“Maybe he liked me,” I mutter, and she sighs and rests her head on my shoulder.
“It is Ryan who is still rare,” he says. Well, yes it is, but is … well. Yesterday, I asked to speak at school, and I know what that means. He has done before and I just … I’m the one who says I want to talk. … I who-sits and sips his nose once, looking at my quilt. He can not break me, Sarah. I like and do not … I do not want to be finished yet. That is why you should come tonight. If you’re there, we both can not speak, and I remember him because at first we met. I’ll let you see how great we are, and then everything will be fine. “But … - could be right? Could Ryan wanted to break with her? Brianna had never lost a child until she wanted to leave. - So you’re coming tonight? Please? Please, please? She says, and Brianna, the Brianna always perfect and always knows what to do, has tears in his eyes. Seat and embraced me. Thanks. All you have to do is hang out with us, and that’s not much, right? Moreover, it is as if you had something to do anyway. “Certainly,” I say, and drink around the lump in my throat has increased with the reminder that I have no social life. “Hey, do not say so. You just need a guy who likes you and will pass. You’ll see, flashing very fast to me. What does the eye shadow? “Wonderful,” I say, and I rise, looking at the mirror. What about me? How do I look? “As Sarah says, and comes and stands behind me, hugging and smiling at our reflection. As my best friend. Not wonderful. Not even pretty. I look like myself, whatever it is what it means. I know what that means, and it is not good. Current. Boring.
Brianna’s house is quiet and empty, and I’m standing hesitantly in the kitchen while checking your messages.
Brianna’s house seems normal enough. Brianna drops things on the floor, his mother left half-eaten tins of mints that always has them everywhere, but still I have not felt comfortable here. Brianna I do not think it either. But now I feel even more uncomfortable than usual. I can not believe Ryan this coming. I can not believe I’m here. Why when I agreed to this again? Because I want to see it. I’m not here for Brianna. I’m here for me, and I’m terrible. I’m horrible and no kind of friend at all and I … I can not help it. I still want to see it. Brianna hangs up and starts playing with the stove burners, making them glow red circles, lighting the burner, then turn off. - Do you know that some burners have things about them? “He says. Como, sticky things you put in the pans. Of course I do, my mother has a gas burner, but the mouth of Brianna is securely fastened and is flashing very fast, the way he does when he wants to be angry, but really sad. - What happened when you check your messages? “I say. Brianna frowns.
“Oh, the usual. Mom is working late and, of course, thinks I look like I’ve put a little charge, and Dad did not call, sighs and gently kicks the bottom of the oven with one foot. Why do my parents hate me? “Do not hate, I say. Your mom is … how it is, and your dad is not always far if nothing else seems to be legal? “There’s always something else,” says Brianna legal. I’m like the bone that he and mother struggling to achieve. Sometimes I think it could be a dog or a vase and still act exactly like-me look. And do not lie and say that’s not true. “You know you’re not a dog or a vase,” I say and I’m not lying. I think Brianna’s parents know it exists and that is his daughter. Just do not think any of them will care. It is important to them, as it should be, and I know it’s hard for her. I go to where you stand and put his arm around her. “You’re better than both. - Do you believe? “Absolutely. “I never treat my son like them, when you have children, makes love me more than anything. “I do not have to make love, Brianna. They will simply “No, sometimes you have to make people love you” You can not make someone love you. “Of course you can. I only know what they want you to be and eventually will. “That’s horrible …” I mean, but the look on Brianna’s face, a mixture of anger and helplessness, I stopped. But what about being yourself? - What’s so good? “He says. I mean, look. Are small and quiet, so guys you never know. That’s because they are stupid and only think about appearances and things, of course, but still. “Okay,” I say, insulted, and my voice cracks.
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“Do not be sad,” says Brianna. It will be different over time, I’m sure of it. Besides your parents love you in a wildly impressive, and know that I love. If I could have a sister, would you completely, but I like to think that because we are sisters. Do not you think that? “Yes,” I say, but I wonder if there are sisters where one feels as if it were a shadow of the other. If there is a girl with a sister who sometimes feel as anything. “Oh shit, Ryan will be here soon,” said Brianna. Do you expect down here and let it go for me? “I have to go get ready.” But you look great “I say, terrified. I see it, but I do not want be alone with him, “I have to look perfect” she says. All you have to do is talk to him for a few minutes. “Brianna …” Okay, do not talk. Just do your homework with him. You can do that, right? Let’s do the homework tonight anyway. “Brianna,” I say again, but runs up the stairs shouting, “You’re bigger than ever, Sarah Bear, and I know that nothing will get embarrassed going up Ryan to drop before it is ready. I grab my homework and try to figure out where to sit. “strange small bank in the front door? No, because then it will look as if he were waiting for him and me … Well, the thing is that I do.
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ermine and sit on the kitchen table, and jumped when the doorbell rings at once and then I want to give me a kick when I open the door and Ryan says, “This is new. Whenever I have to ring the bell more than once before … ah. Sarah. Hello. “Hey,” I say, and look at the floor, not him. Brianna is gearing up. She’ll be down in a minute and then you two … does not matter. She will be down soon. “Oh. Well, “he says, and pushes the hair from his forehead with one hand. Her hair is pushed back at once, and look at the fall of the threads stained with greed that scares me. I do not usually look so long but I’ve been waiting and regretting that he should not see me here and now he blushes a little and want to touch so much that my stomach is all hot and trembling with it, and my fingers tremble also. “We should sit at the same time I say he says” Do you want to sit? -And we sat down, we smile and we stand here, laughing with each other. It is Ryan, I say, only Ryan. I can do this. I have known each other forever and we are friends and he goes with my best friend. And I have to do this, be normal. Stop staring at him. Stop wanting it. I draw the room in which no one in the house of Brianna ever feel, and he tilts his head and whispers. “I’m actually a bit scared that room.
“Me too, I say, still grinning at each other. I can not seem to stop smiling, and he seems happy, as if he was happy to be here. I could reach out and touch her hand. He is this close. I could touch her hand and slid my fingers through his arm and he would lean toward me and …
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- Already under! -Brianna calls from above, and of course he smiles and is happy to be here. His girlfriend is here. Twist and turn me into the living room, blinking quickly to avoid a stupid tears that burn my eyes, and after a while I hear him following me. I sit in the recliner, so he and Brianna may have the sofa, and then I can say, “Ah, my books, I have to go look, and head into the kitchen then you do not have to look at it anymore. And I’ll come back and clean of heart and mind, I swear, I just need a second. Or twelve. In the kitchen, pick up my things and then threw me to the fridge and rest my head against it. Then grabs three sodas, two grape and root beer and head to the living room. I am quiet. I’m relaxed. This will be fine. Except not. Silence falls when I give her soda, a silence with which I am familiar, a silence that I know, and looked at him and see him take his eyes away as if he was watching me, his throat trying to swallow. Brianna low, last, and when she does I’m sure she should see how hard I
try not to look at Ryan and as he tries not to stare. I take a sip of my soda. My throat feels thick, clogged, and it’s so hard to swallow that only happens a little liquid. “So, hello, Brianna tells us both of us. Is that what you say when someone comes, you know? Why are so quiet you two? - Me … is that it is the only root beer? “Ryan says, and affection to my head because I do not trust me to say anything. “Well, I guess that counts as talk,” Brianna says, and Ryan grins. Lucky you, you get a kiss, she leans toward him. Ryan gets up, and Brianna is frozen. “I’m going to get another soda, he says, and goes into the kitchen. “I’m with you,” says Brianna.
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“Okay, right back, he says, and Brianna smiles and says,” Hurry up, her voice playful, but when he is gone, she looks at me and whispers, “Did you see that, right? “I’m sorry …” I say, and I do, but not as she thinks. Ryan and I feel that we have kissed, but not as much as it should. “Do not. Fix this, “she says, and goes to the kitchen. After a second I hear noises, her voice soft, and his voice, calm too, and then silence. Silence of kisses. I left my soda. He folded his fingers with the pressure of my hands. Ryan returns after a minute, her gaze meets mine, and I see that he holds a root beer. “I like this better than the grape, he says, and there’s something in his eye, something … something that makes you take a deep breath, and suddenly last night is in the room with us, all around us. I force myself to say: “Me too, obviously, and holding out my own grip, covering the bumps as best I can. “I know, he says, and blushes. Where’s Brianna? What does she do in the kitchen? - Did you start reading the story? “He says, as if he tried to sound normal, but he does not at all, and I wonder what you think. “No, not yet say, and do not look normal either, so-called: Brianna? -For though I am right here with him, it’s just that … we are alone. -Yo, last night, “he says. I … the thing is, I did not think that would happen, but I … - Why are you two look so hard? “Brianna says, and I look up and see that she is standing in the doorway watching. And Sarah, I went for like two minutes, max. Where you thought I was gone?
“I … we were here waiting,” I say quickly, the words come from me. You should sit down. On the couch.
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- Do you mean with my own boyfriend? “Brianna says, and looks at Ryan, rolling his eyes, but then grins at me and sits beside him. “Then you are ready to have your attention now? “She says, and kisses him. I look at my history book and then open it. I’m not in the correct page, but no matter. Do not look. I try not to think about Brianna and Ryan kissing. I try not to wonder what was going to say before she entered. I try not to think I know what it feels like your mouth. How knows. Brianna looked up and pouts, pleasantly, but his eyes were concerned that Ryan does not kiss, is opening its own history book. He looks directly at me and then he swallows and looks away. “We should start,” he says, and Brianna said: “I should have known that Sarah put embarrassing achieved here and get all-male scholar. ? Sarah, I really must take one for my real boyfriend. “Yes,” I say with a lump in my throat. I know I do.
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omencé to relax a bit after working for a while. For all that Brianna does not care about schoolwork, when it’s something you want to do, such as investigative reporting individual was assigned to us as part of the note, gives his all. Even more. In eighth grade, she made an impressive interactive project on Broadway. Wrote about actors and actresses who were good in their day, and use their stories in an interview, almost a book by its length, about what Broadway is for those who took part in the important work they did. It was so good that our English teacher wanted to talk to Brianna’s mother to try to publish it, but Brianna’s mom is always busy, and at the end of year ceremony she had to leave early, even before receiving his award Brianna . “Here,” she says, pushing aside the book he held. Now I know exactly what the proposal for my project Broadway struggle to fend off the ever growing members of the media. “Wow,” I say, and she smiles. - I know! Cool huh? “Very. She stretches and leans toward Ryan. - What are you doing? I do not know yet. Maybe something about how the artists engaged in a society where the funds are harder and harder to find, and as there are no real stars in the field. At least not the ones that everyone hears.
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“Because there is no money in it, just like you said,” Brianna said. It is easy to be famous for just being somebody, and that’s what you usually pay. Or at least gives you something, she looks at me. What are you doing? I shrug, and Brianna pushed my leg with his foot, smiling. “I know. They are shoes, of course. Your obsession. It’s great. Strange, but brilliant. “I do not think it strange,” says Ryan. I mean, I’ve never been to so many Broadway shows as you, as few, “Fifty? But do not say you’re obsessed. “That’s different,” says Brianna, blushing. Why are you so mean? Sarah, is not being stingy? I know what it means I have to say. “If ? is supposed I have to say that” If Brianna ? and say, “Thank you ? pretending to be sad, and then flirt with Ryan and was pressed against it and … why Brianna has to make me feel so bad sometimes? “Well, now the two are being selfish,” says Brianna, sheltering their hugs all around, which manages to make you look sad and enhance your breast at the same time. I regret that Broadway is not as good as what you call art, Ryan. I regret not want to read about shoes or spent years making a will because nobody Who looks at their feet? “I need some air,” says Ryan, and rises abruptly walking out of the room. After a second, I hear the sliding patio door. “Oh shit,” says Brianna. I look at the floor. - Do you think it’s strange that I like shoes? Really? “No,” she says, looking toward the door and shaking his head. I mean, not really. It’s different, but it works for you. You do … What do you think I should do about Ryan? I mean, the boys have bothered me before, but it has always been about things like that do not want to be with them or talk to another guy. I do not understand why you are upset. I did not say anything bad about him or his art, “she bites her lower lip for a second. Well, not something really bad. Would you go to talk to him? “See how annoying this?
“I see as I can … I really do not want to get involved, Brianna.
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- Involved? Come on, Sarah. You just have to find out if you are upset with me. You ask a question, and you’ve done before. In addition, he was not against you. “He was not against you, either. He only came to take a breather, and maybe you should go out and … I stopped when pressed closer Brianna arms around him, not to reveal her breasts as before, but because it is really annoying. “No I told you all about last night,” he says. I asked … I asked Greg if he wanted to date me. I wanted to prove that I can kiss another and it would be like to kiss Ryan. But it would not. I keep thinking about what he would do if he saw me, and it would be as if you were with another guy. I can not even … I can not even imagine being angry or something. I can only see him leaving, she stops and looks at me. I could not stand. And I regret having said what I said about you and your shoes. You’re not angry with me right? “Just …” I say hurt, and Brianna looks at me, surprised. “Oh,” she says after a moment, his voice low. I did not … when I say things like that, do not mean to sound bad. You know, right? I mean, I love you. You know that too right? Seat, because I know, and Brianna smiles and stands up, tapping his knee when I’m not. “Come on, she says, happy again. Talk to Ryan. Prepare some food for him. And for us too, of course. I’m looking at her, jealous, annoying me with myself for it and she bites her lip. “Really sorry. I’m a horrible person. You should not go out with me, and now you know why my parents never want to
be around me. His voice breaks on the last words, and I know exactly why Brianna is as it is, why it is so quick to say words that hurt more than she thinks. I know why they are so afraid of being left behind. Because it has happened. “Your parents suck. Too “I say. And I wanted to be with you since we were in kindergarten.
- Really?
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Seat. “Thank you” she whispers, hugging, and then I left and I pushed the back door, we walked together toward the door without going through it. “Look,” she says. Is not that cute? I look at him. He is standing outside, just a few steps from the patio of Brianna, with his head down, his eyes closed. It looks tired and sad and I want to hug him and tell him everything will be fine. “He’s fine,” I say, and Brianna laughs and opens the door, pushing through it smoothly. Ryan pushing me. He turns around as I do, and took a step toward him. Brianna hear humming, happy as he closes the door, and I want to turn around and go through it and ask him to leave me there. But I really want to stay here was a bit more.
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