Following Me

by K. A. Linde

  Devon could see what she had fallen for all those years ago. He wore the requisite prep look like a second skin. It was a trait he had acquired long ago when he had attended an all-boys private school in the Kansas City suburbs. He had perfected it when he had pledged a fraternity at Wash U. His height had gotten him the quarterback position in high school, but he hadn’t been good enough to play Division I in college. Pride had kept him from going to a lower division. He had used the legacy factor from his father as the reason he didn’t play in college. Most of all, Reid just seemed like the perfect guy—smart, confident, ambitious.

  But then, she also saw what she hadn’t seen when they had first started dating. His smile was a promise, telling her she was in a lot of fucking trouble without even saying a word. His eyes were icy, threatening her with just a glance. His height didn’t just make him taller than her; it was a power struggle. He had to take up the room and break her down, make her less than nothing. His entire presence was sinister.

  And she could do better.

  It was a scary thought.

  “Hey, Dev,” Reid said, still not making a move toward her.

  “Hey,” she whispered. “Wha…what are you doing here?”

  “It’s good to see you, too,” he said, smiling that terribly beautiful smile in her direction.

  Devon deadpanned. She couldn’t say it was good to see him. It was shocking to see him. It was fucking scary to see him. It made her want to collapse into a puddle on the floor. Good wasn’t even in the first hundred adjectives she would have used.

  She didn’t miss that he didn’t answer her question. She hadn’t asked what she wanted to know the most. Not what was he doing here, but how had he found her? She didn’t think that one would go over well.

  “How have you been?” he asked.

  Devon swallowed. This sounded like a trick question. “Fine.”

  “I’ve missed you.”

  Devon couldn’t bring herself to smile. Her insides twisted, and she did everything she could not to look away.

  “You didn’t return my messages,” he said, taking a step closer this time.

  “I accidentally left my phone at home,” she told him.

  She wanted to run. She wanted to turn around and run away from him…into Brennan’s arms. But that was dangerous…too dangerous.

  “Well, I’m glad I found you then. We have a lot to talk about.”

  She knew what his talking looked like. “I have to work,” she said softly.

  He smiled like he knew she was trapped. “I’ll wait.”

  What could she say to that? No, get the fuck out! Yeah right! He was coiled up like a viper ready to strike, and she wasn’t going to poke him.

  “It won’t be long. I can meet you somewhere,” she offered, wanting nothing more than for him to leave right now.

  He chuckled, and even that sounded threatening. Maybe everything about him was a threat to her now because she knew how dangerous he was.

  “I think I’d rather stay. I could use a drink.”

  Fuck! No. No. No. He could not have a drink. Bad idea. Really bad idea. Brennan was over by the drinks.

  “Take one of my tables, and I’ll go get you one,” she said, her voice struggling to remain calm. “Crown, right?”

  “Don’t worry about it, Dev,” he said, walking up to her. “I’ll just go to the bar. We can talk after you get off work.”

  “Okay,” she whispered, knowing it was anything but okay.

  He reached forward and squeezed her hand. “You look good,” he said, raking his eyes over her body. Then, he released her, turned, and walked directly toward the bar, toward Brennan.

  Her heart deflated, and air burst out of her mouth in a whoosh. She reached out, grabbed one of the booths, and held on for dear life. She couldn’t even turn around to look at Brennan and Reid standing at the bar together while Brennan made Reid a drink, offered up polite conversation, and joked around. She couldn’t witness it. She thought she might throw up.

  It took everything she had to return to her tables and act like nothing was wrong. She had never worked so hard in her life. She was trying so desperately not to look at Brennan and Reid that she worked twice as hard as normal. She needed to keep her mind busy, and that was the only way she knew how.

  Devon didn’t know what she was going to do when her shift ended. She had been running for so long that she had completely pushed away thoughts of when she would have to face her life again. Now, it was here, sitting right in front of her.

  The after-hours crowd started filling the room, which made the distraction a bit easier. She still had a hard time looking over to see Reid sitting at the bar, but at least, Brennan was busy enough that he didn’t have to talk to Reid. She didn’t want them to ever have to talk.

  When Hannah and another waitress walked in to take over for Amy and her, Devon thought she might break down into tears. She couldn’t leave. Jenn’s was a sanctuary, and her demons were waiting for her outside the door…or even worse, at the bar, drinking with Brennan. She knew that Reid wouldn’t do anything in public. He was too self-controlled for that. It was the only reason he had gotten away with everything for this long. She hadn’t ratted him out, and no one would guess that perfect Reid would ever do something like hurt his perfect girlfriend.

  She wanted to believe that their time apart had showed him how much he had missed her and how wrong his actions had been. She wanted him to see her for the woman he had fallen in love with. She wanted him to apologize and beg her to come back.

  But those were fairy-tale dreams. When he had walked in, the look Reid had given her had been enough to show her that none of those things would be her reality. This was Reid after all. He could never be wrong…ever.

  “Hey, Devon,” Hannah said, walking up to her.

  “Hey, Hannah.”

  “I wish I had the mid-shift this week,” she said with a sigh. “But I’m stuck working late. What are you doing tonight?”

  Devon stared at her blankly. Hannah never made polite conversation with her.

  “Um…nothing.”

  “Sounds riveting,” Hannah said, straight-faced.

  That’s more like it, she thought.

  “Well, have a good time,” Devon said, untying her apron. “I’m out of here.”

  “Lucky,” Hannah said under her breath.

  If only she knew…

  Devon bit her lip and stole a glance at the bar. Both Reid and Brennan were looking directly at her. She averted her eyes as quickly as she could and hurried through the swinging door into the kitchen. Her heart was pounding as she walked stiffly into the break room.

  Only a couple hours ago, she had sat here with Brennan while he played with her hair. Before that, they had been kissing, and he had her backed up against the lockers. Could everything that had happened since then be real?

  She grabbed her purse and slung it over her head, letting the strap cross her body. She leaned forward against her locker and tried some breathing exercises to calm her racing heart. Tears sprang to her eyes, and her hands swatted them away. They wouldn’t help her now. She just needed to be strong.

  The door opened behind her, and she hoped it was Amy.

  “Belle, you okay?” Brennan asked.

  No luck.

  She straightened immediately. “I’m fine,” she said, the words sounding hollow. Why did that word sound so horrible when she said it?

  “Fine. Alright. Are you ready to head out then? Kami just walked in to take my spot,” he said, walking across the room.

  He knew something was different. She could tell by the set of his shoulders. He was waiting for it. She didn’t think he knew what it was, but he knew to get ready. He was preparing himself for whatever was to come.

  “Brennan,” she said softly. God, she hated herself.

  “So…you’re not fine.”

  “I…I don’t know,” she said with a shrug.

  His hand reached out to touch her, but it fell halfway
through, like he thought better of it.

  “Does this have something to do with that guy out there?”

  “What guy?” she said, barely audible.

  He looked at her pointedly.

  “Yeah, it does.”

  “I figured as much.”

  “I wasn’t expecting him to show up here,” Devon told him. She wondered if he could tell how scared she was or if her fake bravery was enough to sway him away.

  “Who is he?” He crossed his arms, already closing himself off.

  “That’s my boyfriend.”

  Brennan raised his eyebrows. “Boyfriend?”

  Devon closed her eyes and shook her head twice. “Ex-boyfriend. Sorry.”

  “If he’s your ex, what is he doing here?” Brennan asked cautiously.

  “I’m not sure exactly. We broke up on rocky terms. I think he wants to talk to me,” Devon said, looking away from him. This wasn’t going to be easy.

  “Sounds like trouble,” Brennan said. “Devon, look at me.”

  She obliged, trying not to see the hurt in his face.

  “You don’t have to talk to him. I know it might seem like you have to, but you said it was over. And you’re over him, right?”

  He waited for the answer that should have been immediate on her tongue. It was more complicated than whether or not she was over Reid, but she couldn’t tell Brennan that without putting him in danger. She cared about Brennan too much to let that happen.

  “We didn’t break up face-to-face. I think I should at least talk to him,” she said softly.

  His eyes shut, and he breathed heavily through his nose, like he was holding himself back. She hated herself. She hated herself so much. She never wanted to cause him any pain. She never wanted to see his beautiful face look at her any other way than as lovingly as he had on the boat yesterday. She would never forgive herself, but at least, he would be safe. She needed to keep reminding herself of that.

  Brennan opened his eyes and stared so intensely into her own that she blushed and looked away. He grabbed both of her shoulders and pulled her close to him.

  “Devon, please,” he said, making her look at him. “I can already see it happening. Don’t let the life drain out of you again. I can see you retreating. I need you, and I think you need me, too. Please just stay here, stay in the present, in the future. Stay with me.”

  “Brennan,” she whispered, tears coming to her eyes this time.

  “No, Devon, no tears,” he said, wiping them away from her eyes. “You’re too beautiful for that.”

  She laughed through her tears and sniffled.

  “There’s that smile, that beautiful smile. I want to keep making you smile, but I can’t if you walk out of this place. We pulled each other out of the water once, Devon. I can’t bear to see you sink any deeper. Please, please stay with me. Just stay with me,” he pleaded.

  Devon closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing. The tears were coming harder, and they weren’t helping anything. She wanted to stay so badly. She wanted to run away with Brennan and continue to forget all her problems. She wanted to be with him, but she couldn’t keep running. She needed to do what was right even if it wasn’t what she wanted.

  “I can’t,” she said, sinking into herself as she forced out the words. “I have to go.”

  She pushed the tears out of her eyes and brushed past him toward the exit. She had already been in here too long. Reid would notice, and she didn’t want him to associate Brennan with her.

  “Devon,” he said, grabbing her wrist in his hand before she could go, “you’re making a big mistake.”

  She swallowed back her tears. “I have to go,” she repeated, pulling her wrist free.

  Before Brennan could say another word, she rushed out of the break room and into the kitchen. Pushing her hands up into her hair, Devon doubled over like she had just been punched in the stomach. No. This was worse.

  This felt like her heart was breaking, shattering into a million pieces.

  WHEN DEVON FINALLY composed herself, she walked out of the back to find Reid fiddling with his empty drink while he talked to an enamored Hannah. This was going to go over well for her reputation, not that it even mattered. She didn’t know what she would even be doing after today.

  “Hey,” Reid said. He watched her as she walked toward him, like a predator tracking his prey.

  “Hey,” Devon responded.

  His eyes searched her face. She knew that he could tell she had been crying. She never hid it well, but there was nothing she could do about it now.

  Seemingly without thinking, he reached out and took her hand. “Are you ready to go?”

  “Yeah,” she murmured.

  “It was really nice meeting you, Hannah,” Reid said with that same award-winning smile. He placed two twenties on the bar and stood.

  “Nice meeting you, too,” Hannah said sullenly as she watched Reid with Devon.

  Devon didn’t even have the strength to say anything else to Hannah. She was ready to leave or else she never would. She had already left Brennan in the break room, and that had been nearly impossible.

  THE SILENCE THAT permeated the space between Reid and Devon was suffocating. There was so much left unsaid, so much that she was waiting for, but she wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence. She didn’t even know where Reid was taking her. She knew the area, but she couldn’t tell where they were going. She should have cared more or been a little freaked out, but it was Reid. He wouldn’t do anything to attract attention to himself in public. But if they were walking somewhere more private…

  She swallowed hard; a lump that she couldn’t get down lodged in her throat. The fact that they were here together right now was so messed up. She had thought that she had loved this man, that he was her greatness. True love had never felt so cheap than it had in this moment.

  She had deluded herself into believing in it, in him. Reid wasn’t her greatness. He was just a guy who got off on a little power. She had been so blind to him that even when the worst had come—she had still blamed herself. Why couldn’t she be better? How could she get him to see that she was trying harder? She deserved what he was doing to her because she wasn’t good enough for him.

  The longer she had stayed away, the more these thoughts had faded from her mind. She wasn’t a coward. She hadn’t run because she thought it was easier than facing him. She was brave, and she had run because facing him wasn’t possible.

  Two-and-a-half months wasn’t long enough for her to forget what had happened. It wasn’t long enough for her to forgive if she ever would. It was only long enough for the bruises to heal…but not the emotional ones. Those had scarred, and she didn’t know if they would ever fully heal.

  As Reid walked into a parking garage, Devon’s heart fluttered. Of course, he had driven here. How else would he have gotten here so soon? The thought of getting into a car with him and letting him control her course was terrifying. Where were they going to go? Would he drive them straight back to St. Louis and pick up where they left off?

  They found Reid’s sporty little black BMW parked all by itself. He had a habit of parking a floor above all the other cars to avoid anyone messing with his baby. Ironic at best.

  Still holding her hand, he guided her to the passenger seat, opened the car door for her, and let her slide onto the black leather seat. As he shut the door tightly behind her, she tried not to hyperventilate.

  They were alone. Completely alone. 100 percent alone.

  She felt like a caged animal, desperate to be released from captivity. Her hair stood on end, and she tried not to fidget. Without thinking, she reached into her purse and pulled out a pen. She absentmindedly flipped it between her fingers. It didn’t calm her down, but it helped. It gave her something else to think about. She wanted to write then, to let out all the emotions coursing through her body. She wanted to write more than she had since the first couple weeks she had been in Chicago. But she didn’t dare pull out her notebo
ok. Reid didn’t like her lyrics, and he certainly wouldn’t like the ones she had written about him.

  Reid sat himself comfortably into the driver’s seat and locked the doors. Devon watched the lock click into place, and she had the sudden urge to lift it and bolt. How far could she get? She wasn’t a runner. Could she make it to the elevator? Would the stairs be a better option? Would he chase her? Were her dreams becoming reality?

  He revved the engine to life, and Devon sank back into the seat. She couldn’t outrun him. Although he didn’t work out like he had used to, he still had more than six inches on her in height. Not to mention, he was a natural athlete. And who was she kidding? Her dreams were already her reality.

  “Where have you been staying?” he asked, reaching for her hand and taking it.

  “With Hadley and her boyfriend,” she told him with a sigh.

  “Ah,” he said, putting the car into reverse, “I forgot Hadley was in the city.”

  Devon nodded, not knowing what else to say. Now, he knew. Great.

  “Then, we’ll go there.”

  “What?” she asked. Oh God…Hadley! She had told Hadley that she and Reid had broken up and that she was into Brennan. If she showed up with Reid in tow, it could cause a nuclear meltdown. Garrett knew what had happened between them, and Garrett and Hadley both knew that she had been out all night with Brennan. If they said one word about Brennan, it would set off Reid. Reid could not go back to the apartment.

  “That’s where your stuff is, right?” he asked, turning to face her.

  “Uh, right. But I don’t have much,” she said. She didn’t even know why she said that. It wasn’t like she wanted to hurry up and head back to St. Louis. She had no escape there.

  He smiled and squeezed her hand. She tried not to cringe.

  “Didn’t you leave your phone there?”

  Her stomach dropped. Fuck! Of all the days…

  “Oh yeah,” she whispered.

  Reid pulled the car out of the garage and exited smoothly into traffic on the one-way street. “Where am I headed?”