Waiting for You

by Elle Spencer

  * * *

  Lindsay buttoned her cardigan over her white T-shirt and looked in the mirror. Her world, as she knew it, would never be the same. She wondered if the dreams would stop, if Roo would drift into the background because Ren was here now. Or if the dreams did continue, would they feel the same? Have the same depth? Make her feel the same joy and loss and everything in between? And the biggest question of all, what was Ren feeling?

  Lindsay opened the bathroom door and found Ren just outside, leaning against the wall. “I was just about to knock and ask if you’re okay.”

  “I’m fine. Better than fine.”

  Ren smoothed down her hair. “You’re so beautiful.”

  Lindsay leaned into the touch. It hadn’t even been ten minutes since they’d been wrapped around each other, skin on skin, lips on lips, yet Lindsay found herself missing it already. Ren looked amazing in whatever she wore, but now that Lindsay had seen her naked, there was no going back. She wanted more of that body. She wanted to take her time exploring it. She wanted to know what it felt like to have her fingers buried inside Ren. She wanted to taste her. She wanted to hear her moans of pleasure and feel her body tense and see her hips buck. And she wanted that to happen at least a thousand times. Maybe more. She hadn’t really done the math yet.

  But what did Ren want? Lindsay was too afraid to ask. This whole thing might have just been sex to her. A good ol’ romp in the hay. A spectacular romp, but just a romp nonetheless. Ren’s eyes weren’t telling her anything. “I’m sorry we have to rush back,” Lindsay said. “Brooke isn’t used to me—”

  “Dating?”

  Lindsay hesitated. “Is that what we’re doing?”

  Ren caressed her cheek with the back of her hand. “I know it’s been a while for you, but dinner, wine, dessert, you holding my arm while we walked, and ending up in bed all add up to a pretty fabulous date.”

  Lindsay took her hand and kissed her palm. “What are you doing this weekend?”

  Ren grinned as she ran her fingers into Lindsay’s hair and pulled her closer. “I like where your head is at.” She leaned in for a kiss.

  Lindsay didn’t want a peck. She cupped Ren’s cheeks and deepened the kiss. She would never get enough of Ren’s lips or that talented tongue that she could only imagine would feel like heaven on other parts of her body.

  Ren whimpered and pushed her against the wall. She kissed her deeply again and said, “Either we leave now or we stay the whole night, because you’re killin’ me here, Linds.”

  Lindsay needed to get back before Brooke panicked and called Ben because Mom hadn’t come home. She felt guilty that she hadn’t had time to reciprocate. “Sorry,” she whispered. “I wish we could stay so I could—”

  Ren put her finger on Lindsay’s lips. “Shh. Don’t be sorry. Just tell me that this won’t be the last time.”

  Lindsay took Ren’s finger into her mouth and let her tongue roll around it, then sucked it in farther. Ren let out a little gasp and said, “Okay. I like that answer.”

  * * *

  They held hands most of the way home. Lindsay stared at Ren most of the way too. She couldn’t believe what had just happened. Shouldn’t she feel guilty for leaving her kid to fend for herself while she had mind-blowing sex in a hotel room? She felt elated and satiated and so relaxed it seemed like her voice had dropped an octave. A sense of guilt was nowhere to be found.

  Ren pulled into Lindsay’s driveway and put the car in park. She turned and shook her head as if she couldn’t believe what had happened either. “Wow,” she whispered.

  “What a night,” Lindsay said.

  “What a night.” She took Lindsay’s hand and held it to her lips. She gently kissed each knuckle.

  “I know,” Lindsay said. “I don’t want to leave you, either.” Apparently, she was still in “say everything you’re feeling” mode. Well, not everything. She wasn’t going to tell Ren that it felt as if she’d found a home in her arms. Or that Ren’s touch was everything missing from her life. Or that her kiss seemed to soothe wounds Lindsay didn’t even know she had.

  Ren held her stare but didn’t reply. Lindsay wanted to pull her hand away and take back the words, because what if that wasn’t what Ren was feeling at all? What if the sigh was a precursor to her giving the “let them down easy” speech?

  Lindsay fought the urge to run and leaned in. A kiss would tell her exactly where Ren’s mind was. She closed her eyes and waited for Ren to meet her halfway. And there were those soft lips she’d grown to adore. The fire between them ignited again. A jolt of electricity shot through Lindsay’s body when their tongues collided. She desperately wanted to crawl onto Ren’s lap, put the seat down, and make mad love to her right there in the driveway, but she knew Brooke was in the house. She slowed down the kiss and pulled back.

  Ren touched her cheek. “You sure know how to leave a girl wanting more.”

  Lindsay smiled and said, “See you soon.”

  “See you soon.”

  Lindsay got out and watched Ren drive away. Whatever happened next, this would be a night she would never forget.

  Chapter Nine

  Lindsay rolled her eyes as Patty started another round of pacing in her studio. She’d only get about three steps in before she had to turn around. It was making Lindsay dizzy.

  “I can’t believe this,” Patty said again, this time with both arms in the air.

  “Hey, watch it. You’re going to break something.” Lindsay opened her minifridge. “Want a beer?”

  Patty tapped her watch. “It’s ten o’clock in the morning. Don’t you have something stronger?”

  “I thought you liked to wait until noon. I have an airplane bottle of Jack that I could mix with your Diet Coke. It’s that or a Sam Adams.”

  Patty put out her hand. “Just the Coke, smarty-pants.”

  Lindsay shrugged and handed her the soda. “I kinda wish you were more of a day drinker right now.”

  Patty continued pacing, then made an abrupt stop. “You had sex with her. You actually had sex with her.” She threw a hand up. “Oh. My. God.”

  “Hey! You’re spilling Coke everywhere. Drink it or lose it.”

  “I can’t believe you, Linds. After that promise you made years ago?” Patty tapped her chest with her finger. “It was supposed to be me, Linds. Me.”

  “You’re my best friend, Cakes. My…I don’t know, my soul sister, my Pattycakes, Brooke’s godmother, the Rachel to my Monica, the best friend I could ever ask for. You get me like no one else. You’re the most important person in my life next to Brooke. You are both the loves of my life, and I couldn’t bear to lose you. That’s who you are to me.”

  Patty slumped on a stool and dramatically covered her eyes with her hands. “Don’t touch me. Just let me get through this…this betrayal.”

  Lindsay tried not to laugh while she waited. She loved Patty, and part of loving Patty was loving her dramatic tendencies. She opened the fridge and got a Diet Coke for herself. She took a sip and said, “Can I ask—”

  “Shut up.”

  Lindsay closed her mouth and waited. She looked at her watch and waited. “Cakes. Come on.”

  Patty pulled her hands away from her face. “You can’t even give me five minutes to mourn the loss of us ever bucking? Really, Linds? Not even five minutes?”

  “Bucking?”

  “Yes, swear jar lady. It’s what I would say in front of Brooke, like, oh buck, I burned the toast, or, oh buck, I drove right past the school and ended up at the Icey Shack.”

  Lindsay lifted an eyebrow. “What was that?”

  “It only happened once when she absolutely did not want to go to school because of that kid who called her chicken legs.”

  “That was in the third grade.”

  Patty pointed her finger. “Which is why you’re going to give me a pass.”

  “You weren’t in the safe zone, Cakes. And you absconded with my daughter so you wouldn’t have to order the Mega Banana Split and ea
t it all alone. Did you call the school and pretend to be me too?”

  “Okay, number one—”

  “No,” Lindsay said. “No numbers. Just tell me how many times you impersonated me and took Brooke to the movies or bowling or—”

  “Ice skating,” Patty blurted. “I taught Brookey how to ice skate, okay? No bowling or movies. Just ice skating. And she got pretty good too. Besides, who needs to go to third grade when there’s a little Masshole in the class.”

  “Masshole? You’re talking about a third-grader, Cakers.” Lindsay giggled under her breath. “Now, would you please sit down?”

  “Fine. But I’m not over this Ren thing.”

  “That’s what we need to talk about.” Lindsay made a large circling motion with her hand. “Cone of truth here, okay?”

  “If this is anything like the safe zone, I’m out.” She went to stand. She got about halfway up into a standing position and froze. “Aren’t you going to stop me? Grab my arm or something. Don’t leave me hanging like this.”

  Lindsay rolled her eyes and gave her arm a gentle yank. “Okay, I’m just going to jump right in. I need to know if you’re really telling me you’ve been secretly pining away for me all these years.”

  “You said I’d be the first to know.”

  “Cakes, that’s not what I’m asking.”

  “I know, I know.” Patty leaned forward and put her elbows on her knees. “I’ve actually been thinking about that. I never thought I was crushing on you. Not since high school. And then this Ren-Roo thing happened.” She paused and took a deep breath. “I guess I got kind of jealous.”

  Lindsay put her hand on Patty’s knee. “I can see that, hon. I’m just trying to understand why.”

  “So am I. But the short answer is, no, I’m not pining away for you. I’m just worried I’m going to lose you.”

  “Lose me? Why would you lose me?”

  “Because it’s always been me and you. Joined at the hip. Then this chick shows up.”

  Lindsay grabbed her hands. “Okay, listen to me, Cakes. This is Ren we’re talking about, not some rando I found in a bar.”

  “I know. I know. It was like you were having sex with the woman of your dreams. Like, literally.”

  “Not exactly literally. She isn’t Roo.”

  “You said she is Roo.”

  “She is, but not…” Lindsay sighed. “I’m confusing myself now.” Patty got up and started pacing again. “Oh God,” Lindsay whispered to herself. At least this time Patty had her arms folded and wasn’t holding a can of soda.

  “Lindsay, look at me. If you really believe Ren is the reincarnation of Roo, you’re going to tell her, right?”

  Lindsay didn’t answer.

  “Lindsay?”

  “You’re the one who said there was no point in telling her the truth.”

  “That was before you slept with her,” Patty said. “Things are a little different now, don’t you think?”

  Lindsay didn’t know what to think. “Are they? I mean, she’s moving to Paris. It’s not like we’re going to have some long-term, long-distance thing.”

  “You’re lying to yourself, Linds. Don’t you see that even if you have a two-week fling or whatever, you’re going to fall madly in love with her? And you can’t be in love with someone who doesn’t know the truth. Your truth. It would kill you to keep that buried inside.”

  “You want to know my truth, Cakes? The truth is that no one, not Roo, not Ren, not anyone else, will ever replace you.” Her phone dinged. “Hold on.” She opened the text from Ren. It said, Do we have to wait until the weekend?

  Lindsay grinned and typed a reply.

  Patty put her hands on her hips. “It’s her, isn’t it?” She grabbed for the phone.

  “Stop!” Lindsay pulled it away. “Yes, it’s her.”

  “I say this out of love, Linds. You need to tell her about Roo. If she accepts it, great. You’ll work things out. If she doesn’t, at least you won’t be too far in. Tell her before it’s too late to let go.”

  * * *

  “Brookey?” Lindsay knocked on Brooke’s bedroom door and opened it. “Can I come in?”

  Brooke didn’t look up from her phone. “You’re already in.”

  Lindsay sat on the edge of the bed. “Have you talked to Corey?”

  “So you’re gay now?”

  Taken aback, Lindsay furrowed her brow. “What?”

  “Gay, Mom. As in, kissing women in the driveway. Do you think I’m blind?”

  “I guess I didn’t consider that you’d be spying from the window.” Brooke moved to get up, but Lindsay stopped her. “Okay, wait. That wasn’t totally fair. I didn’t know that what happened last night was going to happen. But I’ve always been attracted to women, Brooke. I just married your dad so young, and I would never have cheated on him.”

  Brooke blinked a few times and seemed to consider that. “Still. You’re an adult, Mom. You don’t get to go around randomly kissing people. I mean, are we all about to die from an asteroid or something? Is that why everyone’s sleeping with whoever they want because maybe I want in on that. Maybe I’d like to get with…” She pursed her lips. “Forget it. I don’t care anymore.” Sir Barksalot climbed the little steps Brooke had at the end of her bed and snuggled next to her. “At least I know that Barksy isn’t sleeping around.”

  “Honey, I’m not sleeping around. I know your world feels a little bit upside down right now, but that’s not what’s going on.”

  Lindsay got on the bed next to her and put a pillow on her lap. She patted it. “Take out your hair tie.” Brooke huffed, but she complied. Lindsay started the head massage at her hairline, massaging in a small, circular motion on her forehead. It was working. Brooke’s eyes were closed, and her breathing had slowed. Lindsay hated to see her so stressed out, but Brooke had always been a worrier. She could come up with a worst-case scenario for any situation in the blink of an eye. Give her a few minutes, and she’d have a top ten list.

  Just when Lindsay thought Brooke had dozed off, she opened her eyes. “Did you like kissing a girl?”

  “I liked kissing that particular girl.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Honey, Ren is someone very special. I haven’t talked about her in a while, but do you remember me telling you about Roo?”

  “The woman in your dreams.”

  “Yes. The woman in my dreams. And do you remember when I explained to you my belief in past lives?”

  Brooke nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Honey, I think Ren might be Roo. Not think, I know Ren is Roo.”

  Brooke rolled onto her back and met Lindsay’s gaze. “You mean Roo was reborn as Ren?”

  “It sounds crazy, but I know in my gut that she’s Roo.”

  “Is that why you kissed her?”

  “I feel connected to her in the same way I feel connected to Roo. Plus, I think she’s pretty cute.” Lindsay winked, trying to keep things light.

  “Mom, she’s not cute. She’s totally hot.” Brooke looked at her intently and seemed to be taking it all in. “When you told me about Roo before, you never said you were girlfriends.”

  “I know, honey.” Lindsay traced her facial features with a finger. “A mom is entitled to some privacy too.”

  “I guess so.” Brooke grinned. “Does this mean I’m going to have two mommies?”

  Lindsay’s eyes widened. “Okay, slow down, honey. It was only a kiss.”

  “Please, Mom. Spare me the gross details. I’m already freaked out enough about Corey touching Leo’s…oh my God, I can’t even say it.”

  “Good. Because you know Leo’s hmm-hmm isn’t worth talking about.”

  “Mom!”

  Lindsay dug her fingers into Brooke’s sides and tickled her. “You’re the one who brought it up. Get her, Barksy!”

  Barsky jumped up and barked. He spun in a circle and barked again.

  “Okay, stop!” Brooke grabbed her hands. “If Ren makes you happy, I’m cool with
it, okay?”

  Lindsay leaned over and kissed her forehead. “That’s all I want for you too, honey. Lots and lots of happy.”

  * * *

  Ren waited until the talkative customer left the coffee shop before she turned to Deb and said, “You wanted to talk about something?”

  “Yes. What are you thinking trying to seduce a woman right before you leave town?”

  “You make it sound like I failed.”

  Deb slapped her hands over her ears. “Oh God. Don’t tell me about it. I won’t be able to face her.”

  “And by that you mean you’d like details?”

  “God, no.” Deb moved in closer. “Just the highlights. I’m kinda busy.”

  Ren laughed. “It was a highlight from start to finish. And yes, I made sure she finished.”

  “Oh, well, at least there’s that. Now if I hear any rumors, at least they’ll include the fact that Deb’s best friend is good in bed.”

  “And really, what else is there? In fact, I think I’ll put it on my gravestone. Right under my DOB/DOD: She was good in bed.”

  “And your gravestone will go viral,” Deb said. “In fact, I’ll take the photo and post it so I can benefit from your death.”

  “Done.”

  “Just promise me you won’t spend every waking moment with her until you leave. I need some Ren time too.”

  Ren bumped her shoulder. “Aww. Of course. That’s why I came here.” Ren meant it, but as soon as the words left her mouth, she knew that there was even more to love about Salt Creek now.

  Ren decided to walk to Mrs. Stokely’s house. The air was crisp and clear with a slight breeze. Chilly enough for a coat but refreshing at the same time. When she rounded the corner onto Center Street, she saw Lindsay ahead. Ren slowed her pace so she could look for as long as possible. Lindsay had a scarf around her neck similar to the one she’d worn on their first visit to Mrs. Stokely’s house. This one was a pink and white buffalo check. It looked cute with her oversized cable sweater and dark skinny jeans. The pink beanie on her head was too adorable for words, and Ren couldn’t wait for her to turn around and catch her eye so that even if the right words escaped her, her eyes would tell the story of how much last night meant to her. And how time felt as if it had been going backward all morning. And that the permanent smile on her face was all Lindsay’s fault.