Puppy Love

by Smith, L. T.

  Lying in bed, I thought through what had transpired earlier. Was the attraction I felt one-sided? Judging by the way Emily was looking at me as I was yearning to kiss her, I didn’t think so. Maybe it was shock? Disgust? Repulsion? But no. I was positive that she was going to kiss me. So what did I do?” As usual, I was at a loss when it came to women. Don’t get me wrong—I had dated a few, but none of them had made me feel the way Emily did.

  Shit. I didn’t need this. I didn’t want this. I just wanted to feel nothing, like I usually did. Allowing a woman into my life was not conducive to my lifestyle. I wanted it to be me and my dog, and that way…that way… That way, what? I wouldn’t ever again have to see someone I cared about turn their back on me like my parents had? Wouldn’t ever again have to detach myself from the life I had known and change everything I had thought was part and parcel of my life?

  Shit. Again. Why was I thinking about them? They meant nothing to me, just as I meant nothing to them.

  Still, it wouldn’t hurt to have a new friend to do things with. An evil grin spread over my face as a smug thought popped into my head. A new friend who might want to walk MY dog with ME.

  Nestling down under my duvet, I conjured up images of Charlie chasing his ball. A warm feeling spread through me and my heart lifted, which was a surprise, as I hadn’t realised it had sunk.

  Shall I say shit for the third time? Looks like it.

  Why was I suddenly too aware of my bodily functions, especially that organ in my chest, just to the left of centre?

  I threw off the covers, deciding sleep would not be coming easily after all.

  Because I had gone into work so early every day, I completed the current job before lunch so decided to go home and shower before going to pick up Emily. I spent an amazingly long time on deciding what to wear, but as soon as I realised I was doing it, I just slipped into my favourite jeans and a sweater.

  Emily was waiting at the gate, her grin glorious. She looked beautiful. It was then that it struck me: Why would Emily like me anyway? I wasn’t anything special. Granted, I wasn’t a minger, but I wasn’t on the same plane as Emily Carson. She was stunning, especially when she smiled. Why on earth was she still single when it was obvious she could have had anyone she wanted?

  “I hope you don’t mind, but I have to get straight back after we walk Charlie.”

  I was busy faffing about with my seat to follow up on her remark, so I grunted a response.

  ”I have a friend coming around later.”

  That stopped me in my tracks. A friend? She hadn’t mentioned “a friend” when we had been chatting the previous evening.

  I turned to look at her and saw her blush before she looked sheepishly out of the side window. Clink. Penny dropping again. That kind of friend…as in either girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, or potential girlfriend. A wave of disappointment swamped me.

  “Okay. Sure thing.” I started the engine. “If you can’t come, it’s —”

  “No! Erm…no. I have plenty of time.”

  I nodded. So, even though I’d already decided Emily was too good for me and, also, if I’d had a shot, I would have preferred to be one of those friends without benefits, I was still feeling gutted.

  See? Life is a bitch, even when you’ve declared that you didn’t want anything more than you already had.

  Saturday morning came around, and I didn’t want to go to work. It was unusual for me to feel that way. Ever since I had left home, work seemed the only thing I had going for me in my life—except for Toby and Abbie.

  But, I had to. After all, Emily was expecting me.

  I turned up at her place just after eight and was a little disappointed not to see Emily waiting for me at the gate. She wasn’t sanding her window sills either. I couldn’t see her anywhere. Sighing, I moved around to the back of my pickup and started to unload my tools.

  “Good morning.” The voice came from behind me, a voice I didn’t recognise. “You must be Ellie.”

  Turning, I saw a woman in her thirties—a very good looking woman, who was grinning at me and holding out her free hand in greeting. The other was cradling a coffee cup. “I’m Michelle Simmons, a…friend of Emily’s.”

  The friend, eh? The friend who had so obviously spent the night. And by the glow on her face, the friend who’d had a very fulfilling night full of sex. A flush gathered on my face as I envisioned Emily in the throes of passion with the blonde standing before me. If I hadn’t been feeling a sharp stab of jealousy plunging into me, I would have admitted they made a wonderful image. Two stunning women loving each other.

  “It is Ellie, isn’t it? Ems said you would be here today.”

  My eyes flicked to her outstretched hand, and I realised I had completely ignored her gesture. It wasn’t her fault that she was the cat that got the cream.

  “Oh…yes…sorry. I was miles away there. Ellie Anderson.” I was almost fawning, the act of the bitter love rival hiding her feelings. I know what you’re thinking—one minute I wanted Emily, and the next I didn’t. Couple that with the jealousy, and you have me in the bag—a fucked up loner with tickets on and off herself.

  A laugh spluttered out of her mouth, and she grabbed my hand and started pumping it up and down. As her body came closer to mine, I caught the distinct scent of Emily’s perfume. Could things get any worse?

  “Do you need a hand unloading? Emily’s in the shower as she overslept this morning.” Michelle leaned closer and gave me a wink. “She hasn’t got the stamina she used to have.”

  Looked like a “yes” on the things-getting-worse question.

  “No. I’m fine. Honestly.” I wanted to flee the scene, as I didn’t want to find out any more about what had happened between Emily and Michelle. “There’s one thing you could do, if you don’t mind.”

  Michelle’s face turned serious as she nodded and stood straight, at mock attention.

  “Could you tell Emily I’ll be back later? I have to pick up some supplies.”

  A frown flitted over her beautiful face before she said, “We were hoping you could join us for breakfast.”

  Fuck that! I produced my most charming grin. “Sorry again. I’ve already eaten.” I hadn’t, but she didn’t know that. “I’ll be back after lunch.”

  Before Michelle had chance to say anything, my phone sounded. “Got to get this. Sorry.” Why was I repeatedly apologising to her?

  Michelle smiled and nodded at the screaming phone in my hand.

  I turned my face away from her and clicked “accept.” “Hey, baby, how’re you this morning?”

  “What? You pissed?” Abbie didn’t sound like she was going to play along, but I didn’t care.

  “I was going to wake you, but you were flat out.”

  “You are pissed. And fucking crazy. What’s—”

  “Seven? That would be wonderful.”

  “You’re fucking me off now. What’s—”

  “Got to go. Work beckons.” I held the “end call” button slightly longer than I needed to so the phone would turn off completely. There was one thing in this world that I was sure about at that moment, and it was that my sister would call me straight back.

  I turned back to Michelle and was momentarily frozen by the look on her face. It was a look of disappointment. Or had I imagined it? It was so fleeting, maybe I had. Shrugging, I said, “Women, eh?”

  Michelle nodded. “So…erm… I’ll leave you to get on with your work then.” Without another word, she was gone, the cup dangling from her hand.

  When I returned to Emily’s at one, Michelle was not in sight and, once again, Emily was not outside. Instead of announcing my arrival, I unloaded the fence panels and posts I’d bought to make the perimeter safer. Still no sign of Emily, even though I knew she had to be there.

  I didn’t want to go and k
nock on the door in case they were inside reliving the events of the previous evening. But Charlie would be waiting. We were past our usual time. He would think we had abandoned him.

  The more I thought about Charlie waiting at the bars of his kennel, looking for us, the more antsy I became. Why was I avoiding Emily? It wasn’t as if she wasn’t entitled to a love life. Just because she didn’t want me that way shouldn’t affect anything. Our relationship was a business arrangement, involving her garden and the eventual ownership of the main man himself.

  After twenty minutes, I decided to get a spine and knock. What could be the worst that could happen? Scrap that comment. Knowing my luck, I would interrupt them getting jiggy with it on the kitchen table.

  In answer to my knock, Emily’s voice invited me inside. She was on the phone. She mouthed “hello” and followed that with a mischievous grin. “Yes. Yes. She’s here now. You want to talk to her?”

  Huh? Who would call Emily and then want to speak to me? I knew the answer to that even before I took the phone from her, and my heart plummeted to my stomach before bouncing back up and jamming in my throat.

  “Thought I’d get you this way. What the hell are you up to now?” Abbie’s voice held a hint of humour.

  She knew damned well what I’d been up to. I hoped she’d kept it to herself and not gobbed off to Emily. I didn’t need my sister to make me look like an idiot; I was more than capable of doing that for myself.

  “Never mind,” she said.

  That was a first. When Abbie wanted answers, she didn’t give up easily.

  ”I’ll see you later.” She waited a beat and then added, “You can tell me then.” A gargling noise came from my mouth, but Abbie had the upper hand. “Or do you want me to tell Emily you pretended you have a love life?”

  “Seven will be great! Can’t wait to see you!”

  “Good girl. You know I know best.”

  After hanging up the phone, I turned to see Emily standing in the doorway, her coat draped over her arm. “Ready?”

  Although on first look, Emily seemed her usual self, bubbly and gorgeous, there was something missing from her smile. It wasn’t vivacious, wasn’t as full and true and totally engaging as I had come to expect.

  “Sure.”

  What did you expect me to do? Ask her what was wrong?

  It wasn’t until we were halfway to the Trust that I realised why Emily was not herself. Michelle. It was obvious. I hadn’t seen Michelle, and Emily was more than likely missing her. At that point, I started to chew my lip. Should I have invited Michelle to come with us instead of surmising everything should be exactly the same as all the other times we had gone to visit Charlie? Was I being selfish? Indifferent? Or was I just being me?

  “Are you missing Michelle?” WTF? I didn’t want to talk about her girlfriend. Nearly anything but. I didn’t turn to look at her when she answered. I didn’t want to see the longing on her face.

  “Yes. I always do when she’s not about.”

  Considering last night was the first I knew about her girlfriend, I found that surprising.

  “I rarely get to see her nowadays.”

  Or rarely bring her up in conversation, so it seems. God, I’m a bitch.

  “It’s been over a year since the last time.”

  “What the fuck! Over a year?” It popped out. Couldn’t stop it. But a year without seeing your other half? Doesn’t that seem a little long to you?

  Emily laughed aloud. “I understand. She’s busy. Her work takes her everywhere.”

  But a year?

  “And now she’s got Tania, too, so now I have to share her.”

  Who the fuck was Tania and what, exactly, did she mean by sharing? I glanced at her and saw that she was grinning. Was it just me that believed if you were in a relationship, it should be just the two of you and you should see each other more than once a year?

  “I wonder if Charlie thinks we’re not coming.”

  How could she talk about Charlie when her girlfriend was doing more than the hokey cokey with another woman?

  “Erm. I guess.” Looks like I was going to keep my thoughts to myself.

  I think in his own furry little way, Charlie didn’t think we were going to turf up at all. If you could have seen the way his eyes lit up, the way he grabbed and shook his tuggy rope and fought it all the way over to us—accompanied by mewling growls—you would have agreed with me that he was excited. Lots of kissing and licks followed his initial display, and I have to admit I felt well and truly loved and welcomed. I’d known him less than a week, and I felt as if my life couldn’t function properly without him in it.

  A voice inside my head trickled through my brain, down my spine, and spread out through my body. An insistent voice saying it wasn’t just Charlie that was making me feel that way. It was also the woman with the long distance, two-timing girlfriend. A sigh slipped out, but I tried to hide it by getting Charlie even more excited than he already was.

  “You can let him off the lead today if you feel brave enough.” Sharon was standing at the side of the door, an encouraging grin on her face. “His leg is getting better, and a little time off the lead won’t hurt him at this stage in his recovery.”

  “Really?” Emily sounded thrilled.

  I felt scared shitless. What if he ran off? Got hit by a car? Saw a squirrel and thought it more interesting than us? What if his leg went? What if—

  “You okay?” Emily sounded concerned.

  “As much as I would like to…” I found it hard to finish the excuse, as I knew it was lame.

  “Come on. Take a risk. How will we know what he is capable of if we never give him a chance?”

  Risk or chance. The same thing, but completely opposite. One sounded positive, whereas the other saw me without Charlie in my life.

  Emily was staring at me.

  I wanted to be like her, wanted to be a chance taker, let my lad run through the grass and smell the freedom.

  “If you love something, let it go.”

  Was that the best she could come up with? If I loved something, I held it close, and didn’t fuck off for twelve months at a time. Maybe that was her style, but it certainly wasn’t mine.

  “I’d prefer if we waited a little longer, if you don’t mind.” I patted Charlie’s head. “I don’t want to risk it just yet.” Story of my life, really. Risk equals loss in my book. I’d risked telling my parents about me not being the straight, grandkid-bearing daughter they had raised, and look where that had gotten me. I risked loving Toby as much as I had, and look what happened there. I’d also taken a risk by allowing Emily Carson into my life…

  I want to stop there. I think I’ve made my point.

  I dropped Emily off and went home to shower and change before what was now termed as “Rob’s Bash.” I was going to suggest I pick her up and take her there, but I stopped myself. Asking her if she wanted a lift to my sister’s opened too many doors to too many rooms that I wasn’t willing to visit. Emily had a girlfriend, and I was just the other woman who wanted Charlie as much— although I would say more—as she did. It was for the best. For me. I had to clarify that last bit as I would hate you to believe that Emily Carson had, at any point in our budding relationship, actually believed that we would move toward something more. I think I’m going off the point, or just maybe rambling. Again.

  Six-forty-five saw me knocking on Abbie’s door.

  Instead of it being opened by the toothless wonder, Lily, I found myself greeted by none other than the Queen of Sheba herself. “Where’s Em?” she asked.

  “Hi to you too. Good to see you.” My sarcasm was lost on Abbie, so I held up the bags with wine and nibbles. “I come bearing offerings from the great God Tesco.”

  “Didn’t you pick her up as we arranged?”

&nbs
p; “We?” I didn’t remember me being involved in the “we” part.”

  Excited screams came from the lounge and I would really like to say it was Rob, but it was my niece.

  “Maybe you should go and get her if you love her so much.” Before she could respond, I pushed past Abbie and called out to the rugrat.

  Lily came bounding down the hallway, her arms outstretched and ready for me to pick her up and fling her about before lavishing her with kisses. “Where’s Em?”

  Was this a conspiracy? Even my six year old niece was turning Spanish Inquisitor.

  “Me wants to see Em too.”

  For fuck’s sake! Turning my head, I was greeted by serious green eyes and a pouting mouth.

  “You get her for me.”

  I opened my mouth to say no, but she placed her finger over my lips and shook her head. “You get her for me. Please?”

  Shit. They were definitely working me over. Talk about a guilt trip. Why had it suddenly become my responsibility to bring Emily to the party? “She’s probably already on her way here, baby.”

  Blond eyebrows quirked, but her gaze was constant.

  “Emily is coming here on her own, Lils.”

  A cough from behind me broke Lily’s stare, and Abbie spoke. “Erm…well…maybe she is waiting for you.”

  I shook my head. “I left her at her house with no mention of picking her up.” I placed Lily on the floor, and she automatically gripped my leg and started hanging from my jeans. “Why would she be waiting for me?”

  At least my sister had the grace to look embarrassed. “I called her about an hour ago and told her you would.”

  “What the fu—”

  “Bad word, Aunty Wellie.”

  My teeth clonked together and the air shot from both nostrils.

  “I did leave you a message on your mobile. Didn’t you get it?”

  Duh! Well, it looked like a resounding “no” from here.