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I stare at her. - I said I’d ask him and you two were perfect for each other. She rolls her eyes blank. - bet he did. - What do you care what he said? - Do not do it, I mean, is Greg, no big deal. Just ask me, that’s all … - his voice trails off when I say nothing, then - says: Sarah, I see you squinting, and it’s really not worth it. Just wanted to know who spoke. What he said. That’s it. It’s like a game, you know? - That’s exactly what he said - say, and Brianna looks away, as if something on the side called her attention and she did not listen. But I know he did.
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TRANSLATED BY: Nathyab CORRECTED BY: Brooke
eo Ryan after lunch. There are a lot of noise. The crowded aisles as usual, but then his eyes meet mine and when that happens the sound fades. Everything vanishes, and all I see is him. Only I see him, and it is frightening how easily I get, as is molded into my heart. We turn next to another, and the second careful we do last forever and not nearly long enough. My gaze is caught by his own, he remains all I can see, our fingers and then rub against each other, not by accident, not pretend, I can not, in a caress that lasts the blink of an eye but let me with the impression of his hand against mine. And then he says: “I have to talk to you. and touches my arm. Just rubs his fingers along, but it startled me. Moves me. It makes me realize that he has moved even closer, and I even closer.
“I’ll talk to her tonight. “He says. I know things were wrong with his father yesterday, and she is upset, but I do not, I do not want to see you for a second in the corridor as now. Do not want to say hello and follow
V
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walking. I want … I want you to be our real. I want us to just you and me. - Are you going to talk to her tonight? “My head spins, my heart is beating strongly, and this is all I wanted, it’s all I want, but now … Now I’m scared. I did not know it would be like us, that would be something I can not control. I would say, “Okay. -And say seriously. And I do. I actually say, “Okay,” and I say seriously. Okay, I want the talk to Brianna. Okay, I want to be with him and not only for a brief moment in the hallway as he said. Okay, I want to be together. It’s real. They have taught me that love is beautiful and kind, but nothing is. If it is beautiful, but it’s a terrible beauty, a vicious, and you fall, you fall, and the thing is, “The thing is, you want it. You do not care what’s coming, you just want to that for which your heart beats. “I’m pretty sure she knows I want to finish, but I want as I have already ruined enough, Ryan says,” I wish that I’d only been talking to you that first night, I would not have been so afraid to say what they wanted “His face is grim. Remain silent is something that we both know. He will tell you have done, and she may already know, but just hurt her. He hurt her. I could say enough. I could say that I do not want. I could lie. I know how, is not it? But I said nothing. I just stood there, silent, the two together yet not. And then the bell rings and we must continue, both carrying the rest of our day.
I stumble through it the best I can, frightened and excited, and then Brianna finds me after school, her hand on my arm making me jump as if I were surprised.
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- What about you? “She says, first Ryan disappears completely after that I would say tonight, and it was this morning, and then you were not waiting in my car. How long have you been here standing by your locker? Do not you know we have to go? I doubt. Should I get a ride home with her? “Act as if everything was OK when not? “Sarah,” she said impatiently, and I start to shake my head, I begin to say I have something to do. I know my mom is coming to get me if I call. “Okay, going to do this when we were in the car, but I can not wait, look, a gift! “She says and hands me a small box, carefully wrapped and tied with a small blue ribbon. I kept looking. “Not wise, right? “Brianna says, was so hard not to say this morning, but wanted to wait until the end of classes to give it. - What-why did this? “I say, my voice comes out weak, weak. “Because, you’re best friend, duh-Brianna says smiling” Open it! “She’s happy, so damn happy, and I do, my clumsy fingers on the box. Inside is a silver chain with a circle at the end. “It means eternal friendship” Brianna says, or at least he said it meant the woman at the store where I got it. I bought it for your birthday, but after yesterday, you deserve it completely. I begin to mourn. “Listen,” Brianna says, and I wrapped an arm around me, heading out to his car, “is a necklace. Is supposed to tell you, do not mourn. Are you going to? Wear it. My hands are shaking. I tell him everything. I want to go home and wait all this. This is the worst thing that ever will be. Today, now, is what I feel worse than ever. Except it is not.
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TRANSLATED BY: evelin CORRECTED BY: Brooke
rianna not take me home, however, do not notice it at first. I’m too busy rolling a finger around the collar that I have since, recalling how she rescued me in kindergarten. How do I know you hate cottage cheese, loves chocolate hazelnut spread and has an old pillowcase that his grandmother gave him. I know that was the only thing he managed to hide when his mom got rid of everything that had given her grandmother after she died. I know that after that, when his dad finally left, Brianna did not eat anything for three days, until I cried and I said I would die if he did (he had seen one of those TV movies about eating disorders and I had terrified) and she blinked slowly and said: - Would you mind if I die? I had not known exactly how horrible Brianna’s mother had felt before. I had not realized that with her missing father, the mother of Brianna downloaded your life and all the bad things in it.
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Collar loose, letting her soft weight is set around my neck and then I realize that we are crossing the driveway. “I thought …” I say and then I stop because I feel too guilty to say I should take my home. I wanted to go home. “I know, usually I’m taking you home and stay there, but, okay,” he says. Last night, after I went home and mom was … Mom … I stayed up very late because I could not sleep and I made brownies. - Did you make brownies? “I know. “He says. I was also surprised, but after I wrapped your necklace I thought about how great it has been this year-not that you had not always been, but you are sometimes a bit picky. However, lately you’ve been totally comprehensive, so I wanted to thank you. “I need some air or something. “I say and open the car door. I want to vomit, I want that big dramatic moment as the one you see on television or read in books. I want to be so sick of myself that in fact my body is against me but instead, just look at the floor, while my stomach churn. Then Brianna is out of the car, bending, appearing in front of me, smiling and pushing the collar so it begins to swing back and forth. “Come, come to eat brownies. “I can not tell by looking at the collar and she takes my arm and says” You can do whatever you want. To be free means make your own decisions, right? I’m sure of it. We just talk about it in my stupid philosophy class. It is the worst of all elective. “Yes,” I say the word is too bitter in my mouth. I have taken my decision and I knew everything. I know what I should do. I know that this is where I have to tell her everything. But I do and the worst part is I know I will not. I had opportunities, many opportunities, and I remained silent. Why? Because I know Ryan and I know that when he talked to her tonight, do not say it is for me. I know he will keep silent.
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I want Ryan and I are together and Brianna never know that the kiss became so significant that would not let go. I do not want Brianna angry with me and if she finds out what happened, w
hat I have done, surely be angry a lot. I want Ryan, but I also want to keep my best friend and is there a way to do this because Brianna never guess he was looking at me when I was with her. Never would. “Look, Brownies! She says when we entered the kitchen and points to a small dish on the counter. The catch, I removed the plastic wrap and sits on the kitchen table. I have no doubt. I am also taking a ponderous brownie with chocolate chips. The chocolate will not cure everything. At least Mom has a kitchen apron that says, but he knows so well and if I’m eating, I have to think about. No I have to tell me I will in a minute or just need to find a way to start. No I have to hate me for lying. “So, I’m a good cook, right? “Brianna says when I start my second brownie. She pulls a piece of chocolate brownie and shoots her in her mouth. I think being close to your mom beat me their skills. She smiles. “Or maybe I just did a mix and put pieces of chocolate in it. Do not tell your mom, okay? I know how you feel about the mix-she lowers her voice and added, “and do not tell my mom either. I took the chocolate from his hiding place in the refrigerator. - You did what? “I say surprised because Brianna is always very careful not to mess with things from her mother. “She’s getting everything you ever wanted from dad. Can spread one, two or three bars of chocolate “Brianna said, still smiling, but now his smile is much closer. Sadder. “You know we have to be friends until we’re both senile, right? “She says. I mean, brownies and a necklace. You can not go beyond that, does it? -Is trying to sound like kidding, but that’s the thing about being the best friend Brianna. I know when she actually means something. I know when doing damage. I know when to make her feel better.
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“It’s insurmountable,” I say. Or is it until you’re famous and you can tell people that I know, the superstar actress. “You can be my assistant,” he says. Answering fan mail, help me with my lines. - When do you know if you got the lead role in the play? “Soon,” he says. It’s something about Shakespeare, but we’re doing a modern adaptation, you heard us talking about that night you came to my house with the clothes. I watch my brownie and she keeps talking. “Knowing Mrs. Leslie, that means that all the girls do the interpretations of all boys and girls will be boys. Which is not very modern, it was actually used since there were kids all interpretations. But anyway, I just I have to get pass the test. “You’ll be great. - Do you believe? I nod. Brianna is happiest when he is acting. It may be someone else when you can stand in a world that is not this a world where parents do not have, not make them feel. “Okay, two more bites and end,” she says. Should I wear my blue shirt tonight? Ryan likes, but I think I look better with pink, lace. Ryan’s not like I go to watch the chest, however, he always does, but … “Hey, what if a guy started liking but instead you end up liking me? “I say, interrupting and sugar has made me stupid, maybe it’s because what she just said about Ryan. Maybe I’m saying they should, maybe I’m finally starting the conversation that I know we have to have. I look and I hope your answer. “I thought you said you did not like Greg,” he says. “I,” that’s not what I said. I said if you liked a guy decides he likes me, what do you think?
-Sarah-Brianna says, leaning over and putting his arms around me. You know I love you. You’re adorable and I am convinced that there is a boy
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out there that is so cute like you who are waiting for you. But Greg never really liked it because the boys who liked me-not you and I are really, well, we’re different, you know? You look like a little sister. You’re the kind of sweet and friendly girl. - So you’re not? “I say, turning away, and my hands are trembling now, not sad but angry because I hear what she is saying. I know exactly what you mean. The kids do not want me. And she did. “I think anyone ever called me sweet,” he says and takes another bite of brownie. I like to keep the kids on their feet. Make them work. It’s more fun that way. - Why you? Or for them? “Okay, what about that voice of disgust? “He says. I think you just said that this was not about Greg. “Well, girls, I see some people at least have to relax. Says Brianna’s mother behind us, and look at the frozen face of Brianna, I see his mother staring at the brownies and see Brianna blushed, embarrassed when they need to be. “Actually, I ate most of the brownies,” I say and Brianna’s mom says he looks at me briefly. Hi, Sarah, quietly before turning back to Brianna. “Well, you could terminártelo” he said, pointing to the brownie that Brianna is leaking and then abruptly turns around, squinting at something on the sink. I prepare psychologically for another display emotional and I realize that it captures their image in the window and smoothed the hair, making sure every strand is in place. - Do you stay here tonight? “She said, turning his head to Brianna and opening his bag. I have a friend pick me up and then go for a drink. Peter is younger than me, but says he finds it impossible to believe. She laughs lightly and pulls out a tube of lipstick, frowns and then thrown into the bag. “I need new makeup. I’ll bring home something too, I think the last collection I gave did not work very well, does it? Brianna has a pimple every six months and always gets high on his forehead, so high that you can cover your hair.
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“Thank you and no, I’ll be here. I’m going out, Brianna and her mother whispers to the table, touch the top of his head and says. I’m going to change. Do something with your hair if you really want out, sweetheart. It will be much nicer if you brush from time to time. Brianna is stuffed into his mouth the last part of the brownie I was eating and his mother sighs and leaves the kitchen. I move toward her, changing into my chair, but she shakes her head, gets up and pulls the counter. Wait a few seconds because I know that I need and then. “And that is a father who loves me. She says when I walk up to it. She is looking into the garden, there is sadness in his face. No anger. No expressions, except resignation. Fatigue. “I try to, you know? I do. But my dad does not even want me and my mom thinks I have no settlement. And what if, what do you do if people are supposed to love you as if you can leave nothing? -Brianna … “I’m tired of this, he says, no need-no need to feel that way again, never again. Why do you always hang out with guys who are really pathetic? Not to let me know, Sarah. But I want to … just for once, I have someone who can get away from me decides he wants to stay. I want them to be with me. I want that to happen with Ryan and “happen. I’ll make that happen. “You, wait. Want to Ryan why you want to make him stay with you? “It’s not make it sound like he says, shaking his head. You do not understand, Sarah. Do not know what being in love. Love is … you’re confused and do things you should not do and only, you hate yourself, and sometimes do not even want to love the person you want and do it because it would be easier if you do not. But you just-you do. I mean that is crazy and wrong, but it is not. I know it is not, because that’s how I feel, the things they do are just things I’ve done and it … she loves Ryan. She really loves him.
I feel sick. “I … Did you tell?
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She sighs. “No, because … How can you say that when you wonder why the kid does not love you, too? It’s hard to even think about it. But I … I can. I will. I can get what you want. I just … Can you just pretend that you understand and you stay with me for a while?
TRANSLATED BY: elamela CORRECTED BY: Brooke
or want her to love him.
One thing was wanting to Ryan when he knew she would not feel the same way I do. The fact that he fill your heart like mine filled. She loves him, and his desire to be with him is not his knowledge that he does not like the way she wants. Is what you like, more than he likes. It therefore sees and does not know what to do about it. Are scared. Do not want to be left. Wants to be loved, and so I’ll take it. I watch her trying on a dress, I have carefully with the
mother of Brianna, who likes to get out quickly and offer advice, poisonous words that make Brianna’s shoulders sink even when you feel unstoppable. And do not feel that way tonight.
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“You look great,” I tell Brianna after her mother and drag trembling smile, and his mother says, “Brianna, you certainly have a loyal friend. You’re a lucky girl! His voice is a farce full of sugar, and when you go, Brianna smiles. “Okay, now I’m totally taking another brownie to eat when you take home. I can even put a candle in it to celebrate your genius. And I’m going to tell Ryan about it too, and know how wonderful you are. Ryan. Tonight. She loves him. And he will break with her. “I … Do not tell me I can not praise” she says. Now just let me finish my makeup and go. Rings doorbell then, Brianna’s mother shouts, “Brianna, take care of that, and tell Peter that I will list below. And if you ask if we are sisters, Say yes! Brianna me I get up and look in the mirror, panic and shame in her eyes flashing. “As I would do that,” I say. Please. “You’re a star” Brianna says, and seat, then pitch down the stairs. Do not want to think about tonight. Is all I can think of. At least I get to do this. I open the door with a flourish, ready to prick Brianna’s mother a bit, then I stop, mouth open, the door handle kneeling in my hand because I’m holding on to it very strong. - Sarah? “Says Ryan.
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TRANSLATED BY: cowdiem CORRECTED BY: Alice_vampire
I stared at each other for a moment in silence, then stepped inside Ryan hesitant, even looking at me.
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