls are here. Get out of my bed.’

  ‘What?’ he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

  ‘Get out, now.’ I pushed against his shoulder. ‘They’re coming into my room.’

  He finally caught on just as a knock sounded at my door. Evan scrambled out of the bed and practically fell over, tripping on the sheets in his dazed state. He disappeared behind the bathroom door as Serena poked her head in.

  ‘Emma?’ When she saw that I was awake, she smiled brightly. ‘Hi.’

  ‘Hi,’ I said, smiling in return and trying to calm down from panic mode. I glanced at the bathroom out of the corner of my eye, and had to force myself to keep smiling when I noticed the door was cracked open. I wanted to throw something at him, but I redirected my attention to Serena before she caught on.

  ‘Good morning,’ Meg said as she entered the room. ‘You slept late.’

  ‘What time is it?’ I asked, fighting the urge to look at the bathroom again.

  ‘Ten thirty.’ Meg sat on the edge of the bed.

  ‘How was the drive?’ I asked, my heart beating so hard I could feel it in my ears. I needed to figure out how to get them out of my room without it seeming obvious.

  ‘Not bad,’ Serena said, sitting on the bed in the spot Evan had just left. ‘This house is insane by the way. Nice find.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I responded, twisting the sheets under the covers. ‘I was just –’

  ‘Finally!’ Sara interrupted, coming into the room and shutting the door behind her. I wanted to groan, knowing I wouldn’t be able to make them leave now. ‘I thought you’d never wake up. Now that the girls are here, we can finish that conversation we started last night.’ I opened my mouth to argue, but she stopped me. ‘Don’t you dare. This is a big deal.’

  ‘What’s a big deal?’ Meg asked, looking from Sara to me.

  ‘What’s going on between you and Evan?’ Sara began the interrogation.