Wedded for the Baby

by Dorothy Clark

  “It is the third verse of the hymn that has so gripped me. Listen to those lines again. ‘Down in the human heart, crushed by the tempter, feelings lie buried that grace can restore...’”

  She looked back at the pastor, startled to find him looking in their direction, compassion warming his eyes. His gaze moved on and he continued to speak.

  “As I was singing the hymn yesterday, it suddenly occurred to me that I was in that very condition. That I have had wounded, hurtful feelings buried deep in my heart for years. The grief of my mother’s death, the pain of a good friend’s unexpected betrayal for personal gain. I’d buried the pain of those things deep inside. And I’ll venture to say that most of you have done the same thing at one time or another. It’s a very human thing to do.” Pastor Karl paused, rubbed his hand over his chin. “The problem is, when we do that, the pain we bury doesn’t go away—it festers. Ignoring it doesn’t work. Sooner or later, something happens that reminds us of the incident that caused us the pain and it flares up and we struggle to bury it again.”

  She stared at the pastor, her attention riveted by the sincerity in his voice. What he said was true. The pain she’d buried almost five years ago was still with her. She still struggled to overcome it. To—

  “Well, there’s a better way!”

  She jumped, startled by the sharp crack of Pastor Karl’s palm slapping against the podium. She glanced at Howard. He was still clinging to Trace’s little finger and staring up at him.

  “Listen, people! Listen to the words of the hymn! ‘Feelings lie buried that grace can restore!’” He leaned forward. “I have a confession to make. When my mother died, pain wasn’t the only feeling I buried in my heart. I buried anger at God there, too. And it was the same when my good friend betrayed me. Why did God let those things happen?”

  There was the creak of wood as people stirred on the benches.

  Pastor Karl straightened, swept his arms out to his sides. “Did He? What does the hymn say, ‘crushed by the tempter...’ Why do we blame God for the bad things that happen to us? He warned us that we would have tribulation here on Earth. But He also told us that He would help us through the hard times. How foolish to carry pain and anger in our hearts when God’s grace can restore the buried feelings, the broken hearts, the devastated emotions. ‘Touched by a loving heart, wakened by kindness, chords that are broken will vibrate once more.’ Only the Lord can do that. He is the only one who can make us whole again. But not if we blame Him for our pain. Turn to Him, confess your anger and ask Him to heal you. He will. Now let us bow our heads for the closing prayer.”

  * * *

  “Oh, how precious he is! Just look at those pink chubby cheeks...”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Ferndale.” Katherine’s heart swelled with pride. She looked at Trace to see if he had heard the compliment. The smile on his face looked natural, except for a certain tightness around the corners of his lips and eyes. It was a small thing she wouldn’t even notice, if he wasn’t standing so close to her. She took a delicate sniff.

  Trace looked down, a question in his eyes.

  Heat crawled into her cheeks. She couldn’t very well explain to Trace in front of the Ferndales that the pleasant garden scent clinging to him reminded her of her father. It smelled like the Pears shaving stick her father had used after he was bedridden and no longer able to visit his barber. She looked down and pulled her handkerchief from her purse dangling from her wrist then dabbed at her nose.

  Howard let out a squall.

  “I think your little one is hungry, Mrs. Warren.”

  “And tired.” Trace slipped his arm around her waist. “Shall we take him home, Katherine?”

  His slight squeeze told her he wanted her to comply...not that she needed the encouragement. She was ready to go home and leave the feeling of being on tenterhooks behind. “Yes. It’s time for him to sleep.” She reached for the baby.

  Mrs. Ferndale yielded her hold on Howard. “I know you’re still settling in and becoming a family—and that it’s difficult to socialize with an infant to care for, Mrs. Warren. But please bring your sweet baby and come for a visit soon. I am looking forward to getting acquainted with you, and I love babies!”

  “Thank you for your kind invitation, Mrs. Ferndale. I will look forward to calling on you after we are settled as a family.” A family that would never be. She was only a stand-in bride and mother. She ignored the pang the thought brought, covered her temporary baby with the blanket Trace handed her and walked out of the church beside her pretend husband.

  Chapter Five

  The mare tossed her head and stopped in answer to Ah Key’s tug on the reins. “I leave buggy with Mr. W. Tell him you come home with him to eat. One hour. You not forget.”

  Katherine rose, hugged Howard close with one arm and stepped down from the buggy to hide her amusement. No matter the time of day Ah Key always said they would eat in one hour. “I won’t forget. I will come home with Trace.”

  “One hour!”

  Ah Key shook the reins and drove off, the rumble of the buggy wheels mingling with the jingle of the bell on the door of Blake Latherop’s general store. After almost a week spent alone with the baby, it was lovely to come to town. She turned and climbed the steps, smiled at the family that came out onto the porch, the father carrying a toddler and a paper bag, the mother herding two small children, each sucking on a peppermint stick.

  She hurried by them to enter the door a soldier was holding open for her, her smile deepening at the look of pure joy on the toddler’s sticky face. One day Howard would—Her smile died. She would not be here to see him taste his first peppermint stick. Or for all of the other “firsts” he would experience before then. Those pleasures would belong to the woman Trace chose to replace her.

  She shoved the sobering thoughts away, determined to hold on to her anticipation of visiting Whisper Creek’s one and only general store and seeing Audrey Latherop again. She moved aside to clear the path to the door and stopped to look around. The store was awash with blue uniforms. Her breath caught. Could her brother-in-law be here? She swept her gaze over the soldiers looking for Robert’s kind face. Warmth crept into her cheeks—most of the soldiers had stopped what they were doing and were staring at her. A hush fell. She dropped her gaze, lifted Howard to her shoulder and pulled back the blanket she’d draped loosely over his face to protect him from the cold morning air. There was a general stir as the soldiers went back to their shopping.

  An older woman headed for the door, chuckled and stopped beside her. “What a clever way to turn away those soldiers’ interest, my dear.”

  The warmth in her cheeks increased. “Thank you.”

  The woman nodded and touched Howard’s cheek. “You have a beautiful baby. I’m on my way to my daughter’s. She’s going to present me with my first grandchild in a few weeks.”

  “Oh, how wonderful! You must be very excited.”

  “Yes, I am.” The woman coughed, shoved her hand into the purse dangling from her thin wrist, pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed her mouth. “Pardon me, but I can’t seem to control this tickle in my throat. It’s from the coal dust of the train, I suppose.” She tucked the handkerchief away again then brushed her finger over Howard’s tiny fist. “I came in thinking some hard candy would help, but the proprietor said there is a new apothecary shop next door so I’m going there. Goodbye, my dear. I wish you and your adorable baby well.” The woman hurried out the door.

  Two soldiers tipped their hats her way and went outside carrying paper bags. Another left pulling at a plug of chewing tobacco.

  She cradled Howard back in her arm then glanced toward the counter. Audrey was busy, and would be busy for quite a while judging from the line of soldiers in front of the counter. She looked toward a clear area on her left and smiled. Bolts of fabric and baskets of notions rested on a long t
able. No wonder there were no soldiers swarming over that area. But it was exactly what she needed. She wanted to replace the trim at the neck of her silk velvet gown. The lace there now was stiff and scratchy, and she wanted Howard to be comfortable if he rested his soft baby cheek against her. But she also wanted to look her best while she was Trace’s stand-in bride. Her feminine pride would permit no less.

  She fingered through the baskets of ribbons and laces and braids searching for something acceptable that would still look pretty. Oh, my! She stared down at a filmy silk trim that flowed from light gray to dark gray in a three-inch span. The colors were so delicate and the blending so subtle, the filmy trim looked like the mists that rose over the ice-capped mountain that surrounded the valley. It would look beautiful against her gown’s dark mulberry color. And a thin black velvet ribbon would make a perfect accent bow at the point of the V neckline.

  She pulled the cone of silk trim from the basket, set it on the table and began to hunt through the next basket for the ribbon. And she needed some soft white lace...

  The muted blast of a whistle vibrated through the store.

  “The train leaves in five minutes, gentlemen. You’d best hurry and make your purchases. May I help you, Private?” Blake Latherop’s words spurred a rush of activity.

  Throats cleared. Boots shuffled against the floor. She glanced up. A soldier stepped to the counter and pointed.

  “I’ll have two packages of that Virginia Belle chewing tobacco, a tin of Gold Leaf and a box of Lucifers.”

  The older soldier standing in line behind the private thumped him on the shoulder. “You’re too young for that Virginia Belle chaw, Dawson.”

  “Ah, leave him be, Thomas. He only wants it fer the picture.”

  The growled words came from a gray-bearded sergeant with laugh wrinkles around his eyes.

  Hoots and guffaws erupted from the other soldiers.

  “I’d a sight rather look at that picture of a pretty woman than some old grizzled sergeant!”

  “Good one, Dawson!” The hoots grew louder.

  “Well, maybe I can arrange fer you to be lookin’ at some young brave holdin’ a bow with his nocked arrow pointin’ straight at you instead of that picture or me.”

  “That’s what I joined up for, Sarge.” The young private laughed, slapped a coin on the counter and strode for the door. He spotted her watching and dipped his head to her in a polite nod. “Don’t pay us no mind, ma’am. A man tends to forget his manners out here.”

  The door banged open, the bell jingling wildly.

  She started and spun around to face it.

  A soldier held the door open and roared, “Two minutes, men! Hit the road running!”

  Howard squalled. She jiggled and patted him, cooed soothing words and watched the soldiers still in the store run for the door, their boots pounding on the floor. The planks quivered beneath her feet.

  The soldier looked her way. “Sorry I woke your young’un, ma’am.” He touched his cap’s brim and raced after the others. The door banged close with a jangle of the bell.

  Silence fell.

  “Gracious...” It came out a sort of stunned whisper.

  Audrey laughed and came toward her, the brush of her long skirts against the floor loud in the silence. “That’s exactly how I felt the first time I experienced that furious rush of the soldiers to beat the train’s departure. Now I’m used to it. But, if you want to shop at your leisure, it’s best to come in between trains. Did you find anything you want? Or were you just looking?” Audrey bent and slipped her finger under Howard’s hand; her thumb rubbed across his tiny back. “Hello, Howard...did those noisy old soldiers frighten you?”

  The baby looked up at Audrey, his blond-fringed blue eyes wide, his tiny lips trembling.

  “Ahh... You are so sweet...” Audrey’s gaze lifted to meet hers. “May I hold him, Katherine? Blake will help you with anything you need.”

  “Of course.” She handed Audrey the baby and glanced up at Blake. Her throat tightened at the look on his face as he gazed at his wife. Jealousy pricked her heart. Oh, how she wished things had been different. That Richard had returned to her and Howard was their son—that she would never have to give him up. She swallowed back the foolish yearning, picked up the notions she wanted and walked to the counter.

  “That’s a lovely trim, Katherine. It’s so filmy it’s almost as if it isn’t there at all.” Audrey smiled down at Howard. “But I’ll bet this one will find it.”

  She glanced at Audrey and smiled. “I’m sure he will. And probably tug and chew on it!” She laughed, caught and kissed one of Howard’s tiny hands he was waving in the air. “He’s getting quite good at grasping what he wants.”

  “And he’ll get better at it.” Blake drew his ledger close and picked up his pen. “Pretty soon you’ll be pulling all sorts of things from his hand—”

  “Ouch!”

  “Including your hair.”

  Not I. Another woman. She joined Blake and Audrey’s laughter and reached to free one of Audrey’s red curls from Howard’s tiny fist. Tears filmed her eyes. She dipped her head to hide them and cleared a lump from her throat. “I want three feet of the black ribbon and the entire rolls of the silk trim and the white lace.” She blinked her eyes clear, pulled a coin from her purse and held it out to Blake. “Will this be enough for everything?”

  “You don’t want me to put it on Trace’s account?”

  “What?” She stared across the counter at Blake. She hadn’t even thought—Foolish woman! Of course Trace would have an account here! Now what should she do? She weighed her choices, smiled and shook her head. “Not this time, Blake. I didn’t tell Trace I would—”

  “Put it on my account, Blake.”

  Trace! She turned toward the door, watched Trace close it and walk toward them. He looked at her and smiled. Her pulse sped. Gracious, but he was a handsome man!

  “I’m sorry, Katherine. When you told me you were coming shopping, I should have told you to put any purchases on my account.” He slipped his arm around her waist then looked at Blake and smiled. “I guess we forget about discussing the mundane things of our life when we’re together. We’ve been too involved with learning all there is to know about one another.” His arm tightened on her waist and he smiled down at her. “Right, dearest?”

  She gazed up at him, unsettled by his closeness, the strength of his arm around her. She reminded herself it was only an act and fought the urge to lean against him, to rest her head on his shoulder. It had been so long since anyone had taken care of her... Stop it! She cleared her throat and smiled. “Yes. It’s so wonderful learning—”

  “Oh! Oh! Take the baby!” Audrey gasped and leaned against the counter.

  She reached for Howard, but Trace was quicker. He grabbed the baby, thrust him into her outstretched arms, turned back and grabbed hold of Audrey’s shoulders.

  Blake ran to his wife, slid his arm around her and supported her. “Audrey, what is it? What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t kn-know, Blake. I—Oohh!” Audrey bent forward, crossing her arms over her abdomen.

  “Is it the baby?”

  “I don’t—Oohh!” She looked up at Blake, her face drained of color. “Oh, Blake, our baby...”

  Blake stroked Audrey’s red curls. “Shh, my love. All that matters is that you be all right.”

  “Audrey, I may be able to help you.” Trace’s quiet voice broke through Audrey’s moan.

  Help her? Katherine jerked her gaze to Trace. He had his fingers wrapped around Audrey’s wrist and was staring at the watch he’d pulled from his vest pocket.

  “I know you’re in pain, but you need to answer my questions. You’re with child?”

  Trace’s voice was calm, authoritative. The way it was when he was instructing her about caring for
the baby. She watched him, drawn by his confident command of the situation.

  “Y-yes.” Audrey gasped the word.

  “How far along are you?”

  “T-two m-months.”

  “Is it a sharp pain or a cramp?”

  “Cr-cramp. Is—is something wrong with my baby?” Audrey leaned against Blake’s arm, tears rolling down her cheeks.

  Katherine hugged Howard and looked back at Trace. Her heart squeezed at the pain in his eyes. She watched him tuck his watch away and place a hand on Audrey’s upper arm.

  “I don’t know, but it won’t help if you are upset. I want you to breathe slowly and try to relax, Audrey. Let the cramp ease.” Trace’s calm, soothing voice belied the tension in his face.

  She looked back at Audrey, saw some of the rigid stiffness leave her shoulders. Her own breath came easier.

  “Has it stopped?” Trace’s voice almost demanded that it had.

  “Yes.” Audrey slowly straightened. She wiped the tears from her face with shaking hands. “Thank you for your help, Trace. Now, if you will all please pardon me, I need to go upstairs and—”

  “No. No walking. Blake, you need to carry her.” Trace’s voice was firm. “She must not walk or climb stairs or do any work at all. These next few weeks are a dangerous time for your baby. Audrey must go to bed and stay there. It’s important that she not get out of bed for any reason.”

  “But—I can’t do that!” Audrey choked out the words.

  “You can and you will, Audrey.” Blake’s voice brooked no argument. He scooped Audrey into his arms and headed toward the back of the store.

  “But, Blake, there’s no one to help—”

  “I’ll do it.” They all stared at her. She jiggled Howard and squared her shoulders.

  “Oh, Katherine, it’s sweet of you to offer, but you have the baby—” Audrey’s voice broke. She buried her face against Blake’s shoulder.