Beside Still Waters

by Tracey V. Bateman

  Jonesy fought to keep from ripping it out of his hands. “All right then, let’s go.”

  Billy grinned. “Let’s.”

  They raced over slippery, muddy roads the five miles to Andy and Hope Riley’s home. Both men reined in their horses at the same time and dismounted in record time. The door opened before they could make it to the porch.

  “What are you two up to, tearing into the yard like that?” Mrs. Riley demanded. “Look at the marks you’ve left. Now the ground is going to dry with holes in it.”

  “Sorry, Ma. But I think you’ll forgive us when you see what we brought you.” Billy waved the envelope. “Word from Eva.”

  Andy stood behind his wife. “Oh, praise You, Lord.”

  Hope took the letter in shaking hands and looked at Billy with pleading eyes. “What does she say?”

  “I didn’t read it, Ma. It wasn’t sent to me.”

  “Come inside. We’ll open it in there.”

  In two minutes, they were sitting around the table. Mrs. Riley carefully opened the envelope and pulled out a piece of crisp white paper.

  Dear Ma and Pa,

  I’m so sorry for worrying everyone. I can only imagine how frantic you’ve been. Especially you, Ma. I have so much to tell you, and I will, as soon as I return. But for now, I’m staying with an elderly minister and his wife. They help women who need help. I won’t go into details about how I came to be with these wonderful people, but please believe me that God brought me here. I’m safe and well cared for.

  I need this time. Whether I will stay until the baby’s born or even longer, I don’t know. But I will write often. Please do not try to find me. Be comforted in knowing that I’m in good hands.

  Lovingly,

  Your daughter, Eva

  P.S. Tell Jonesy he was right. I was led beside still waters, and God is restoring my soul.

  Tears misted Jonesy’s eyes. “I guess God can take care of her better than I can. I just wish she would have told us where she is so we can at least see her.”

  “I think that’s the point, Jonesy,” Hope said softly. “Sometimes we just have to let go and hope our loved ones come back to us.”

  Andy nodded. “Eva’s got a lot of my ways in her. She has to figure things out on her own just like I did.”

  “Like you, sir?” Jonesy’s heart picked up at the look of love that passed between Eva’s parents.

  “I had my difficult days of trying to understand why certain things happen in life. I blamed God and grew bitter just like my daughter has. I had to go away and spend a winter in the mountains with a mountain man and his Indian wife to find God’s purpose for me.”

  Hope took his hand. “He came back to me just before Eva was born.”

  “Do you think Eva will come back to me?”

  “The most important thing right now is that she’s setting her heart back to trusting God’s love for her. Whether she’ll ever trust yours is something to be determined later.”

  Eva had been at the O’Neills’ for less than a month when she was finally able to keep down a full meal. Her energy returned, and she found the routine quite to her liking. Along with doled-out chores, Reverend O’Neill gave a daily devotion in the chapel, tucked inside an arbor of evergreens.

  Mrs. O’Neill ended each day’s scripture reading by playing a hymn on her organ and allowing the Word to settle into their minds. On Sunday, the three families close enough to come to services during the winter made the trip and joined the O’Neills and their girls.

  Eva, along with two other women, occupied a spare room in the cozy log cabin. It was a little cramped, but Eva didn’t care. She loved the solitude of the cabin. Loved looking outside the door and seeing the snowcapped mountains in the distance.

  She felt a little guilty for not admitting to them that she wasn’t a prostitute in need of redemption. Some days she felt as though she were taking their kindness under false pretenses.

  Millie and Shawna were there for the right reasons. Millie was an old prostitute who had been beaten and left for dead. Shawna had been kidnapped in England when she was fourteen years old and brought over on a ship of white slaves. She hadn’t seen her parents in ten years and had no desire to return to England. But her soul was prospering under the kind tutelage of the O’Neills.

  She had arrived much the same way Eva had, four months earlier. She’d already given her heart to one of the young men who attended services. Eva could see he shared her affection, but under his mother’s watchful eye, the two never seemed to have the opportunity for more than a few cursory words.

  Eva’s other roommate, Millie, fought a little harder against the restrictions. She’d lived in a drunken fog for so long that facing the clarity of real life seemed difficult for her.

  Eva lay in bed, looking at the stars through her window. She was glad she got the bed next to the window. Leaving the house was still a fearsome thing for her, but staring at the stars each night was almost like being outdoors. She longed for Patches and the midnight rides they used to take when the moon was bright and the terrain free from mud or ice. Poor Patches. How was he doing?

  “Psst. Shawna, Eva.”

  Eva sat up. “What’s wrong, Millie?”

  “I’m leavin’.”

  “What do you mean?” Shawna’s hint of an English accent, left over from childhood, always made Eva ache for Jonesy and his penchant for sliding into the accent. Only since meeting Shawna had Eva realized how brilliantly he’d accomplished it.

  Millie lit the candle next to her bed. “Listen, ladies. If the three of us started our own business, we could split it three ways and take care of each other.”

  Leave it to Millie to think of an enterprise. Eva had trouble thinking beyond today. “You mean like sewing dresses? My aunt was a seamstress in her day. I’m sure she’d give us some advice.”

  Millie chortled. “You’re a right funny one. A seamstress. You know good and well what I’m talking about.”

  “You two can do whatever you want,” Shawna said with unaccustomed force, “but I’m never going back to selling myself. I’m living for God now, and I might even be getting married one day.”

  At the realization of what Millie wanted her to do, Eva’s jaw dropped. A gasp escaped her throat, and heat rushed to her cheeks. After living with these women for a month, she thought she was past embarrassment at the mention of their former lifestyles, but judging from her shock, she was far from past anything.

  “Millie, you mustn’t think of going back to your old life.”

  “It’s all I know. I been in this business in one form or another for thirty years.”

  “But surely you don’t miss it,” Shawna said softly. “The O’Neills are so kind. And have you ever in your life heard stories like the ones they read to us from the Bible?”

  “They’s good people,” Millie agreed. “I ain’t sayin’ they ain’t. And livin’ here is fine … for now. But what about when they need the bed space for another lost soul? Are they gonna let you stay on? I don’t think so. And when it’s time, where are you gonna go? Is some farmer really gonna marry a woman that ain’t untouched? Is Mark’s ma really gonna let him marry you?”

  “I don’t know.” Shawna’s lip trembled. “But even if it’s not him, I hope to marry and have children someday.”

  A loud snort filled the room as Millie started to laugh. “I’ve known a lot of men in my day, and let me tell you. Ain’t one of ’em any different from the others. They don’t want girls like us for marryin’. A man wants a young thing he can take straight from her parents’ home to his bed.”

  “Millie, not all men are that way.” Eva’s heart pounded in her chest. “There is a man back home who wants to marry me, even though he knows I’m not … pure.”

  “Back home?” The older woman’s sharp gaze stabbed into Eva’s. “I thought you was from Oregon City.”

  Swallowing hard, Eva fought for a reply.

  Fortunately, a tap on the door silenced the conversati
on. “Ladies?” Mrs. O’Neill came in. “You’re up late. Is there a problem?”

  “No, ma’am,” Eva said. “Did we wake you?”

  She let out a laugh. “I’m looking for the reverend’s spectacles. He’s laid them down again. That man. If he hadn’t married me, he’d be half blind all the time.”

  The comment brought out laughter around the room. “We were just discussing marriage,” Eva said. “You and Mr. O’Neill seem so happy.”

  A smile spread across the gentle face. “Marriage is the most wonderful relationship God ever created.”

  “God made marriage?” Shawna’s eyes grew wide. “Does the Bible say that?”

  “Of course. God saw that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, so He took a rib from Adam’s side and created a bride for him. It also says that the marriage bed is undefiled. And that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.”

  “That sounds wonderful.” Shawna’s eyes grew dreamy in the soft glow of the candlelight. “What’s the name of the man who wants to marry you, Eva?”

  “Jonesy.” A smile tipped Eva’s lips at the thought of his handsome face.

  “Tell us about him,” Mrs. O’Neill encouraged, sitting on the edge of Eva’s bed.

  So she did. She told them about his silliness. His fake accents. Lord Byron the dog. Lady Anne the horse. His love for poetry. And how he’d asked her to marry him even though she wasn’t pure.

  The elderly woman patted her hand. “And why did you refuse him?”

  Eva looked at her hands, twisting the blanket. “I’m not really ready to talk about that.”

  “There’s no need to. That’s between you and the Lord.”

  Mrs. O’Neill looked at all three. “I want you to remember the scripture we read this morning from Second Corinthians. ‘If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature’—and that goes for women, as well. ‘Old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.’ The world may see you as used up. Old before your time. But God wants to give you back the days the devil has stolen from you. You’re not impure anymore. God can bring a man into each of your lives who will love you unconditionally, despite past mistakes.”

  Millie gave another loud snort, turned over on her bed, and pretended to be asleep in moments.

  Mrs. O’Neill stood and walked toward the door. “Well, I suppose I’ll go back to bed. You girls try to go to sleep now, all right?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  In the morning, Millie was gone. And so was fifty dollars that Mrs. O’Neill kept tucked away in a jar in the cabinet. Eva’s locket was also missing. As much as she regretted that Millie had stolen the locket Pa had given her, she regretted even more that the woman had chosen to return to her old life.

  “Jesus knew that His listeners wouldn’t all accept His truth,” the kindly reverend said with a sad shake of his head. “We’ll continue to pray for Millie until the Lord releases us from the burden.”

  They bowed their heads and did just that.

  Eva had never known such peace.

  She had not yet told the O’Neills about her pregnancy. Deep inside, she feared they would turn her out if they knew. She couldn’t help but smile at the irony. If she were a woman of ill repute, she could stay. But as merely a wounded soul, the victim of a brutal attack, this wasn’t the place for her.

  Christmas came and went, and February was now upon them. When Eva lay in bed at night, she could feel her bulging stomach. Soon her condition would be visible through her petticoats and thick skirts. She’d have no choice but to tell the O’Neills. She only hoped when the truth came out, they would allow her to stay and complete the healing God had begun in her.

  One night, she was just finishing up a letter to home when a knock sounded on the door. Mrs. O’Neill entered upon Eva’s welcome. “Hello, girls.”

  No matter that Eva was nineteen and Shawna five years older, to Mrs. O’Neill they were mere girls. “The reverend will be going to Oregon City tomorrow morning for supplies. If you’d like to mail a letter, or if you need anything in particular, let him know tonight.”

  “I have a letter to send.” Eva took the addressed envelope from under her pillow. “I—I don’t have the price of postage.”

  “It’s all right. You’ve earned it in the chores you do around here. Always doing more than we ask of you.”

  “Thank you, ma’am. My ma raised her children to keep up with tasks.” Eva took a deep breath. “Mrs. O’Neill, there is something else I’ll be needing, but I don’t know how to go about asking for it.”

  “What is it?”

  Casting her glance to the quilt, Eva began to tremble.

  “What’s wrong, dear?”

  “I—I need to begin sewing some things for … my baby. You see, I—I am with child.”

  “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. Imagine you bearing this burden alone for all these weeks. Don’t worry. You’re not the first girl to come to us in this condition. We have baby clothes in the loft, along with a cradle and some blankets.”

  Relief washed over Eva. “Thank you, ma’am.”

  “We can still buy some material for you to make your baby a couple of new gowns, too. Would you like that?”

  Eva shook her head. “There’s no need to go to any trouble or expense. I’m sure the clothes you have are fine.”

  “Oh, Eva.” Shawna’s eyes glowed with the look of a woman who couldn’t wait to be a mother. “Imagine having a baby to hold and love.”

  “I’m not exactly in a position to be a mother,” she said bitterly.

  “Don’t you worry,” Mrs. O’Neill broke in. “You’re going to be a wonderful mother. I’ve seen it before. The woman isn’t sure until that baby makes his entrance into the world.

  Then all that matters is that sweet little face.”

  Eva looked into the woman’s smiling eyes and knew she had to come completely clean. “My baby was conceived in rape, Mrs. O’Neill. I wasn’t a prostitute. I was a proper girl from a good family. I went riding alone one night when I shouldn’t have. I almost died, but Jonesy rescued me.”

  “A hero,” Shawna said breathlessly.

  “Oh, Shawna, please.”

  “But why were you dressed in such a manner when my husband discovered you?”

  Tears flooded Eva’s eyes. “I had gone to that section of town to find someone who could help me get rid of the baby.”

  Shawna gasped. “Eva, that’s dangerous. I’ve seen many women almost die from that.”

  “What happened that you didn’t go through with it?” Mrs. O’Neill gently prodded.

  “The woman must have slipped something into my tea, because I started feeling strange. I remember telling them I couldn’t take the baby’s life and risk shedding innocent blood. They asked me about my family. That’s the last thing I remember.”

  “Who is your family, Eva? Is there some reason those people would dump you in the street dressed like a saloon girl? They must have been scared. Otherwise they’d have just killed you.”

  “My cousin Aimee is married to Rex Donnelly, an attorney.”

  Shawna shifted on her bed. “He’s a famous one, too. Be glad of it. From what I hear, Bea is a rough character. She forces girls to work for her and only lets them go if they’re about ready to die or if someone offers the right price.”

  Eva thought of Sally from Mike’s place. If only she could bring her to the O’Neills.

  Eva’s memory of the conversation between Bea and Sally made sense now. Sally had stayed that morning to make sure Bea didn’t try to keep Eva there against her wishes.

  “Eva, why did you try to take your baby’s life?”

  Eva looked at her through eyes blurred from tears. “I don’t want to raise a baby who I might resent. Now I have no choice.”

  “There is always a choice, honey.”

  It took a moment for Mrs. O’Neill’s words to make sense.

  “Oh no. I couldn’t take him to an orphanage. My aunt and uncle run one. They
do their best to take care of all the children they take in. But it never seems as though they can do enough. A baby needs to be held much more than an orphanage can provide with such limited staff.”

  “What about finding a married couple who might take the baby in and raise him as their own?”

  Eva jerked her head up to look at Mrs. O’Neill. “I hadn’t thought about that. Do you think …” She drew a deep breath. “Do you think it’s all right if I do that?”

  “Giving your baby to a loving family rather than trying to love someone who reminds you of the agony you endured?” Mrs. O’Neill looked at Eva through eyes filled with compassion. “I think perhaps the Lord brought you here for more than one reason.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “To help heal your pain from the ordeal you’ve been through, of course. But perhaps also for Lissa and Amos Matthews.”

  “Who?”

  “They’ve been married for close to ten years, but God hasn’t blessed them with any children of their own. They live a little far away, so they don’t normally attend Sunday services until after the spring thaw.”

  A sense of relief filled Eva. It seemed God had provided a way for her to give birth to the baby and yet be free of the constant reminders she would have if she raised the child. In a few months, she could go home and resume her life.

  fourteen

  Dear Pa and Ma,

  Every day brings us a little closer to all-out spring. It’s hard to believe April has already arrived. The snow is melting, and yesterday I saw a bud on a rosebush. It won’t be long now. You know how much I love roses.

  I have come to a decision of which I’ve been trying to inform you for a few months now, but the words just never seemed sufficient. Perhaps they still aren’t, but I feel I must go ahead, even at the risk that it will sound callous.

  I’ve decided to give the baby to a childless couple. I believe God brought me here so I could give them the child growing inside me. I know I can’t love it the way a child needs to be loved.

  I hope you can forgive me for giving the baby away. I do feel that I am making the right decision, and I beg you to understand.