Now and Then (Dare to Love #3)

by Mira Lyn Kelly

  “You threatened Timothy O’Shea.” A man with zero conscience and a reach that extended—

  “He threatened you. Hell yes, I threatened back.” The steering wheel creaked beneath Ford’s grip. “But it won’t happen again.”

  “He could hurt you, Ford,” she whispered, reaching for his arm. How could he have done this?

  “He won’t. The guy’s a thug. A small-scale criminal with an organization too insignificant to have flagged the Feds’ attention—yet. What he isn’t is stupid. We made sure he understood I wasn’t working alone on this and if anything happened to me, or you, or your family, one of the other guys would be inside his accounts within the hour, generally fucking his operation from the inside out before handing it over to the authorities a piece at a time. Trust me, O’Shea knows he’s just been handed a get-out-of-jail-free card—with a cash bonus attached. To say he’s agreeable would be an understatement.”

  When all she could do was stare, he placed his hand over hers and pried it loose from his arm. Giving it a final squeeze, he pulled into a spot across from a nondescript bar with a Budweiser sign in the window.

  “This is where we’re meeting your dad. One of O’Shea’s guys is going to be waiting outside to take him back up to Milwaukee when we’re done. So if you see him, don’t freak out. There won’t be any violence and he’s not here for us.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, but just in case, our security guy is here, too.” He looked at her then like he still couldn’t believe she didn’t get it. “I told you I’d protect you.”

  She swallowed hard, too many emotions pushing at her chest and trying to work their way past her throat. Gratitude and relief. Fear and uncertainty. Hope and love. Each overwhelming on its own, but together, they were nearly unbearable.

  “Ford,” she whispered, “I didn’t—”

  Was it really possible? She wanted to believe, but every time she’d let herself in the past it had only set her up for a bigger fall when she inevitably discovered she shouldn’t have. Except this time, it was Ford asking for her faith. Ford, who had never made her a promise he hadn’t kept. Ford, who had never let her down.

  Still, a lifetime of experience had her mind running images of her worst fears. Only then she realized something altogether different was happening in her heart. That weighty sense of dread she’d been carrying for as many years as she could remember was lifting. She could feel the worry releasing its grip. The thick layer of anxiety wrapped around everything she cared about evaporating as she sat there watching Ford turn off the car, unbuckle his seatbelt, and step out into the night.

  She blinked, tears pushing at her eyes again, but this time for a reason wholly unlike any of the times before. She felt…free. Like a weight had been lifted from her chest. Like she could finally breathe.

  The car door opened beside her and Ford was there, one hand held out to her. “Come on, Brynn. This is the end of it. I know you’re scared, but it’s going to be fine.”

  Taking his hand, she stepped out of the car and peered up into the handsome features of his face.

  “I believe you,” she said, a quiet truth in the words too small for what they meant.

  Ford’s eyes cut to hers, something flashing in them she couldn’t quite make out before he’d shut it down again. And then his hand was at the small of her back, the little currents from those points of contact running through her with every step as they crossed the street. She’d felt that connection between them from the start, from ten years ago and every time they’d been within fifty feet of each other in the last month—but never had she experienced the pure, unfettered bliss of it.

  Never had there been a time when on some level, she wasn’t worried about the what ifs of a life beyond her control.

  Never until now.

  Ford pushed through the door to the bar, standing back as Brynn stepped through into a drab, poorly lit interior. The place was devoid of charm, with worn dark-paneled walls, a sticky floor, and air smelling of mildew and spilled beer. There were a handful of empty tables around the place, and a guy behind the bar who looked as beat and uninspired as the establishment itself.

  But then from the back corner, a warm, welcoming voice sounded.

  Her dad pushed up from a table where he’d been seated with three other guys, exchanging a few laughs with them as he walked across the mostly empty place.

  Danny Ahearne looked like he didn’t have a care in the world. Even after he’d begged her not to go to Timothy’s herself. After he’d sounded on the verge of tears when he pleaded to let him take the risk.

  But here he’d been sitting. Laughing it up with his buddies.

  Ford’s hand wrapped around hers, enclosing it in warmth and reminding her that he was there. That nothing was going to happen. Nothing would hurt her. Because he’d promised it wouldn’t.

  That buoyed sense of elation she’d experienced outside was back and when she looked into the faded blue eyes of a father who’d let her down too many times to count, all she could think was that this was the end. Her father was never going to measure up. And if he made a promise, she was fairly certain it would be broken. But as for his upending her life, leaving her scared for herself and everyone else she loved…this would be the last time.

  Because Ford had done what he’d said he would.

  Because he’d put her ahead of himself in a way no one else in her life ever had.

  “My girl,” her father boomed, his eyes crinkling around the edges as he doled out one hell of a smile. The guy still had it, that was for sure. “Thank God you came around. I know you grew up thinking of O’Shea as an uncle of sorts, but he’s no company you should keep.”

  Then, leaning in with a conspiratorial wink for Ford, he added, “And I’m guessing I owe this one the thanks for talking some sense into you. Ford, it’s a pleasure to meet you face to face.”

  Chapter 21

  Ford could barely keep it civil as he suggested they find a private spot to talk away from the older man’s cronies. This was the guy who’d ruined Brynn’s life. The guy who after ten years had finally given him someone to blame for losing the girl he loved. The guy who even all these years later still couldn’t be man enough to keep his fuckups from devastating the lives of those unfortunate enough to be connected to him.

  This was the guy who’d been calling him “son” on the phone earlier that day. Telling him how impressed he was and how he couldn’t wait to meet him. How much he appreciated knowing that Brynn had someone like Ford on her side, and how glad he was to hear that Ford wouldn’t be letting her deliver the money to O’Shea herself.

  Yeah, he’d just bet.

  Jesus, all he wanted to do was put every bit of his not-so-insignificant build into leaning over the man and showing him just a glimpse of the intimidation he knew Brynn had experienced. But that would be sinking to a level he didn’t want to visit. So instead he sat, focusing on the feel of Brynn’s hand within his own. Warm, delicate.

  Secure.

  And shit, just like that, everything he’d been pushing out of his head this whole damned day was right back, front and center, threatening to rip away the control he hadn’t given himself the choice to give up. Not since he’d found out what Brynn was planning.

  His stomach lurched. What if he hadn’t been able to find her? What if she’d gone to O’Shea by herself? What if—

  Not. Fucking. Now.

  He had one more matter of business to take care of before he could give all that shit the run of his consciousness.

  Brynn gave his hand a squeeze. She was peering up at him, those Irish eyes doing things to his heart he couldn’t afford right then.

  Swallowing, he steeled himself against it, mentally amending his previous thought. So there were two matters.

  “You brought the money?” her father asked, almost managing to disguise the eager gleam in his eyes. “All of it—everything we owe?”

  What a piece of work. “Everything you owe.”
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  Danny flinched, but then rubbed a hand over his face. “Of course. What I owe. I’ll pay you back—but I should probably be getting up to see Timothy sooner rather than later.”

  In that they were agreed. Time to get this over with.

  “O’Shea’s expecting you, but the money’s already been dealt with.”

  Danny’s smile stiffened. “Sorry, how’s that?”

  “Ford paid off the debt. In full,” Brynn answered, then looked back to him. “Something I never wanted you to do, but will be grateful for forever.”

  Jesus, those eyes.

  Danny’s beer slammed down on the table.

  “Wait, the full amount I told you—you paid O’Shea all of it?”

  “Some reason we shouldn’t have, Dad?” she asked, the hurt written all over her face.

  But her father just coughed into his hand, looking clearly disappointed.

  “Not at all. I just wish you’d let me handle it. I didn’t want either of you kids getting caught up with the likes of O’Shea.”

  Ford had had it. No more. “Cut the noble crap. You told your daughter you owed more than you actually did, so you’d be able to pay off your debt and have something left over…probably for whatever you’ve got going on with your buddies in the back of the bar.”

  “No, I—”

  “Don’t bother,” he said, cutting the older man off with a growl. “Here’s what you need to understand. I’m not just some chump who’s going to clean up your mess and wait for you to come back and ask me to do it again. I’m not going to let you continue to ruin Brynn’s life or the lives of the rest of your family.”

  The guy seemed to straighten in his chair. “Well, I respect that. And let me tell you, this has been a real wake-up call for me.”

  “Good. Then O’Shea won’t have to work too hard to keep you in line.”

  Danny was still shaking his head when the words finally filtered through and his entire demeanor changed. “O’Shea won’t what?”

  Ford would have thought there’d be more satisfaction in explaining to the conniving son of a bitch how things were going to go from there on out. That O’Shea had taken keeping Danny to the straight and narrow on himself. That he’d attend a program for gambling addiction and attend regularly. That there wouldn’t be any more gambling or scams or any of the other crap that kept landing on Brynn’s doorstep, just an honest day’s wage and an enforceable plan for Danny to gradually pay Brynn back all the money he’d fleeced her for over the years. When he finished, the man across from them looked a solid ten years older. Angrier. And ready to bolt.

  O’Shea would handle that.

  “You start your new job tomorrow, Danny. Which means my part in this is done.”

  “What about you, Brynn?” her father asked, somehow finding the gall to sound disapproving. “You done enough yet? First you turn your own father in. Now you’ve got me tied to this pack of criminals for God knows how long, when I was this close to getting out.”

  The cool Ford had somehow held on to throughout the day started to slip, and then he was leaning over the table and—and sitting back when Brynn wrapped her hand around his arm and offered him a small smile to let him know she was okay.

  “I think I’ve done plenty, Dad,” she said quietly. “More than you ever should have asked me to. And not because I wanted to, but because you left me no choice. I lost my savings, my education, and the man I loved because of your choices. I lost my mind worrying about mom and Mickey. Worrying about the very real possibility that I’d come home to find a couple of O’Shea’s guys looking for you. And even though you’re the reason I don’t sleep at night, the reason I’ve been afraid to have a normal relationship…I worry about you, too, Dad. I’ve been worrying about you for as far back as I can remember.”

  “But no more?” Danny challenged.

  Brynn took a deep breath. “I’m ready to be done worrying about you. And to stop being mad at you. And maybe after a while, if you’re interested in a relationship with me that isn’t about what I can do for you or how much I can give you—but just about you and me, then maybe…after a while, I’ll be ready to give that a try, too.”

  She was going to give the guy another chance. Ford wasn’t sure how he felt about that, but it wasn’t his decision to make. And hell, this was her father. You only got one. A painful truth he knew firsthand.

  But still…after everything.

  Christ, he could still see the tears in her eyes from that last day ten years ago. Feel the way she’d clung to him. She’d loved him. As much as he loved her. And because of this man—

  No. As much as he wanted to put it all on Danny, grab the guy and pin him to the wall a foot off the ground so he could roar his outrage right in his face, there was one truth he couldn’t ignore, no matter how much he wished he could. Brynn was the one who’d left. Then and now.

  —

  Outside the bar, the streets were quiet, the raw Chicago wind that had been ripping through when Ford had caught her outside of Jet’s seeming to have blown itself out. Brynn took a deep breath, filling her lungs completely with the crisp night air, before slowly letting it out.

  She felt free.

  Unencumbered.

  And even when she recognized Benny’s bowed-shouldered frame pushing off the brick wall at the mouth of the alley, for once the only thing she felt was peace. He was there for her father, but not to hurt him. To protect him from himself.

  She didn’t need to worry, because Ford had handled everything.

  God, her relief was so profound it overwhelmed her. It pulsed like a live thing inside her, expanding against the confines of her chest until she ached with it, until it tightened her throat and pressed against the backs of her eyes, until it became more than one simple emotion, but pulled all the others she never let herself acknowledge into the mix.

  Her steps over the cracked sidewalk faltered, and again Ford was there. Those strong arms coming around her when she turned in to him, holding her tight as she gave in to the emotion she couldn’t contain and cried against his chest.

  “Thank you,” she whispered again and again between choked sobs, those two critical words the only ones she could articulate.

  Ford held her there on the street outside the bar where he’d set her free, taking her tears and stroking her hair as he told her it was going to be okay. That she was going to be fine. To just let it out.

  And so she did.

  Afterward, he helped her into the car and then started back for Wicker Park.

  Leaning her head against the window, she watched the passing cityscape and expressway exits as they rolled by, trying to absorb the changes from this single day. All the things she’d told herself she couldn’t have. All the walls she’d worked to keep in place—to protect herself and others—they were coming down. Because without the threat of whatever her father got into next looming over her, suddenly all the things regular people planned for a future were within her reach.

  A retirement account.

  A pet.

  A home of her own.

  Friends she didn’t have to keep at arm’s length.

  Someone to love.

  A family.

  Shifting in her seat, she rested her back against the door and studied the piece of her future she wanted most. The man she’d been so certain she couldn’t keep, she’d nearly lost him a second time.

  More tears slid down her cheeks, but this time the words she found to accompany them came from the deepest part of her. “I love you.”

  She’d said them to him before. Meant them. But now, they felt like the promise she’d never truly believed she could make.

  Ford’s fingers tightened over the wheel, and the muscle in his jaw clenched and released, but he didn’t answer.

  “Ford?” she asked, telling herself it was nothing. That they’d both had a long day and maybe—

  His eyes cut briefly to hers, cool and detached. “We’re here.”

  No. Her alarm spiked, bec
ause this wasn’t nothing.

  She looked past him and then turned around to check out all the windows and confirm that they were parked in front of her building rather than his. “My apartment?”

  He nodded. “It’s safe, Brynn. But I thought you might feel better having someone keeping an eye on it for the next couple of nights anyway. Just while you get used to things.”

  This was wrong. The way he was talking. “You sound like you aren’t planning to be here.”

  This time when he met her eyes, he didn’t look away and what she saw in them—oh God.

  “Let’s go inside and talk. You can see the apartment is safe and—”

  “I already know the apartment is safe. You told me it was, and I believe you. I don’t want to go inside unless you’re planning on coming in with me. And staying.” She sounded desperate, but that’s how she felt. Because for a minute there, she’d felt like everything was going to be all right. And now, she could barely breathe.

  “I don’t want to do this in the car, Brynn. After the day we’ve just had, do you think you could give me this one thing?”

  She was blinking fast, trying to see through the tears that kept leaking from her eyes. Only it didn’t matter. She wasn’t going to be able to stop whatever was coming by refusing to move. “Okay.”

  Once inside, the apartment felt off. Maybe because she knew there was someone watching the building. Or maybe it was just that Ford wasn’t going to be there with her.

  And he wasn’t. He wasn’t going to stay. She knew it would be better to just get it over with. Start the conversation so they could finish it as quickly as possible. But through every closet, dark corner, and space beneath the bed Ford checked, she kept her lips firmly sealed—wishing the place were bigger, that there were more rooms to check. Because no matter how much it killed her to know what was coming, there was no question it was going to hurt a whole lot more once he was gone.