From Your Heart

by Shannyn Schroeder

  Kevin swallowed hard. He couldn’t lie to Jimmy; his brother would see right through him. “Yes, I want to apologize, but if doing so opens a door for me to have a second chance, I’m jumping at it.”

  “She’s not a fling kind of girl. That much I’ve figured out in the time I’ve spent with her. Your casual shit won’t fly this time either.”

  “I didn’t say I wanted it to be casual.”

  Jimmy froze with his beer halfway to his mouth. He stared at Kevin for a long moment, probably to assess whether Kevin was spinning some bullshit. Kevin held his stare.

  “Why her? You’ve dated plenty of women. No one has stood out as particularly serious.”

  Kevin shook his head and searched for the words. “I’ve been thinking about her a lot since your engagement party. I see you and Sean and even Tommy falling in love. I wasn’t in any hurry for that, but your life doesn’t seem all that bad. What Kathy and I had years ago could’ve been that. I was stupid not to hold on to her.”

  Jimmy drained his bottle and stood. With a pat on Kevin’s shoulder, he said, “She’ll like chocolate, but she’ll value your words more. Don’t bullshit her. Be honest. It might get you further than you think.” He stepped away and then added over his shoulder, “But you didn’t get that from me.”

  * * *

  Kevin took Jimmy’s advice to heart. He also spent a ton of money on the best chocolate he could find before going to the restaurant Thursday night. He and Kathy had only communicated via text, so he didn’t know how she felt about their meeting. A text didn’t reveal any nuance, and while he usually liked the efficiency of texting, he wished he could’ve spoken to her.

  He waited at the hostess stand for Kathy, feeling much like a guy afraid of being stood up by a blind date. Every time the door behind him opened, he turned to look. At seven on the nose, she walked in. Her curls were piled on her head in a messy bun and her face was clear of makeup except for the gloss on her lips, making it clear that she was coming from work and didn’t put in extra effort to look special for him. However, it backfired.

  She was beautiful.

  “Hi,” he said, suddenly nervous. Normally, he’d greet a date or a friend with a kiss on the cheek, but he feared the act wouldn’t be welcome. “I’m glad you came.”

  Her brow crinkled. “I said I would.”

  He nodded, feeling more foolish. “Here.” He thrust the box of chocolates at her.

  “What’s this for?”

  He put his hands up. “I wanted to get you something, but flowers would be dumb. . . .”

  She smiled and the nerves in his neck loosened. “Let’s get a table and talk.”

  Kathy stepped in front of him and he placed a gentle hand on her lower back as they walked. She stiffened, but didn’t pull away. The hostess seated them at a quiet corner booth. Kathy set the box of chocolates on the table as if to remind him that he needed to explain.

  Their waitress came by to set a basket of bread between them along with glasses of water.

  Kevin slid his menu to the side for a minute. Might as well get this part over with. “I feel like an ass for what happened between us.”

  “And you thought chocolate was going to make up for it?” Her eyes narrowed and her brows furrowed with confusion. Not quite as bad as calling him an idiot, but close.

  “No. I’m not that dense. I didn’t want to come empty-handed.” He inhaled deeply and remembered what Jimmy had said. Kevin knew how to be honest, but he spent so much time spinning the truth and couching it in BS that being straightforward was a novelty. “I’ve been thinking about you ever since the engagement party. The first thing I thought of when I saw you was that we had a great time together. Followed quickly by the anger I felt when you cut out without a word.”

  When she opened her mouth, he held up a quick hand. “I understand why you did what you did. More or less. Most women would’ve attacked, but that’s not your style.” He took a deep breath. “In the year since the party, I haven’t been able to come up with one thing that was bad with us.”

  She nodded. “Things were good. That’s why it was such a shock to find out that you were cheating.” She snapped her jaw shut and closed her eyes for a second. “We don’t need to rehash this. Like I said, life goes on.”

  “But I need to explain and give you an apology. You deserve one. First, I didn’t think I was ready for anything serious when we were dating. I think part of me recognized that what we had was getting serious and instead of backing out or talking to you, I self-sabotaged. That night you saw me with Tina, who was an ex. We’d both been drinking and I invited her back to my apartment. It was a shitty move. You didn’t deserve that.”

  “No, I didn’t,” she said quietly, her head down.

  “But I didn’t sleep with her.”

  Kathy’s eyes shot back up. “What?”

  “I’m not going to lie, she wanted to, but we didn’t have sex.”

  “Oh.”

  “But if I’m being totally honest, I can’t say for sure that I didn’t cheat on you some other time. I just don’t remember.” He took another deep breath. “Saying that out loud makes me feel like an even bigger asshole. The thing is, except for when I was at work or with you, I was out partying, always looking for the next good time.”

  Her throat worked as she swallowed. “Why are you telling me this now?”

  “Because you deserve the truth. And I want to start fresh.” Kevin reached across the table and laid a hand over hers. “I’m really sorry.”

  She stared into his eyes for a long moment. He remembered spending hours getting lost in her light brown eyes.

  “Okay.”

  He knew that was as good as he was going to get for now, and he could live with that. He pulled his hand away and slid a menu toward her. “Did you want to take a look or just order a pizza?”

  “Pizza.” She said the word with reverence.

  “Pizza always was your weakness.”

  “Is that why you chose this place?”

  He nodded. “Of course. My apology was sincere, but I’m not above using every possible advantage to earn your forgiveness.”

  The corner of her mouth tilted up. “I’m not sure what it says about me that I can be bought with chocolate and pizza.”

  He laughed. “It says you have excellent taste—in food and company,” he added, pointing at himself.

  “I see your ego is as big as ever.”

  “In my world, I’d never survive without being confident. Even if I have no clue what I’m doing, I can’t admit it. It would be career suicide.” He waved the waitress over and ordered a large pizza with everything.

  “Where are you working that’s so cutthroat?” She took a sip of water.

  “The mayor’s office.”

  She started to laugh and choked on her water. He handed her his napkin with a shrug. “Chicago politics will always be Chicago politics, but I like where I am.”

  “What do you do for the mayor?”

  “I don’t work directly for the mayor. I’m one of the staff writers in the PR department.”

  She stared at him with narrowed eyes. “I don’t see it.”

  “What?”

  “You working in a cubicle, being an anonymous creator.”

  “It’s what I do.”

  “But it goes against everything I remember about you. You always liked to be the center of attention, with everyone knowing who you are.”

  He drank some water and began to think a beer was in order, especially if they were going to start dissecting his life choices. “I know the value of hard work. So does the mayor. This job is a stepping-stone. The mayor has a lot of things in the works that might give me more opportunities. I have the most seniority in my department, so it’s got to be my turn soon.”

  * * *

  Kathy had no idea how she’d landed here. When she left the shop today, she’d convinced herself that she could meet Kevin for dinner, talk about bachelor/bachelorette party stuff, and mo
ve on. Never in her self-talk did she envision sharing a bottle of wine and laughing with him.

  She sipped on the red now as the waitress stopped by to box up the remaining pizza. “I can’t believe we ate all of that. I feel like I’m going to explode.”

  “Does that mean you don’t want the leftovers?” he asked with a smirk.

  Damn him. He knew she wanted that pizza. “I never turn away pizza. It’s life’s perfect food. Works for any meal or snack, day or night. I’m sure by breakfast I’ll no longer feel like exploding.”

  He pushed the container to her side of the table. “Enjoy.”

  She sighed. Her cheeks hurt because she’d smiled so much. “We haven’t even talked about the parties—you know, the whole reason for meeting tonight? What are you thinking about for Jimmy?”

  Kevin shook his head. “Jimmy gave me a litany of don’ts for the party. Then he tried to give me a similar list to pass on to you for Moira’s party.”

  “Uh-uh. The groom doesn’t get to tell me what kind of party to throw. Who does he think he is?”

  “Jimmy O’Malley, boss of everyone.” Kevin drained his glass. He waved at the waitress and ordered coffee. “Would you like one too?”

  Kathy shook her head. “The caffeine’ll keep me up all night. I have an early morning.”

  When the waitress left, Kathy asked, “Do I even want to know what Jimmy demanded?”

  He shook his head. Then he leaned forward and put his elbows on the table. “Jimmy thinks the whole idea is ridiculous because the concept is outdated. The bachelor party is one last night of freedom for a guy, but Jimmy feels like he’s already had enough of running around. Moira’s it for him.”

  Kathy’s heart hefted a happy sigh. Bossy Jimmy had a romantic side.

  “Did Moira talk about this?”

  “Nope.”

  “Here’s what I’m thinking. It’s a little unorthodox, but I think they’ll enjoy it.” He leaned even closer and lowered his voice.

  Kathy found herself pressing toward the table as if they were going to share a secret.

  “What if we plan a lake cruise? We keep it a secret from the two of them until we’re all on board. I know a guy who can get us a good deal. We can get a private dinner cruise.”

  “Are you suggesting a joint party?” Kathy’s mushy heart plunged into her stomach. Although the night had been wonderful, she wasn’t looking to spend more time with Kevin.

  “Yes and no. I think we let them believe that we’re setting up the usual raunchy bachelor party. Jimmy doesn’t want that, and if the way Moira looks at him is any indication, she’s not looking for it either. The wedding and marriage thing is a formality. Their days of freedom have been over for a long time.”

  Kathy sat back and thought. She hated to admit it, but he was right. They weren’t kids getting married before experiencing life. Moira had been in love with Jimmy since childhood. Having a naked dude shake his ass at her wasn’t going to do much for Moira. Kathy smiled. It might kill Jimmy, though.

  “What’s that smile about?”

  “I was thinking that you’ve made an excellent argument and a cruise would probably be a good time. But part of me really wants a stripper for Moira just to drive Jimmy crazy.”

  Kevin chuckled. “I knew there was something about you I liked.” He tapped the table. “I got it!”

  She didn’t like the look on his face and regretted voicing her opinion. “No.”

  “I haven’t even told you the idea.”

  The waitress deposited a cup of coffee in front of him and he immediately drank.

  “Your face tells me enough.” The pizza turned to stone in her stomach as she tried to envision how Kevin would screw this up.

  He suddenly raised his hands. “Whoa. I’m just talking about having fun. If we have the boat to ourselves, we can have a private room with entertainment for those people who want to enjoy a typical wild party.”

  Her wariness didn’t fade, but she wanted to believe him. “That wasn’t what the evil genius look was about.”

  He flashed a brilliant smile. “You think I’m a genius?”

  “Did you not hear the evil part?”

  His smile lessened by a fraction, but he still looked far too good. She bit her tongue before any part of that slipped past her lips. She couldn’t allow the wine to talk. Surely that was all it was.

  “I had a picture in my head of taking Jimmy into a room to greet a stripper and conveniently putting him in the wrong room. He’d get to enjoy the stripper meant for Moira.”

  She couldn’t help it. She giggled. It wasn’t nice, but it would be funny to see Jimmy’s reaction. And it wouldn’t be anything horribly offensive to ruin Moira’s night. In fact, she might even get a laugh from the joke.

  Pointing at Kevin she said, “Do what you want, but I’ll have no part in it. I don’t want to be on the receiving end of Jimmy’s anger.”

  Kevin waved a hand in dismissal. “Nah. He won’t be angry. I’ll liquor him up first.”

  “So many ways that could end badly for you.”

  “Never underestimate me,” he said with a wink.

  Man, did this guy ever let up? She folded her napkin and set it on the table before reaching in her purse for her wallet. “How much do I owe you for dinner?”

  “It’s on me.”

  “This wasn’t a date. It was more like a business meeting. I should pay at least half. I am taking all the leftovers.”

  “Correction. This was old friends getting together for a meal. My treat.” He finished his coffee and pulled bills from his pocket. “I’ll walk you to your car.”

  She stood and gathered the pizza and box of chocolates. “When you get actual numbers on the cost of the cruise, let me know and we’ll talk. I imagine that renting out the ship for the night will be expensive.”

  “We’ll figure it out. You like my plan though?”

  She did. An intimate party with all of Jimmy and Moira’s closest friends would be perfect. Even if it meant Kathy would have to spend more time with Kevin. This night hadn’t been anywhere near the torture she’d imagined. “It’s a good idea. It’ll work for them.”

  As they headed out of the restaurant and toward her car, Kevin said, “Do you have any business cards on you?”

  “Why?” She pressed the key fob to unlock the door. Night had fallen and it was near her bedtime, but the cool breeze made her want to stand and enjoy it for a while. She inhaled, filling her lungs with fragrant air. Summer in Chicago was her favorite time of year.

  “I know a lot of people who organize functions in and around the mayor.”

  “I don’t need some pity business because you’re trying to clear your conscience. The chocolates and apology were enough.”

  “As a businessperson, you shouldn’t care about the reason behind the work. Just be glad when some comes your way.”

  She set the boxes on the floor behind the driver’s seat and rummaged around in her purse. Finally, in the side pocket, she found her business card holder. She handed him a few cards. “I am grateful for every customer who walks through my door. But if you start pimping my business, I’m afraid it’ll come with strings attached. I don’t want to owe you anything.”

  Standing straight, she gave herself a mental pat on the back. There was a time she’d never have had the guts to say that aloud.

  He studied the card for a moment. “Love in Bloom. You really did it.”

  “Did what?”

  “I remember lying in bed with you, talking about how much you wanted your own flower shop. I’m impressed. You did everything you set out to do.”

  His words shouldn’t have had any effect on her, but they did. A gentle warmth spread through her belly at his praise.

  He slid the cards into the pocket of his jeans and looked at her in silence for a minute. She tried not to fidget, but the intensity of all that attention on her made her want to hide.

  Or curl up in his arms.

  Oh, hell no. She need
ed to get to bed. Thoughts like that about Kevin O’Malley would only lead to heartbreak.

  He finally moved, slowly stretching an arm out to brace on the car beside her. “I’ll never expect anything more from you than you’re willing to give.”

  It took her a second to figure out what he was talking about. Then she realized that he was referring to her accusing him of attaching strings. Her breathing went shallow and her heart sped up. A big part of her had expected him to try to kiss her, but a bigger part was glad he hadn’t.

  He spoke the truth. In a nutshell, he’d managed to express her single biggest problem. She was always willing to give a relationship everything without knowing she’d get anything in return. Kevin had been one of many men to teach her that. In recent years, she’d done everything possible to protect herself as she attempted to learn to be more assertive. Next time she fell for a guy, she planned to be able to demand what she wanted. It was a work in progress.

  Kevin waited, but she had nothing to say to him. He pushed off the car. “Good night, Kathy. I had a great time tonight.”

  “Me too,” she admitted, which probably wasn’t the smartest move.

  As he stepped away, he reached and opened the door for her. When she turned and sat, he closed it. He waited until she started the engine and shifted into gear to leave.

  She offered a small wave as she pulled away. In her rearview mirror, she saw Kevin standing in the near-empty parking lot, hands tucked into his pockets, staring at her.

  She should’ve left sooner. If she’d really been thinking, she would’ve started the party planning conversation first thing instead of letting him lead. As she made her way home, she realized that she had, in fact, underestimated Kevin. He’d been polite and kind and funny, so she played right into his hand. She’d had dinner with him and enjoyed it.

  No matter what he’d said about them being friends, she knew better. She’d gotten good at being honest with herself, even if she was still working on being blunt with those around her. In being true to herself, she had to admit that she was still attracted to Kevin. And he was attracted to her.

  Which meant that she had to double her defenses when she was with him. If he wanted to pretend as if they were friends, she’d show him that she could be a friend. And nothing more.