THE ALL-PRO (Galactic Football League)
Page 1
THE
ALL-PRO
Galactic Football League: Book Three
Scott Sigler
THE ALL-PRO
September 2011
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved
Copyright © 2011 by Scott Sigler
www.scottsigler.com
The Library of Congress has cataloged the earlier printing as follows:
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Sigler, Scott
The All-Pro / Scott Sigler. — 1st ed.
p. cm.
1. Science Fiction—Fiction. 2. Sports—Fiction.
Library of Congress Control Number: 2011904462
ISBN: 978-0-983-19634-1
Book design by Donna Mugavero, Sheer Brick Studio
Published in the United States of America
by Dark Øverlord Media
Limited Edition
This book is dedicated to
Terry Bradshaw,
my first football hero.
This book is dedicated to
the Orange and the Black —
the greatest fans in the galaxy.
Contents
Acknowledgments
Special Thanks
Author’s Note
Book One: The Off-Season
1. Transcript from the “Galaxy’s Greatest Sports Show with Dan, Akbar, and Tarat the Smasher”
2. August 2683
3. September 2683
4. October 2683
5. November 2683
6. December 2683
Book Two: The Preseason
7. Preseason Week One: January 1 – 7, 2684
8. Preseason Week Two: January 8 – 14, 2684
9. Preseason Week Three: January 15 – 21, 2684
10. Preseason Week Four: January 22 – 26, 2684
Book Three: The Regular Season
11. Week One: Isis Ice Storm at Ionath Krakens
12. Week Two: Ionath Krakens at Yall Criminals
13. Week Three: Coranadillana Cloud Killers at Ionath Krakens
14. Week Four: Ionath Krakens at Hittoni Hullwalkers
15. Week Five: Alimum Armada at Ionath Krakens
16. Week Six: Ionath Krakens at 0S1 Orbiting Death
17. Week Seven: Lu Juggernauts at Ionath Krakens
18. Week Eight : Bye
19. Week Nine: Ionath Krakens at Wabash Wolfpack
20. Week Ten: To Pirates at Ionath Krakens
21. Week Eleven: D’kow War Dogs at Ionath Krakens
22. Week Twelve: Ionath Krakens at Themala Dreadnaughts
23. Week Thirteen: Ionath Krakens at Vik Vanguard
Book Four: The Postseason
24. The Quarterfinals
Book Five: Epilogue
25. Divisional Championships
26. Galaxy Bowl
Acknowledgments
Gridiron greats, who line up to play every damn Sunday:
A “Future Hall-of-Famer” Kovacs
publisher, ally, warrior to the core
Donna “Chalkboard” Mugavero
interior book design
Scott “Big Fish” Pond
color insert design
John “The Franchise” Vizcarra
continuity coach
Jerry “SI Coverboy” Scullion
jacket design
Rob “Moo” Otto
football analyst
Irv “Coach” Sigler
playbook consultant
Special Thanks
Team Dark Øverlord:
Arioch Morningstar
audio production
Carmen Wellman
Siglerpedia Czar
Also by Scott Sigler
Infected
Contagious
Ancestor
Books in the Galactic Football League series
The Rookie
The Starter
The All-Pro
Short Story Collections
Blood is Red
Bones are White
All of these books are also available at scottsigler.com
Author’s Note
Oh, hello there. I didn’t see you hanging around, waiting patiently for this book. That’s a lie. Of course I saw you, you stalker.
A brief timeline note for THE ALL-PRO. If you read THE STARTER, an article at the end of that novel reported the results of the 2683 Tier Two Tournament. The Orbiting Death won the T2 Tourney, beating the Texas Earthlings in the championship game. That earned both teams promotion to Tier One, where you will see them play in this book.
As THE ALL-PRO opens, however, the T2 Tournament has not yet happened. That article about the Orbiting Death’s tourney win? That was a flash forward, a little sneak peek to set up a primary rivalry for the Ionath Krakens.
In the pages you are about to read, our story begins with Quentin scouting for players at the Tier Three Tournament, also known as the “Two Weeks of Hell.” This tournament happens three months after the 2683 Tier One season that you read about in THE STARTER and right before the beginning of the Tier Two season.
Am I confusing the bejezus out of you? Here, this might help:
THE STARTER:
Tier One Season: Jan. 2, 2683, to May 22, 2683
THE ALL-PRO: (off-season for Quentin & Co.)
Tier Three Tournament: Aug. 14, 2683, to Aug. 28, 2683
Tier Two Regular Season: Aug. 28, 2683, to Dec. 25, 2683
THE ALL-PRO: (in-season for Quentin & Co.)
Tier One Preseason: Jan. 1, 2684, to Jan. 22, 2684
Tier One Regular Season: Jan. 27, 2684, to April 20, 2684
Tier One Postseason: April 27, 2684, to May 11, 2684
I hope that clears things up. Now, enjoy the book, drop and give me twenty and run the plays that I call!
BOOK ONE:
THE OFF-SEASON
April 23, 2683, to
December 31, 2683
1
Transcript from the “Galaxy’s Greatest Sports Show with Dan, Akbar, and Tarat the Smasher”
DAN: Hello again, sports fans. I am the semi-mystical being known as Dan the Man Gianni, once again bringing you the most stunning show the universe has witnessed since the Big Bang. With me as always, Hall-of-Fame linebacker Tarat the Smasher and my lil’ buddy, Akbar Smith.
TARAT: Thank you, Dan.
AKBAR: Lil’ buddy? Are you kidding?
DAN: No need to thank me, Akbar. Everyone in broadcasting needs a great nickname.
AKBAR: And your great nickname is Dan the Man? That’s the best you got?
TARAT: Well, we can’t all have names like Smasher, lil’ buddy.
DAN: Hey! Was that humor out of Tarat? Fantastic.
AKBAR: Tarat, how many times do I have to tell you to not encourage him?
TARAT: But I thought it was good to offer Humans encouragement.
DAN: Never mind him, Tarat. Let’s get into the news. The Tier Three Tournament is underway. We’re through the first round of the famed Two Weeks of Hell.
TARAT: My money is on the Achnad Archangels.
AKBAR: I’m going with the Kull Conquerors.
DAN: You’re both wrong, wrong and ... oh wait ... I have a memo here ... yes, it says wrong! The Pittsburgh Steelers are the cream of the Tier Three crop this year and they’ll bring the Homestead Cup back to Earth for the first time in a decade.
AKBAR: The Steelers? You’re crazy. And what the hell is a steeler, anyway?
TARAT: A steal
er is someone who practices theft, Akbar. And Dan, with a statement like that, I have to question the validity of your decision-making process.
DAN: Both of you, shush it. We’re not going to dwell on Tier Three, because the real story is free agency for the upcoming 2684 Tier One season. You guys know how this works. Tier One finishes, which takes us to the Two Weeks of Hell for Tier Three and when that finishes we have the Tier Two season. With Tier One season finished and the Wabash Wolfpack crowned champs, we immediately jump into the free agency window. Teams can sign any player who is not under contract.
AKBAR: Sure, but we won’t see any big signings for another few weeks, Dan. Players have to feel things out.
DAN: Wrong, fish-breath! This just in. The Galaxy’s Greatest Sports Show is the first with the story — Rick Renaud, formerly with the New Rodina Astronauts and the top freeagent quarterback in all of football, just signed with the Yall Criminals.
TARAT: The Criminals got Renaud? That is a big move.
AKBAR: That instantly makes them contenders again. Last year, they were six-and-six, but in ’82, they were eleven-and-one and favored to win it all before they lost to the To Pirates in the semi-finals.
TARAT: They only lost that game because quarterback Morite Whittmore was hurt in the second quarter. The Criminals were ahead when that happened.
DAN: Well, we’ll see what the Yall Criminals can do now that they have their man. Renaud’s deal is eighteen megacredits a season for six seasons, one hundred eight megacredits total, forty-eight of those guaranteed. That’s forty-eight million credits, guaranteed, even if he doesn’t play a down for the Criminals. That makes him the highest-paid player in the history of the GFL. We know the rules committee is looking into a salary cap for 2686, which means the 2685 season could be the last year where a team can pay whatever it wants to land a player. With Renaud defining what a quarterback can make, what does that mean for free-agent quarterbacks at the end of the 2684 season, heading into 2685, which might well be the last year of monster contracts?
AKBAR: And by free-agent quarterbacks next year, you’re referring to Quentin Barnes?
DAN: Who else? His contract with the Krakens is up after the 2684 season. There will be no other major QBs on the market. Sure, Frank Zimmer is available, but even if the To Pirates don’t re-sign him—
TARAT: Which won’t happen unless the Pirates want bloody riots all across the Ki Empire.
AKBAR: Try across the whole damn galaxy.
DAN: Right. Zimmer and the Pirates are one and the same. Not signing him means great loss of life and also general sadness among many. Like I was saying, even if Zimmer is available, no one is going to pay him top dollar with his age and history of concussions. Don Pine’s contract with Ionath is also up at the end of 2684, but he’s also old and he’s not even starting for the Krakens. The young-gun quarterbacks, like Themala’s Gavin Warren and the Orbiting Death’s Condor Adrienne, are either tied up in long-term contracts or protected for two years due to promotion from Tier Two to Tier One. Barnes is a free agent, he’ll only be twenty in Earth years and he’s shaping up to be a superstar.
AKBAR: You know, Renaud averaged 315 passing yards per game and Barnes averaged 268 when he played the entire game. Barnes isn’t that far behind the best quarterback in football right now. For all the great roster moves made by Gredok the Splithead, he messed up by not signing Barnes to a long-term deal.
TARAT: I think Barnes will carry some animosity at being paid league minimum for two years.
DAN: But will Gredok make Barnes the highest-paid player in the league? Will he lock him up?
AKBAR: If he doesn’t do it, someone will. The Bartel Water Bugs need a QB. And sooner or later, the Pirates need to replace Zimmer.
TARAT: And my sources tell me that the Mars Planets have new investors. They badly want to return to Tier One and are willing to spend the money to get there.
DAN: But would Barnes drop to a Tier Two team if the five time GFL champion To Pirates are willing to make him Zimmer’s heir? I don’t think so.
TARAT: Humans are obsessed with finances, Dan. There is no limit to what your species will do when money is part of the equation.
AKBAR: And let’s not forget the gangland factor. As far as we know, someone will strong-arm Barnes into signing. Anna Villani did that with Condor Adrienne.
DAN: Hey now, Akbar, let’s not go making wild accusations.
AKBAR: What the hell do you mean wild accusations?
TARAT: That means a baseless claim or an assertion that lacks facts or supporting evidence, Akbar.
AKBAR: Thanks, Tarat. You’re always so helpful. Why don’t you have another spider snack? Do you guys think that Condor Adrienne walked away from the Whitok Pioneers and signed with the Orbiting Death just because?
DAN: Akbar, you can’t deny that Villani is putting together an impressive team. Adrienne? Yalla the Biter at linebacker? And Chooch Motumbo at running back to replace Ju Tweedy?
AKBAR: Don’t you mean replace the murderer?
DAN: I mean replace Ju Tweedy, Akbar. There is no evidence that Ju killed Grace McDermot.
AKBAR: And I’ve got a wormhole to sell you.
TARAT: But there is no such thing as a wormhole.
AKBAR: Exactly.
DAN: Anyway, Villani’s spending the bucks to make a run at Tier One. She locked up Adrienne, which means that after the upcoming 2684 Tier One season, Barnes is going to be the biggest catch on the market.
TARAT: He should get an agent.
AKBAR: No kidding. Barnes makes league minimum. And have you seen his commercials? The Miller Lager commercial is awful. The kid can’t act at all.
TARAT: I thought the commercial was very informative about the benefits of the product.
DAN: Oh, for crying out loud. The only other commercial he did was that one for Sayed Luxury Yachts. Barnes didn’t say anything, just stood there looking all quarterback-ish. He should do more like that.
AKBAR: Maybe he should just worry about football. Let’s be honest — he pulled the Krakens out of the fire last year and stayed in Tier One, but he hasn’t proven anything other than he can sling the ball if his offensive line gives him time. We have to see if he’s focused this year.
DAN: If he’s focused? Why wouldn’t he be dialed in like a laser?
TARAT: My sources say he’s spending time with Somalia Midori, the singer of the band Trench Warfare. Apparently, her appearance is what you Humans would call distracting.
AKBAR: Distracting? Yeah, that’s a good word for it.
DAN: You can say that again. That is, if you’re into 6-foot-6 supermodels with legs up to the moon. But to each their own. You know what? Let’s go to the callers. Can Barnes handle his newfound celebrity and elevate the Krakens to a playoff team? Line three from Wilson 6, you’re on the Space. Go!
CALLER: Yeah, I hope Barnes loses focus this year, so that New Rodina can get him cheap. Rick Renaud’s betrayal left us hurting this year. Renaud should be shot!
TARAT: I think that is a bit extreme for leaving a team. For fumbling the ball, it is acceptable, but not for leaving a team.
DAN: The New Rodina Astronauts have about as much of a chance at signing Barnes as I have at stealing Somalia Midori away from him. Two words: not gonna happen. Next call, line five from Alimum, you’re on the Space. Go!
From The Ionath City Gazette
* * *
GFL Names 2683 All-Pro Team
by TOYAT THE INQUISITIVE
NEW YORK CITY, EARTH, PLANETARY UNION — GFL Commissioner Rob Froese today announced the 2683 All-Pro selections. This elite group is well represented by the Orange and the Black. Dominant left tackle Kill-O-Yowet and defensive end Aleksandar Michnik were named among the league’s best at their positions.
Kill-O and Michnik became Ionath’s first Tier One All-Pro players since 2675, when Moog-A-Vero earned the honor, also at left tackle. The Krakens were relegated to Tier Two at the end of the 2676 season. The 2683 campai
gn was the Krakens’ first Tier One outing in seven seasons of play.
Quarterback Rick Renaud was named the league’s most valuable player on the heels of his 11-1 season with the New Rodina Astronauts. Renaud threw for 3,780 yards, a new single-season record for twelve games and averaged 315 per game with 27 touchdowns and 9 interceptions. Renaud led the Astros to the GFL championship game, where they lost 23-17 in a double-overtime thriller to the Wabash Wolfpack.
This is the last season that the All-Pro selections are announced after the Galaxy Bowl. Beginning in the upcoming 2684 season, the All-Pro team will be named at the end of Week Thirteen, right before the playoffs begin.
* * *
* * *
OFFENSE
* * *
Quarterback
Rick Renaud
New Rodina Astronauts
Gavin Warren
Themala Dreadnaughts
Frank Zimmer
To Pirates
Running back
Don Dennis
Themala Dreadnaughts
Jack Townsend
Yall Criminals
Stephen Schacknies
New Rodina Astronauts
Fullback
Ralph Schmeer
Wabash Wolfpack
Kahn-En-Roll
New Rodina Astronauts
Wide receiver
Atlanta
New Rodina Astronauts
Angoon
Isis Ice Storm
Victoria
To Pirates
Naksup
Wabash Wolfpack
Tight end
Brandon Rowe
Alimum Armada
Rich Evanko
New Rodina Astronauts
Tackle
Kill-O-Yowet
Ionath Krakens
Maik-De-Jong
Neptune Scarlet Fliers
Steve Henry
Alimum Armada
Guard
Lor-En-Zen
Jupiter Jacks
Al-E-Rand
Bord Brigands
Mik-Gar-E