The Price of Trust

by Amanda Stephan

  "What about your spiritual birth, honey? When were you introduced to Jesus?" Penny couldn't help but feel for this young woman who had lost so much. She had always been a family-oriented person and couldn't imagine what it would have been like to live without them.

  "Both my parents were Christians before they met, and we went to church every Sunday and Wednesday. I asked Jesus to be my Savior when I was six, but the reality of heaven didn't hit me until I watched my mom die. I never had a doubt that I wanted to go there and see her again. Now that Dad's gone, it just makes heaven sweeter." Carly's voice broke slightly as she talked, but she held her head up and didn't cry.

  "I think that if I lost everyone I loved, I'd go nuts," Kelly said softly.

  "Dad used to say, 'If it don't kill ya, it'll just make ya stronger.' And I wasn't really alone. I've had Jesus with me through everything, and he's the greatest friend ever." Carly stopped, catching a movement out of the corner of her eye. Joe and Todd were standing in the doorway, listening. Joe cleared his throat.

  "Are you ready? We've got everything ready to go except the food.”

  "Oh!" Penny exclaimed. "I almost forgot. Here you are." She had packed a leather backpack full of delicious-looking food. "You have fun and be careful," she called after them as they walked out to the barn. Tom came and put his arm around her shoulder.

  "You know what? They're grown up, girl. What do you think of that?" He gave Penny a bear hug.

  "I know. It sure didn't take long, did it?" There were tears in her eyes.

  Chapter 8

  "Carly, have you ever ridden a horse before?" Joe asked as they walked to the waiting horses.

  "Is it legal to live in Texas and not ride a horse?" she teased.

  "Good. I want you to ride Ashes because I know she'll behave. Up you go." He helped her into the saddle. He adjusted the stirrups then mounted his own horse. They were all ready.

  They rode off down the dirt road single file, then out into an open field. Todd and Kelly raced, galloping across the field, while Joe and Carly followed, cantering at an easy pace.

  "We're taking you two up to Wilson's Pond, and then after we eat, we'll follow the creek back down to the farm. It'll take us all day." Joe turned from surveying the land to survey Carly. "How you holding up over there? Are you comfortable? She handling well?"

  Carly looked over at him and flashed him one of her best smiles. "I'm doing great. She's a magnificent horse, and she rides so well. Thank you for letting me borrow her for the day." She nodded to the Palomino Joe was riding. "How's your horse doing?"

  "Chessy? Oh we're doing fine. This is dad's horse. Kelly is riding Mom's, and Todd is riding his own, of course. He likes them a little more on the wild side. He likes to let them have their head and run. I'd rather take it easy and look at the scenery." He looked at Carly with a twinkle in his eye.

  She pretended not to understand his meaning. "Yes, the mountains sure look beautiful, don't they?"

  "They're all right I suppose. I've lived here all my life, so I'm used to them."

  It was a beautiful fall day to be riding. Not too warm, not too cold, just right. The leaves crunched under the horses feet, the air was fresh and pure, the company wonderful. They came to a trail in a patch of woods. Todd led the way, Kelly was next, Carly, then Joe brought up the rear. Pine trees, maple trees, elms, and oaks lined their path. Carly breathed deeply. She hadn't felt this peaceful since before her dad died.

  The trees suddenly cleared away to reveal a beautiful lake.

  Wilson's Pond.

  She hadn't expected it to be this big, she had thought it would be more like a small fishing hole, but this would be more accurately called a lake. She caught her breath at the sight. She'd had no idea that Wilson's Pond would be so beautiful. Snowcapped mountains were off in the distance, pine trees ringed the pond on three sides, and she thought the very air seemed magical and sweet.

  "It's beautiful," she breathed, glancing at Joe with amazement as she dismounted.

  He grinned and took the lunch pack off Chessy, and Todd spread a blanket on the ground next to a large boulder sitting beside the pond. Carly and Kelly emptied the lunch pack and set the food out. Cold chicken, carrot and celery sticks, ranch dip, potato chips, and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies for dessert. They all sat down, prayed, and ate until they could barely budge.

  After lunch, Kelly caught Carly's eye and motioned toward Joe. Carly looked away, pretending not to notice, but Kelly didn't give up. She caught her eye again and motioned toward Joe more aggressively. Carly pursed her lips together and shook her head firmly.

  "What in the world are you two up to?" Todd asked, looking from one to the other. "Are you trying to swat something away?"

  "No," Kelly answered sweetly. She gave Carly another look, and she frowned her displeasure.

  Joe had caught the looks as well. Whatever it was that Kelly wanted her to talk about, she wasn't going to do it without help.

  "So, Carly, why have you been avoiding me lately?" He leaned lazily on the boulder behind him, his arms crossed across his broad chest.

  "Avoiding you?" She repeated lamely. "Who says I was avoiding you?"

  "I say you were," Joe said evenly, not letting her off the hook.

  "So do I," Todd agreed. "And so does Kelly, but she won't say so."

  Kelly punched his arm. "Come on and tell us. Joe's been miserable these past couple of days, and I don't think I can handle any more of it." Todd rolled his eyes.

  Joe threw a handful of grass at him. "I admit, I've been a little short lately, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that I was miserable."

  "Of course you wouldn't say it, but I'll admit it for you. You were terrible to live with."

  Carly looked over at Joe, and he grinned sheepishly. "I plead the fifth," he retorted.

  "Oh no. Not that again. If you plead the fifth, then I'll plead the fifth, then Kelly will freak out on me again." Carly laughed. "And that was really scary."

  Todd leaned over to stare into Kelly’s red face. "You freaked out on Carly? Wow, I've never seen you freak out. Why do I miss all the good stuff?"

  Kelly gave him a playful slap on his leg. "Yes, I freaked out on her. But it worked, because she's here, and she wasn't going to come. Right Carly?"

  She batted her eyes innocently. "Can I plead the fifth?"

  "No!" they all said firmly.

  "Now, honestly. Why have you been avoiding me? Actually, it’s not just me, it’s been all of us, and we'd really like to know why." Joe spoke for all of them.

  "Well, to be honest, I was really trying to avoid just you. Todd and Kelly just always happened to be with you, so I had to avoid them as well," she admitted. "Why isn't so easy to tell. It's a long story, and I wouldn't know where to start." She shrugged her shoulders, looking away at the mountains.

  "Start when you moved to Houston," Kelly prompted her.

  Carly moaned. "You know too much already. It's not very interesting, and you're going to be bored," she answered, trying to get out of it.

  "That's okay. We're country folk. We love stories. Even the boring ones," Joe stretched his legs out in front of him and leaned back on his elbows.

  "Don't say I didn't warn you." She sighed expressively. "You all know that my mom died when I was eight, and when I was twelve, my dad and I moved to Houston, Texas, where he got a job transfer. We were pretty happy there, but then he got sick with cancer when I was nineteen. We had a fine church that we belonged to, and a rich businessman went there as well."

  "A single, rich business man?" Joe questioned suspiciously.

  "Yes. A single, rich business man," Carly replied, blushing. "Anyway, he offered me a good job in his company as his secretary. I accepted, hoping to be able to help Dad pay some of his medical bills. He paid really well even though I didn't know as much about the job as I should have. I thought he was just trying to help us out, but Dad didn't see things that way. Dad didn't like him from the beginning.

  "Ian wa
s the only thing we disagreed about, really. He kept telling me that he didn't trust him and I should find a new job. I always argued that Ian was a Christian and just wanted to help. The pay was exceptionally good, he said all the right things, did all the right things, and I fell for him hook, line, and sinker." Joe grunted quietly. Carly looked at him and smiled. "He was rich, handsome, and I was only nineteen." He scowled and looked away. "Joe? Is there something wrong?" she asked a little too innocently.

  "You could probably skip this part," he answered sourly.

  "No, if you want to hear my story, you've got to listen to the whole thing, and it's mainly about Ian. If it makes you uncomfortable, I'll stop," Carly answered hopefully.

  "Keep going, Carly. He'll just have to get over it." Todd said, elbowing Kelly and nodding toward Joe, who was still sulking. "He was engaged once too, you know."

  "Really?" Carly asked, surprised. Now it was her turn to be a little jealous. "Joe, do you have a story to tell after I tell mine?" She gave him a playful smile and tossed a weed his way.

  "Nope," he answered shortly.

  "Anyway," she resumed, smiling wryly. "I worked for Ian for about six months before he asked me to marry him. I thought the world of him, so of course, I accepted. Dad was shocked. He didn't speak to me for a week after I told him the news. It's not that he was mad, it's just that it was the first time I went against something he said, and he had a hard time dealing with it," she said hurriedly, seeing their surprised faces. She didn't want them to think that he was cold hearted or terrible.

  "I was the only thing he had left in the world, and he worried about me." Carly paused, remembering. "He got sicker, and the doctors said they couldn't do anything for him, so I took care of him at home. Ian had given me time off work, and I stayed by his side. I was reading to him one day, and he asked me to stop. I did, and we talked about Ian. He told me again that he didn't trust him, but if I thought that was who the Lord wanted for me, then I should marry him, but to be very sure. He told me to remember that marriage was a job, and it wouldn't work if I couldn't take him for better or for worse, till death do us part. I remember watching him labor to talk to me, and I knew it was the end. He told me to give everything to God, including Ian, that he loved me, and that he'd see me in heaven one day. Then he gave me a kiss and died."

  Carly paused, wiping tears from her eyes. "The weeks following Dad's death were a whirlwind, and Ian took care of everything. I was a robot. I did everything he said without question. I couldn't even seem to think on my own. So Ian had me moved out of Dad's apartment into an expensive place across town in two weeks." Joe looked at her oddly. "No, Ian didn't live there with me, Joe, if that's what you're thinking. He wanted to, but I wouldn't allow it. It would have gone against everything that I'd been taught. I felt that I would be dishonoring my parent's memory, not to mention displeasing God, so that was one thing I stuck to.

  "After Dad died, Ian and I were always together, except when I was at my apartment, and I got to know him a lot better. I still worked as his secretary, but now he wanted me to go with him to corporate parties, meet his friends, go to country clubs he belonged to, and pretty much go everywhere with him. I was his little prize, and he liked to show off. I didn't mind it at first, but then his real nature started showing. If we went to a party together, he'd leave me alone to 'mingle,' and he'd get furious if a guy came up to talk to me.

  “That started happening more and more, until I couldn't do anything to please him, although I tried. I wouldn't talk to anyone at a party, and he'd get mad that I was being a snob. If I talked to someone at a party, he'd accuse me of cheating on him. If it was a woman, he'd accuse me of trashing him behind his back." Carly stopped.

  "Is that when you decided to leave him?" Kelly asked, frowning.

  "No, I would just make up excuses for him. I'd tell myself that I deserved it, that I was being too friendly or whatever, and I'd try even harder to please him."

  "Was he like that everywhere?" Todd asked, amazed.

  "At first it was just at the parties. Then it started showing up in other areas. He would take me shopping and insist on buying me anything and everything. He would tell me that he wanted me to look perfect and be happy. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I enjoyed it, and that helped me stay with him longer than I should have." She blushed, not wanting Joe to think ill of her.

  "I had grown up on the poor side of everything, and Ian was so rich. It was exciting to be able to have everything I wanted. I felt like every day was Christmas. Nothing was too expensive. He bought me a BMW, cell phone, he paid for my apartment, he bought all my clothes and accessories, we went to the most expensive restaurants, everything."

  "Well, that doesn't sound too bad. Why didn't you stay with him?" Joe asked a bit too sharply.

  "I'm getting there," she answered softly. "I'm not as unworthy as you think. I didn't leave him because one day he wouldn't buy me something I wanted." She looked at him, a mirthless smile on her lips. "He began to get abusive if I didn't do everything he thought I should. If I went shopping without him and I bought something he didn't like, he'd slap me. Just a slap at first. Nothing that would leave bruises so people could see. I told him I wanted to break it off after the first slap, but he was so sorry and kind afterward. He promised that he would never hit me again, and I believed him.

  "Gradually it got worse. If I talked to another guy at work, he'd punch me. If I didn't call him right away after I got home, he'd punch me. If I didn't look just right for a party, he'd punch me. Then he'd slap and punch, then he'd add a kick when I fell to the floor. He broke my arm once just because I got a ticket for speeding on the expressway. So I'm not as unworthy as you think, Joe. I didn't use him for what he could do for me or buy me. I thought I really loved him. And what's worse, I thought it was just his way of showing me that he loved me."

  They were all quiet for a while, scarcely daring to believe that a man would do such things to a woman that he professed to love.

  Or that a woman could excuse those actions as showing love.

  "But I thought he was a Christian, Carly. Christians aren't supposed to do those things," Kelly said in disbelief. Todd hugged her closer to him.

  "I just know what he told me. Like I said, he always said the right things, and if he wasn't beating me, he did the right things."

  "Is that when you left?" Joe asked quietly.

  "No. That was only about six months into our engagement. I didn't even start thinking about leaving until he broke my arm. After my arm healed and I went back to work, I started to hear rumors about him and another secretary that worked in another office. I was stupid enough to ask him about her one day, and he went off like a bomb. We were at my apartment, and we had a terrific screaming match. He was angry that I had the nerve to ask him about the other woman, and he started punching me. I was too mad to back down, and I started punching him back, but he just laughed.

  "He was like a crazy man, and he was enjoying himself. Every time I punched him once, he'd punch me three times. The neighbor next to my apartment heard all the fighting and called the police. When I turned my back on him to open the door, he knocked me to the floor and starting kicking me. When he opened the door, he tried to block the doorway and act as if nothing was going on, but it was too late. They saw me, and they took him to jail for domestic abuse while I went to the hospital.

  "Well, that's when I decided to leave him, but I had already gotten in over my head. Before I could leave the hospital, Ian had paid his way out of jail, and it was too late for me to get away. He came to the hospital every day, crying in shame, apologizing, bringing me gifts, admitting his guilt, begging me to forgive him, and promising he would get some sort of counseling."

  "Did you forgive him?" Kelly interrupted.

  "No. I'd heard it all before. It was always the same. He'd be kind and loving for about a week or two, maybe even a month, then it would start all over again. No, this time something was very different with me. My love for him had d
ied, and I knew I couldn't marry him.

  “While I was staying in the hospital, I had a lot of time to remember how my dad had acted toward my mom. How much he loved her and cherished her, for better or for worse. They were best friends. The day she died, I was sitting on the end of her bed and Dad was rocking her gently to ease her pain. She died in his arms. Dad had taken Mom and loved her dearly through the worst possible circumstances. That was what marriage should be like, and I knew it wouldn't be that way with Ian. If I stayed with him, he would kill me."

  "I bet he took it bad when you told him that," Todd said.

  "I didn't tell him that time. If I would have told him, I don't think I would have made it out of the hospital," Carly answered evenly. "No, I had to pretend that I still loved him. He took me back to my apartment and acted like nothing out of the ordinary had happened, but he was different. He was more watchful and suspicious, and he was always around. So now, my problem was even worse. I was becoming panicky, and I knew that I would have to leave everything that he'd bought me or given me. Even the money that I'd earned working for him. If I left him, I'd only have the money in my purse, which was about four hundred dollars."

  "Why did you leave the money you made?" Joe asked incredulously. "Didn't you put your money in the bank?"

  "Yes, I did have a bank account, but when Ian asked me to marry him, we made it a joint account. He told me it was a start for our future together, and I was so stupid that I believed him. I didn't know until I wanted to leave that it was just another way he could control my actions and keep me with him. I was trapped. He would give me money once a week for gas or other things that I might want, but that stopped after I got out of the hospital. He started to pick me up for work, take me to lunch, drive me home, stay as long as he could, and then the whole process would start the next day. I told him I could drive myself to work and that he didn't need to bother about me so much, but he wouldn't hear any of it. I was locked in some sort of fancy prison. I couldn't get away from him.