Puppy Love

by Smith, L. T.

What? She didn’t think I would bring up the topic of her girlfriend?

  “Michelle and me?”

  And whoever else either of them decided to bring into their lives, yes.

  A short, sharp laugh. “Michelle?”

  Why was she being so…so…weird?

  “Michelle? As in ‘this morning Michelle?’” she sputtered through another laugh.

  My head bobbed rapidly; I didn’t trust my voice.

  “My best friend from uni Michelle? The one who is with Tania?” This time she threw her head back and bellowed.

  Fuck me. It was only a question. A simple “three years” would have sufficed.

  “You think I am with Michelle?”

  Well, not at this precise moment, no, but the way Michelle had talked that morning… Wait. What exactly did she say that made me think she was, in fact, Emily’s girlfriend? She’d said that Emily didn’t have the same stamina anymore. I had, like usual, over-analysed Michelle’s use of the term “friend.” “Erm. Yes?”

  “Michelle is with Tania. She has been for over a year.”

  But…

  Very deliberately, Emily leaned forward and placed her wineglass on the floor, and then turned to me. Brown eyes intently looked into mine as she pursed her lips. “I am single, Ellie. Very much so.”

  Single. Sin-gle. As in, not with anybody. A free agent. Up for grabs. Wait. That sounded just plain wrong. I’ll change that to “available.” Or should I give voice to my thought and say, “Available?”

  It was the way she was looking at me, the way those chocolate eyes had changed from being so serious to almost liquid that was nearly my undoing. I wanted to lean over and brush my lips over hers and tell her how absolutely beautiful she was, but I couldn’t move.

  Time seemed to stand still, and the air between us was the only barrier. Her face was getting closer to mine. Was I moving towards her, or was she leaning into me? Her eyes were closing, her lips were parting, her breath was dancing over my skin.

  My heart was thumping so hard I was sure she could hear it, or see it trying to force itself out of my chest to dive into her. All the moisture from my mouth evaporated, and I frantically licked my lips as if I was anticipating a delicious meal.

  Emily’s tongue slipped from her mouth and swiped along her bottom lip.

  She was going to kiss me. She was going to kiss me. She. Was. Going. To. Kiss. Me.

  I don’t know what it was inside me that made me shoot to my feet and stagger a few steps away, spilling my wine on my jeans. There was something that I hadn’t known was hiding there, something I had forgotten was lurking in the depths. I realized it was fear. I knew if she kissed me right then, I would be completely lost, completely under her spell. I couldn’t, just couldn’t allow her to make me want her more than I wanted her already. I couldn’t take the chance, couldn’t risk it.

  “Bathroom?”

  Emily was still leaning into the spot I had occupied only a moment before. It was obvious she had fallen forward as I had made my cowardly escape. I could see the blush on her cheeks, but she wouldn’t look directly at me.

  “Upstairs, second door on the right.”

  I nodded and raced off in the direction of the stairs, carrying my wineglass with me.

  I closed the bathroom door and slumped heavily against it. What was I doing? Why had I run? I wanted to kiss her so fucking badly. Still did. Why couldn’t I just let her in? She wasn’t my parents, wasn’t Toby, wasn’t all the other people in my life who had not stuck around. And Toby couldn’t help it. This was Emily, the woman I was falling for. Fuck. Falling for. It wasn’t love, not yet. It couldn’t be love; I just really liked her. I had a case of stage fright, that was all.

  I became aware of the glass of red wine still in my hand. With one swift gulp, I finished it. The heat of the liquid flowed through me, plucking up my courage and inflaming the blood in my veins. Moments later, I was back in the living room.

  Emily was still seated on the sofa, but she stood as I walked in. I didn’t think, didn’t allow anything else to come between me and this moment. I also didn’t give her the opportunity to move away, to apologise, to do anything but be pulled towards me, be pulled towards me and kissed.

  Initially her lips were surprised, stiff, but I was insistent. My hand slipped around her neck and pulled her face downwards, and I became lost in the softness of her mouth. It started gently, but as the pressure of her lips increased, the world disappeared, and it was just me and Emily. Just when I felt I needed to absorb her into me, she tentatively touched my lips with her tongue, and I opened my mouth to let her inside. God. To be kissed by her. To be kissed by Emily Carson. It was all I had dreamed her kiss would be, and more besides. Her hands were slipping down my back, and I could feel the dips and peaks of each curve as her hands explored. The heat of her was melting into me, and I felt as if I was on fire.

  It didn’t take much pressure to push her down onto the sofa, not much effort at all to slip over her. I didn’t miss a heartbeat as I cupped a perfect breast and gently squeezed it. Her moan made all the moisture from my body collect in the place that had lain dormant so long. I nudged her thighs apart and settled myself between them. Her legs wrapped around me and squeezed, pressing me deeper into her. I needed to feel her skin, needed to mould my flesh against hers. Needed to connect fully, claim all of her, scoop her up and swallow her whole. My hips began to grind against her mound, my jeans tormenting the very place I wanted her touch.

  Releasing her breast, my fingers invaded the space between flesh and shirt. Cool, yet fevered skin met my touch, and I moved upwards to capture her breast through just her bra. An erect nipple strained against my palm and I rubbed, luxuriating at the feel of the peak against my hand.

  “God! Ellie! Yes!” Her voice was seductive, addictive.

  My lips moved to her throat and sucked, whilst my hand pushed her bra aside. Feeling her breast, the softness of it, the curve and bounce… I wanted to taste it. Wanted to move my mouth over it and claim it, devour it, become lost in it.

  When I leaned back, I felt the coolness of our separation.

  Brown eyes fluttered open, hooded and pleading. Her hands cupped my ass and tried to pull me back against her, but I wanted more, needed to feel more of her.

  Without preamble, I tore her shirt open, the buttons skittering in all directions. The black bra was askew, one breast exposed and waiting for my mouth. It didn’t have to wait long. The feel of her, the taste, the way she responded as I feasted nearly made me cum. But I wanted it all. Emily’s hands dipped under my top and glided up my back, sending waves of electricity jolting through my skin. The sensation made my hips buck. Emily moaned, a long guttural moan that made me thrust harder against her. Her hips met mine, and the tempo of the dance increased. I could feel the desire building, feel the burning need to take her, plunge my fingers into her and make her mine.

  Without releasing my hold on her breast, I grappled with the button on her jeans. Pop. Button gone, the zipper was fluid, as was my hand. I shifted to allow my fingers to slip inside her panties, but found myself on the outside. Her heat, her wetness, made me groan against her breast.

  “Emily. Please.”

  What I was asking her, I don’t know. Maybe I thought her underwear would miraculously disappear along with the jeans that were cramping my hand. I rubbed along her crease, and her hips jerked while her nails dug lightly into my back. Having her so open, so close, so wet and ready and not being able to take her—was agony.

  Giving up the grip I had on her ass, I used that hand to tug at her jeans. Initially Emily tried to help me, but then, she stopped. It took me a few seconds to realise that my need for consummation was one-sided, and I lifted my head from her breast and met her eyes. She wasn’t angry, she just seemed sad in some strange way. Why would she seem sad? Didn’t s
he want this as much as I did? Hadn’t she said yes? Called out to God? Pushed back into me as I pushed into her?

  I opened my mouth to ask her, but she just shook her head. But she was so wet, so ready! I knew she had wanted me just as much as I wanted her. I could still feel her desire on the tips of my fingers. I pulled my hand out of her jeans and sat back, then climbed off her. It was time to leave. Past time, apparently.

  “Ellie. Please.”

  I felt stupid. So fucking stupid. Why had I decided to take the bull by the horns and go with the moment?

  “Goodnight, Emily.”

  “Ellie. Don’t go. Stay. Please.”

  So you can lead me on again?

  As my hand grasped the door handle, hers covered it. I stared at her fingers—her long, slender fingers.

  “You can’t leave.”

  I turned my head and looked into her eyes. They were so dark that the black pupils nearly swallowed the brown. “Why not, Emily? Haven’t you teased me enough?” I spat.

  Her lip quivered, her eyes flickered closed and then opened again. “You don’t understand. I need to—”

  “I understand perfectly,” I ground out, grasping the door handle.

  “You’ve been drinking. You can’t drink and drive.”

  I didn’t know what hurt more—the way she’d led me on, or the reason she didn’t want me to leave. Either way, it hurt.

  “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to get out of hand. I really like you, Ellie.”

  I heard the sob as her voice broke, and I felt my anger ebb.

  “I don’t want to be just another notch, another one night stand.” Her hand lifted from mine, as if she was giving me the option to decide.

  Another notch? I could barely remember the last “notch” I’d had, never mind a collection of them. As for a one night stand, that wasn’t my style at all. I let my hand fall to my side.

  “Come. I’ll show you your room.” Her hand reached out.

  I started to lift mine to take hers, but stopped. Instead, I just nodded.

  We didn’t speak beyond just the necessities—where the bedroom was, a spare toothbrush, a t-shirt to sleep in, and then I was on my own, lying in the dark in the spare room in the house of the woman I had nearly taken on her sofa. To say sleep was difficult would have been an understatement.

  Up and dressed at six-thirty, I hoped to sneak out without having to see Emily. However, she was seated at the kitchen table when I went downstairs. As soon as I entered the room, she was on her feet asking if I wanted breakfast, a coffee, anything.

  I smiled as I politely declined. I just wanted to get out of there and back to the safety of my sad little life. This situation was so fucked up. Last night, before the debacle on the sofa, we had been on our way to a good solid friendship. I was supposed to be working for her, but how could I do that now? And what about Charlie? What about my little boy? We were in that together, and now I’d jeopardised him, too, with my inability to resist my wanting her.

  “I’d better just get back. I’ve things to do.” I moved towards the door. I nearly made it, too, but then she spoke again.

  “Eleven, okay?”

  Shit. I was just going to go by myself.

  “To see Charlie?” she added by way of clarification.

  I pursed my lips and gritted my teeth, before I felt I could turn and face her.

  Her face was open, expectant.

  I had to get over my embarrassment, for Charlie’s sake. I didn’t want him to become a victim of my lack of self-control. “Sure. I’ll pick you up.” I opened the door and turned to face her again. “Thanks for the bed.” And then I was gone.

  Chapter Six

  When I got home, I did the things a person does when they have spent the night away, like showering. And all the time I was doing these normal things, I agonised over my actions at Emily’s. Had I imagined our mutual attraction? Did I push too hard, take too strong a lead, expect gratification from someone who wasn’t interested in me that way? No. Emily had wanted me as much as I wanted her, of that, I was sure. The main thing still bugging me was the way she had said she didn’t want to be another notch, another one night stand. What on earth had she meant by that? I did not sleep around. I had never slept around. What had made her think I did?

  I rummaged inside my jacket pocket and pulled out my mobile phone. Should I call and ask her? Right. That plan was out of the window, as there was no way I would be doing that. What about Abbie? Fuck no. I would have to admit that I’d got jiggy with it, or tried to, with Lily’s new best friend.

  I slipped the phone back into my pocket and then went out to my truck. It was half past ten, and I needed to pick Emily up to go and visit Charlie. I had no doubt it was going to be an interesting day.

  She was waiting at the gate for me as I pulled up. Her face looked pale, and the smile she gave me was hesitant. I would like to say that I felt no physical attraction for her, but that would make me a liar. I felt more than a physical attraction for her; that was why I was finding the situation so difficult.

  “Hey. You’re early,” Emily said.

  I wanted to carry on with our joke about her already waiting for me, but instead I smiled and patted the seat next to me.

  The journey to the Trust was quiet, with few remarks. When we arrived, Charlie was waiting for us, his tail banging on the floor and his ball wedged in his mouth. A mewling noise slipped around the plastic orb. and I felt the first spurt of happiness I’d felt all day.

  “Hello there, fella.”

  More mewling and tail thumping.

  Emily crouched beside me and tickled Charlie’s ears. He was like putty in her hands. She laughed and then looked at me, her face beaming. “Looks like someone is happy to see us.”

  I nodded.

  “Shall we let him off the lead today?”

  My grin slipped. More risk? Look what had happened last night when I had decided to take a leap of faith.

  As if Emily had read my mind, she placed her hand on my knee and said, “We have to take a chance sooner or later, Ellie. Might as well be now.”

  Was she talking about Charlie, or me and her?

  “He’s a good boy, and he loves us. He will come when we call him, I promise.”

  To be honest, I didn’t want to do it. I had only known him for ten days, and I didn’t think that he would respond to me as readily as I felt he needed to. Come to think of it, that also meant I had only known Emily for ten days. So why did it feel as if I had known her all my life?

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  “Okay. Let’s try him.” I watched her face go from glowing to seriously excited. “But…” I grabbed her hand and pulled her to me, “…only for a little while.”

  “Suits me.”

  Then she did something I hadn’t thought she would ever do again. She drew me close and hugged me hard. I felt a soft kiss on my cheek, and then the coolness of the air as she pulled away and opened the door to Charlie’s kennel. What happened in the next few minutes, I can’t actually remember.

  He was perfect. Absolutely perfect. He raced after his ball, brought it back, saw a squirrel and ignored it; he was too busy showing us what an adorable, well-behaved little man he was. Charlie trotted between Emily and me as if he was trying to balance his affection. Instead of the “little while” off the lead, it ended up with him being off the lead for the majority of our walk. Every time I went to clip the lead back on, Emily said “Just a little while longer” and I was faced by two pairs of brown eyes pleading with me to take a chance. I couldn’t resist either set.

  Back at the kennels, I felt the all-too-familiar tug inside my chest as I had to say farewell to Charlie. My throat constricted, and I knew that I was about to cry. I hated leaving him there, hated the wa
y he would scamper into his kennel and then turn to sit and look at us with such love. How could he understand that it wasn’t our choice to leave him? How could he know that I wanted to take him home with me? But, then again, so did Emily.

  As soon as I had clicked my seatbelt into place, Emily said, “We need to talk.”

  Shit.

  “About last night.”

  Double shit. Shall I go for verbal diarrhoea? I grunted and started the engine.

  “Let’s get lunch somewhere and talk. Neutral ground.”

  I grunted again as I released the hand brake.

  Emily sigh deeply as she pulled the hand brake back on. “Ellie. We need to clear the air.”

  “It’s clear enough from where I’m sitting.” I released the hand brake, just to have her click it back into place. I tried again, but her hand covered mine. “What?” I glared at Emily, who just raised her eyebrow and made her expression appear quite menacing. “I thought you wanted to get lunch. How can we get lunch if you won’t let me fucking drive there?”

  Yes. I know. I shouldn’t have snapped and I shouldn’t have sworn, but…what I said was actually right, wasn’t it?

  I expected her to look hurt, you know, do the female thing of slumping in her seat and having a face on her that could put a damper on any occasion, but no.

  She was leaning forward, her top lip snarling and a hint of murder in the once soft brown eyes. “Well fucking drive, then.”

  Her words weren’t spoken, they were growled, and strangely enough, that sent a tingle down my spine.

  As soon as I pulled to a stop in a parking spot, she shot out of the car, slammed the door behind her, and marched off into the pub.

  With a shrug, I pulled on my hand brake and took a deep breath before following her. Part of me was not looking forward to our “needing to talk,” and still, it wouldn’t hurt to clear the air—as in, have a good old fashioned argument. At least a shouting match would relieve some of the built up sexual tension I was still harbouring from the previous evening.