Only the Positive (Only You Book 1)

by Elle Thorpe

  She seemed to come to the same conclusion as I had, a blush creeping up her cheeks. She shook her head. “Never mind. Come on, let’s do this.” She grabbed my hand, threading her fingers between mine, and rapped on the closed door with her other hand.

  A female voice called us in and nerves churned in my gut again. The tiny office had open windows and fresh spring air slapped me in the face. I sucked in greedy lungfuls.

  “Low?”

  Dr. Sloane smiled as we moved toward her. She had fine lines around her mouth and eyes that made me think she had to be in her mid-forties. I hoped they were smile lines. If she was a friendly, smiley sort of doctor, maybe she wouldn’t hold it against me when I puked all over her dark-stained desk. The nerves in my gut crawled up and strangled my throat, making it impossible to speak. I couldn’t even open my mouth. So I nodded instead.

  “I’m Reese.” Reese introduced herself and offered a hand across the desk.

  The doctor shook it firmly.

  “Lovely to meet you, Reese. It’s great you came along today to support Low.”

  We sat down in two straight-backed chairs that faced the desk. I kept my grip on Reese’s hand as if I were a man drowning and she was my only way out of the waves pounding on my head.

  “So, Low, what can I help you with today?”

  Her question caught me by surprise. Wasn’t it obvious why I was here? “I...um...” I coughed to clear my throat. “My GP thought I should come.”

  She smiled at me. I wished she’d take pity on me and help me out with some words. I felt like the Sahara Desert had blown in and my brain was short circuiting.

  I must have looked at her blankly for long enough to make her uncomfortable because she opened my file and flipped through it.

  “So you had unprotected sex on the twenty-third? And you were tested that week? You only had unprotected sex on that date?”

  I nodded.

  “No other time throughout your sexual history?”

  I shook my head. “No, just the once.”

  She nodded, making notes with her pen. “Sounds like you don’t need the safe sex lecture then. You knew what you needed to do. You just didn’t do it.” She didn’t sound judgemental. She was just stating facts, but her words made me squirm as remorse mixed with guilt ate at me.

  “I’m not sure why your GP bothered to have you tested at that point. HIV, even if you have it, wouldn’t show up in a test that quickly. It takes a few weeks. That’s why we do a repeat test. That should give us a definite answer one way or the other. Do you have your test booked in?”

  I shook my head. “No, not yet.”

  She scooted her chair over a little and looked at her computer screen. “I can fit you in tomorrow if that suits you?”

  My stomach clenched as panic made my heart thump. “Tomorrow? I thought it would still be a few more weeks? My doctor said three months.”

  “Eight weeks is normally enough, and you’re close enough to that now. We’ll do another test at six months if this one comes back negative, though. Just to be sure.”

  I knew the doctor was waiting for me to respond, but words wouldn’t form. I’d prepared myself for a few more weeks of not knowing. I wasn’t sure I was ready to let that go just yet. Cold, hard fear rushed in. It flooded my brain and took control of my actions, leaving me helpless. I froze. I wasn’t ready for this.

  But then Reese’s soft voice broke through the fear wall. “Only the positive, remember, Low?” She tugged at my hand, drawing my gaze to her. “Better to get this over and done with, don’t you think?” She sounded tentative, like I was a bomb that needed to be handled delicately.

  Her eyes were big and full of hope. I couldn’t keep stringing this along. It wasn’t fair on her, and I was being a pussy. I needed to sort my shit out.

  “Tomorrow is fine,” I found myself agreeing. Reese and I both had to work, but I’d find someone to cover.

  Dr. Sloane looked pleased. “Good decision. I can fit you in at four. You’ll get the results almost straight away. It takes about an hour to process everything, but I’d prefer you to hang around if you can.”

  I nodded. Reese spoke to the doctor again, but their voices faded. I heard nothing as I stared at a picture above the doctor’s head. By 5:00 p.m. tomorrow, I’d know my fate. In twenty-four hours I’d either get to keep the woman I was falling for, or give up the best thing that had ever happened to me.

  I wanted to vomit again.

  20

  Reese

  Low didn’t say a word as we walked from the doctor’s office back to the car. My mind was a jumbled mess of thoughts, and I didn’t feel much like talking either. That hadn’t gone how I’d expected it to. At all.

  I hoisted myself into the passenger seat of his Ute and pulled the seatbelt across my chest as he slid into the driver’s side. The keys jangled as he shoved them into the ignition, but he didn’t turn them. I studied his profile as he stared through the windshield, his grip on the steering wheel so tight his knuckles turned white.

  “Are you okay?” I rubbed at his stiff fingers, trying to loosen his death grip on the wheel, but he didn’t let go. If anything, his grip only tightened. I hated that there wasn’t anything I could do to fix this. My hand dropped back to my lap, and for a minute we sat in silence before his head abruptly snapped round to face me.

  “Go out with me tonight.”

  It was more of a demand than a question, but I sagged back into the seat, relieved he was talking again. “What do you want to do?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. Something huge that will make me forget about tomorrow. I’ll be awake all night thinking about it if I don’t have a distraction. Let’s do something neither of us has done before.”

  A smile crept across my face. I couldn’t deny that a distraction right now was a welcome idea. “I’m in. Ideas?”

  He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and stared out the windshield again, but this time a small smile lifted the corner of his mouth. Just when I thought I’d lost him to his thoughts, he turned the key, and the engine roared to life. He chuckled as we pulled into the city traffic, making me a bit afraid of whatever it was he’d decided to do. If it was skydiving, I’d kill him.

  Our appointment had been a late one and the sun was just low enough to be eye-level blinding, so I dug through my handbag for my sunglasses as Low weaved his way through the maze of streets. We drove so long I was beginning to think he had no particular destination in mind, but then we pulled into a parking tower.

  “The zoo? I thought we were doing something we’d never done before.”

  “We are.” He pulled into a space and we both got out.

  “Wouldn’t it close soon?”

  He set a cracking pace through the parking lot, his steps so bouncy I thought at any moment he might break into a jog in order to get there quicker. His excitement was so electric it practically sparked in the air around him.

  I hadn’t been to the zoo since I was a kid, but when we walked under the white stone archway that marked the entrance, I smiled up at it. At nine, I’d felt tiny in comparison, but it didn’t seem so huge anymore.

  On the other side, Low pulled me against the direction of the crowd, towards the ticket sellers. My gaze locked with a little girl as she passed us with her family. Her tired head rested on her father’s shoulder as he carried her toward the exit. I smiled as she closed her eyes, her tiny bow mouth relaxed with sleep. Most of the crowd seemed to be leaving, but there was still a short queue when we reached the ticketing booths. We found a place in a line behind a middle-aged couple, holding hands. Two small suitcases on wheels rolled behind them as they took their tickets from the cashier and moved aside.

  “Welcome!” the young girl behind the counter greeted us. “Just a regular night entry?”

  “No, I’m interested in the Twilight Package. I don’t have a booking, though.”

  The girl nodded and typed something into her computer, her neatly trimmed nails
flying over the keyboard. She looked up with a smile. “That’s no problem. We have plenty of vacancies tonight. A weeknight is a good time to come. Just the two of you?”

  Low nodded and pushed his credit card towards her. I didn’t protest him paying. I didn’t want to argue about anything tonight. I was curious to find out what this Twilight Package was all about, though, and craned my neck, trying to see the papers the girl was printing.

  When she was done, she passed Low our tickets and a handful of brochures and maps, and we made our way through the turn styles.

  “What’s the Twilight Package?” I asked once we were through the gates. We stood in a large courtyard that homed souvenir shops, food outlets, and the sky car station. Multiple paths led off from the large circle, with wooden arrows pointing out the way to various animal exhibits, shows, or facilities. The delicious aroma of fried food permeated the air, making my stomach rumble.

  Low’s eyes lit up as he took in our surroundings. “I saw something about it online ages ago and I thought it sounded awesome, like a bucket list kind of thing. We’re sleeping here tonight. We get to feed the animals and talk to their keepers. It’s like a behind-the-scenes night tour, with a bed at the end.”

  I stared at him, my mouth dropping open. “Seriously?” That would explain why our tickets had cost a small fortune.

  “Seriously.”

  “I don’t have any clothes with me! And where will we even sleep?” I looked over at the information booth, half expecting the young guy working there to hand us a sleeping bag and leave us to sleep on a garden path.

  “There are cabins. But, shit. I didn’t even think about clothes.” His eyebrows pulled together and he squinted around the space. His gaze rested on the souvenir shop and his frown smoothed out. He laughed as he grabbed my hand again and pulled me through the door. “Look! Clothes! Grab whatever you need. We’ve got ten minutes until our guide picks us up, so choose quickly.”

  I pulled up short and nudged him with my shoulder. His excitement was infectious and was beginning to make me feel a little giddy. “You’re acting a little crazy, you know that, right? This is insane.” I took in the rows of T-shirts emblazoned with ‘I heart Australia,’ and hats with koalas on the brim. He was right. Whatever we needed for a night, we could get right here. We’d look like complete and utter tourists, but so did half the people who came to the zoo. We’d fit in perfectly.

  He threw a pair of leggings covered in little Aussie flags at me. “Get these!”

  I shook my head and laughed. He was like an overexcited puppy whose master had just come home from work. It was suddenly like everything at the doctor’s hadn’t happened, and we were just on a date, with nothing to worry about but having a good time. I hadn’t noticed how tense I was, but my heart felt lighter, just being around him.

  When he’d finished with the cashier, he pulled me back out to the information booth where a guide in a khaki uniform was waiting patiently for us.

  “Let’s go feed some animals their dinner!”

  Hours later, when our guide dropped us back to the meeting spot, Low draped his arm across my shoulders and I tucked myself into his side. The zoo at night had been magical and a definite tick on the bucket list. We’d helped prepare food and fed seals, laughing as they’d propelled themselves out of the water and onto the concrete at our feet. After a quick walk through the wildlife hospital, we’d cuddled a young chimpanzee that had sat on my lap and played with my hair. I’d been reluctant to leave, but Low assured me I’d want to see our room.

  Standing in the main courtyard now that it was dark and quiet was a different experience to when we’d been here earlier in the evening. Lights lit the paths that branched off from the space, but the shops had all closed, and only a handful of people milled around, mostly staff. Without the chatter of the earlier crowds, we could hear the occasional squawk or howl from the enclosures we’d just left.

  “So, what now?” My voice came out sounding husky, and I tried to calm the ripple of excitement that ran through me. The anticipation of being alone with him was making my heart thump triple time.

  Low dropped his arm from my shoulders and rifled through the paperwork. “This way.” He pointed before picking up my hand again. The path became narrow, and the atmosphere grew peaceful. With lush gardens on either side and no one else around, I could pretend we were the only two people on earth, with only the birds and lizards for company. After a few minutes of walking, the path opened up.

  “Low! Giraffes!” I squealed, rushing forward to the high, wooden fence. The smell of fresh, clean hay drifted on the slight breeze.

  “I know, isn’t it awes—holy shit, look at the cabin! It’s practically a tree house!”

  I’d been too busy admiring the animals to notice a small cabin off to our left. It sat high on stilts and would put us at giraffe head height once we climbed up there. Identical cabins stood on the other side of the circular giraffe enclosure, but they were at least a hundred metres away, and trees surrounded the sides, so the space still felt private.

  “This is where all the giraffes come once the main park closes,” Low read from a brochure, as one ambled along the fence line and stopped in front of us.

  I nudged Low with my elbow. “This is the coolest thing ever,” I whispered.

  Low nodded, a satisfied smile crossing his face as he pointed to the balcony of our cabin. “The view is probably better from up there. Want to go look?”

  We climbed the steep wooden stairs, each step lit by a dim, inset light and the moon above us. Someone had turned on lamps inside our room, but Low sat down on the top step and pulled me down next to him. “Wait, let’s sit out here for a while before we go in.”

  With summer approaching, the air was warm despite the late hour. I got comfortable on the wooden steps, my arm tucked underneath Low’s, our fingers still wound together. He hadn’t let go of my hand for more than a few seconds since we’d arrived. And I didn’t want him to. The touch of his warm, slightly roughened skin over mine was comfortable and reassuring. I felt safe with him. The night was dark and quiet around us, only the occasional snuffling and grunting of the giraffes as they congregated in their pen. I leant my head against Low’s shoulder as he sat back to stare up at the heavens. I squeezed his hand.

  “This is amazing. Thank you for bringing me here.”

  He didn’t respond for a long time, but it was a comfortable silence that fell between us. This whole day had been one whirlwind after another, and it was nice to have a moment to just be.

  “I’m scared, Reese,” he murmured eventually.

  I shuffled closer to him. “I know. Me too.”

  He looked down at me. “Only the positives, right?”

  I smiled and strained up to kiss him softly. “Right.”

  He looked back up at the sky. “I don’t want this to be the last night I spend with you.” He said it so quietly, I thought I might have heard him wrong.

  “Why would it be the last time? I’ll still be here tomorrow night, and the night after that, no matter what happens.”

  He shook his head but said nothing. An uneasy feeling settled over me, but I didn’t want to push him. So instead, I stood and pulled him up. “It’s not tomorrow yet. We don’t need to think about it until it is.”

  Something flickered in Low’s eyes. “You’re right. Tomorrow isn’t what I want to be thinking about right now.”

  My stomach flipped at his tone. Smouldering Low was back, and though I knew this was far from the end of the conversation, I couldn’t deny that look could make me forget my own name. I’d tried not to read too much into him choosing an overnight activity, but when he looked at me like that, I realised how much of a leap of faith tonight had been for him. He was trusting himself, trusting us, to be alone together. All night. I ran my hands up his arms, feeling the strength of his biceps underneath his T-shirt. His hands locked behind my back, and he dipped his head, brushing his mouth over mine.

  My lips tingled
as I trailed my fingers across his shoulders and into his hair. I pulled him down again, and his mouth covered mine. There was nothing rushed or urgent about the kiss. His lips parted, and he slicked his tongue into my mouth as I pulled him closer still, not wanting to let him go. He let out a low groan of pleasure that shot heat through me.

  His hands ran up and down my back, holding me tight, and I melted into him. This was right. Everything about the way we fit together and the way my heart thumped triple time when I was in his arms... It felt right. I knew it in my gut. Any lingering fear over tomorrow’s appointment evaporated until all that was left was him and me and the connection neither of us seemed able to deny.

  Low walked me backwards to the door of our room, his lips only leaving mine long enough for him to find our key and open the door. As soon as we were inside, his lips found mine again and his hands skimmed my sides until they clutched my hips.

  I moaned against his mouth and his fingers gripped me harder. He lifted me off the ground in one quick movement, and my legs wrapped around his waist without conscious thought. My brain had gone right out the window. I needed more of him. More of the man I was falling for. He blindly stumbled the few steps to the living area of the cabin and dropped to sit on the edge of the large white lounge. The thick bulge in his pants pressed against my core, increasing my frustrations rather than satisfying them.

  His fingers brushed the skin of my lower back as he gathered my shirt and lifted it. He broke our kiss, pulling back just long enough for his eyes to seek my permission. Breathless and dizzy, I gave a tiny nod and he pulled the shirt over my head. His lips fused to mine the moment it was off, his kiss deep and demanding. I couldn’t help myself from rocking on his lap, trying to find relief for the ache in my core, the pressure alone not enough.

  I fisted the back of his shirt, and pulled it off him. I had to stop for a moment to admire the broadness of his shoulders and the cut of his abs. He was pure male perfection in my eyes. Lightly tanned skin over firm, strong muscle. When I looked back up, I’d expected to see his smirk, the one he always wore when he knew I was checking him out, but tonight there was no smirk. There was something in his expression that made me hesitate, and the need to ask what he was thinking rolled through me. But whatever the mix of emotions there, it didn’t stop the way his gaze scorched me, making my breath hitch.