Fresh-Start Family

by Lisa Mondello

  The people of Chesterfield loved the festival, and they loved their baseball game. Her dad’s intervention was the only reason Brian’s heart hadn’t been broken completely when she told him he couldn’t participate in the game. Ben had told Brian he could help change the numbers on the big scoreboard. When that hadn’t been enough to lift Brian’s spirits, it had been suggested that maybe Tom would do it with him. Since then, the question of whether or not Tom Garrison would go to the festival had been all that had come out of Brian’s mouth.

  “For the tenth time, I don’t know. You already asked him about it on the plane ride here, so he knows about the festival. But I don’t want you to be upset if he can’t go.”

  “He’ll go. Garrett said that everyone in the whole town always goes. No one stays home. It’s a rule. He’d be the only one in Chesterfield who wasn’t there if he didn’t go.”

  “Well, I’m sure if Garrett said that, it must be true. But Tom’s not from Chesterfield, so he may not be aware of that rule.”

  Jenna laughed as she took Brian’s hand and led him toward the doctor’s office that had become so familiar to them over the past months.

  “Maybe Dr. Healy will say it’s okay for me to play just this once. Can we ask him? Can we? All the kids are playing, and I want to play, too.”

  “We can ask him, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up or be disappointed if he says it’s not a good idea.”

  “Maybe just this once?”

  “Maybe. But if he says no, then you’re going to have a big job keeping score. That’s an important job, and the players will be counting on you.”

  As they walked down the hallway, Brian was quiet for the first time since he’d heard about the festival.

  He finally said in a low voice, “Maybe Tom’s going to want to play baseball with everyone else, too. He probably won’t want to do something stupid like keep score.”

  “You never know. Maybe he’s one of those guys who likes to keep score instead of getting his clothes dirty stealing second base.”

  Brian rolled his eyes. “Tom swims with alligators, Mom. He doesn’t care about getting dirty.”

  “Well…just don’t assault him with questions the moment you step into the plane, like you did on the flight here.”

  Brian kept up a brave face when Dr. Healy told him he thought it best that Brian sit out the baseball game. He thought it was a fine idea for Brian to keep score and make sure he stayed hydrated. It didn’t appease her son at all, and it broke her heart to see Brian’s disappointment.

  Despite her warning to Brian, when they returned to the airport to head home, Brian did indeed flood Tag with a barrage of questions about the festival and whether or not he was going. Tom listened patiently, but it was immediately apparent that something just wasn’t right about Tom this afternoon. She hadn’t felt any awkwardness with him this morning on the flight to Valentine. Had something happened since then? Or had he just had more time to think about the night before?

  She’d kissed him. It wasn’t a kiss of gratitude or friendship. This kiss was much different. She’d felt it.

  Jenna wanted to believe that he felt something for her, too, that maybe his feelings of friendship were growing. But it had been so long since she’d been interested in a man other than her late husband that it was very likely she was reading his feelings wrong.

  Tom had always been a guarded but friendly man, and Jenna knew he valued his privacy. Perhaps they’d pushed it too far. Perhaps she had.

  He had never spoken of another woman in his life, but she’d sensed his sadness when the subjects of marriage or children came up. She hadn’t asked, of course. Not all men were open about past relationships. And that was okay. She didn’t need to know details if she knew how he felt about her.

  But the mood he was in when they boarded the plane in Valentine was far different than any she’d ever seen in him, and she had to wonder what the cause was for the change. That, coupled with Brian’s disappointment at the doctor’s office, made her edgy. She’d worked so hard to take down that wall Tag had carefully constructed around himself. The other night she thought she’d succeeded in demolishing it for good. Now it was back, and she wanted to know why.

  The sky always did wonders for his mood, Tag thought as he looked at the powder-puff clouds around them. The encounter with those women in the coffee shop in Valentine had rattled him some, and he knew Jenna sensed something was wrong. But she didn’t push. He was glad for that. Now that he was getting some distance from the city, his mood was lifting.

  Brian was sitting in the front seat for a change. After he had hounded Tag endlessly for days—and hounding was something the kid had down pat—Tag had given in and told Brian he could be copilot today. The boy was obviously pleased, and yet Tag sensed a little apprehension in Brian. He was nothing like he’d been during the flight to Valentine, when he had chattered nonstop about the upcoming town festival. Tag wondered if the trip to Valentine hadn’t been all that much fun for Brian, either.

  “Ever hear of a barrel roll?” Tag asked, hoping to break Brian out of his funk. He gave a quick glance back and caught the warning look on Jenna’s face.

  “Please tell me I’m not witnessing two mischievous boys instead of one child and a man,” she said. “The way you’re acting, you sound like you’re enjoying my unrest.”

  Tag smiled playfully, which earned him a very stern glance in warning.

  “What’s a barrel roll?” Brian asked, his voice filled with excitement.

  “Something Mommy doesn’t want to experience,” Tag quietly told Brian. “Something tells me your mom has a weak stomach.”

  “Never mind,” Jenna said.

  “It’s when the pilot rolls the plane completely around,” Tag explained.

  “Cool!”

  “No, not cool!” Jenna protested.

  “You’re looking a little green back there, Jenna,” Tag teased.

  She gave him a pointed glare. “You behave.”

  “Can we do one, Tom? Can we?” asked Brian.

  “Well, we could try one.” Tag turned the yoke just slightly to make the plane rock to one side and then back, but he didn’t do a roll. Tag laughed but caught the way Jenna grabbed the seat and stiffened.

  “Tom!” Jenna screamed, closing her eyes.

  Brian laughed hysterically. “Come on, Mom!”

  “Yeah, come on, Mom,” Tag prodded.

  “You’re no fun,” Brian said, pouting. To Tag, he said, “Do it again!”

  Tag shook his head. “Nah. It’s no fun if your mom throws up. Then I’ll have to clean the plane, and it’ll smell for a week.”

  Brian made a disgusted face. “You’d have to clean it up?”

  “Sure. It’s my plane,” Tag replied. “Who else is going to do it?”

  Brian shrugged. “But it would be her throw up.”

  Jenna chuckled, rolling her eyes. “Sounds like a good reason not to do a barrel roll, huh, Tom?”

  Tag couldn’t help but laugh.

  “I’m so happy you’re both having fun at my expense,” Jenna added.

  “You make it easy, Jenna.”

  “Glad to oblige. Just keep the plane nice and steady, will you?”

  Tag lifted the plane higher so the land below was lost to them in the clouds.

  “Cool. Can we go higher, Tom?”

  It was a good thing Brian was belted in his seat, because every time Tag looked over, he looked like he was about to jump out of it.

  “I think we can manage a bit more altitude,” he said. “How high do you want to go?”

  “Much higher. Through the clouds,” said Brian. “Can we sit on the clouds?”

  Tag pulled the yoke to gain altitude. He wouldn’t take them too much higher, but seeing the excitement in Brian brought out the playful nature in him and did wonders to elevate his mood. And he loved hearing Jenna’s voice as she protested.

  “Higher! I want to go higher!” Brian exclaimed.

  T
he plane lifted, but Tag felt sweat bubble up on his forehead as the words triggered another memory.

  Higher, Daddy. I want to go higher.

  The little voice in his head replaced everything that was happening in the cockpit. I want to fly through the clouds so we can kiss the angels!

  His heart was beating rapidly, and his hands white-knuckled the yoke and started to tremble. Tag blinked, trying to focus on the here and now, desperately fighting the images flooding his mind.

  It was like a slide show. Each face assaulted him one by one with no letup.

  Breathe evenly, he commanded himself silently. He’d done this before, fought the gripping panic and won. He took a deep breath and then another. Brian was sitting next to him. Not Crystal. Brian was there, giggling and oblivious to what had just happened.

  Higher. I want to go higher.

  They were just words spoken from a child’s mouth, Tag reminded himself. But these words Brian had spoken mirrored the words he’d heard Crystal say so many times that it was hard for Tag to push away the flood of memories that came with them and the pain that suddenly gripped his heart.

  He looked back in the mirror and saw Jenna’s concerned face. But she knew nothing of his flashbacks. And now he’d had two in one day. He’d foolishly thought they were gone for good. Oh, Jenna, I’m so sorry.

  This was never going to happen again. He’d make sure of it. He needed to call Wolf. If there was one person who would understand what he was feeling, it would be him. He’d talk him down from the ledge, like he had many times over the past year. Wolf would want to talk about D.C. again. But he’d wait. No one understood him like Wolf.

  Chapter Nine

  “So are you coming, Tom?”

  Jenna cringed as Brian jumped up in the seat and practically put himself in Tom’s face. He’d asked the same question about Tom going to the festival several times, both on the ride to Valentine and now back. Each time Tom had answered patiently and said he’d think about it. This time he didn’t answer at all. But knowing her son, anything short of an affirmative yes wouldn’t do.

  “Brian, sit down and get that seat belt on until the plane stops,” Tom said firmly.

  Brian’s face dropped at the tone of Tom’s voice. “You’re not going, are you?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “But you won’t say yes. That’s the same thing. Mom does that all the time when the answer is no but she doesn’t want to tell me.”

  Jenna’s cheeks flamed. “Brian. Tom is a busy man. He’s being very nice about taking us to Valentine. I’m sure that if he can’t go, it’s for a really good reason, and you need to respect that. Let’s leave him alone about this, okay?”

  The plane stopped, and Brian sat for a few seconds in the seat, as if he was waiting for Tom to give in and say yes.

  “Come on, Brian. Mr. Peers is already here, and Tom needs to help him unload his boxes. And we have to get you back home and do your homework.”

  “No!”

  “Brian.” Jenna kept her voice even but firm. “We need to get going so Tom can get back to work.”

  Brian shook his head. “I’m not moving until he says yes!”

  “Listen to your mother, Brian.” Tom was standing outside the plane now. The firm tone of his voice was enough to startle Brian.

  “Aren’t you going to have dinner with us again?” Brian asked.

  Jenna’s heart pulled at the quiver of Brian’s bottom lip.

  Tom glanced at Brian and then at Jenna before looking away. “No, I can’t. I won’t be able to go tomorrow, either. I’m sorry.”

  “But you said—”

  “I never said that I would go,” Tom interrupted.

  “But who’s going to help me keep score? I don’t want to do it all by myself,” Brian protested.

  “I can’t. I’m sorry.” Tom lifted his eyes quickly to Jenna, the same distant mood he was in earlier showing on his face. “Why don’t you just take him home?”

  She watched as Tom stalked away, running his hand over his head. She heard him mumble a few words to Mr. Peers as his truck pulled out toward the airstrip, but then he continued on to the house. A few minutes later Mr. Peers turned the truck around and headed back to town.

  If not for the bright sunshine above and the warm temperature, she’d be shivering from the chill she’d just received. It wasn’t like Tom not to walk them to the truck and say goodbye. Or to be so short with Brian.

  “Come on, Brian.” She reached out to take Brian’s hand and caught the tears rolling down his cheek.

  “I hate him,” Brian said softly.

  Her heart squeezed. “I’m sure he’s just really busy. Remember, he doesn’t have anyone here to help him do all his work like Grandpa has us. Tom has to do it all himself.”

  But Brian wasn’t listening. He just ran to the truck, climbed in and slammed the door.

  It killed Jenna that Brian’s mood didn’t pick up at all during the short ride back to the farm. Or that he managed to hole up in his room with the door shut for most of the evening before he was ready for bed.

  “He doesn’t like me very much,” Brian said as she tucked him in.

  “Who?”

  “Tom.”

  Shocked that Brian had gone to such extremes, Jenna tried to comfort him. “What are you talking about? Tom likes you a whole lot. How can anyone not like a funny little kid like you?” She tried to tickle his belly, but Brian abruptly pushed her hands away.

  “If he liked me, he’d go to the festival.”

  “You can’t put conditions on someone’s affection, Brian. That’s not fair. Tom has a lot of responsibilities. I’m sure he’d love to go to the festival, but he has work.”

  “You and Grandpa have work, but you’re going.”

  She sighed. Brian was right about one thing. She had a boatload of work to do herself. She’d bitten off more than she could chew regarding orders. It put a lot of pressure on her to get all the work done. But while skipping many fun activities for Brian’s treatments was a fact of life and allowed no room for compromise, she was determined to see to it that he had a chance to be a kid and have fun, even if it meant pushing things aside to make time for work.

  No, they had to go, even if it meant she had to be up all night for the next two weeks straight to get her work done.

  “Everyone is different,” she finally said, not knowing what could possibly take away Brian’s disappointment.

  “Dr. Healy told me I couldn’t play baseball. What am I supposed to do when the other kids are playing?”

  She pasted on a smile. “Keep score! You know your grandpa is dying to have your company during the game. Normally he does it all by himself. Just think about how much fun that will be.”

  He pushed at his blanket with his foot. “I don’t want to keep score.”

  Without Tom. Jenna knew that was what he really meant.

  As the night wore on, the hum of her sewing machine felt like a drill in her head, magnifying the anger building inside of her. It hadn’t taken long for her anger to get the best of her, and against her better reasoning, she abandoned her work, climbed into the truck and headed over to Tom’s farm.

  Jenna white-knuckled the steering wheel, hoping she could rein in her temper when she met him face-to-face. She fought to erase the pained look on Brian’s face that continued to invade her mind, but it was no use.

  She’d made mistakes in her life. She’d need more than her two hands to count them all, but they were her mistakes and she’d paid the consequences for them. Brian was innocent. If kissing Tom had freaked him out, then that was fine. He didn’t have to have a relationship with her. But that was no reason to take the awkwardness of that kiss out on Brian.

  Tom had to know Brian adored him. She might as well start calling Brian Tom’s shadow for the way he’d been hanging on the man for the past few weeks.

  Renewed anger of another kind surged through her, followed by a bitter pain that she couldn’t take away, mu
ch less change. Brian was starved for a father’s attention. And Tom, while not his father, played the role better than Jenna had dreamed any man could. Tom had highlighted how badly Brian needed someone to fill that role, but Brian would suffer even more now if Tom truly was backing away.

  Tom was a grown man. If he had an issue with her, then it should stay with her. He didn’t have any right to brush off Brian the way he had this afternoon, hurting his feelings. Even with how relentless Brian had been, pestering Tom about the festival, the memory of his tears told her there was no justification for Tom’s coldness toward them.

  She turned the steering wheel, and the truck cornered the Garrison driveway. As she pulled up front, she saw a dim light from the living room filtering out onto the empty porch.

  She knocked on the door a few times and waited for an answer, but got none. Fury grew by leaps, and after she knocked again, she decided she wasn’t wasting any more time waiting for an answer. Her hand connected with the doorknob before she could stop herself, and she twisted it open.

  “Nice. He keeps the door unlocked at night,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “These military men think they’re invincible.”

  She pushed the door open easily and walked into the foyer.

  “Tom? The door was open!” she called out. “Tom?”

  She found Tom in the living room, in the center of the sofa with the coffee table pulled close. On top of the table, beside some picture frames and a bottle of water was an open photo album, and piles of loose pictures were spread out around him. The TV was on, and the sound of a small child laughing filled the room.

  He didn’t look up at Jenna as she entered the room. He simply stared at the young blond girl on the television who was calling out to her parents.

  “The door was open,” she said, feeling some of the fury that had her charging over to Tom’s house dissolve.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. It was a quiet voice. There was no bitterness or anger laced in the simple words. If she didn’t know better, she’d think it was defeat.

  She lifted her chin. “I came over here because…” A tear trickled down his cheek, and her heart clenched. She glanced at the coffee table, then at the television screen, and listened to the voices of the people talking and laughing. And then she recognized it. Tom’s voice. And the picture started coming into view.