A Message for Julia

by Angel Smits

  They held each other’s gaze. Time stopped and the silence between them filled with all the emotions Julia had questioned over the past few days. She leaned toward him. She heard the mattress crackle and the sheets whisper as he moved, too.

  “I love you.”

  “And I never stopped loving you.”

  She thought she heard him laugh, but the sound quickly vanished as their lips met.

  He’d said the words she’d ached to hear. It felt good to say them. It felt right.

  Linc’s arms slid around her and pulled her to him. When the edge of the mattress got in the way, he lifted her and drew her across his chest. Her feet left the ground, and she let herself melt into him. A soft groan slipped from his chest and she pulled back, afraid she’d hurt him, but when she tried to move away, his grip tightened and the kiss deepened.

  His hands moved down her back, over the curve of her butt and back up again. She slid her fingers into his hair and held his head still as she kissed him. Deep and long, the way she always used to.

  She came up for air, but he didn’t let her move far away. She snuggled into his shoulder and felt his mouth on the tender skin of her neck. She turned slightly, wanting to see him. Instead, she fought to keep her eyes open as he ran his tongue down her neck, to the low neckline of her shirt. His breath came quick and hot against her skin, and she almost forgot that the door to the hallway stood open.

  Every inch of her burned. She wanted to be closer to Linc, to make love to him more than she’d ever wanted him before.

  “Linc,” she tried to tell him, but all she could manage was his name caught on a sigh.

  “Does that door lock?” His plans echoed hers. She couldn’t answer when his hand cupped her breast through her shirt. She moaned something that sounded like yes, but she wasn’t sure.

  “Lock it,” he commanded. Then as his hand gently squeezed, he whispered, “Please.”

  She could barely stand. How was she going to make it all the way to the door? Her feet seemed to know what to do and she was suddenly there, the smooth metal lock in her hand. It seemed to turn by itself.

  Her face flushed. Were they really doing this? She leaned her forehead against the cool door, her back to Linc, trying to gather her breath and her thoughts.

  “What’s wrong?” Linc’s voice startled her, the uncertainty in it tearing at her heart.

  She swallowed. The events of the past couple of days rushed through her mind, rewinding to the last time they’d talked.

  The argument.

  In the kitchen.

  “I’m scared,” she whispered. Slowly, she turned around and faced him, leaning on the door when all she really wanted to do was melt into his arms.

  “Of?”

  “This.” She looked up at the ceiling as if there might be answers printed there. “I don’t want this to just be about the fear, about what we’ve been through. Nothing…nothing’s really changed, has it?”

  She couldn’t face everything falling apart again. It would kill her.

  “Probably some of it is the heat of the moment,” he said softly. The pause was too long and Julia started to tremble.

  “But not all. I realized a few things while I was down there.” Linc’s voice deepened. “I understand why you changed jobs. I know the hurt I caused you—”

  Julia couldn’t let him take all the blame, but he held up a hand.

  “Let me finish, please? Then I’ll listen to you. I swear.”

  She nodded and reluctantly smiled.

  “You’re right.” He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and planted his feet on the floor. After a minute, he stood and moved toward her. “Nothing has changed. I still have to go back underground if I want to make a living. You still work with kids who are going to go into the mines.” He stopped a few inches in front of her and ran a hand over his face. “And you still want a baby.”

  Everything he said was true. She just didn’t want to think about it. “What about you? Do… Do you still not want a baby?” She felt her heart about to break.

  Linc didn’t answer, and Julia wasn’t quite sure what he’d say. He moved in close and ran his finger along her jaw before cupping her chin in his palm. “I want you to be happy, babe.” He kissed her gently. “I’m willing to do whatever we need to to try.”

  Julia breathed a sigh of relief and closed her eyes so he wouldn’t see the elation in her eyes. There was more. She knew him too well. “But?”

  “But I need you to do something for me, too.” He waited until she opened her eyes. “I need you to accept the outcome. No matter what.”

  “I—” She couldn’t speak and looked down.

  His grip tightened, not painful but determined. “Look at me.”

  Reluctantly she did.

  “I can’t change the past, babe. More than anything I wish I could.” His voice cracked. “I wanted our baby. I did.”

  Her heart ached as she listened to him, but she knew he needed to say it, and more importantly she needed to hear it.

  “It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t mine, either. But I didn’t do much to help, did I?”

  She forced herself to meet his gaze, hoping that the stinging in her eyes would go away. “It’s been…hard.”

  “I know. After you left the house the other night… I have never felt so alone. It…hurt.”

  She couldn’t stay away any longer. She leaned toward him, and before he could say any more, she covered his lips with her fingers. “You promised to listen to me, too. So, listen. I know we’ve hurt each other. I know the past isn’t going away. But you are the only man I want.” She leaned her head on his chest, needing to hear his heartbeat and his breath so blessedly alive. “I know you don’t always believe we’re right for each other. Or that a miner’s son is good enough for a mine-owner’s daughter, but you are perfect for me.”

  “Even if…we can’t have children?”

  Her breath faltered. “I can live without children better than I can live without you.”

  She heard him gasp just before he lifted her face to his. Had he ever kissed her so gently, so sweetly? She wrapped her arms around his neck and he walked them back toward the bed. The mattress was narrow, but there were no plans to lie side by side. Still, it felt cramped. Their lips met again and the tight quarters no longer mattered.

  He tasted delicious and she couldn’t seem to get enough of him. She ran her fingers greedily over every inch, as if afraid the doctors had missed some bump or bruise. She found nothing but hard, warm muscles. She sighed into his mouth and reveled in the idea of being a part of him.

  Suddenly, Linc moved and while he didn’t let her go, he rolled to his side, trapping her between his body and the metal rail on one side of the bed.

  “Julia. I never meant to hurt you.” The pain returned to his face. “I…” He closed his eyes. “I need you in my life. Always and forever.” He leaned down and buried his face against her neck again.

  “Shhh…” She nudged him with her shoulder, forcing him to meet her gaze. “Don’t ever let me go, Linc, not even if I’m stupid enough to try to leave.”

  “Never.” Her words seemed to give him back his confidence and before she could take her next breath, he was kissing her again, this time hard and determined. She opened for him and his tongue plunged inside, deep and claiming.

  As if to remind them they weren’t really alone, a knock sounded on the door. “Mr. Holmes? Are you okay?”

  Linc started to laugh. The sound was precious, and Julia closed her eyes to take it into her memory.

  “I’m fine,” he called out. “Just fine,” he whispered as he kissed her again.

  “I have papers here for you to sign so you can go home,” the nurse persisted.

  “Thanks. Give me a minute,” he said, but didn’t budge. He just leaned on his elbows and smiled down at Julia.

  “Linc! You’re incorrigible,” Julia whispered. “Behave and let’s get out of here.”

  His smile broadened, if
that were possible. “That sounds good. Really good.”

  It didn’t take Julia long to straighten her clothes and open the door. She pulled it open, half-afraid of what—or who—would be on the other side. Just the rush of the busy hospital—and the nurse who stood with a clipboard in hand and a knowing smile on her face.

  Julia felt her cheeks warm but didn’t explain. She simply smiled. Home. They were going home.

  THE SUN WAS BARELY ABOVE the horizon when Linc threw the last of his few belongings into the bag Julia had brought him with clean clothes. The overalls had gone into the garbage, but he had his belt and some of his other equipment.

  He froze as his fingers touched the cold metal. The brass plate that would have been used to identify his body was still attached to the belt. Still in place.

  For another time?

  He rubbed his thumb over the engraved metal. No answer came to him. The very thought of going back underground made his gut tighten, no matter what he’d told Julia earlier. The idea of finding another job tore a hole clear through him.

  The door opened, and he hastily shoved the belt to the bottom of the bag. Julia didn’t need to deal with that right now.

  But it wasn’t Julia who came through the door.

  His in-laws looked haggard and tired. Guilt crept through him. They shouldn’t have to be here. Not like this.

  “Morning,” he greeted them, not sure why they’d come. He panicked. Had Julia changed her mind and sent them to tell him… Old fears reared their ugly heads. Linc shook his head to clear it.

  Raymond stepped forward and as always Eleanor moved to a chair in the background, present but not involved.

  The older man paced, looking out the window then back again. He obviously had something on his mind.

  “You got something to say, Raymond?” Linc waited for his father-in-law’s glare and was surprised when none came.

  Silence stretched out. Long. Painful. Finally Raymond spoke, his voice thin and tired. “You remember what I told you the day you married Julia?”

  “Which part? The part about how I’m not good enough for her? Or the part where you’d end my miserable life if I ever hurt her?” Memories and pain clogged Linc’s throat.

  Raymond stepped closer. “The last.” All the old venom was gone and his eyes were red. “This is what I meant, damn it. This horror you put her through. It’s not what I wanted for her.”

  Linc almost laughed. “If it’s any consolation, I didn’t either.”

  Their eyes met and for the first time Linc didn’t see any hostility there. Just a man, tired and worried about his child.

  “Linc…” Eleanor surprised him by speaking. “We…” She swallowed as Raymond turned away from them both. “We want to do whatever we can to help. Julia’s our daughter and we just want her to be happy. She loves you. You obviously love her.”

  Linc was shocked, both by their behavior and by his mother-in-law’s words.

  She stood and walked over to him. “I’m sorry things haven’t been better between us.”

  “We’re sorry,” Raymond said from where he stood gazing unseeingly out the window.

  Linc didn’t know what to say. He stared at Eleanor who was smiling up at him through tears. She resembled Julia, and he realized for the first time what Julia might look like as she aged.

  “We’re family.” She put her hand on his and squeezed.

  Raymond moved toward them and stuck out his hand. “To the future?”

  Linc took his father-in-law’s hand and shook it. “Yeah. Sounds great.”

  “We’ll stop by the house later.” Eleanor gave him a brief hug and Linc watched the couple leave, pleased that they’d come.

  ALL THAT WAS LEFT TO DO was for Julia to bring the car around and for the nurse, who insisted he had to leave in a wheelchair, to wheel him out. Linc resisted the urge to pace—barely.

  “Am I interrupting anything important?”

  Linc let his gaze roam over his brother, who was now standing in the doorway. Julia had told him earlier that Jace was here, but he was still surprised to see the man he’d last seen as a boy. “All this time, my mind kept seeing you as you were when you left.” Linc’s voice cracked and he took a deep breath to ease it.

  “You don’t like what you see?” Jace arched a brow.

  “No, that’s not it.” Linc smiled and walked to the door. “I’ll adjust.” There was an awkward moment as Linc wondered what to do, then he stopped thinking and pulled Jace into a strong hug. “I’ve missed you.” Linc stepped back and Jace followed him farther into the room. While Linc sat down on the bed, Jace moved nervously around the room.

  He saw the resemblance to their father and to the face he saw in the mirror each morning. There were traces of the boy Jace had been, as well.

  But there were differences, too. Too many. Long, wavy hair. Sharp lines bracketing his mouth and the lines around Jace’s green eyes told of long hours in the sun.

  They’d lost so much, and while this stranger was here, now, Linc didn’t know how long he was going to stay. He wanted time to get reacquainted. “You staying?” Linc asked.

  “For a little while.” Jace leaned against the window-sill, staring back at Linc as if he were measuring the differences, as well. “Wasn’t sure you’d want me to stay.”

  “Hell, Jace. Of course I do. Unless you have other commitments you need to get back to.” Linc wanted to ask so many question, but held back. Jace had never responded well to being pushed. Look what had happened before. Linc didn’t want to lose him again.

  Jace shook his head. “No. Nothing special. My business can wait for now.” He didn’t meet Linc’s eye. “You got a pretty cool lady. I remember her from before.”

  “Yeah. Took me a while to figure out the best things were in my own backyard.”

  Jace laughed and finally met Linc’s gaze. “Yeah, we Holmes boys aren’t always the brightest, are we?” The silence grew long and heavy. “Look.” Jace moved to stand in front of Linc. “I haven’t been the best brother. Hell, I’m not the best anything. Period. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when…when Mom passed.”

  “She would have liked to see you again.” Linc struggled to keep his voice even. Jace had broken their mother’s heart.

  Linc watched Jace swallow and knew he didn’t need to be told. The younger man turned back to the window. “Mom wouldn’t have wanted to see me.” He didn’t elaborate and Linc didn’t ask. Again, the silence stretched.

  “I figured out about two weeks after I left that it was a mistake,” Jace said softly, staring stubbornly at the floor.

  “Then why didn’t you come home?” Sadness at all they’d lost lodged in his chest.

  “Pride’s an awful thing, Linc.” Jace finally looked up. “And at sixteen, it’s hell.”

  “Was it so bad being with us?”

  Jace thought a minute. “No. In retrospect, I realize what you and Mom tried to do. At the time I just wanted to escape. It wouldn’t have mattered if we’d lived in a palace.” Jace paced around the room. “I was too young to understand Dad’s death. I had nightmares for years. Of being crushed. Of you being killed. Of Mom falling even further apart. I was afraid it would really happen.”

  “Did running away make it all disappear?” Unfortunately, Linc understood his brother too well, and ached for the boy he’d been.

  “Yeah, other people, other things took its place for a while. By the time I wanted to head home, I was too drunk to know it.”

  The stiffness in Jace’s shoulders told Linc how hard this admission was for him. Was he waiting for Linc to reject him? That wasn’t going to happen.

  Linc took the first step. And the second. He rested his hand on Jace’s shoulder until he looked up. “I’m sorry, too. I wasn’t there for you. Not the way you needed. But I’d like us to have another shot at it.” He smiled at his brother.

  Jace smiled, too. “I’d like that.”

  The door opened then and Julia walked in. She smiled when she saw who
Linc was talking to. “Jace. Are you coming home with us?” The invitation was forthright and Linc knew Julia was sincere.

  Jace hesitated. “Yeah, I’ll stick around a few days. But then I’ll be hitting the road.” He didn’t elaborate. Linc didn’t push this time, but he would. He wasn’t letting Jace go easily this time.

  And they had time. Probably not a lot this visit, but he’d take whatever he could and take advantage of the future sitting brightly in front of him.

  Linc looked at his brother, then at his wife. He’d almost lost everything, but he hadn’t. Julia moved to his side and put her hand in his.

  “Let’s go home,” she said.

  Both men nodded and Linc whispered, “Home.”

  EPILOGUE

  Six Months Later

  OUTSIDE THE WINDOW, gold, red and faded green leaves fell like confetti across the walk. Linc watched Julia hustle around the house, checking decorations, the snacks and back to the stove to stir something or other. It was perfect, just as they’d planned.

  He leaned in the open doorway, fascinated. He couldn’t get enough of her these days and the smile that lifted his lips felt good and right.

  So much had happened in the past six months. Since the cave-in. Since they’d nearly lost everything. Today would be the true end to it all. They’d wanted to wait until Casey could attend. His recovery wasn’t complete, but he was out of rehab and staying with Zach and Tricia.

  The doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” he volunteered, knowing Julia wasn’t really paying attention.

  Ryan and Missy arrived first, with Mike, Rachel and their new daughter close on their tail. Rita and Jack Sinclair pulled up in their truck just as Linc prepared to close the door. The wind blew and the dried leaves scratched across the walk, encouraging him to step outside for a minute.

  Linc would never get tired of the open air. He breathed it in, relishing the feel of the clean, fresh breeze. He could have stood there forever, but the wind soon kicked up. He did allow himself a moment to inhale the scent of wood smoke, dust and a faint hint of damp. A new season that let the earth rest.