Only the Positive (Only You Book 1)

by Elle Thorpe

  Reese nodded.

  “Well, I hope you’ll consider doing it with us.”

  “That would be amazing. I’ll take you up on that if I go back.”

  “When you go back,” I corrected.

  She rolled her eyes. “When then.”

  I grinned triumphantly and she rewarded me with one of her killer smiles. Her happiness lifted a little of the weight off my shoulders.

  Reese, Grandma, and I spent the rest of the meal chatting about trivial things, with Pop joining in on occasion. The conversation flowed, keeping my mind off the ticking clock. My grandmother liked Reese. I could see it in the way she listened to her every word and patted her hand. And Reese was in her element, relaxed and comfortable, talking about horses and the bar. My mind drifted to future meals we could have here as a couple, the Christmases and other holidays we would spend around the dining room table, the children we’d have one day running around, and Pop yelling at them to be quiet even though he’d instigated the game. Reese could teach our daughters to ride their ponies here.

  Just like the night of our first real date, a future with Reese was all too easy to imagine.

  Gran eventually stood up and brushed her hands on her pants. Reese jumped up to help her clean up the picnic mess, but Gran shooed her away. “Malcolm, why don’t you take Reese out to see that colt you’re training? Low can help me take this all back to the house, can’t you, love?”

  It wasn’t a question and we all knew it. Gran wanted to talk to me alone. Reese didn’t seem to mind, though, and Pop was already telling her about the colt and its bloodlines as she followed him obediently out of the paddock.

  I gathered the plates and cups and placed them back in the empty picnic basket. Gran’s eyes bored holes in my back, tension thickening the air between us, forcing me to face her. She examined me with her eyes narrowed and head cocked slightly to the side.

  “What?”

  I don’t know why I bothered asking. I knew from experience she would only speak when she was ready, and I probably wasn’t going to like what she said. But that was irrelevant. I was twenty-five years old, but I may as well have been ten to her.

  “I’ve been watching you today, and you can tell me to mind my business if you like, but I have something I want to say.”

  I didn’t respond. We both knew that despite her words, she would say whatever was on her mind, whether I liked it or not.

  She grasped my hand and pressed her fingertips hard into my palm. “There’s something eating at you, my boy, and I don’t understand why you’re holding that girl at arm’s length when you’re so obviously in love with her. Even as a little boy, you never thought you were good enough for anyone’s love. I blame your damn mother for that. God knows, every time she’d dump you at our place, I’d try my best to give you all the love you deserved, but every time she came back to get you, I saw that same veil come down over your eyes. The one you have now, where you don’t let nobody in for fear of getting hurt again. It kills me to see that her sins are still affecting you now, as a grown man.”

  I shook my head. “That’s not it.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “It’s not? You’re sure about that?”

  “My childhood sucked. So what? I’m not the only one who didn’t come from a perfect nuclear family.” I swatted at a fly that buzzed around us, watching as it disappeared towards the grove of eucalypt trees that bordered the property.

  Gran sighed. “You might think that, Low. You might push your mother out of your mind, but she’s always going to be a part of you. Her actions shaped who you are, and as much as I hate that, I also think you’re a pretty damn fine young man. Not too many people could overcome the things you have and still end up a decent human being on the other side.”

  I let her words sink in. Gran wasn’t one to lavish praise for no reason. She was warm and kind, but if you didn’t earn her respect, you wouldn’t get it at all.

  “There’s more going on, Gran, but it’s stuff I don’t want to talk about yet.”

  She stopped and eyed me warily. She wasn’t happy I was keeping things from her. I could tell by the set of her shoulders. But then her eyes softened. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I know I’m your grandma and you’re entitled to your own private business. I just don’t want you missing out on something that could be real good for you, just because you think you don’t deserve it.”

  I couldn’t tell her how right she was. That I didn’t deserve Reese. Not because I thought I was gutter trash, like she feared, but because I couldn’t offer her the future she deserved.

  24

  Reese

  I would have been happy to stay on Low’s grandparents’ farm for the rest of the day, all week, or for the rest of my life, but all too soon, Low gave me a look and flicked his head toward the door.

  I acknowledged him as tension built in my chest, threatening to cut off my throat, but I pushed the feeling away. He needed me to be strong, and I refused to let him down.

  Lucy opened her arms and pulled me into a hug. I didn’t hesitate, letting her tiny frame wrap around me. She squeezed me tight.

  “Thank you for today.”

  Lucy was strangling me with the tightness of her hug, and my words came out sounding breathless.

  “It was my pleasure.” She pulled back and looked me in the eye before leaning closer. “Don’t give up on him,” she whispered into my ear. “He pushes people away, but he’s worth it.”

  I hugged her again. “I know.”

  Low kissed his grandma on the cheek and engulfed his grandfather in a hug. Both Malcolm and Lucy looked at Low with such love and pride. Poor Low. If only his mother would have left him here for his grandparents to raise. He could have had a different childhood, one filled with love and security.

  We climbed back in and Low steered the Ute back onto the dirt road, the roar of the engine the only sound around us. He drove faster than he had on the way in, and dust rose behind us in a cloud. His shoulders were hunched over the steering wheel, the easy relaxation he’d found at the farm seemingly lost already.

  There was no point in asking if he was okay again. He wasn’t. There was nothing I could say to make any of this better, so silence fell over us and I let the drone of the engine soothe my nerves. The tall buildings of the city loomed over us before he spoke again.

  “Reese.”

  “Mmmm?”

  “You need to ring your parents.”

  “What?” We were minutes away from the clinic, and a conversation about my family was the last thing on my mind.

  “I think they’d want to see you, don’t you? You’ll never resolve this thing if you don’t reach out.”

  “We’re five minutes away from your appointment and this is what you want to talk about? This isn’t important right now.” I turned and looked out my window.

  “It is important, and yes, we do need to talk about it now,” he snapped, catching my attention immediately. I’d never heard him use that tone before. We stopped at a traffic light and when his gaze met mine, the intensity there shocked me. But his voice was softer when he spoke again. “Promise me you’ll at least consider calling them. Family is everything, and it sounds like you once had a good one. I don’t like you being so alone.”

  “I’m not alone. I have you and Bianca. And Jamison and Riley.”

  He flinched. It was small, but I saw it. My mouth dried, suddenly feeling like it was made from cotton wool.

  “Promise me, Reese.”

  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to call my family. Ever since I’d seen Gemma’s Facebook post, reconciling with them had been at the forefront of my mind, but I still hadn’t found the nerve to do it. I had money put aside—money I wanted to use to buy Gemma a horse of her own. Maybe a beautiful palomino; she’d always loved the golden colour. But I didn’t have enough saved yet. But by Christmas, I would. I’d daydreamed of showing up on my family’s farm with a horse trailer in tow. Gemma would open the door and run across th
e grass, no sign of a limp, let alone a wheelchair. My parents would follow her out, their shock turning to joy when they saw me. We’d apologise and laugh and fall into each other’s arms. Something stopped me from telling Low all of that, though. I knew it was a long shot, but I wanted it with every inch of my soul. I knew, deep down, it was a far-fetched dream, but I wasn’t ready to have anyone take that tiny glimmer of hope from me. So instead, I told him what he wanted to hear.

  “I promise.”

  He relaxed his grip on the wheel and sat back in his chair. “Good.”

  I wished he could see himself the way I saw him. He was about to go through a huge, life-changing event, but he was still thinking about me and my problems. If only he could see the good in himself and the kind heart he tried to tuck away. I wanted to tell him that when he’d walked into my life, he’d changed it for the better. He’d made me feel something again, and while I might not yet be whole, he’d been the one to begin healing the parts of me that were broken.

  The minutes ticked by, both of us lost to our own private thoughts. My stomach sank to my shoes when Low pulled the car into the clinic parking lot. I had so much to tell him, but I couldn’t utter a word. Once this was all done, and our nerves weren’t frayed and raw, we’d have plenty of time to talk.

  Low locked the car, passing me the keys to put in my handbag, and we walked to the clinic entrance together. The plain brick front and muted colours seemed more clinical than it had yesterday. I reached for Low’s hand when he paused in the entrance. We stood that way for a moment, side by side, hand in hand, staring up at the building. I squeezed his fingers and looked up at him, waiting until he met my gaze. With sadness in his eyes, he stroked the back of his hand down the side of my face before he leant in and kissed me softly. I could feel his bleakness in that one simple brush of his lips.

  “Only the positive,” I murmured before he pulled away.

  He nodded and led me towards the building.

  My feet were as heavy as lead, but a chant started up in my head. “Be positive. It’s negative. Be positive. It’s negative.” It distracted me enough that I barely noticed Low check in, and then I was following him down the hall.

  I pulled up short at the doorway of the office we’d sat in yesterday. “I can wait outside if you want.”

  Without hesitation, he shook his head. “No, come with me. Please.” He tugged on my hand. “I want you there.”

  “Okay.”

  I followed him into the office and sat down. Doctor Sloane’s chair sat ominously on the other side, empty. I scratched at my arm. Low’s leg bounced up and down next to me, and after a few moments, he stood up and walked around the tiny office. I said nothing, knowing he needed to burn off the nervous energy. Walking seemed like a better idea than the way I was scratching my arm raw anyway. I’d draw blood if I kept that up. I tucked my hands under my thighs, effectively sitting on my hands so I couldn’t do it anymore.

  The door opened behind us and Doctor Sloane moved around the desk to sit in front of us. Her relaxed demeanour was at complete odds with Low’s nervous pacing. I almost expected her to kick off her shoes and put her feet up on her desk. But of course, she didn’t.

  “Hello, Low. Reese.” She nodded to us both as she settled in and picked up a pen. “Sorry to keep you waiting.” Her eyes followed Low as he moved restlessly around the office.

  “Please, Low, have a seat. We’ll get this done as quickly as possible.” She gestured towards the seat next to me, and Low sat down obediently. She opened the paperwork on her desk and read through it before looking up at Low and smiling. She seemed like such a nice lady. Shame she had such a shitty job.

  “Okay then. Now I know you would have already answered a lot of these questions with your GP, but for my records, I need to ask them again. Is that okay to do in front of Reese?” She shot me an apologetic look.

  I stopped myself from offering to leave again, though the words burned on my tongue. He’d already told me he wanted me here. I didn’t want him to think I was abandoning him.

  He nodded. “It’s fine.”

  I folded my hands in my lap and dropped my head to stare at them as the doctor’s questions and Low’s answers washed over me in dribs and drabs. How many sexual partners have you had? How often do you use protection? And on and on. The questions were so personal, and not wanting to make Low more uncomfortable, I sat as quietly as possible, trying to blend into the background.

  When the barrage of questions was over, Low and the doctor stood up, and she walked him over to her treatment area. I watched from my chair as she snapped on gloves and prepared a needle.

  It was over in less than a minute, and Low came back to where I was sitting.

  “This won’t take long. The rapid test results are available in less than half an hour. I’ll just take these samples over to the lab and I’ll be back as soon as I can with the results. You two can wait here if you like. You’re my last patient of the day, so I won’t need the office.”

  Low nodded and I reached out and rubbed his arm reassuringly.

  “Thank you.”

  The doctor placed her hand on Low’s shoulder as she passed by. He gave her a weak smile.

  The door shut with a click and Low and I were alone again.

  “She’s good with a needle.” Low examined his arm, a red puncture mark marring his skin. “I barely even felt that.”

  I nodded, scooting my chair closer to his and turning in my seat to face him.

  “So now we wait.” He lifted the wrist his watch was strapped to, then dropped his hand back to his lap with a sigh.

  I felt the distance between us, both physically and in the sense we were both keeping secrets. Words seemed pointless. It had all been said before, except for the few little words I really wanted to say. The ones that might actually make a difference, but ones I knew he wasn’t ready to hear. I couldn’t talk, but I could do something about the physical distance.

  I stood up and took two steps to stand in front of Low’s chair. He watched me with shrewd eyes.

  “What are you doing?”

  I knelt on the floor in front of him and nestled myself in between his widespread legs. My hands rested on his denim covered thighs. “You were too far away.”

  He watched as my hand travelled up his thigh and over his abdomen, stopping at his chest. I lifted my eyes to meet his and he let out a slow, unsteady breath. “I like having you over here so much more.” He smiled at me, a hint of his usual cheekiness breaking through.

  My other hand followed the path of the first. Once I reached his chest I fisted my fingers in his shirt and tugged him forward to meet my mouth. He started out slow, but I quickly deepened it, my tongue tangling with his, my eyes closing. His hands snaked around my back, pulling me closer and shifting in his seat. He groaned into my mouth and I found myself reaching for his belt buckle without really thinking about the consequences of being in a public place. I could make this better for him. At least for a little while.

  Low thrust a hand into my hair, fisting the strands as he pulled me even tighter. I frantically worked at his zipper, but he lifted me from my knees and pulled me up. I straddled his lap, pleased the chairs didn’t have armrests to get in the way.

  “Reese, what are we doing?” he said against my neck as I tipped my head back to allow him further access. His lips skated across my sensitive skin, his breath warm on the goosebumps that rose.

  “I don’t know,” I mumbled. “Just want to be close to you.” My breaths became erratic when he sucked my neck.

  His hands found my own, stilling my frantic fumbling with his fly. “Not that I’m not enjoying it”—his hips rolled beneath me—“but this maybe isn’t the best place for it. I’m sure the doc wouldn’t approve of us getting down and dirty in her office.”

  I pulled back and grinned. “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

  He shook his head, laughing. “That turn you on, Reese? The thought of getting caught?”

/>   I shrugged and went for his lips again, my hand sliding down underneath his boxer briefs.

  “Shit,” he gritted out as his cock kicked under my touch. “This is going to be so awkward when she busts us.” But it didn’t stop him from cupping my breast with his hand.

  I shrugged again, trying to bite back my laughter. This was so incredibly inappropriate, but he was right, I was kind of getting off on it. It was a bit of fun, mixed in with all the serious. I needed it, he needed it. And the doctor wouldn’t be back for half an hour. What else were we going to do? I’d rather go to third base with the incredibly sexy man in the room than scroll Twitter on my phone.

  A weight lifted from my shoulders and a sudden conviction that this was all going to be okay fell down on me like a beam of sunshine. Hadn’t we both been through the wringer already? Enough was enough. God or fate or whoever—they owed us one. They’d give us this one thing, I was suddenly sure of it. A bubble of laughter sprang from somewhere deep inside me. Bring on the test results. We’d slay them together, and then I’d take my man home, get naked with him, and tell him every damn thought I had about how amazing he was and how much I loved him.

  Low pulled away sharply, snapping me out of my head.

  “What?”

  “Shhh.” He held up a finger, motioning for me to wait.

  The clip-clop of high heels on the tiled hallway floor echoed, right before the door handle turned.

  “Shit,” he hissed as I jumped off his lap. He yanked his shirt down over his open fly and leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

  I gave him a wink as I slid back into my own chair, knowing he was covering up his erection. The doctor looked at us both strangely as she strode past on her way to her seat but said nothing.

  I could barely keep my laughter concealed and when Low smiled at the doctor, this time, it was a real one. My heart skipped a beat and I slipped my hand into his. We had this.