by Zig Ziglar
QUEEN OF SALES
Mary Kay Ash, founder and chairman emeritus of Mary Kay Cosmetics, totally understands the value and importance of seeing the good and the potential in others. She knows the value from both sides of the fence. With two young children to support, she began working with Stanley Home Products. She got off to a miserable start but as she watched other ladies doing well, she knew in her own mind her time to excel would come, so she simply redoubled her efforts.
A short time later, a national convention was scheduled for Dallas. Mary Kay borrowed $12.00 to pay for her transportation and the hotel room. That was all the money she had, and the $12.00 didn’t include meals. She took along cheese and crackers to eat for the three days. The convention was tremendously inspiring. On the final night, when President Stanley Beveridge placed the “Queen of Sales” crown on a tall slender brunette, Mary Kay made the decision that started her on the road to success.
When she walked down the receiving line to shake hands with President Beveridge, she looked him squarely in the eyes and said, “Mr. Beveridge, you don’t know who I am tonight, but this time next year you will because I am going to be the Queen of Sales.” Stanley Beveridge could have casually commented on the matter, but he didn’t. He apparently saw that something special in Mary Kay as he shook her hand, because he said to her, “You know, somehow I think you will.” She did. Later, she went on to an outstanding career with that company and another one as well.
Then one day she “retired,” but her retirement lasted about a month with twelve-hour workdays. After a day or two of meditation to collect her thoughts, she took a yellow pad and started “figuring.” She listed all the things she liked about the companies she had represented. She put down the things she considered important to a woman seeking a career in selling. She wrote down the things she wanted to do, be, and have as she was building her own career. She decided to start her own company and build it on a basis that would permit her people to utilize the beauty and ability she saw in every woman. She felt it was far better and more important to reveal to the person what they already had than it was to give that person part of what she had.
Mary Kay saw women as capable of earning large sums of money and having the luxuries of life, including Cadillac automobiles. With limited finances but unlimited faith, Mary Kay Cosmetics began in August 1963. Before the calendar year ended they had sold roughly $60,000 in retail products. In 1999, Mary Kay Cosmetics sold approximately $2 billion at retail, and had more than 500,000 independent beauty consultants and 8,500 independent sales directors telling the Mary Kay story in every state in the Union. Today, it is a multi-billion-dollar company and is represented in 29 foreign countries.
There are many reasons for this success story, but it all started when someone “saw” something special in Mary Kay. It continued and grew because she kept things in proper prospective. She teaches her people that God comes first, the family second, and Mary Kay Cosmetics third. She also “saw” and “sees” enormous abilities in her people and treats them accordingly. As a result, she “sees” them all over the country, driving around in Mary Kay pink Cadillacs.
YOU KNOW HOW SCARED YOU ARE OF PEOPLE
An incident in a department store in Columbia, South Carolina, illustrates a similar point. It was Christmas time and the crowds were huge. A mother and her little five-year-old girl were watching a demonstration. The mother was engrossed with the event and took her eyes off the child who then drifted a few feet away. Soon the mother missed the child and glanced around for an instant before she spotted her. Then, as she leaped like an animal for her child, she exclaimed, “You come here to me. You know how scared you are of people!”
Can’t you just imagine how many things the child is going to be “scared of” before she is grown? It seems so simple—after we have learned. However, as we read the words on this page, I’ll have to plead guilty, as I did in the story of my middle daughter, to much of the same thing until someone taught me better. Then I was astonished that I hadn’t thought of those things myself. Just good old common sense I said—after I learned.
Many times I’ve heard it said there were two things about “hindsight.”
No. 1, it was always right, and No. 2, it was never worth anything. Fortunately, the second part is not true. Hindsight is worth a lot if you learn from it, and it’s worth even more if it’s another’s hindsight you are learning from. If it wasn’t this way, we would have to re-invent the wheel every generation.
IT PAYS TO SHARE
Major Anderson, of Revolutionary War fame, owned a library. He was an unselfish man who opened his library to the young men of the area who wanted to acquire more knowledge. One of the young boys who came to Major Anderson’s home every Saturday morning was a Scottish lad who was extremely grateful for the opportunity to spend the day reading. Apparently, he learned a great deal in the process, because Andrew Carnegie went on to become one of the most productive and wealthy men in America. He created forty-three millionaires when millionaires were truly rare individuals. Carnegie passed this kindness on in another way. He created the Carnegie libraries all over the United States. Untold thousands of people still benefit from his generosity.
Yes, when you see ability in others and then help nourish and develop that ability, you make some remarkable contributions. Of course, the most remarkable thing is the more you “pass on” to others, the more you keep for yourself. A case in point is Charles Percy, who was made president of Bell and Howell at the age of 39. He had worked his way up through the ranks of the company and acquired both fame and fortune. Later he served with distinction as an outstanding United States senator. Interestingly enough, the one observation made most often about Senator Percy is his uncanny ability to see the potential in another person and then persuade that person to use his ability.
Occasionally, this philosophy will temporarily move you into the shadow instead of the spotlight. A case in point is Chris Chattaway, the “pacer” who played a key role in the first four-minute mile. Chattaway burned himself out the first three laps setting a fast pace for Roger Bannister, so Bannister could break the “unbreakable” four-minute barrier. Bannister broke the barrier and achieved international fame while Chattaway dropped into relative obscurity. Since that time, however, there have been hundreds and hundreds of races run in less than four minutes, but Chattaway is and always will be the only one who gave of himself by setting the pace so the unbreakable barrier could be broken.
TWO BIG MISSES
An obscure college professor had a wife who was hard of hearing. His dream was to perfect a hearing device so his wife, whom he loved very much, could hear. He devoted every spare dollar and every spare moment he had to working on his dream. History books tell us he failed in his venture, but he was far from being a failure. Alexander Graham Bell missed one goal, but mankind benefited enormously because he dedicated himself to seeking a solution to someone else’s problem. He aimed to help one and missed. Instead, he helped millions.
Several years earlier, a German inventor named Wilhelm Reiss had perfected a device for transmitting sound over wires. As a matter of fact, had Reiss moved two electrodes just one 1/1000 of an inch so they would touch each other, he would have invented the telephone. Ironically, Reiss missed immortality by the slimmest of margins. His near-miss makes us wonder what might have happened if Reiss had been working with the same motive as Bell. Is there a chance those electrodes would have “accidentally” touched each other? We’ll never know.
A SUBSTITUTE EMCEE
Several years ago a friend of mine, David Smith, called and asked if I would serve as the substitute master of ceremonies for an Elks Club Annual Ball. I facetiously commented that I had always wanted to be a substitute master of ceremonies. “Well,” he explained, “it is our big annual event and a local politician has promised to come, but we are not certain he can make it.”
It was a gala event, complete with tux, tie, and dance band. My wife and I arrived early, a
nd as we watched David dance we were astonished at his grace and skill. He was obviously pleased, but a little embarrassed about our enthusiastic compliments. He reluctantly told us he taught ballroom dancing. It occurred to me that even though I had been seeing him for several years, I didn’t really know David Smith. With a little persuasion, he shared part of his life story.
He told how he had been forced to drop out of school at age 16 in order to help support his family. He had returned to school at age 22 and finished high school at 25. He told us he had three daughters, two of whom were school teachers and one of them had her master’s degree. He was obviously, and justifiably, proud of his family.
The most intriguing thing about David, however, was his age. He was 66 years old and one of the hardest-working men I have ever seen. Incidentally, he was our yard man, and his story has several lessons. It reaffirms that we can’t judge a book by its cover. His story also proves how you do what you do gives dignity to any honest labor. Being a yard man might not be lucrative for some people, but it enabled David Smith to support himself and to educate three daughters. In addition, it establishes the fact that the opportunity lies in the man and not in the job. He does good work and is able to sell his service to others. The major point, however, is that David Smith wanted his daughters to have “more” so he gave more of himself for them. As a result, everybody won. It’s exciting to think of the kids who will get more out of life because David Smith educated himself and then educated his daughters who educate the kids who . . . .
DON’T HIRE HIM—HE’S AN EX-CON
Our society has an interesting concept of justice. We say when someone commits a crime he should pay a penalty. I agree with this approach for several reasons. However, society goes one step beyond in its treatment of those who have paid for their crimes. In spite of the fact we say to the man or woman, “Okay, we are now even, you broke the law, you have paid the price so it’s all over,” the truth is, in most cases it is not all over. Society continues to deal, either through malice or ignorance, with the ex-con in such a way that in many states over 80% of the convicts return to prison. I find it difficult to believe that these men and women return because they prefer life behind bars over freedom.
If an ex-con tells the truth to a prospective employer, the vast majority of them won’t give him that second chance. If he doesn’t tell the prospective employer the truth, inevitably the truth will come out and the man will often lose his job almost regardless of his performance. The reason for this is simple. We have a natural tendency to see the “con” and forget the “ex.” We look at him or her and a message goes through our minds a thousand times: “Here is a jailbird, a thief, liar, forger, etc.” Remember, we treat people like we see them. So, if we see ex-cons as thieves, we communicate that fact. Combine that with over-sensitivity to every hurt, real or imagined, and you have an explosive situation.
After a series of frustrations, when they have honestly made efforts to adjust, they frequently begin to rationalize their situations. Their reasoning goes something like this: “Everybody knows I’m an ex-con, so nobody trusts me. They think I’m going to slip again, so they’re watching me very carefully. At the first stumble they’re going to give me a shove back down. I can only go so long before I have to have some money and there’s only one way to get it. Besides, it will serve them right.” This reasoning frequently leads them back to crime and prison.
That’s the problem; now let’s look at the solution. First, concentrate on preparing him for a successful return to society (I’m prejudiced, but I think he should be taught the Born To Win Course based on this book) instead of just punishing him for the mistake he made while a member of society. Second, let’s go to the source we can depend on to solve all problems—the Holy Bible. In the Gospel of Luke 17:3, Jesus tells us if our brother trespasses against us we should rebuke (punish) him, and if he repents (recognizes his error), we should forgive him and treat him accordingly.
The rest of the solution is found in the first few verses of the 8th chapter of the Gospel of John. The Scribes and Pharisees had taken a woman in the act of adultery. They knew that Moses’ law explicitly stated she was to be stoned. They brought her to Jesus to find out what He would do with her.
At first Jesus did not answer them; instead, He stooped down and wrote something in the sand. The woman’s tormentors persisted. They asked what He would do. Jesus then stood up and said to them, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” Again He stooped down and continued to write on the ground. Then, the Bible in beautiful simplicity says, “And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one.” Surely you have heard you can only see in others what is inside of you. Look for the good in others—that’s the best way to find the good in yourself.
MOST OF US HAVE DOUBLE STANDARDS
A baker suspected that the farmer who was supplying his butter was giving him short weight. He carefully checked the weight and his suspicions were confirmed. Highly indignant, he had the farmer arrested. At the trial the judge was satisfied and the baker chagrined at the farmer’s explanation. He (the farmer) had no scales so he used balances and for a weight he used a one-pound loaf of bread bought daily from the baker.
The big difference between a lot of men and women who have served time, as opposed to those who have not, lies in the matter of getting caught. Many more people would have the ex-con label hung on them if they had been caught cheating on their income tax. Many would be without a driver’s license if they had been caught exceeding the speed limit (unfortunately, with the aid of “fuzz busters,” kids are being taught the “smart” way to circumvent the law), passing on a hill or curve, running a stop sign, or driving under the influence. Let me again stress that I believe the penalty should be paid when the law is broken, but, in all fairness, we should then mark the offender’s account “paid in full.” This gives him our vote of confidence which will help restore his self-confidence. When this happens, chances are much better the offender will become self-supporting and contribute to society. A lot depends on how we see him. In reality, the ex-con is ahead of many of us because in some ways he has paid his debt while ours is unpaid because we were not caught.
I’m convinced that the strongest possible deterrent to a life of crime for youthful, first time offenders is the imposition of a work or incarceration penalty of some kind. The philosophy, whether it’s applied to the kindergarten child or an “older” 16-year-old offender, will work. I hasten to add that this practical approach would reduce crime even further if it were started in the home, by the parents, at an early age. This can be done, as Dr. James Dobson so convincingly points out in his book Dare to Discipline, by understanding that discipline is something you do for a child and not to a child.
William Glasser, the father of Reality Therapy, stresses that parents should understand that discipline is directed at the objectionable behavior of the child and is regarded as corrective love, so it is accepted by the individual. Punishment is a response that is directed at the individual and is regarded as a hostile thrust, so it is deeply resented. To make certain the child understands the difference, Dr. Glasser suggests a loving conclusion to the disciplinary session. This loving control enables a parent to express personal worth to the child.
You do affect others either for good or for bad, positively or negatively. That’s one reason it’s so important to maintain a proper perspective and a good attitude toward others. We play a role in the life of each person we touch. As a matter of fact, we may well hold the key to one’s future. The next story says it beautifully as it demonstrates both opportunity and responsibility.
PLEASE—THE KEY
An old man sat in a cathedral playing the organ. It was the end of the day and the setting sun shining through the beautiful stained-glass windows gave the old man an angelic appearance. He was a skilled organist playing sad and melancholy songs because he was being replaced by a younger man. At dusk, the young
man rather brusquely stepped in the back door of the cathedral. The old man noted his entrance, removed the key from the organ, put it in his pocket and slowly made his way to the back of the cathedral. As the old man drew abreast of him, the young man extended his hand and said, “Please, the key.” The old man took the key out of his pocket and gave it to the young man, who hurriedly walked to the organ. He paused for a brief moment, sat down on the bench, inserted the key, and started to play.
The old man had played beautifully and skillfully, but the young man played with sheer genius. Music such as the world had never heard came from the organ. It filled the cathedral, the town, and even the countryside. This was the world’s first exposure to the music of Johann Sebastian Bach. The old man, with tears streaming down his cheeks, said, “Suppose, just suppose, I had not given the master the key.”
It’s obvious the old man did give the young man the key. It’s also obvious the young man made full use of that key. It’s a sobering thought, because we hold the key to the future of others. We don’t live alone. Our actions and deeds affect other people, many of whom we will never know. That’s the reason our obligation and responsibility for doing the best we can with what we have goes beyond our own personal lives.
Zig and The Redhead
CHAPTER 9
The Most Important “Other” Person
ROMEO AT HOME
Many years ago I had a friend who was constantly in hot water because of his extramarital affairs. He appeared to be a happy man about town, but in reality he was anything but happy. Our paths separated for several years and the next time we met, I saw a different man. He was happier, more relaxed, and considerably more successful. So, I asked the obvious question, “What happened?” Enthusiastically he told me about finding a beautiful but lonely and misunderstood little housewife who was married to a heel. He explained that he had “moved in,” was avidly courting her, and that things had never been better. Thoroughly enjoying my consternation, my friend finally explained that the girl was his wife of 15 years.