by Zig Ziglar
Now that I’ve identified some of the bad habits, let’s go to the next chapter and learn how to eliminate or unlearn those bad habits—and acquire good ones.
CHAPTER 18
Stop Bad Habits— Start Good Habits
AVOIDING THE HABIT
Obviously, it’s better to never acquire the habits of smoking, drinking, drugs, law breaking, promiscuity, cheating, cursing, fingernail biting, overeating, etc. Since concerned parents and responsible citizens all over America are vitally concerned about these matters, let’s look at a few guidelines that should be helpful in avoiding the destructive habits.
Sam Maglitto, curriculum director at Bay City Independent School District, Bay City, Texas, makes the observation that if the philosophy of See You at the Top were taught at the fifth and sixth grade levels, it would eliminate the need for sex education, drug education, and career education. That’s a pretty strong statement, but I might point out that Mr. Magilitto speaks from personal experience as a parent whose daughter has studied the philosophy and as a school administrator where the course is being taught. He feels that the first step is to sell our youngsters on the advantages of keeping clear minds, healthy bodies, and sound morals, and thus head off the problems and eliminate destructive habits before they start. Naturally, I agree.
The second step to avoiding bad habits, drugs in particular, according to Dr. Forest Tennant of UCLA, is to “spank the kids and take them to church.” I am certain that many of the civil libertarians will scream it’s archaic to lay your hands on the kids. Psychologists, however, generally agree that when a child understands he is going to be held responsible for his deeds, he is far more likely to be concerned with those deeds. Dr. Tennant did a comprehensive study of the drug problem among the GIs in Germany where America had a drug problem second only to the one in Vietnam. He discovered there were only two things that served as a definite deterrent as far as the use of drugs was concerned. The first was to take the kids to church fifty or more times by the time they were fifteen years old. The second was to regularly spank them moderately when the occasion demanded it. (That doesn’t mean every Thursday at 4:00 p.m. It does mean to be consistent and to spank when the small child, up to 9 years old, stamps his or her foot and refuses to obey clear directions.) The Bible very clearly states that this is the procedure to follow if you love your child.
Psychologist James Dobson strongly feels it is most destructive to permit a child to go through life without the loving assurance expressed in discipline. Discipline assures the child he is worthwhile and that you love him enough to discipline him for conduct which is not in his own best interest.
To add to Dr. Tennant’s two deterrents to drug use, step number three is to set an example. Parents who are sincerely concerned about their children not drinking, smoking, using drugs, or living in an immoral way should set the proper example. Evidence is conclusive that if parents smoke and drink, the children are far more likely to follow that example.
Step number four is to fight false advertising. The tobacco and liquor industries are undoubtedly the best financed and the most imaginative in their advertising campaigns. The beer people sell their beer with some of the most persuasive commercials on television. The liquor industry sells gracious living and the “man of distinction” approach, while piously adjusting their halos and suggesting that you drink in “moderation.” The cigarette ads sell the idea of “manhood” and “femininity” while emphasizing that you are a part of the “in” crowd and “sophisticated” if you smoke. This false advertising is so persuasive and repeated so many times that most kids decide to try smoking by the time they are seven years old. As mentioned earlier, thanks to the same advertising techniques, teenage alcoholism has dramatically increased the last five years.
TRUTH IN ADVERTISING
In my judgment we should fight this false advertising with truth in a dramatic way. For example, have you ever looked at an old woman with a cigarette dangling between her lips until she has to remove it to cough a few times? Or have you watched an old man with nicotine-stained fingers put a cigarette to his mouth, forget about it, and watched the ashes drop off on his clothes? Think about this phrase, “Kissing a person who has been smoking is like licking an ashtray.” Now that you’ve thought about it, does smoking add to your sensuality and sophistication, or does it take away from it? Additionally, there is irrefutable evidence that cigarette smoking causes your skin to be dry and wrinkled before your time.
To add injury to insult (I believe we are safe in referring to lung cancer and heart disease as injury), Uncle Sam contributes millions of dollars to support the tobacco farmers with crop subsidies, then after spending millions of dollars proving that smoking causes cancer and heart disease, he spends hundreds of millions of dollars supporting the treatment of the cancer which he contributed to the cause of in the first place! So surely Uncle Sam, with enough pressure, would be willing to spend additional funds fighting the sale of the product which he encourages with the subsidy. Obviously I say this with tongue in cheek, but it is interesting to listen to someone explain why we should support the raising of tobacco, then restrict the advertising because it is injurious to health, then contribute to the cancer research and treatment to fight the cancer caused by cigarettes which our tax-supported dollars had already proved caused cancer. (You might want to re-read this paragraph.)
LET THE KIDS SEE FOR THEMSELVES
Step number five in avoiding bad habits is to take your children on field trips and let them see the result of smoking, drinking, and drugs. I suggest that your whole family visit someone who has emphysema or lung cancer caused by smoking. Give them an opportunity to talk with a person (preferably someone you know) who is afflicted with emphysema or lung cancer, and let them listen to their labored efforts at breathing. Admittedly, this is drastic; but remember, the victim started with one cigarette. In all fairness to your youngsters, this gives them the opportunity to see the other side which the cigarette ads leave out. There’s not much “glamour,” “sophistication,” “sensuality,” “taste,” or “relaxation” in a cancer—as any victim who has “bought” the cigarette commercials will tell you. Strong? Perhaps. But sometimes we need to let the kids know that in the case of bad habits you do pay the price. Perhaps I feel as strongly about smoking as I do because in our family, which consisted of 12 children, those who did not smoke have already lived an average of 24 years longer than those who smoked.
A few thoughts are most important. The decisions to smoke, drink, use drugs, overeat, engage in pre-marital sex, etc., are emotional and not logical decisions. In most cases the youngsters had an emotional need for acceptance, which they felt these acts or habits would provide. That’s the reason demonstrated love and open communication are so important between parent and child. That’s also the reason I would urge you to embrace the philosophy of See You at the Top and Dr. Dobson’s book Dare To Discipline.
When your child (you, too) has accepted and approves of himself (healthy self-image), he does not require the acceptance and approval of others. Additionally, when our goals are well-defined, we clearly understand that destructive habits greatly reduce our chances of reaching those goals and we give considerably more thought to gambling with the future that we have carefully planned.
If either you or your children are involved in social drinking, let me suggest you go to Skid Row, look in the gutters, and remember what you see. Decide if you’re willing to risk even eleven-to-one odds that it couldn’t happen to you. It could. Next, go to a couple of open A.A. meetings. You’ll be shocked to see brilliant and talented people from all walks of life who thought it could never happen to them. As you listen to their stories, you’ll get a different look at the alcohol that appears to be as harmless, as sophisticated, and as much “fun” as advertisements depict. As you listen to alcoholics tell their stories, remember every single case started with one drink. Remember that 22,630 people will be killed on our highways this year by drunks who or
iginally started with only one drink. There’s no “distinction” in that statistic and there’s no distinction in drinking.
Let your youngsters ask the victims how many of them had planned on becoming alcoholics. I believe it would have a sobering impact. Any youngster who hears the scream of a drug addict fighting withdrawal symptoms and hears a simple explanation of the birthplace of those screams would have a large part of his curiosity satisfied. I believe taking our kids to the courtroom where the judge is sentencing an outstanding fourteen-year-old boy or girl to reform school because of thefts committed to feed a drug or drinking habit, or to receive a thrill while “proving” they weren’t chicken, would have a rather sobering effect. Admittedly, some of these steps are severe but the future of someone you love could be at stake. That’s serious.
BREAKING DESTRUCTIVE HABITS
Let’s now look at what you can do to eliminate a destructive habit, whether it is obesity, habitually being late, profanity, smoking, having a short temper, homosexuality, alcoholism, promiscuity, etc. The first and most important thing you must do is to decide that you want to eliminate the habit. That is a decision you and only you can make. Without this motivation on your part, no person or procedure will have any significant impact. If someone else “talks you into it,” the chances are strong you will perhaps start but the effort will be short-lived. (Remember, you generally don’t reach someone else’s goal.) Many times you end up further behind than you would have been had you not attempted to quit a habit which you were not ready to give up (weight lost and regained is a classic example). So first, and most importantly, decide you no longer are going to be a slave to any destructive habit. Decide you want to have control of your life, that you want to be free, that you want to do things with your life instead of having things done to your life.
LISTEN TO THE QUITTERS
It’s tougher—much tougher—to quit a bad habit but, fortunately, the results are fun and much more rewarding. Former smokers, alcoholics, fat folks, etc., unanimously—and in glowing terms—give me a tremendous number of details concerning the joy and excitement of shedding those pounds, giving up tobacco, and getting off the bottle. The ex-smoker talks about the exciting taste of food—the clean smell of the air, clothes, furniture, etc. They talk about a new-found self-respect and satisfaction from whipping a habit that would have taken from two to ten years off their lives—and a lot of living out of their lives. (According to an Associated Press story, the Royal College of Physicians in cooperation with all of Britain’s medical colleges conducted a study which revealed that each cigarette cuts 51/2 minutes from a smoker’s life span, that roughly one in three smokers dies because of smoking, and roughly 50 million working days are lost in Britain each year through illness caused by smoking. They also found that a smoker who quits gains immediate benefits, and in 10-15 years the extra risk of dying early disappears. Incidentally, a 51/2-minute loss of life per cigarette translates into 28 days per year of smoking if you smoke just one pack per day.) As you decide that you are going to seek the richer life, listen to the ex-smokers explain why they are exuberant with the realization that they will be here those extra years and that they are using their money for worthwhile, rather than destructive, purposes.
If you’re obese I urge you to go to several of the Weight Watchers or Overeaters Anonymous meetings and listen to people who have lost from 50 to 350 pounds. Listen to them talk of the struggles they had, but of the rewards that are now theirs. Listen to the sheer joy of being able to buy a suit or dress off the rack at a reasonable price. Listen to them talk about a new-found romance in their life, and the thrill of being able to tie their shoes without grunting, and having the ability to walk up a flight of stairs instead of having to wait for the elevator. Listen to them talk about the accolades that are pinned on them for their new, svelte figure rather than the ridicule, laughter, contempt, and even the unspoken words that were often on the minds of their associates. Listen to those quitters who quit eating so much and it will help you quit eating too much.
The arrested alcoholics talk about all their new friends and how they got their old ones back. They, frequently with tears in their eyes, tell of regained families, the resumption of long-interrupted careers, new self-respect, a new social life, and a feeling of tremendous accomplishment from paying their own way—and then some.
YOU WIN—BY BEING A QUITTER
Interestingly enough, many of these people quit their bad habits in exactly the same way they acquired them—by associating with like-minded people. This has long been known in the case of alcoholics through Alcoholics Anonymous and, more recently, compulsive gamblers through Gamblers Anonymous, and for the obese person, Weight Watchers, T.O.P.S. (Take Off Pounds Sensibly), and others. The reasons these organizations work when everything else has failed are numerous. The alcoholic, compulsive gambler, or obese person is suddenly thrust into a group of people who are succeeding in whipping the problem that has been whipping them. They are with and around concerned, caring people who know the bitterness of defeat and the sweetness of victory.
Countless stories of “I did it and so can you” give the victims of these habits the confidence and the support they need. Surrounded by the optimism, enthusiasm and encouragement of a right-thinking environment, the results are dramatic. Again, again, and even again will I say that your associates do influence your habits, and you don’t pay a price for success, health, happiness, etc. You enjoy the benefits.
Two other factors with considerable impact are involved in the case of A.A. First of all, the alcoholics are brought to the complete realization that there is absolutely nothing they can do about their alcoholism themselves. They are helpless and it is not because they do not want to quit drinking. No sane person would want to be an alcoholic and bring about the suffering to himself and his family. When the alcoholic admits that he must have the help of a higher power, then he is on his way to solving the problem. In the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, members identify God by saying, “God as we understood Him.” Since I am not bound by any of the restrictions they are bound by, I simply say God, period. I refer you back to Isaiah 40:31, and remind you that in that verse to “renew” means to “change” or “exchange.” It’s true you can’t—but God can. It is stressed that the alcoholic’s only hope is a power source greater than his or her own. (John 15:5-7 is quite clear on this.)
Until the alcoholic reaches that conclusion, his chance of “arresting” the disease is remote. Ditto for the hard-core drug addict. Nor do A.A. and its members permit the alcoholic to get hung up on a lot of “copouts.” (“My mother was scared by a runaway horse before I was born,” “I was rejected by my classmates,” “My mother took me off the potty too soon,” etc.) Alcoholics are forced to admit they are alcoholics because they drink too much booze, period.
Psychologically, when an individual is brought face to face with the fact that regardless of the excuse he used to start a destructive habit he is not the only one who is going to suffer the consequences—the mate, children, parents, associates, and friends are also negatively impacted, many times tragically. When the alcoholic understands and accepts full responsibility for his behavior and the suffering he brings on himself and others, a giant step has been taken to break that habit.
Many times the individual can be brought face to face with the reality that his reason for starting a habit no longer exists. For example, he might have started smoking, cursing, gambling, drinking, using drugs, etc., because of insecurity and the need to be accepted by his peer group. With this realization and the building of that healthy self-image, the individual is freed of the reason for these destructive habits and his chances of quitting are enhanced.
An active youngster—perhaps an athlete—burns an enormous amount of energy and needs a large amount of food. However, when the physical activity declines, the need for much of the food no longer exists but the habit of eating the larger amount has been established. Complete awareness of his current ne
eds and best interests is very helpful in weighing the habit of filling former needs against the advantages of dealing with the current problem to solve present needs.
Step number three is to substitute. There is really no such thing as eliminating a habit. You must replace the bad habit with a good one. The alcoholic substitutes optimistic, dedicated, caring friends in a positive atmosphere of hope and encouragement for the booze, bars, boredom, bums, and bellyaches that are frequently the alcoholic’s constant mental and physical companions. Psychologically, it’s important to have a new activity or habit to fill the void when you start eliminating any bad habit or habits. When alcoholics see the result of stopping the bad habit of drinking, and the changes taking place in the lives of the other alcoholics as well as their own, they set new goals of their own and for the first time they “see the reaching.”
Since bad habits are in your mind (the physical need or desire for tobacco, alcohol, and drugs is comparatively short), keep your mind busy as you fill it with good, clean, inspirational, confidence-building, “you can do it” messages from the printed page and the spoken word. You cannot concentrate on two things at the same time. By occupying the mind positively, you are substituting the craving for a “bad habit” by building your character with desire for long-lasting success and happiness. In other words, don’t be unwise in your habits, but rather aspire to maturity and wisdom and keep your mind well and emotions focused on positive ideas.
Breaking the smoking habit can even be simple—I didn’t say easy— according to my good friend, Bill Schmelzer, M.D., who offers this suggestion for breaking the smoking habit. In the spot where you now carry your cigarettes, place a pocket-sized New Testament. When the urge to smoke—or far more likely, the habit-formed movement of automatically reaching for your cigarettes—hits you, you will reach for your cigarettes but will fill your hands with God’s lifesaving word instead of shortening your life expectancy. As you reach for the Testament, simply pray, “Lord, help me.” Then read two passages of Scripture: John 15:5-7 and Philippians 4:13. By taking these steps you will be fulfilling the muscular habit while at the same time substituting for the physical habit of smoking the habit of drinking from God’s lifesaving Word. After a few days this will become automatic and one more bad habit will bite the dust. This will add years to your life. Now turn to Ephesians 2:8-9 and learn how to really extend your life span—like forever. Not only will this get the smoke out of your eyes now but it will help keep the heat off you later!