Fallen Angel, Part III

by Tracie Podger

  “Robert has gone to work. It seems our Mr. Rogers didn’t keep to his word and drop it,” I said.

  “I heard. You have to trust Robert to do the right thing and by the right thing, I mean for us, his family.”

  “I do, it’s just... I don’t know. I guess at first all this Mafia thing didn’t feel real. I mean, we don’t learn about this stuff back in the UK, we see a romanticised movie and it all seems a little unreal. Living it is another matter.”

  She nodded her head. “When I was a girl I would overhear conversations, I would see piles of money and sometimes guns that were supposed to be hidden. It was very different back then because my father’s activities were obvious. He tried to shield me of course, but he ran his business from home. It was difficult to keep it quiet. But how the boys work now is very different, these issues that we are having don’t come along very often. I know that’s hard to believe right now but this is all connected to what happened to you, it’s one problem and once it’s sorted we should go back to a normal life.”

  She did chuckle a little as she finished her sentence. Would there be such a thing as a normal life? And what was normal anyway? We spent an hour or so chatting, enjoying each other’s company until the padding of feet coming across the lounge told us the movie had finished. Evelyn started to prepare her now famous and requested burger and chunky chips for Gerry. He stood by her side trying to help, informing her that he was going to make this for the boys when he went back to the home.

  Watching him reminded me of Robert in a kitchen. Water splashed everywhere, cutlery was dropped and Gerry would insist on using as many bowls as possible when one would have done. He stood on a small stool I had found in the laundry room and watching him working away, listening to his chatter caused a lump to form in my throat. I excused myself and made my way downstairs, I needed five minutes alone. That pang of wanting had taken me by surprise. I took a deep breath, splashed some cold water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror.

  “Get a grip, it is what it is,” I said aloud to myself.

  I heard my phone ring and retrieving it from my pocket, I answered Robert’s call.

  “Hey, how are you?” I asked.

  “Good, I’ll be home a bit later, I’m meeting Travis. He didn’t sound too good, Brooke.”

  “I’m sure he didn’t. You’ll give him a hug from me, won’t you?”

  “Well, I don’t know about a hug but I’ll tell him you’re thinking of him. How’s Gerry?”

  “Making an awful mess in the kitchen with Evelyn. I’m about to join them for burger and chips, do you want us to save you some?”

  He laughed. “No, I’ll grab something later.”

  Saying our goodbyes, I headed back to the kitchen as dinner was being served. I must admit, it smelled delicious. Of course the burger was home made, nestled in a toasted bun with tomatoes and crisp lettuce. The chips were slightly salted and placed in a criss-cross pattern on the plate. For once Gerry was silent as he ate, the juice from the burger and the huge amount of ketchup he had poured in dripped down his chin and onto his top. I wiped his face, dabbed at the ketchup before taking a bite of my own.

  “Robert is meeting Travis before he comes home,” I told Evelyn.

  “Does that mean I won’t see him before bedtime?” Gerry asked.

  “I’ll make sure he pops his head in to say goodnight,” I replied.

  After Evelyn left, I declined Gerry’s offer of help to clean the dishes. It was simply a matter of stacking the dishwasher but there was no telling what mess that could create. He settled on the sofa with a book that he had brought with him, a classic, Treasure Island. I had found his glasses at the bottom of his bag and as he squinted, trying to read, I placed them on his face. An hour or so later I noticed his head start to droop. Taking the book from his hands, I picked him up and carried him downstairs. He snuggled under the duvet, clutching his teddy to one side while Smudge settled against the other.

  I stood at the doorway watching Gerry for a while. His blond hair flopped over his eyebrows, his little hands gripped the teddy until he was in a deep sleep. I turned as I heard the sound of two cars crunch over the gravel drive. I closed the bedroom door and crossed the hallway to the front. Just as I stepped outside, I heard car doors slam. I saw Robert walk towards Travis who shook his head and took a step back, holding one hand up. Robert stopped in his tracks.

  “You need to let me be, Rob. I can’t do this right now. She would still be here if you hadn’t scared her,” Travis said.

  I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. Robert looked towards me with such sorrow on his face. Once Travis noticed I was there, he shook his head, turned and walked away. I crossed the gravel, the small stones dug into my bare feet. Robert had closed his eyes and his head slumped forward in despair. I placed my hand on his cheek and he covered it with his own. He didn’t speak, he didn’t need to.

  “Come on, leave him be for a while,” I said, taking Robert’s hand.

  We climbed the stairs and he sat, face in his hands and his elbows rested on the breakfast bar. I poured him a glass of wine and sat next to him.

  “Do you want to tell me about it?” I asked.

  “He blames me, I knew he did. The way he looked at me in the hospital confirmed that. I went to meet him at Elaine’s, I thought I could help and he hardly spoke to me, he couldn’t look at me, Brooke.

  He paused and took a sip of his wine before continuing.

  “He told Elaine that he needed to go home, would be back in the morning so we left. I asked him if he wanted to leave the Range Rover there and I’d drive him back but he just ignored me, walked straight to the car. I called after him and he stopped but he wouldn’t turn around. All he said was that he wished he wasn’t in this life, our life had fucked up the only chance he had at loving someone or being a dad.”

  Inside I had started to fume. I believed it was grief that had made Travis say those things, words that were so untrue. He, like Robert, had chosen that life, either of them could have turned their back on it a long time ago. If half of what I knew was true, Travis revelled in that life far more than Robert did. He had conveniently put aside the fact that he was the one to walk away from Caroline, to abandon her and that baby. If he had been around, Rogers might not have been able to get that file to Caroline. There wouldn’t have been the shock meeting in the club. Trying to remember that he was grieving didn’t stop me getting angry though and I swallowed that down.

  “You know that’s not true, this is grief, Robert. This is what happens. Sometimes we can only tear apart the person closest to us. Travis has never experienced grief, he doesn’t know how to handle it. I bet the first thing he does in the morning, is plonk his grumpy arse on that stool and wait for someone to make him a coffee.”

  “I don’t know, Brooke. After he spoke outside Elaine’s he got in the car and drove here, you heard what he said outside.”

  “Give him tonight, if he doesn’t show in the morning then go and see him.”

  “How’s Gerry?” he asked.

  “Asleep, sad to have missed you before he went to bed but I said you would pop your head around the door.”

  We sat in silence for a few minutes. Robert was twisting the wineglass stem with his fingers. A deep sigh left his lips and I placed my hand over his, our fingers interlaced.

  “I feel like I’m losing my family, Brooke. It’s all falling apart and I can’t stop it,” he said quietly.

  “You’re not losing anyone, please don’t think that. Travis is in a bad place. I bet in a few days you’ll be back to normal.”

  “I’m not sure I’m as confident as you. You didn’t see the look on his face. Brooke, he looked at me with disgust. We have never fallen out like this. We’ve argued in the past but he didn’t even shout, he was as calm as anything, you saw him.”

  “I saw a man hurting, big time. Neither of you have been through this before. Trust me, the death of someone you love can affect you in ways you never be
lieved.”

  He looked at me, his eyes fixed on mine.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t think,” he said.

  “It’s okay, but my situation isn’t the same as yours. Travis will not abandon you. You two have a bond I never had with my parents. You will get through this, trust me.”

  I looked at my watch, it was late so I took his hand and led him downstairs. He paused before entering our bedroom, looking towards the next room.

  “Go and see him, don’t wake him though let him sleep. I’ll take a shower,” I said.

  Leaving him to say goodnight to Gerry, I stripped off my clothes and headed for the bathroom. I stood under the shower for a few minutes letting the water run over my body, my mind whirling. Travis was grieving that was all, I was sure of that. He was hitting out and Robert was the closest to him. Although the boys had gone through the death of Joe, to lose a loved one, if that’s what Travis believed Caroline was, and under such terrible circumstances was something new for them.

  I stepped from the shower, dried myself and pulled on my robe. I headed back to the bedroom. It was empty. Heading next door I looked through the gap where the door had not fully closed. Robert was sitting on the bed just looking at Gerry who was still asleep. I pushed the door open and walked towards him, placing my hand on his shoulder.

  “He looks so peaceful, doesn’t he?” he whispered.

  “Come on, let him sleep.”

  While I climbed into bed, Robert took a shower. I watched his silhouette through the open door. The water had steamed the glass surround but I could still see the contours of his body, the tattoo as he turned and the way his angel’s wings moved when he raised his hands to wash his hair. Sometimes I forgot how emotionally immature both he and Travis were. How each new event in their lives had to be taken step by step and I was glad I was there for him. He walked into the bedroom with a towel around his waist, water still dripping from his hair. Little droplets fell to his chest, making a slow descent across his muscles.

  “Like the view, Mrs. Stone?” he said.

  “Always, but you need to dry your hair.”

  As he sat on the edge of the bed I knelt behind him. Taking the towel he had removed from around his waist, I rubbed it over his head. His hair, being as short as it was, dried within a minute and I ran my fingers through it, spiking the top. I massaged his shoulders and his neck, using my thumbs to work out the knots in his muscles. He was so tense but soon enough I felt him start to relax.

  “What did you do with your clothes?” I asked quietly. “You went out in black, you came home in something different.”

  He turned to me and smiled, a dangerous smile. “Burnt,” was all he answered.

  He climbed under the covers and I snuggled into his side, my hand rested on his chest. He was exhausted and I listened as his breathing deepened, slowed, until he fell asleep. It wasn’t so easy for me, I lay for a while just thinking or rather, trying not to think.

  ***

  I woke bleary-eyed having not had a great deal of sleep. I checked my watch and groaned, it was still the early hours of the morning. I turned on my side and looked at the face of my husband, still asleep. The slightly crooked nose was the only imperfect thing about him. I wondered where his parents were from, as he had said to me once before, he didn’t look British. He was more European looking with his slightly olive skin, his long black eyelashes and black hair. I wanted to run my hand over his cheek, feel the stubble on his chin scratch my palm but I didn’t want to wake him. I gently climbed from the bed and finding his shirt draped over a chair in the corner, I put it on and walked upstairs.

  I made my way to the floor to ceiling glass wall. The view was beautiful, I could see over the tree tops to the expanse of greenery and woodland beyond. Somewhere in there were rivers and waterfalls, large and small. Although I hadn’t heard a sound, I felt that magnetic pull in my stomach and knew Robert had woken. Whatever this ‘thing’ was between us, this connection, was still a mystery but I hoped it was something I never lost. I watched his reflection in the tinted glass as he strode towards me. His hands rested on my hips and I leant back against his chest.

  “Can’t sleep?” he asked.

  “No, too much going through my mind I guess. Did I wake you?”

  “No, I just know when you’re not there. Want to talk about it?”

  “Has he gone for good?” I asked, there was no need for me to tell Robert that I was referring to Rogers.

  “Yes. It had to be done, Brooke.”

  “And copies of his files? Did you get those?”

  “Yes, we think so.”

  “You think so? Is there any chance something might materialise in the future?”

  “I’ve done what I’ve had to, to protect us for now,” he replied.

  “Was he connected to Joey?”

  “Not as much as we thought, more to Gabby. I guess she passed on what she knew to protect herself. There was a letter we found, it said that if she disappeared the police were to investigate Joey, she obviously feared him.”

  “Why didn’t Rogers release that letter then?”

  “Because she isn’t dead, not yet. As long as she stays where she is and doesn’t talk, she’ll be fine.”

  “But I thought...”

  “I know what you thought. I’ll never volunteer information, Brooke. If you ask, I’ll tell you what you need to know, no more. This is my life, your life now. It’s how it has to be, for your protection as well as mine.”

  His arms tightened around me and we fell silent for a while. I didn’t want to know how Rogers had gone, and whether I was wrong or not, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. I needed a distraction from the sadness that washed over me though. Sadness that it was relief I felt and nothing more.

  His hands ran up my sides dragging the shirt with them, his fingers caressed the sides of my breasts. Goose bumps followed his touch. I leant my head to the side giving him access to my neck and his lips brushed against my skin. I could feel the heat of his breath, the tip of his tongue as his mouth travelled from my ear to the back of my neck.

  “Mmm, that feels good,” I whispered.

  His hands had come to rest on my breasts, his palms rubbed across nipples that stiffened under his touch. I turned in his arms taking his face in my hands and rose on tiptoes to kiss him. His mouth was hungry for mine and his hands tangled in my hair pulling my head closer. There was desperation about his kiss, a need for me. As I pulled away I took his hand and led him downstairs.

  We stood face to face in the darkened bedroom, his fingers tracing the contours of my cheek, down my neck and shoulders. He took the hem of his shirt and lifted it over my head leaving me naked and he took a step back, studying me.

  “I seem to remember you owe me something,” he said. I frowned, not remembering.

  “Sit,” he commanded, his eyes flicked to his leather chair in the corner of the room.

  I made my way to the chair, excitement building.

  “Part your legs, Brooke.”

  He moved to his bedside cabinet, opened the drawer and removed something he then concealed in his hand. The fluttering in my stomach increased and my heart started to race. As he knelt in front of me, he opened his hand. Nestling in his palm was an oval shaped object, next to it a small remote. He didn’t speak as his fingers traced up one thigh. I tilted my hips giving him access to what he wanted. His fingers ran over my opening already wet and hot, teasing my clitoris which throbbed at his touch. My hands gripped the arms of the chair as static coursed over my skin. I watched as he took the oval object and inserted it inside me. Nothing happened and he rested back on his heels.

  “Make yourself come for me, I need to watch you,” he whispered. There was something feral in the way he looked at me, in the way he spoke.

  I ran my hand over my now quivering stomach until my fingers were either side of my clitoris. His black eyes were fixed on my hand, watching. I saw him lick his parted lips as if preparing himself to devour m
e. Watching him was as arousing as the sensations I was producing at my own fingers. My breath quickened and I let out a small moan of pleasure. And then I felt it, a delicious vibration shot through me taking me by surprise. He was controlling that object inside me. Electrical impulses shot through me, my fingers squeezed my clitoris as wave after wave of vibrations caught every nerve ending. My stomach knotted as my orgasm approached and then the vibrations stopped. I looked at him in surprise, my breathing ragged.

  “Don’t stop,” he said.

  My hand was shaking as I inserted two fingers inside me, feeling that object alongside them. My thumb pressed down on my clitoris as Robert’s often did. I wanted my release, the release from the pressure building up in my body. My fingers stroked and my thumb circled.

  “Please,” I whispered.

  “Please, what?”

  “Do that again.”

  I saw the smile, that very wicked smile, as his hand closed on the remote. I removed my fingers, I wanted just the sensation of those vibrations inside me. As I did he grabbed my wrist, raising my fingers to his mouth. He sucked, he licked, he bit as my body gave in and I came. My eyes were closed, my head fell back and I cried out. Before I could regain control, he had pulled out the object and replaced it with his tongue. His hands gripped my thighs pushing them further and further apart until I was balancing on the edge of the chair. I gripped the sides, my fingers dug into the leather-clad arms.

  His mouth and his tongue were relentless prolonging my orgasm until my stomach ached and sweat beaded on my forehead and my upper lip. I was a bundle of nerves, of static prickling my skin, of heat racing over me. I needed more, I needed him inside me. My hands fisted in his hair, gripping, pulling his head away from me and up to my mouth. As it did, I slid off the chair and straddled his lap. His hand guided his cock inside me. I rode him hard. I couldn’t get enough of him, I couldn’t get him deeper and I was desperate for him. I clawed at his back and I bit his shoulder, enough to mark him and make him growl, enough to make him fuck me like he had never before.