The Sound of Your Heart

by Laura Ward

  I took the opportunity to slip on my shirt so I could avoid answering her. Because the truth was, Ben might be too good for me.

  “I was about to head out to grab a cup of coffee before I meet up with Alex. Want to join me?”

  “Does the tin man have a metal cock? Of course, I would! Homework can wait. Coffee with bestie is a must.” I grabbed my wallet before following her out of my room and threading my arm through hers as we went down the stairs. I still felt like I was walking on air after my night with Ben.

  All that changed when I opened the front door and saw the person standing on the other side of it.

  Nikki Prescott. In tears and wearing an outfit that looked like it had been on the losing end of a cat fight. Or maybe even a knife fight.

  She sighed when she saw me. “Julie. Baby.” She sniffed and wiped at the mess of mascara under her eyes. “Thank God you’re here. I didn’t know where else to go.”

  Chapter Ten

  Julie

  “Mom?” The fact that Nikki was standing on my front porch was more surprising than the way she looked. I’d seen her look disheveled and trashed many times before in my childhood, but I’d never seen her at my sorority house before.

  She wrote the checks for my tuition, so technically she knew where I lived, but she hadn’t visited once in the three years I’d been at College Park. The current state she was in only solidified my assumption that her sudden appearance wasn’t part of some fun-filled visit to get caught up.

  She wanted something from me.

  She always wanted something from me.

  Nikki stepped over the threshold and clutched my hand, pulling me further into the house. “I need your help, baby.” Her eyes took on that sad puppy dog look that I was familiar with. The look she used whenever she was preparing to convince me of something.

  “My help?”

  “It was Gary.” She squeezed my hand and her lip quivered as tears welled in her eyes. “He hurt me.”

  My initial frustration turned into blinding rage. My mom wasn’t going to win any awards for mother of the year, but she didn’t deserve to be hurt. I looked at her again with new eyes and beyond the disheveled clothes I could see bruises on her arms. And what I’d taken as smudged makeup was actually a black eye and a split lip.

  Taren stood in the open doorway, her eyes wide and mouth agape. None of my friends had ever met Nikki, and I would have preferred to keep it that way. She was more like an embarrassing older sister than a parent. But that didn’t change the fact that she was hurt. And she had come to me for help. I was all she had.

  Nikki sniffled, and I looked back to see that her eyes were watery.

  “Taren, can I take a rain check on coffee?” I asked, finally tearing my eyes away from my mom and meeting my friend’s sympathetic gaze.

  “Sure.” She nodded. “Unless...do you need my help?”

  I shook my head emphatically. The last thing I wanted was for one of my friends to witness the fallout from Gary. “No. Thanks though. I’ll check in with you later?”

  Taren nodded and gave a little wave as she left, biting her lip in concern. The door clicked shut and I faced my mom, grabbing her shoulders gently and looking at her directly. “Let’s go to the police station, Mom. Press charges. Whatever you need to do. If it’s not safe to go home, we can...”

  Nikki’s eyes narrowed like she was trying to follow my train of thought and then she said, “Can we just talk?”

  I hesitated, uneasy with the idea that she might let Gary get away with whatever he’d done to her but convincing her to get help from police wasn’t something I wanted to do in the foyer of my sorority house where anyone of my sisters could walk by and witness Nikki’s humiliation.

  “Come on,” I said, grabbing my mom’s hand to lead her up the stairs, my feet heavy with worry. “We’ll have privacy in my room,” I said. “You can tell me what happened, and we can decide what to do.”

  She sniffled behind me as we climbed the first set of stairs. By the second set, she was huffing.

  When we rounded the corner for the last flight, she finally spoke. “Jesus, why’d you pick a room on the third floor?”

  Her tone caught me by surprise. It had changed from hurt and pleading to irritated and bitchy way too quickly. I didn’t respond. Instead, I unlocked my door and braced myself for the inevitable list of my mistakes she’d feel compelled to point out when she saw my room.

  Instead, Nikki grabbed a box of tissues from my desk as she passed and curled up on my unmade bed. She didn’t make a single comment about the messy state of my room or my less than perfect appearance and I felt guilty momentarily.

  She was hurt. It wasn’t fair of me to expect the worst of her. Whatever mistakes she’d made as a mother, she didn’t deserve...this.

  I walked to the bed and sat on the edge as I looked her up and down, taking in the scratches and bruises on her arms and face, and the destroyed outfit she was wearing that hung off in tatters in some places.

  I examined her bruised eye and swollen lip. “Where else are you hurt? Do you need a doctor?” My thoughts stumbled over the familiar words, trying to make sense of the morning. It had been a long time since I’d played this role for my mom. But then again, she’d never looked this bad before. I wanted to make sure she was okay, and I needed to know the facts. I couldn’t get her help if I didn’t know exactly what had happened.

  Nikki hung her head, her palm flat against her chest. “I’m hurt here, Jules. My heart.”

  My eyes narrowed as I waited for her to continue. She merely sniffled into the tissue.

  “Mom, you have to tell me what happened. You have to tell me exactly how he...how Gary,” I spit out with distaste, “hurt you. We can go to the police. I can take you to the hospital. Whatever—”

  “He’s gone.” She picked up another tissue and blew her nose loudly. The honking sound was so unlike her it would have been comical if I wasn’t so worked up over the bruises and black eye. The torn clothes. “He left me. Gary dumped me. And you want to know why? Can you even guess his reason?”

  No, I don’t want to know why. Yes, I have many guesses as to his reason. And no, whatever the reason she didn’t deserve to be beaten.

  I stared at her, biting my lip. Holding back my anger.

  “He met someone better. Younger. Cuter. She’s twenty-three, Jules. She’s almost your age,” she wailed, gesturing to me as if it was my fault. “She was with him when I confronted him. She attacked me.”

  My face scrunched in confusion. “You mean Gary didn’t do this?”

  Now it was her turn to look confused. “Gary? Hit me?” Her laugh was almost hysterical. “No. It was that raging bitch he was with!”

  My relief at knowing she hadn’t been abused by her boyfriend was quickly replaced with the annoyance that she had likely gotten into a petty argument with another woman over a man. How pathetic. That explained the shredded clothes, scratches, and black eye. My initial assessment of catfight had been right on track.

  “She insulted me,” Nikki continued, unaware of my sudden lack of concern. “She mocked me. And then the trashy bitch hit me, pulled my hair, and clawed me.” Mom held up her arms for me to see the red lines. “I can’t believe he picked her over me! She’s a worthless whore who looked like she hadn’t touched up her manicure in about three weeks,” Nikki said with disgust.

  Classy. Mom got her ass kicked by another woman, a child if she was to be believed, and her biggest concern was that the girl had shitty nails. Nikki’s priorities had always been out of whack. It wasn’t the other woman’s fault that Gary was a cheating douche, but that’s the way it always was with my mom. She blamed the other woman for stealing her man or herself for not being good enough. She could never see the truth. That maybe, just maybe, it was the guy’s fault for being an unfaithful jackass or an insensitive commitment-phobe.

  Shaking my head, I considered my options for dealing with my mom and her current situation. Before I could talk sense i
nto her, she opened her mouth again.

  “My boyfriend dumped me for a plaything,” she continued, whining. “I mean…I can’t…Look at me, I’m...” Nikki burst into tears, her hands covering her face as she sobbed. “It’s like your father all over again.” The last few words were hard to make out because she was crying so hard, but they were the same words she said every time a man left her.

  I didn’t want to feel sorry for her, but I did. I wish I could have told her that losing Gary was the best thing that had happened to her since she started dating him, but every time Nikki Prescott was dumped by a man—especially when the breakup was because of another woman—it drudged up those painful memories of my asshole father.

  I could feel the familiar pull of exasperation, the need to tell her to grow up, but I couldn’t just walk out on her. Even I wasn’t that big of a bitch. I had to do something to make her feel better. I needed to comfort her, reassure her, and get her back on her feet and on her way.

  The bed squeaked as I moved closer so that I could wrap my arm around her shoulder. My head rested on her arm. “Shh. It’s okay. You’ll be fine. You’re still beautiful. Perfect. He’s the idiot. He’s the loser.”

  She shook her head, silently denying my words.

  I took a deep breath, readying myself for the usual spiel. I’d said the words so many times, I practically had them memorized. “It’s his fault he couldn’t see what he had right in front of him. You’re so much better than that girl. Smarter, prettier, more successful...” I didn’t know if any of that was actually true, but it didn’t really matter as long as she believed it. “You’re better off without him if he couldn’t appreciate you.”

  She sniffled as tears tracked down her face and left smears in her makeup. “You think so?”

  “I know so.” I tightened my arm around her. “He’s not the one for you. Better you figured that out now before you wasted any more time on him.”

  I’d figured out how to comfort her after a breakup by the age of six. At that time it was normal for me.

  Now it was pathetic.

  ***

  Mom was still here and my patience was running out. I’d run to the bagel shop to get Nikki her favorite pick-me-up: a cinnamon raisin bagel with extra cream cheese and a large Diet Coke. I’d let her use my shower and borrow my clothes. I’d dried her hair and fixed her makeup. She looked presentable and ready for the public eye.

  Why wasn’t she leaving?

  “Do you want to catch a movie?” she asked, leaning in to my mirror to check her makeup. She pressed her lips together and then pouted them, tilting her head from side to side as she inspected the lipstick she was wearing. She turned and gave me a tentative smile. “Let’s go shopping. I’m not ready to be alone yet, baby.” The smile dissolved into the type of pout she gave men whenever she wanted something from them. It turned my stomach.

  Nikki was an expert at vulnerability and she knew she was the one person I couldn’t say no to. The stress coursing through me made me feel like I was being torn in two. The obligation to stay with my mother was shredding me to pieces when all I wanted was to tell her to grow up. Fighting another woman over some loser of a man? No wonder I was a train wreck at relationships.

  “I really need to get some homework done. I can drop you off at the mall if you want. Or you could call a friend to come get you?” A light sweat covered my skin. I hated letting her down. I never had before. I’d always been there for her, even when I didn’t want to be. But this time...

  Mom’s eyes filled again with tears. “I don’t have friends. I only have you. I need you, baby. Please.”

  No matter what choice I made, it would be the wrong one. She was putting me in a position where I couldn’t win no matter what I did.

  “At least have dinner with me,” she begged. “I don’t want to eat alone tonight.”

  I stood up and grabbed my purse, sighing heavily. “Okay. We can do dinner. I’m all yours.”

  Nikki grinned and checked herself out in the mirror again. “Twenty-three-year-old slut over this? He’s a fucking idiot, am I right?”

  There were a few idiots in this scenario, and I feared the biggest one was me.

  ***

  I’d finally gotten Nikki on her way home, but instead of relief, I felt horrified when I got back to my room. I stared again at the text Taren had sent and my heart felt like it had been cleaved in two.

  Taren: I’m getting worried. Everyone is. Ben keeps asking for you.

  This text had been sent two fucking hours ago.

  With all the nonsense of taking care of my mom, I’d left my phone behind. It was still sitting next to my bed when I got home from dinner. On silent.

  I thumbed through the rest of the messages I’d missed over the day, my breath feeling ragged as my heart stuttered to beat correctly. So many missed messages.

  Lex: I just heard that Ben got beat up by two guys last night! Is he okay? Are you with him?

  Taren: Caz told Alec that Ben was attacked on his way back to the Pike house last night. Where are you?

  Ben got beat up? Oh my God. I knew I shouldn’t have let him walk alone. I started to feel sick to my stomach. He wasn’t indestructible. It was my fault he’d been out there in the dark. Alone. Vulnerable.

  How badly was he hurt? Was he in the hospital?

  I kept reading.

  Caz: Jules. Your boy had a bit of a rough night. Probably should stop by and see him. He’s been asking for you.

  Taren: Ben’s phone was trashed in the fight last night. I think he was hoping you’d stop by.

  Caz: Getting a little pissed you’re blowing off my boy.

  Holy shit. I’d spent the entire day coddling my ridiculous mother and meanwhile Ben needed me.

  My hands were shaking as I tried to call Ben’s number. When it continued to ring I realized my stupidity. Taren had said his phone was trashed. And even if it wasn’t, was he in any shape to talk?

  I pressed end and finally found Taren’s number under my favorites. It barely rung once before she answered.

  “Jules! Oh my God. Where have you been? We’ve been worried about you. Ben—”

  “Is he okay?” I interrupted. “Is he in the hospital?”

  “He’s at home. He’s a bit banged up. He fought back and luckily there were some people nearby who heard the noise.” She paused to take a breath. “The guys who attacked him were arrested.”

  “He’s at the Pike house?” I asked, hurriedly before she could launch into more of the story.

  “Yeah, he—”

  “Thanks, Taren. Gotta go.” I hung up and rushed for the stairs.

  Guilt was heavy in my chest as I ran down the dark sidewalk toward Frat row. Ben was hurt because of me.

  Chapter Eleven

  Ben

  “Ben?” A light knock followed the soft-spoken word and I rolled over in bed, tilting my head toward the source of the noise, wondering what time it was. My body felt like it had been put through a meat grinder and I had a splitting headache. I was exhausted in a way that made me think it was probably the middle of the night.

  I fumbled around on the nightstand, my fingers groping for a phone that I suddenly remembered wasn’t there.

  Shit. It was broken.

  I hated how much I counted on my phone for the smallest things—the smallest amount of independence in my life. I was so used to knowing the time with a press of a button, my ears doing the work my eyes couldn’t. I was so used to having information at my fingertips that my eyes couldn’t give me.

  “He’s asleep. Don’t wake him.” A voice muttered on the other side of the door.

  Nate. Furiously protective. And with the dangerously sharp edge to his words, I had a good idea of who the visitor was.

  Julie. Where the fuck had she been all day? I’d thought she would have been one of the first people to show up. I hated the way everyone else fussed over me as if my blindness somehow made me a fragile flower or something. But I had to admit, I was kind o
f hoping my girl would stop by to nurse me back to health. I wouldn’t mind hanging out in bed all day recuperating if Julie was doling out kisses to make all the fucked-up parts feel better.

  And it seemed I wasn’t the only one who had expected her to show. Nate had taken every opportunity to point out that he’d been right about her. That the rumors about her being a hit it and ditch it kind of girl were true. And if I hadn’t felt like death warmed over, I might have pointed out that I could still kick his ass.

  The voices on the other side of the door were now muffled and despite my annoyance that Julie had been MIA all day, I still wanted to see her. If I didn’t catch her now before Nate ran her off, I’d have a hard time getting in touch with her any time soon without a phone.

  I groaned as I pushed myself up to sitting, my feet swinging to the floor, my hand reaching out for the nightstand where I’d left my cane. I knew the layout of my room perfectly, but I didn’t trust my balance or the strange dizziness that had been a fog in my head all day long. I supposed being dizzy was shitty under normal circumstances, but without my eyesight, the sensation of the floor feeling like it was constantly buckling and rolling underneath me made me look like a drunken fool.

  Pushing to my feet I paused to make sure I was stable, and I heard Julie speak again.

  “Yeah. I get that he’s sleeping, but I need to see him. I’m Julie. Are you Nate? You look like Ben. Only more...tame.”

  Laughter tugged at the edge of my lips. I’d have to rile him for that later. Tame.

  “I know who you are,” Nate snapped back.

  Oh hell. This was not how I wanted my brother to meet Julie for the first time. He’d already formed prejudices against her and even though he usually didn’t pull the over-protective big brother bullshit on me, Julie seemed to be the exception to that rule.

  I took a few more steps and even though my aching muscles screamed in protest, I began to hobble across the room, my footing unsure, my path feeling slightly unfamiliar. The paramedics that had shown up with the ambulance were afraid that I had a concussion, but I assured them that I didn’t need to go to the hospital. I had some bruises and maybe a broken rib, but nothing that required a trip to the emergency room. I’d rather recuperate in my own space where everything was familiar instead of in a hospital where I didn’t know how to get around and had to depend on strangers.