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TRANSLATED BY: dani.shawn CORRECTED BY: Alice_vampire
yan? “I said, hoping that my body does not tremble in this way just to say his name.
“Hey,” he said, half turning towards me, the light that was supposed to shine on the back garden and exposed to potential thieves or grass or whatever was there just for him now, just shining on him, and he is gorgeous, and kissed him. I kissed him, and he kissed me, he should have touched your hair, you should have memorized the feel of his mouth, should have done more than just think-if, that is, if this is what I’ve been waiting, this is how he to be. ” “Brianna is very concerned,” I said, but the words came too fast, as if by not fast enough to move them out of my mouth would think. Stop loving “, she really likes you, and now my voice was cracking but I was not sad, I’m not. I forced myself to smile broadly, extending my mouth, she even make you something to eat. She has never done that for another boy. He looked at me, and I wondered if he could look inside my head, if I could see the words that I had not said out loud, and I would not dare say. - Are you all right? “He said, still looking, I felt my smile slide, fade, and the silence that fell upon us was so full I could not hear anything, the whistle of my heart beating in my chest, or the sounds around us, insects, wind, and other distant thunder in the lives of others in houses built near but not too much because when you look out the window all you see is what we intend to be ours.
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But Ryan is not mine. “I’m fine” I said. I looked over my shoulder, I caught a view of the kitchen Brianna moving with fluid grace even when doing something as ordinary as popcorn. She put extra butter just because I knew that I liked, I knew that about her just as she had chickenpox when she was four and had a scar on her right ankle because of that, the only place that had marked His mother said he had been wrong for doing that and did mourn. “I’m fine” I said again, this time when I looked Ryan I forced myself to watch it with Brianna the first time, that first night at the party at the end of summer, and then all the moments that came after the school, weeks of them together. Weeks. He did it because I had to see what was real. “You should come and talk to her,” I said. I’ll give you five minutes of privacy and then go into, grabbed my things and go. He looked down. - Are you? “He cleared his throat. “I can ask you something? Yes. No. Yes. Inner edges, I forced myself to shrug, say-clear ? without words because right now I could not manage any. “I … Sarah-he said, going a step. My fingers are shrunk inside the shoes, waiting. Waiting for whatever was to come. I just … I have to know something. Remember … you remember the party before school started? Were you in the studio and I walked and talked? I nodded. I saw his chest work, pale skin caught in the glow of light over darkness fell. “I really wanted to keep talking,” he said. The words came in a whisper, and when I called home the next day, I called Brianna, Sarah. I wanted to talk to you. - Me? - Me? “Yes,” he said, his voice was rough, intense, and we were close enough to touch us, but we were not, were not.
But I could feel everything around us. With every breath I took was the promise of her skin touching mine, and I wanted that.
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Wanted we kissed again, wanted him to kiss me, I loved him. I want it, and he is looking at how I looked last night. He is looking at me as if to kiss me. -Ryan “I said, sounding like a plea. I was afraid of this, he, me, on me and him, but not enough, not as it should. Then his head down towards mine and I came up in my feet, wanting to find it, and then … And then the mother of Brianna cried: - “Who the hell you parked your car in my garage?!
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TRANSLATED BY: nice! ? Edited by: Sera
Brianna’s mother in the kitchen is still yelling at Brianna, who is staring at a bowl of popcorn was dropped. Ryan and I had just come into the house, the time between us stopped, both flash and turned to the door at the same time. Both tense with the sound of the voice of the mother of Brianna. - Why park in the garage? “Brianna’s mother tells him. You know you should not. “You said you were working late and I …” Oh, so when I’m trying to keep, can not you bother to climb the front steps? “Sorry, Mom,” Brianna said, stooping to pick up the popcorn scattered and broken cup that once held. - What are you eating now? Brianna, darling, you should not eat after four. Go directly to your hips. Trust me, I know. “Mama,” Brianna said, without anger, only sadly. I have … Ryan is here. And Sarah. Can we talk about this later? “Oh,” said Brianna’s mother. Of course, I’m annoying. Well, do not worry about me. No need to eat or sit and rest or anything. Brianna I have to reach before it gets worse, I have to stop this, so I stepped into the kitchen and say, “Hey, Brianna, was talking with Ryan and … oh, you made popcorn. Thanks!
Miro Brianna’s mom and I force myself to smile when I really just wanted to kick for being so abominable. “I feel so hungry at times, and Brianna said he would not mess up anything in the kitchen because you might want something when I got home, but I begged until he did.
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“Well, now there is no food,” said his mother. Brianna made a mess. “It’s not so bad,” said Ryan, also entering the kitchen, and looking at the floor. You should see some of the things I’ve been dropped in the kitchen. “Oh, hello,” said Brianna’s mother, smiling at Ryan, fluttering eyelashes, and saw the face of Brianna. I just wanted to say it’s a mess to clean spilled food. I’m sure would have liked to have guys that looked like you when I was in school. Not so long ago, you know. Brianna put their eyes at that, and Ryan smiled tightly to her mother. I kneel and start to pick up some popcorn and pieces of the bowl. Brianna crouches beside me, his hands shaking as you do it. “I’m exhausted,” says his mother. I’m going to bed, Brianna do not be noisy. “No, I will be,” said Brianna, and we three clean quietly. “You should go,” said Brianna when we finished, and Ryan says: - You’re sure you’ll be alright? Brianna nods and kisses him. My stomach twisted and I hate myself for that. Ryan check out me and I look away, pretending I’m still looking at the ground lost bits of popcorn or bowl. When he’s gone, Brianna comes and stays with me. Crying, biting his lip to make no noise, hard hug, wishing I could do that Brianna’s mom to see what it does to her daughter. Knowing that if I did, I do not do differently. Brianna does not want to spend the night at my house, and I leave a few minutes later, telling her to call me if you need anything. I hug my parents when I get home. “I love you” I said. “Well, of course you do, we are very adorable,” says Dad, winks, smiles and Mom says: - Henry! “And then. Sarah, darling, is everything okay?
I nodded. He was not, but looking at them reminds me that in relation to parents, I have luck.
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TRANSLATED BY: Rozebell and Silvery CORRECTED BY: Sera
Sunday morning you are always a great event in my house. First, my mother wakes up, then go to church. A mom likes to go early to the service because … well, just likes the morning, period. I’m usually too sleepy to do anything, except not fall asleep, but now I can not stop thinking about last night. About how it looked Brianna when her mother was talking, tired, sad and defeated, in a way that Brianna looks only at home. I should have said something more, something that would make his mother to be nicer. … Maybe I should have anything that might have said Brianna’s mother would have cared, even being heard … but could have done more. Could have done to come to Brianna to spend the night with me. He could have called when I got home and double-check to make sure I was okay. Could stop loving her boyfriend. I could stop thinking about Ryan telling me that it was me who had ca
lled that first time he and Brianna talked by telephone. At home after church, I need a break from myself and my thoughts. I wore my favorite jeans and one of the old lawyer dad shirts, dark blue cotton is soft against my skin hangs loose enough for what comes next, which is the Sunday breakfast, and Mom preferred cooking.
Mom loves to cook, but Sunday morning it pulls all high, because Dad’s favorite meal is a great breakfast and once a week-mom likes to please. ? Frankly, sometimes I wonder how he survives without a mother. I know he did, she was not even born until he was older than I am now, and did not meet until he was in his forties and she was finishing her doctorate, but still. It is as if
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had always been together and she, she really loves him and wants me to be good. As well as can be. Today was stuffed French toast, bread rolls filled egg and butter with a mixture of cream cheese and blueberry ice cream that had thawed in the night, and a frittata, which is basically a huge baked bread filled with eggs, cheese and vegetables . There’s also bacon, and orange juice squeezed herself. -Kathy, have you sent this recipe for French toast somewhere? Father says if focuses on breakfast, and Mom shakes her head, pulling her notebook of recipes from the contest. (Of course you have one, in fact, more than one. They are all over the house. And in your car). “The breakfast tickets are usually some type of bread or pastries,” he says while typing. I think the next big thing will be pancakes have been turned into some kind of dish in layers. Lasagna pancakes! Oh, with syrup as sauce, and maybe chocolate hazelnut spread like cheese … he went silent, slowly and began to write more quickly, outside the kitchen area of creation. Dad smiles and pats his hand is not a writer. “Do not forget to eat,” he said, and Mom nods, and picking a piece of bacon and bringing it closer to your mouth as you type. Dad starts laughing immediately. I resist a little longer, but then I’m laughing too. “Oh, hush,” says Mom, smiling and finally taking the bacon to his mouth. After swallowing, he says. Henry “How’s your hip? “It feels better than yesterday. Mom looks at him - you going to call the doctor tomorrow? “For you, anything. “I said smiling father and mother smiles back, then look at me. It amazes me that Brianna is not here. You two, well three of you now, I guess since it seems to be pretty serious about Ryan, have been closely together lately. - Ryan was a friend to you? Father says. “Dad, I do not … Can we not discuss my social life? -Or lack thereof.
“I’m not arguing. I’m asking. Ryan seems like a good guy, so I thought maybe someone knew you could …
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- Dad! “I said again, and he looks at my mother, who nods to him. “You’ll meet someone,” she says. Somewhere out there is the perfect guy for you, Sarah Bear. It is. His name is Ryan, and I can not go out with him because he’s dating my best friend. But I’ve kissed. “I’m full,” I say, starting to walk away from the table. I’m working on my homework. - Will not you come? “Mom, are not yet eleven, nobody I know is up. “Oh, of course they are,” he says, as if everyone got up at dawn on the weekends. Because normally Brianna was already here. “Yes,” whispered and leave the kitchen, I go upstairs to my room. Mom was right. Brianna usually is here. Normally I call when I get home from church, even before change clothes and come to eat with us. But today, I called her. Today had been trying to think of it, I told myself that I thought about it, but it was not. Not really. Not as it should. I kept thinking about Ryan. I kept thinking of Ryan, and had not called because I wondered if he would call me. If you would talk about last night, or kiss, or both. I have not called because if I do and he is with her, I will not be able to pretend that you might like it. And I want. I pretend that there is a “him and me ?. I pretend that the first time he called Brianna had been different from what it was. What happened the morning after that party at the end of summer was this:
Brianna was ready, trying on some of the mom’s lipstick and leaving as soon as you put one because he did not like any color,
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and the phone rang. I replied, “I said. - Hello? , And Ryan said, “Hi, Sarah? -And my heart pounded in his chest. I felt strangely weak but happy, leaning against the wall when Brianna squinting at me and Ryan said, “Sarah? I said - Ryan? -With your name out as a scream, and then there was silence, a slow, painful silence that I knew I had to say something but wanted him to say what it was because last night we talked, he touched my hand and had had hope, but then he went out with Brianna. With Brianna, who was smiling and smoothing her hair even though I was the only person around. Who was telling me with his hand to pass him the phone. I stared at her and she whispered, “Sarah, called me here! And after just mentioned that you would probably here. Definitely liked. “This, am, Sarah,” said Ryan, and Brianna said, “Tell him I’m not here. No, wait, I’m here. Oh, this is so romantic. Como, romantic movie. He called me here! “He touched his mouth with the fingers of one hand and smiled, lost in her memories, and I knew what he was thinking. They had kissed. I had seen. They had kissed and had been watching her, watching all the guys, all guys want it, how could they not? She was Brianna, was beautiful. That was it. “Wait, Brianna is here,” I said, and swallowed the knot of pain stupid that clogged my throat. And that was it. I stood for a moment, watching Brianna smile, hearing his laughter, and listening to his part of the conversation: - What have you been thinking all night? Me too. What? Want to talk to Sarah now? I do not know if I can afford that. I bet you wonder what I said about your kissing technique and, well, I’m afraid there is not enough information to form a real opinion yet. I need more samples, you know. But Sarah said we were perfect for each other. Yes, I said. Listen, “I grinned and held the phone, waiting.
“Perfect,” I said, raising his voice a little, so that Ryan could hear me, and Brianna giggled turning to talk to him. I crept out of my own room as if it were not mine at all and I sat on the stairs trying not to mourn. I thought Ryan had called me to me. To me.
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I allowed myself to think that once, just once, and then forgot. I did forget. I had to. I had to because I saw my best friend started seeing him. I noticed that she really began to like it. I saw his eyes glistened when he saw Ryan in a way that never did any other guy. I saw them together, not for a week or even two, but for a month. Now almost two. But now Ryan and I had kissed, and said he wanted to talk to me when called. Talk to me. The phone rings and then jump. I hope, encouragement, someone to answer and I hear the voice of my father. I hope that he says my name. But it does not. Brianna finally call in the afternoon. It is preparing to leave and says he has been avoiding his calls but, I took it is you and adore you. ? Do not ask, do not say - Where are you going? ? Or - Who are you going? ? Not want to hear your answers. - See you tomorrow? “He says, and I say. Of course. You want to drive, or anger in the car of Ryan? -Not even hesitate when I say his name. “I will drive,” he says. Oh, I’ll go. The fun awaits! “Go for it” I say, I feel there after he has hung up, without thinking about anything or anyone at all. … It is not easy, which is weird, but I can not keep doing this, I can not continue playing the “if … ?. I have to remember how things are. When the phone rings after dinner, replied, imagining that it will be one of the friends mom calling contest so worried about the coming weekend, which was when the finalists Fabulous Family Kitchen. But it’s just a wrong number, someone who hangs up as soon as he hears my voice. I try not to take it as something personal, but I can not help it. I feel sorry for myself. I feel lonely. Hopefully the kiss never happened. I wish had never happened because I did not think about it when I’m sleeping.
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No wake flushed with
my arms around the thing. I would not be wondering what to do Brianna and Ryan today. I would not be wondering if he believed in me.
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TRANSLATED BY: Dani CORRECTED BY: Sera
s Tuesday night. Normally I would be doing what I always do on Tuesday night, which is my job, dinner and homework.
But tonight is not normal. Tonight I stand in front of my closet, frowning at my jeans and shirt, looking one by one long-sleeved shirts, cute (I think) was nice (last year). Finally I settled with a pair of jeans and a shirt that mom washed a load of sheets and bleach so now was stained in places. I like the randomness of the pattern, the mystery of how and where the bleach washed out the color of the shirt. The shoes are comfortable. My pink sneakers, but my hands are shaking when I tie the laces. I look at myself in the mirror. I wish I had a bra with padding. I wish it were higher. I have a knot in the stomach. Barely touched my dinner, but Dad also did not eat much of yours either. The call for the finalists would Fabulous Family Kitchen this weekend, and Mom could not come soon enough. Dad and I agreed on that. Even mom was, and has promised to stop cooking the recipes submitted by a time-close ?. But now … now I’m supposed to Ryan’s house. A study. With him and Brianna. I do not want to be there. Be going home. On Monday, I went to school with Brianna. I told myself that the whole thing with Ryan had to end and I did ask: - What did you do last night? Brianna smiled and said, “Oh, you know. Things.
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Say. -Ryan-as openly as I can because I’m trying. Really I did, and she threw her bag across the seat and said. I have these new powders out there. It will make your nose is less bright. I looked in the mirror Brianna compact bag. My face was enormous, grotesque with the brightness magnified compact mirror. I ran my fingers over the dust and then on my face, inhaling the smell of expensive cosmetics only have one kind of flavor wealthy. “Much better,” said Brianna, and threw her hair back with one hand. Everything fell neatly in its place, its dark, shiny hair swinging around her face. Oh, look, there’s Ryan. She waved and he waved back, going inside the school. I looked. When we entered school, she directed us to Ryan, and kept walking because it was just Ryan, Brianna’s boyfriend, and since then she had to say hello. That’s what couples did, and had been healthy before. He had passed the phone to Brianna when he called my house after that party, after he and I spoke with. I never thought that maybe I was calling to me. “Hey,” said Brianna, and looked at Ryan, planning to smile, be normal, or try, but when I did, I saw that I was watching. I was watching and was back in the car with him, just so, so fast, a whip pushed back in my memory, a brief second of our mouths was found, and then we were on the platform in the courtyard of Brianna and said he wanted to talk to me and was leaning towards me and I wanted to close, loved him, and … And I said, “I’ll get something out of my locker, and left. Brianna yelled. See you later, Sarah! Ryan said nothing. Brianna saw during school, of course, is the only person that I always, always been the person I expected between classes when I could and exchanged smiles in the aisles when they could.
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