CARRIED AWAY

by Donna Kauffman

  Christy walked inside and looked all around. "I can't believe you've gotten all this done since the wedding."

  Trevor went past her and flicked on the rest of the lights. "Well, I bought the land and the buildings over a year ago. I've been slowly working on it, ordering stuff in, planning. Every chance I got to fly back anyway. The rest I did long-distance."

  She turned in a slow circle. "Very impressive." She stopped in front of him. "I think it's wonderful what you're doing, even if the whole idea is a bit intimidating."

  Her praise meant a lot to him. "It's necessary," he said. "We need more facilities like this one."

  "Will you have to go overseas with your students? Do any training over there?"

  He looked into her eyes. She was worried. About him. It felt good, even though he didn't want her to. He stepped closer and framed her face with his hands. "I've been in life-and-death situations many times, you know."

  She nodded, started to say something, then stopped.

  His pulse picked up speed. "What?"

  "Nothing. You're right. You're trained to handle this kind of thing. It's just—" She stopped, then shrugged.

  "Just what? You don't like the idea of me going back overseas, putting myself in situations like that again?"

  "I don't have any right to make that kind of statement."

  "Sure you do. It's a feeling. You have a right to feel." He tugged her closer when she would have pulled away. "And if it makes you feel any better, I like it that you feel that way."

  She looked up at him. "So … are you? Going back, I mean?"

  He smiled and shook his head. "That's why I got out. I want to help, but I'm done with traipsing around the world. I want…" He shook his head then, knowing he couldn't tell her all the things he wanted, especially all the things he wanted when he looked at her. She wasn't ready to hear that yet, he knew. "I want friends, stability. I want to build a life." With you. "I want to be able to start friendships, relationships I know I'll be there to continue, to build on." He tipped her chin. "So, no, no more traveling for me. I'm home to stay." He kissed her, silently telling her all the things he couldn't say out loud. Not yet. But soon. If he was very lucky and didn't screw this up.

  She leaned into him, kissing him back, and he thought he could stand here, just like this, forever.

  She finally pulled away, smiling at him, then wandering off to look at the various equipment. "So, this is where you grew up, then? Richmond?"

  "Only partly. I was a military brat. With my dad." She turned then and he knew what she was thinking. "My mom died when I was a baby."

  "That must have been hard on your dad."

  "It was. I came to live with my grandmother. Here. Until I was old enough for school. Then my dad decided I should be with him. After that it was two years here, two years there." He shrugged. "I came back as often as I could to visit her. So I guess this is as close to a regular home as I've had."

  He'd said it matter-of-factly, which is how he felt about it now. He knew Christy had grown up without a father, so she probably understood better than anyone. She proved she did when she didn't sigh in pity or make sad noises, which was exactly why he didn't usually bring it up with the women he dated. But he wanted her to know, to understand who he was, where he'd come from.

  She went back to looking at the equipment. "No sisters, brothers?"

  Now he smiled. She asked casually enough, but he sensed she was dying of curiosity to know him better. That pleased him more than she could know. It should have felt odd, after all the years of automatically deflecting conversation away from himself. But it didn't. In fact, it felt … necessary. "My dad never remarried. He was dedicated to the service. He passed away a couple of years ago. Cancer."

  She turned to him again, this time there was sadness in her eyes. "I'm sorry." She walked over to him. "I know how hard that is."

  "And you were just a kid."

  "Yeah, but I had my mom. Still do. And even though she can make me nuts, I can't imagine not knowing she's out there somewhere, making some man nuts, too." She smiled when he laughed.

  "I'd love to meet her," he said.

  Christy raised her eyebrows in surprise, but just said, "Be careful what you wish for."

  "I believe we've discussed that before."

  She laughed. "Yeah, well, this time you might have bitten off more than you can chew."

  "If she gave birth to you, I'm sure I'll adore her."

  Christy paused then, and looked at him, but laughed as if he were joking.

  "Does she visit often?" he asked.

  "You're going to push this, aren't you? And thankfully, no," she added, before he could respond. She rolled her eyes and, more to herself than him, said, "God, I can only imagine what she'd say if she met you."

  "What is that supposed to mean?"

  Christy spun away from him then, clearly wishing she'd kept the thought to herself. "Nothing. She's just pushy, is all. When she's not matching herself up, she's trying to match me up." She smiled ruefully. "Just be thankful she's in Florida at the moment. Trust me, your life is more peaceful that way."

  "I don't know," he said, walking back over to her. "I sort of like the uproar my life has become since you've come into it."

  "Uproar?"

  He closed the remaining distance between them.

  "Thunder. Lots of thunder." He bent down and kissed her. "I'm beginning to love storms."

  She kissed him back, then pulled from his arms and wandered off into the cavernous warehouse. "So, tell me what you do with all this stuff."

  Trevor wanted to push further, but he sensed he'd pushed hard enough for now. They had all day together … and tonight, too, if he was lucky. He felt as if he'd been granted the best furlough of his life. He wasn't about to do anything that would end it prematurely.

  * * *

  Chapter 11

  « ^ »

  "You're what?" Christy slumped back against the cafeteria seat. "You can't be serious."

  Viv smiled and nodded. "I know you don't understand. But it's what I want."

  "So he wins. After all this, he comes home for a couple weeks—"

  "It's been a month. And it wasn't easy for him to postpone going back. In fact, it cost him plenty."

  "So because he adds a few more weeks, this makes things even?"

  "It's not about being even. I don't want to be without him anymore, Christy." Viv reached for her hand. "I know you think I'm giving in, but it's not like that. Things between us have changed. Both of us have changed."

  "You're walking away from your home, your family, friends and career. He gets his career and you, without sacrificing anything. How is that a change?"

  "Because now I realize he's worth it."

  "But you're not? Why isn't he giving up his career?" Christy persisted. "Why isn't he coming back here to be with you?"

  Viv only grew more determined. "What we had together was more important than any job, or even sticking by my family." She smiled then. "No offense, as much as I value what we share, but you don't keep me warm at night. And as much as my family means to me, I want to build my own family. If I have to go to Sweden to do that, then I'm willing to try."

  Christy sat back. "You're really serious about this, aren't you?"

  "I love him, I miss him. I never got over him leaving and I don't want him to leave again. If that makes me a spineless fool, then so be it. At least I'll be a happy spineless fool."

  "You're not spineless. And I want you to be happy," Christy said softly. "I've always wanted that." She shook her head, still unable to take it all in. "It's just you went through so much and I'm afraid—"

  "I know," Viv said softly. "I know, and I can't tell you how much it means to me that you care so deeply. I love you, too."

  Christy felt her eyes well up.

  "If it makes you feel any better, we're not rushing off to get remarried or anything. Not yet. We really want to make this work, we want a future with each other, but we need
to make sure we can work out the basics first, including me transplanting my whole life to a foreign country. I've agreed to a six-month trial run, then we'll go from there."

  "Six months?" Christy felt a little bit of relief.

  "I've taken leave here and I know I'll lose some benefits and my place on the food chain, but it's a price I'm willing to pay. Eric tells me I'll love Sweden and maybe I will. I plan to go and try my best. He already looked into the nursing situation there and it might be more promising than I thought. He says English is spoken most everywhere. And, if I just don't like it, he'll look into trying to relocate back here." She gripped Christy's hand. "I can't ask for much more than that. We want to be together. We are both willing to work at it when things get rough, instead of running away. You know we were great together and miserable apart. I meant what I said about building a family of my own. If we can make this work, we both want to start a family. I want that, Christy. With him."

  Stunned, Christy just sat there, then shoved her chair back so she could lean across the table and hug her friend. "Oh, Viv, sweetie, I hope everything works out for you." She sat back down. "I mean that, you know. I worry, but I have to honestly say that I haven't seen you this happy and hopeful for a long time." She sniffled and wiped at her eyes. "But you're not going to rush into the family part, are you? I mean, you want to make sure—"

  Viv laughed. "Yes, Mom. We're going to make sure we've worked out everything else first."

  "Okay, then." She smiled. "I guess you're allowed." She waved a finger. "But only if I get to be godmother. Years from now. When the time is right."

  Vivian hugged her again. "Promise. Not about the years, though."

  Christy just nodded, trying to come to terms with the fact that Viv was really going to do this. "I can't believe you're going to leave me." She laughed through a fresh wash of tears. "Who am I going to rant about work to? Who am I going to dish about all the good gossip with?"

  "There is e-mail in Sweden, you know."

  "When are you going?" she asked, blotting her now-ruined mascara with a cafeteria napkin.

  "I have to look into renting out my place and take care of a few other things. My family for one."

  Christy made a face, but squeezed Viv's hand. "I'm sure they'll support you if they know it's what you really want. And I know you want this, Viv. I do." She hugged her friend again. "Of course, if he hurts you again, the world won't be big enough for him to find a hiding place."

  Vivian laughed, then sniffled herself. "I'll tell him."

  Another thought popped into Christy's head. "Hey, I might be able to help you out on the rental. With all the preparations for that first class, Trevor never had time to look for a place. Now he's got another class already set up and he's scrambling to finish the other classrooms. He has no time to spend hunting for a place."

  Vivian wiggled her eyebrows. "I thought he was pretty much staying with you."

  Christy swatted at her, but couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face. "Yeah, well, it's been convenient is all."

  "Uh-huh," Viv said, a knowing look on her face. "I've heard it does help a person's sex life when you're actually in the same bed." She grinned. "Now you know the real reason I'm going to Sweden."

  They both laughed.

  "I guess I'll have to fly back for the wedding, huh?" Viv teased. "You two are almost inseparable, which is quite a feat with your work schedules."

  Christy held up her hands. "Whoa, now. Hold your horses. We're just dating. Having fun. Nothing serious."

  "Right. I've seen the way he looks at you, Christy. And, you might not want to hear it, but you look at him the same way. You two are perfect together."

  Christy didn't respond right away. She'd been trying very hard not to think of the future, of long-term things. Too scary. "I'm just enjoying things as they come, Viv. I don't have time to think about the rest."

  "You don't want to think about the rest."

  "Same thing."

  "Hardly. I know we've been all caught up in my latest drama, but I've been paying attention even if you haven't. You can't tell me you aren't absolutely head over heels about this guy. And what's not to love? He's intelligent, gorgeous and knows just how to handle you."

  Christy bristled. "Handle me?"

  Viv didn't even blink. "Totally. You're your own person, you've got your own ideas about things. That intimidates most men. Not Trevor. He's got you pegged. He knows you're tough on the outside and all soft and squishy on the inside. And he likes who you are." She grinned. "Smart guy, in my book." Then she leaned forward and whispered, "But if makes you feel any better, you've got him just as wrapped around that little finger of yours."

  "We're just dating, Viv," she said stubbornly.

  "You keep telling yourself that. Just remember I told you so when he proposes."

  Christy laughed, or tried to. It was hard, what with her throat suddenly constricting and all. "Proposes?" she croaked. "He just moved here, Viv. He's starting up a business. He's got a ton of things on his mind. The last thing he wants to do is—"

  "Settle down? Gee, no, doesn't sound like that's what he's doing at all. Uh-uh." Vivian just laughed when Christy tried to protest again, then turned serious when Christy didn't laugh with her. "What are you afraid of?"

  Christy wasn't sure how to answer that, but she and Viv had always been blunt with each other. "I'm afraid of ending up where you were eighteen months ago. Where my mother ends up every couple of years, though in her case, I will admit she doesn't usually seem all that broken up about it. But that seems even worse to me, somehow—not even caring enough in the first place to be upset when it doesn't work out."

  "Meaning you care enough about Trevor that if it didn't work out, you'd be hurt?"

  Christy started to object, then sighed and gave in. "Yes. Yes, if I decided to get serious about him, about this relationship … it would hurt if it ended. Badly."

  Viv clapped and smiled. "I knew it!"

  "You have a twisted sense of humor. Has anyone ever told you that?"

  "Don't you see? You're already serious. I knew it." She grabbed both of Christy's hands. "That's a good thing, believe it or not."

  "I'm not so sure," Christy grumbled.

  Viv gave her a considering look. "Okay then, maybe you should spare him and walk away now."

  "What?" The flash of pain she felt at even the mention of walking away from Trevor should have been warning enough that Viv had a point. Christy didn't want to think about it. But her friend wasn't having any of it

  "See. Just the idea of walking away already hurts. You love him, Christy. Or you're well on your way. Why don't you just go ahead and fall the rest of the way? Enjoy it, for God's sake. This is the wonderful part, you dork."

  "Don't you have a plane to Sweden to catch?" Christy muttered.

  Viv ignored her. "Life is full of pitfalls and disappointments. If I learned anything, it's that you can hide away from life hoping to miss the bad stuff, but then you'll miss out on all the good stuff. So what's the point in being here? There's pleasure and joy, too, you know."

  "I wasn't exactly miserable before I met Trevor, you know. I have a life."

  "I know. But now you have him in it, too. And you've found there can be even more joy and pleasure in sharing your ups and downs with someone else."

  Christy smiled. "That's what I have you for." But Viv wasn't going to let it go. "Okay, so you're right. You don't give me great sex. He is good for that."

  Viv gave her another look. "Is that all it is? Great sex?"

  Christy wanted to say yes, but she couldn't lie. Not to Viv. "No. Its more."

  "You know what I think?"

  Christy's mouth quirked. "No, Dr. Viv, why don't you tell me?"

  Viv leaned back and folded her arms. "I think you're subconsciously afraid of being abandoned. Which is sort of what your dad did, though obviously not on purpose." She raised a hand to stave off Christy's rebuttal. "Hear me out. Then there are all the men
in your mom's life. Not one is still around."

  "Mom is hardly a good example. I mean, even I know she doesn't take them seriously enough to—"

  "I said subconsciously. I know you understand all this rationally, in your head. But here—" she tapped her heart "—here I think you haven't quite convinced yourself that if you let someone close, in the end, they're going to abandon you, too. Why else does every man you date become more of a buddy than a lover?"

  "Because I'm not a perfect size four, blond, with perky boobs?"

  "Because it's safer being a pal than a lover, that's why. And I'm to blame here, too. I'm your best friend and it's not helping this subconscious manifestation of yours witnessing my trials and tribulations with Eric."

  "Oh, great, now I'm having subconscious manifestations. Do I need an exorcist or an exterminator? Sheesh, Viv."

  Viv propped her elbows on the table. "Okay, then. Tell me why you're not totally blissed out over having what is probably the best time of your life with Trevor? What's holding you back?"

  Christy wanted to give it right back to her, to tell her in no uncertain terms that her theory was a crock of bull hockey. But the words weren't there. She fiddled with her fork. "I'm just— He's just— It's…" She shrugged, then dropped her chin to her chest. "God, maybe you're right and I'm a closet basket case." She took a deep breath and looked up. "It scares me how much I enjoy being with him, Viv. I've never felt anything like this in my life. I want more, but I'm afraid of reaching for it. I'm afraid of what will happen if I reach and it's not there. Or worse, I grab hold, only to have it yank itself free."

  "Remember what I said at the cabin? You asked me if it was worth the risk. Let me ask you something. Would you give back what you've already had with him for the safety of never having felt it?"

  "No," Christy said, the swiftness and certainty of her response a sort of epiphany of its own.

  Viv looked at her friend. "Then don't be so worried about the possibility of pain that you miss out on all the joy. It is worth the risk, Christy."

  * * *