Following Me

by K. A. Linde

  Brennan had a table big enough for two against the wall in the kitchen, and Devon took an empty seat. He placed a plate with eggs, bacon, and toast in front of her.

  “Coffee?” he asked with a smile.

  “Sure,” she said. “Lots of cream and sugar though.”

  He laughed again, obliging. After pouring his own coffee, he took the seat across from her, and they ate in comfortable silence. Last night felt like a lifetime ago. But Brennan liked her; he had told her. Well, at least, he had kind of told her. He had told her in a completely Brennan kind of way. It made her sigh happily as she ate.

  Despite his protests, Devon helped Brennan clear the table, and then she washed off her plate and placed it in the dishwasher. When he finally pushed her out of the kitchen, she walked over to the couch and sat back down. She flipped on the television to some random channel and waited for Brennan to return. It didn’t matter what was on TV because she wasn’t really paying attention.

  A couple minutes later, Brennan walked into the living room. He slid into the seat next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She leaned back against him, snuggling into his chest, and he intertwined their hands in her lap. It was comfortable and nice. How long had it been since she had felt like this? It had been at least a year, probably longer, since she had done this with Reid. She couldn’t remember that far back, back when it had been different, and she didn’t want to think any more about it. She wanted to be content.

  They sat like this through the mindless television show. Devon couldn’t have told anyone what happened on the show, but she knew the rhythm of Brennan’s heart, the small movements he made when he nestled closer to her, and the soft caress of his fingers on her hand.

  When the show ended, Devon shifted to reach for the remote, but Brennan moved first. He clicked the power button, and the screen went black. Devon turned her face up to him, her eyebrows scrunching together. When she found him staring down at her in adoration, all the tension eased from her face. His hand moved and tugged lightly on the hair tie, freeing her long locks to fall down around her face.

  “I love your hair,” he said, running his hand through one side, causing her to shiver. “I love when you wear it down. I love when it irritates you, and you throw it all over one shoulder.”

  His hand brushed her hair to expose her neck, his fingers trailing lightly across her skin. Her breathing turned shallow, and her eyes darted to his lips and then back to his eyes.

  “I love your big blue eyes, and the way they can find me in a crowd even when you don’t mean to. I love your lips that you constantly bite out of frustration, that you suck on when you’re writing lyrics in your journal, that you pucker when deciding on what to order.”

  Devon swallowed. She couldn’t breathe.

  He leaned forward, cupping her chin with his hand. “I really love your lips,” he whispered softly before pressing his lips against hers.

  This time, Devon sighed into him, not even thinking about pulling away. She was lost—mind, body, and soul—to the man before her. Somehow, along the way, he had captured not just her lips but all of her. How had she evaded him for so long?

  His tongue stroked her bottom lip and opened her mouth. She met him tentatively at first, and then she wholly indulged in the feel of him. Her senses intensified all at once, feeling the softness of his lips against hers, the calluses on his hands touching her skin, his taut body pressing into her. His scent clouded her mind, and she forced herself not to move too fast. His fingers moved to knot in her long hair, and she moaned lightly into his mouth.

  Being kissed this way was like tasting the first strawberry of the season—so sweet and way better than you ever remember.

  They remained kissing leisurely, distractedly, happily until Brennan remembered that he actually had to go into work that day. Devon didn’t have many days off, and since she had worked so hard the day before, today just happened to be one of those days.

  Brennan left to take a shower, and Devon pulled out her phone, trying not to envision him naked. She wasn’t having much luck.

  She had turned off her phone last night because she hadn’t wanted to be disturbed. Mostly, she hadn’t wanted Garrett to call her. When the screen brightened and finally reached a signal, her phone lit up with messages, missed calls, and voice mails.

  What the hell? she thought, clicking on the first message.

  She had expected Garrett to leave one or two texts and maybe a voice mail, asking her to come back. Maybe he would even apologize for his behavior. But thirty-two messages and five voice mails? That was just absurd. What was his problem?

  Devon didn’t even want to read the messages. She clicked out of them and turned to the voice mails. These were all from this morning. She shrugged and pressed the phone to her ear.

  “Devon, you might hate me, but answer your phone!”

  She stopped the message, not willing to hear the rest. The next one started playing right after that.

  “It’s Hadley. She’s in the hospital. She’s at Northwestern Memorial. I don’t care if you hate me, but think of Hadley.”

  The voice mail ended, and Devon stared down at her phone in shock. All the softness and ease of being with Brennan this morning drained out of her face…out of her whole body. Hadley was in the hospital. Shit!

  Devon jumped off the couch in a rush, throwing her phone into her purse. She slammed her hand down on the bathroom door just as the shower shut off. Brennan cracked the door, holding a towel around his waist. He was still wet, and his hair was hanging low, almost over his eyes. She was momentarily distracted by him.

  Then, she shook her head and reminded herself what was really important. “Hadley,” she gasped out. “Garrett called, and she’s in the hospital.”

  “What?” he cried, rushing past her. “What hospital?”

  “Northwestern Memorial.”

  “That’s not far from here,” he told her. “Let me throw on some clothes, and we’ll go. I’ll call Jenn from the car.”

  Devon wasn’t sure why, but her mind focused on the strangest things under stress. Brennan had a car?

  BRENNAN KNEW HIS way around Northwestern Memorial better than Devon thought most people should be able to maneuver a hospital. Devon was anxious and kept bumping into him as they walked through the building. The ride over had been extremely short. She had almost felt bad taking a car, considering the L wouldn’t have been much more effort. But she did enjoy watching him, albeit reluctantly under the circumstances, driving his little Jetta Hybrid through the busy streets with his Wayfarers on.

  He found what he was looking for and approached a desk with a lanky man standing behind it. “Excuse me, we’re here to see Hadley Bishop,” Brennan told the man.

  The man scanned his computer, running his finger along the screen. “Ah, she’s in the ICU. Go straight down this hall, then turn—”

  “Thanks, I know the way,” Brennan said, cutting him off and loping down the hallway.

  Devon followed at his heels, wringing her hands like a maniac. She wished she had a pen to flip, but she had already checked in her bag, and she didn’t find one. Brennan walked down a few corridors and then stopped when they reached the waiting room to the ICU.

  He steadied her before they walked to the nurses’ station. “Do you know what she’s here for?” he asked.

  “Well, I have a guess.”

  Brennan nodded. “Your guess is probably right.”

  “I know,” she whispered, staring down.

  “Are you ready for this?” He rubbed her arm.

  “I don’t know.”

  “I wish you didn’t have to see her this way. This isn’t like her. She should have never overdosed.”

  Devon gasped. She didn’t know why. She knew that was the reason Hadley was here, but saying it out loud sounded so much worse.

  Tears sprang to her eyes, and she was suddenly glad that she was outside the room. All the adrenaline from getting to Hadley was wearing off, and sh
e felt exhausted.

  Brennan’s arms wrapped around her, and she leaned into him, thankful that he was here, that he hadn’t gone into work. He kissed the top of her head, and he held her in his arms as she cried through the pain. She was crying for more than Hadley, but the knowledge of what Hadley had done was the most potent at the moment. Why were things falling apart? She felt so guilty for being happy with Brennan this morning when Hadley was suffering all alone.

  “You couldn’t have done anything about it,” he whispered against her hair.

  “I know,” she said.

  “You don’t. But she’ll be okay, and she’ll realize it was her mistake. You can’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault.” He was rocking her gently.

  “I know,” she repeated.

  “You can’t have this on your shoulders, too,” he said, pulling back to examine her.

  He bent down and firmly pressed his lips to hers. Devon sighed into him, thinking she would never get tired of this.

  “Chin up. Let’s go see her.”

  “Alright,” she said shakily.

  They turned the corner and walked up to the nurse.

  “We’re here to see Hadley Bishop,” Brennan said to the nurse.

  “One moment please. Let me see if she can have visitors,” the nurse said, staring down at her computer. The nurse spoke through an intercom to someone and waited for a response. “Alright, you two can go on in. She is in room six. Please be mindful of the nurse working.”

  “Thank you,” Brennan said with an appreciative smile.

  They walked through the door into the ICU. It was a large hallway of rooms with all glass doors on each side. Each room was easily accessible from the nurses’ station. They walked down the hallway to Hadley’s room. Just as they arrived at the glass door, Garrett walked out and slid the door back into place.

  Devon’s stomach lurched at the memory of his body covering hers. He wouldn’t meet her eyes, and she was glad. He should be ashamed. He looked the worse for wear, and Devon wondered how long he had been here with Hadley. The pang of guilt hit her again.

  “Glad you made it,” Garrett said, finally looking at her.

  She glanced away, not having the strength to challenge him.

  “We would have come sooner, but Devon’s phone was off,” Brennan said with a shrug.

  “You had your phone off at work?” Garrett asked, confused.

  “I didn’t have to work today,” Devon said, not sure why he even cared.

  “She was already with me,” Brennan explained before Garrett could ask another question.

  Garrett’s eyebrows scrunched together, and his eyes wavered between them. She didn’t want to know what he was thinking.

  “Can we see her now?” Brennan asked impatiently.

  “Oh, of course,” Garrett said as if he hadn’t realized his body was blocking the entrance. “She’s doing a lot better than when they first brought her in. She’s sedated, and they pumped everything they could out of her system.”

  Devon glanced through the glass at her best friend, and a sob escaped her throat when she saw her. Sure, they had been estranged this summer, but Hadley was still her best friend. They had lived together for almost three years, drank at stupid frat parties together, figured out how to cook together, had girlfriend weekends, and so much more. Nearly all her happy memories from college were with Hadley. The worst part of her relationship with Reid had only happened after Hadley left, and it made her sad that six months could change so much.

  Her Hadley was the same person as the one who was now lying in a hospital bed, breathing with the assistance of a ventilator and looking as white as the blank sheet covering her body.

  “The doctors said that she was lucky to be with other people last night. Her friends brought her in when she became unresponsive, and then they disappeared as soon as they dumped her at the ER,” Garrett said. “The doctors aren’t sure what she was on. So far, they’ve found the primary source to be cocaine.”

  “Which explains the sedative,” Brennan said almost to himself.

  “Yeah,” Garrett agreed. “But she was clearly drunk and had taken some pain pills as well. From listening to the doctors, I gather they were some pretty strong ones.”

  “She’s so pale,” Devon said softly.

  “I just…I can’t believe she would do this to herself,” Garrett said. “We fought, but that shouldn’t have been an excuse for…for this.” He gestured toward Hadley.

  Brennan said something quietly to Garrett, but Garrett just continued to stare at Hadley as Brennan talked.

  Devon walked inside the room and over to Hadley’s side as the guys talked to each other on the other side. She tuned them out and sat heavily in the chair next to the bed. She took Hadley’s hand in her own, surprised to find it was so hot it felt like it was on fire. Devon curled her fingers around Hadley’s hand anyway and leaned her forehead against it.

  “I’m sorry, Hadley,” Devon whispered. “I’m sorry for knowing and not doing enough. I’m sorry for putting you in a rough place. I’m sorry for using your weakness to my advantage. That’s a shitty thing for a friend to do. I’m sorry for not being your friend since I got here. I wish I could tell you everything I’m sorry for, but I don’t think you would want me to be here all day and night. Mostly, I’m sorry that we’re not close like we used to be. I don’t know who pushed the wedge in between us, but I don’t like it. I kept secrets…you know I did. But you were keeping them, too, and then you pushed me away when I was trying to help you. I don’t blame you. How could I ever blame you? I’m just sorry it came to this, and I hope that when you wake up, we can fix this. You’re my best friend.”

  Devon squeezed her hand and stood before she the tears came. She couldn’t cry again. She had cried too much.

  “Is she going to…be okay?” she managed to get out before covering her mouth at the thought.

  “Yeah, the doctors said she would be okay physically,” Garrett told her. “Mentally and emotionally though will take time.”

  Hadley would be okay, alive. She would wake up soon and start to recover. She would learn from her mistakes, and then they could all move on.

  But today, she wasn’t okay, and today, it wasn’t alright. Today, it was painful and terrible and heartbreaking. Today, Devon would let herself feel it because it would make her better tomorrow.

  “I’m going to…go get something to eat,” Devon said, not meeting the guys’ eyes as she walked past them.

  “Do you want me to come with?” Brennan asked, brushing her arm with his fingers.

  She smiled at him and shook her head. She wanted to be alone.

  Devon made it out the door and a few feet down the hallway when she heard footsteps behind her. She turned, her heart rate picking up drastically. After all her nightmares about being followed, she couldn’t shake that uncontrollable fear.

  “Devon, can we talk for a minute?” Garrett asked, walking toward her.

  “I’d rather not,” she said. Her chest was aching, and she just wanted to find a place to be alone. Couldn’t he see that?

  “I just wanted to apologize for last night.” He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot.

  “I really don’t want to deal with this right now, Garrett,” she said.

  “I know. I was an ass. Devon, please…I don’t know what I was thinking. I was really upset about Hadley,” he said, stepping in closer and reaching out for her arm.

  “Please don’t touch me,” she said, pulling back quickly.

  “Sorry.” He dropped his arm.

  “Can we just not do this right now? Hadley is in there, unconscious. That is what’s important. Let’s just…deal with that first. I don’t even want to think about last night or what happened.”

  “Devon—”

  She held up her hand. “Please…just…no. I can’t talk about it yet. I need some time.”

  Garrett nodded and took a step back. “Alright. I can give you time,” he said with a sigh.
<
br />   Devon turned on her heel and walked away from Garrett, leaving him standing alone in the hallway.

  Despite all the terrible things that had happened this week, she felt strong, stronger than she had in a long time.

  HADLEY WAS RELEASED from the hospital three days later. She was required to see a psychiatrist who would monitor her progress. Her doctors had decided it wasn’t attempted suicide, so they were lenient with her discharge. If it were up to Devon, she would have pushed Hadley straight into rehabilitation, but Hadley could talk her way in or out of anything. Once Hadley had regained consciousness, the last thing she wanted was to be in the hospital for any longer than necessary.

  Devon had camped out on Brennan’s couch until Hadley returned to Garrett’s apartment. She hadn’t felt right about going back with just Garrett there. His hospitality had run its course. Still, she couldn’t be away from Hadley when she came back, and Devon didn’t want her to know what Garrett had done. Hadley had too much stress as it was, and adding Garrett’s stupid mistake on top of that would be catastrophic.

  Hadley had received a temporary medical leave from work so she could recover. She slept a lot, which Devon thought was good. It was better than feeling the withdrawal pains she was experiencing. Devon didn’t even bother to ask how much Hadley had been using because it was pretty obvious that the answer was going to be way too much. Whatever the drug use had started out as, it was far from casual now.

  While it was a relief to have Hadley alive and back in the house again, it didn’t make the living situation any better. When Devon and Garrett weren’t taking care of Hadley, they tiptoed around each other. Devon probably should have been gentler with him at the hospital. They had both been grieving, and she had snapped, but her pride held her tongue. She couldn’t admit that to him, but either way, he never should have touched her.

  “Hey,” Devon said, walking into the living room.

  Hadley had taken up residence on the couch ever since she had returned. She was back to watching Millionaire Matchmaker and bad Lifetime movies. At least, some things had remained constant.