"I'm sorry for that part. Chasing Jessica wasn't in the plans. I get that, but don't you miss it at all? What we had? The things we did? I still have feelings for you. You still have feelings for me, I know it. I felt it in your response to my kiss. I saw it in the way you trusted me to tie you up in that club. I heard it in your voice when you begged me not to leave you frustrated.
There is still something between us and you know it. You wanted me in that club. Even chalking that up to getting carried away with those toys, you can't deny the way you responded to my kiss in that parking lot.
You stand in the way of me and Ashlee, you blocked me a minute ago by pretending to be my wife. You went with me, without telling Roger initially. There is still something between us, whether you acknowledge it or not."
He was right, of course. There was still something between us, physically at least. Even now, with him standing this close to me, my body was on edge. My mouth itched to be under his, my hands longed to explore him again. Every nerve was alert and on edge. I could so easily surrender to him, submit to him.
But I already knew how that ride ended, I'd taken it before. Granted, our attraction to each other hasn't changed at all, but neither had anything else.
"Look Caleb, I admit there is still a physical attraction. Obviously. That was never our problem. Honesty was our problem. I was honest. You, in the end, weren't. Our long term goals were our problem. I wanted a life with you, marriage and kids. You won't settle down. Our problem was that I wasn't enough for you. You can't commit and you needed more. More clubs, more women. Always more. Always looking for what you were missing just around the corner. I couldn't live like that. I still can't."
"No one else has come close to making me want to settle down. I miss you. I thought I had a handle on it, but tasting you again, having you beside me again... Roger was an idiot for letting you go. Hell, so was I."
"Caleb, stop. Please. You're making it hard for me to go back there with you again to look for Jessica. You never should have kissed me. We were good until then. I never should have responded, but I couldn't help it. This is dangerous."
"Not really. Not if we are both single. Think about it. Neither one of us is tied to a relationship that would make looking for Jessica in the club scene again a big deal. That lady in the cat suit only took our numbers because we looked and acted the part. Without Ashlee and Roger we are free to delve deeper. We have a chance of finding her, and who knows, maybe also of finding out we are still good together. There isn't any reason not to try again. No one else to hurt."
"Except me, Caleb. Losing myself in you, only to be hurt again... Last time I got involved with you I didn't know where it would end up. This time I do. You said no one else has come as close as I did to making you want to settle down, but Caleb, close isn't enough for me. I want it all. All I would get with you is mind blowing sex leading to another broken heart."
Chapter 23
Brain Games
I left the bar earlier than usual, preferring to go home and go to bed. My brain had other plans though, and kept torturing me with different scenarios.
Everything Caleb had said ran through my mind, over and over on a loop. All the good times I'd had while dating Caleb kept coming in flashes and I had to force myself to remember the end of our relationship as well, to purposely balance things. To remind myself of why I was standing my ground about not giving that relationship a second try.
Normally I'd turn my thoughts to what was working, namely Roger, to distract myself and concentrate on the good in my life. But he had left and I hadn't heard anything from him since. Not that I'd expected to.
My body finally won out and pulled me into a troubled sleep, but my brain kept going, introducing its thoughts into my dreams, which got stranger and stranger as the night deepened.
I dreamed that I was tossing and turning but then felt a warm, masculine hand grab onto my ankle. Instead of the touch freaking me out and causing me to kick and fight, it had the opposite effect, calming and stilling me. When a second hand landed on my other ankle, and both hands started to slowly slide up toward my knees, I calmed farther, relaxing and melting into the touch.
I felt myself sigh and not only allow but welcome the touch as the pair of hands slid farther up, gently spreading my thighs apart. I felt a warm, firm mouth plant kisses along one inner thigh and then switch to the other, slowly working north.
I slept naked so there were no barriers between my moistening sex and the mouth that explored me, gently, softly beginning to kiss me between my legs. I felt a moan escape my lips as the kisses deepened and became less soft and more firm. As a tongue slid back and forth, gliding along and opening me farther, my hands slid over my own body, settling for a minute on my breasts.
I caressed and squeezed my breasts as the mouth between my legs licked and sucked on the innermost part of me. I felt the pair of hands slide under my ass, lifting and tilting my hips just right for better access. I groaned at the feelings that mouth sent through me, my hands playing with my nipples, my head tossing back and forth with the pleasure.
I ran my hands down my body, toward the head that was buried in the apex of my thighs. I slid my hands into the hair and pulled back at the same time that I lifted my head and opened my eyes to see who it was that was bringing my dream such pleasure.
Roger's grinning face looked back at me. "Hi babe. I remembered how much I enjoyed the morning you woke me this way, and I thought I'd return the favor."
"But, we broke up. You said you weren't looking for complicated. Why are you here? How did you get in?"
"That's not complicated at all, it's really quite simple. You brought me here. You're dreaming this right now. So, lay your head back down and enjoy."
With that addressed, dream Roger nipped the inside of my thigh with his teeth, and then settled back in to what he was doing. As his tongue pressed and drove into me, sending waves of pleasure rolling through my body, I let my head fall back onto my pillow.
One of Roger's hands slid out from under my hip, and his fingers joined his mouth in exploring my wet, swollen lips. I felt him slide a finger or two inside me, while his thumb and tongue took turns pressing and rubbing my clit. I held onto his hair still, and started rocking myself against him.
Somehow it felt perfectly logical when I felt a second mouth on me, tongue circling my nipple, sucking my nipple gently. I raised my head again to see who was making my nipple stand at attention with little flicks of a tongue.
Caleb, of course. His eyes met mine, his mouth stopping only long enough to put a finger to his lips, saying, "Shh." He winked at me, and then turned his attention back to my breasts.
'Well, ok then.' I thought as I lay my head back on my pillow once again. Any further thoughts on how odd this situation was flew from mind as the dual mouths on my body drove logic away with quick little flicks and long, slow sucks.
Caleb pulled his mouth away from my breasts, kneeling beside my head instead. He was hugely erect, his cock twitching, begging for attention. I took him in hand, running my fisted hand down over him a few times, from tip to base and back again. I tilted him toward my lips, and licked the tip of him tasting the salt at his tip. I ran my tongue along the underside of his shaft, teasing him before taking all of him into my mouth.
Caleb let out an animalistic moan, as I slid my warm, wet mouth down and around the length of him. I worked him with my mouth and my hand, sliding up and down him, rubbing the tip of him over my lips as I looked up at him. He squeezed and kneaded my breast as he knelt above me rocking his cock in and out of my mouth.
I felt Roger shift positions between my legs. He knelt on the bed as well, teasing the entrance between my slick lips with the head of his hard cock. Up and down my slit, sliding against my wetness, pressing almost inside me. I moaned my pleasure around Caleb's shaft, the vibration of my mouth on him making him even harder.
I rocked my hips against Roger, trying to pull him inside me blindly as I sucked on Caleb. I
moaned again on Caleb as Roger slid home, filling me. Roger grabbed my hips with both hands and slid in and out of me, adding some kind of swivel when he was buried deep that caused him to rub my clit just right, sending shocks of pleasure through me.
Damn. No wonder guys dream of a threesome. The extra hands and mouths and cocks was a sensory overload. When I opened my eyes after a wave of pleasure from one of Roger's swivels, I realized we were no longer in my bed at home.
I looked around, recognizing the S&M room that Caleb and I visited looking for Jessica. It looked different, because I was upside down on the vault-looking thing in the corner. I was doubled over it, still naked. My ankles were tied to the legs of the apparatus, but my hands were free. Roger was standing in front of me, facing me with his cock, and I found myself licking and sucking on him instead of Caleb.
As I took him deep into my mouth, running my free hands up and down his shaft I wondered if Caleb was still around. I felt a sudden, sharp smack on my naked ass and turned from Roger to look behind me. Yep, Caleb was still here. He smacked my ass again, making a loud noise using the palm of his hand.
"Turn around, keep doing what you were doing." Dream Caleb ordered, "Or I'll have to punish you."
I didn't turn back fast enough, and watched as Caleb swatted me again, this time with the small whip we had been introduced to by the cat suited lady.
It stung on my bared flesh and made me jump. My ankles being tied to the legs made my jump more like a squirm from lack of freedom to move. I turned my attention back to Roger, and had just pulled him back into my mouth when I felt Caleb's mouth on my wet sex from behind. His tongue sliding into me from behind after the sting of the whip made me jump again.
Caleb stilled me with a hand on each bent over cheek, pulling me apart just enough to get his mouth more firmly on my throbbing lips. I kept trying to press myself back against his mouth, but my tied ankles and bent over position made it hard to do. I felt Caleb's mouth leave me, and then felt another sharp sting from the leather fingers of the whip.
Both of Caleb's hands caressed my butt, soothing the pink skin. Then the hardness of him slid into me, pinning me farther to the leather pad I was bent over.
"Don't forget to say 'Charming' if you need to." Roger said in front of me. I didn't answer him, my mouth was still busy on his cock.
'Now how did he know about that? I didn't mention that part to him.' I wondered, and then laughed at myself for focusing on that being the weird part of this dream.
I felt Caleb thrusting into me from behind, spanking my pink ass every now and then between thrusts. Then Roger knelt down in front of me, underneath the leather table. He used one hand to play with my breasts, which were swinging freely to the rhythm of Caleb's thrusts. Roger used his free hand to press a vibrating toy against my clit that I never saw him pick up.
Between Roger's toy and Caleb's thrusting and spanking, I felt my orgasm threatening to take me over the edge. Closer and closer with each thrust, Caleb pressing me against Roger's toy with every movement. I heard Caleb say, "Let go baby. Let it come. Let me give this to you. Come for me. Oh fuck yeah, baby. Just like that. Come. I order you to. You're mine. Submit to me. Come for me. You're mine and always will be. Let me hear it."
I couldn't hold back any longer. The vibration from Roger's toy pressed and tingled, and as Caleb dove deep I lost it. Waves of pleasure tore through me and I yelled out.
I yelled so loud I woke myself up. As I rode the waves still pulsing through my body I realized I was alone, in my bed. I'd cum in my sleep. The images and the feelings still fresh, for comfort I reached for bodies that weren't there.
As the confusion and the orgasm faded, I lay in my self-tangled sheets longing for... I wasn't sure. Was it Caleb or Roger I longed for?
"Shit, shit, fuck, fuck, damn ass damn." I mumbled to myself. "What the hell was that about?"
Before I could get it together, I heard a knock at my door. A loud one. It sounded like they had been knocking for a while and were determined not to give up.
It was light in my bedroom, morning spilling into all the corners and adding to my confusion. The clock said 7 am. I got up, pulling the sheet around myself and went to answer my door before someone complained about the noise.
Chapter 24
Complicated
When I peeked through the peephole I was surprised to see a warped version of Roger, distorted by the glass. I had only wrapped a sheet around me to come to the door, so I hesitated, unsure of what to do next.
"I know you are there, I see your shadow under the door. Please, open the door. I want to talk to you, and apologize."
I unlocked and opened the door partway, enough to speak to him face to face, but not enough to stand before him in only my sheet. I found it hard to meet his eyes, the dream version of him was too fresh in my mind. I blushed uncontrollably as intimate reminders of my recent mental threesome flashed through my mind.
"Can I come in? I know I'm probably the last person you expected, or wanted, to see at your door, but I really would like to talk to you."
I opened the door wide, letting him in. He hesitated, looking me up and down.
"Well? Are you coming in or not? Sit on the couch, I'll go put some clothes on."
He didn't move, and finally asked "Is there someone else here?"
"Someone like who?" I asked confused. Roger's presence at my door had me confused and flustered.
"Someone like Caleb?" He clarified, looking me over again.
"No Caleb isn't here. I'm alone." I growled at him, irritated. "Is that why you came here? To insult me?"
"No. Of course not. It's just that you are in a sheet, and you look relaxed. Flushed even. I thought maybe I interrupted something."
I fought back a few cutting remarks, trying not to let his misunderstanding and my embarrassment ruin a perfectly good apology. I finally settled on, "Did you want to talk, or not?"
He nodded and finally came inside. I rolled my eyes and shook my head as he passed. "How about you go make some coffee while I get dressed?"
He agreed and headed to the kitchen as I closed the door behind him and headed to the bedroom. I took my time getting dressed, using the routine chore to clear my mind of any residual dream memories so I could talk to Roger without blushing. When I came out he was seated on my couch sipping his coffee. Mine was on the coffee table, just the way I like it.
As I settled into place and sipped, I remembered the last time an ex showed up unannounced and sat here with me to talk. That time I sipped wine instead of coffee, as Caleb flipped my life upside down with his picture of Jessica and her boob birthmark.
A quote I'd read somewhere came to mind, 'The only way to get through something is to go through it." So I took another sip and signaled to Roger that I was ready.
He started by saying, "I meant it when I said I wanted to apologize. When I was here last time, I took your news pretty hard. That isn't anything a man wants to hear from a new girlfriend, that she's going to those places with an ex-boyfriend. I still take issue with that, but I'm sorry for walking out."
I nodded my head at him. "Thank you, but no apology is necessary. You handled it better than most guys would have. I knew what I had to tell you was big. Very big. Very possibly relationship changing big. I knew the odds were I'd never see you again, but I had to tell you. That's not something one can keep hidden, and you had every right to know."
"True, but that only covers half of why I left. I was actually planning on telling you some big, possibly relationship changing news, too. You just beat me to it, and I jumped on your news as a way out. A way to not have to tell you my news. I let you be the bad guy, and I got to escape with my news still hidden. I got to be hurt and offended and be the injured party and keep my secret. See, I was afraid once I told you my news, you would be breaking it off with me."
I nodded again, sipping some more. I felt oddly grown up, sipping my coffee, having a calm, rational discussion about relationship altering secrets.
"So you had a free pass. Then why are you here now?"
"Everything you were saying while you were explaining things to me started to hit home after I left. When you said you live your life in the moment, not thinking 'what will my next boyfriend a year from now think about this' when you are making decisions. That made sense. My news snuck up on me. You were right, at the time I wasn't thinking about what future people may think. You said something else. This was the big one. You said, 'I'm not proud of what I did, but I'm not ashamed of it either, and I won't let you, or anyone, make me feel ashamed.' Or something like that. I took that to heart. I feel the same now. I've had some time to process, and that's where my mind feels at peace. I'm not proud, but now that I know, I'm not ashamed."
"That's a good, healthy attitude." I stated. "But I might understand a bit more if I knew what news you were talking about."
"Oh, right." He laughed, embarrassed. "I was going to tell you, but you jumped me before I had the chance. Ok, let me back up. I've always wanted to be a Marine. My high school girlfriend thought it was a phase, and I would change my mind, stay with her and go to college with her. I kept telling her those were not my plans. I was going to enlist. I felt there was a future for us though. I figured I'd go through basic training and school while she was in college, we would get married, and either I'd get out in a few years, or I'd make a career out of it and she'd be a military wife. Well, I enlisted like I always said I would, and she got pissed. We ended up breaking up, and I was upset.
Anyway, long story shorter, right before I left for basic training, I had one night with a girl at work. We had been flirting a little but I'd never made a move because of my girlfriend. Once we broke up and I was looking at basic training and this whole new life, well, I made a move. She was married. I guess it wasn't a great marriage or whatever, but I didn't care about that. I knew I was leaving, and she was married, so we both knew one night was all there would ever be. We gave in to our flirtation, and I went on to the Marines, and now this pilot gig, and we never saw each other again.
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