Barbara's Plea

by Stacy Eaton

  I tilted my chin up to look into his face. “Grey,” I wanted to say something, but the moment our eyes met, the words vanished from my lips.

  He crushed me to his chest and held me tight. This was where I wanted to be, not back in California, or with Todd. I wanted to be here in Gigi’s home with Allie and Grey.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Grey

  It had been a tense evening, and holding Barb to me now, I was finally able to relax slightly. Ever since her prick of a husband had left, I’d wanted to shelter her within the embrace of my arms.

  I didn’t remember my protective needs to be so demanding, but with Barb and Allie, they expanded wider and quicker than I would have thought possible.

  Barb wanted reassurance. She wanted to know it was going to be alright, but I would be damned if I was going to lie to her. I didn’t know how things were going to turn out.

  Her husband had been out for blood, and I had the feeling he was not going to stop until she was served up on a silver platter.

  I buried my nose in her hair, the soft fragrance of her shampoo mixed with the blooms from the garden in a heady mix. I could hold her like this forever, but we needed to talk.

  “I know you’re scared, Barb, but we will figure this out.” I pulled gently away.

  Her hair waved around her shoulders as she shook her head, “Grey, you have done so much for me, but this isn’t your fight. I need to deal with Todd on my own. I have dragged you into enough.” She stepped back out of my reach, and I felt like I had been punched in the gut.

  She stared off into the converging darkness of the backyard.

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m not saying anything, not really.”

  I gripped her shoulders lightly and turned her to face me, “You are not alone in this, Barb. Gloria will do everything in her power to help you and so will I.”

  She finally met my gaze. “This isn’t your problem. I’m not your problem, Grey.”

  “I’m well aware of that.” What was she trying to say? “But I’m willing to do whatever I can to help you.”

  She walked away, her arms crossed over her chest, her hands tucked under her arms. Tension radiated straight up her spine and settled in her thin shoulders.

  “I can’t ask you to do that.” Her voice was soft and almost got carried away on the slight breeze.

  “You’re not asking,” I followed her down the stone path. “I’m offering.”

  Her head fell forward, and her shoulders curved in the same direction as if all the weight was too great to hold upright any longer. “Grey, I can’t drag you into this any further. You don’t know what Todd is capable of, and I’m not going to put you in harm’s way.”

  I moved to stand in front of her, “I can take care of myself, Barbara.”

  “I know you can.” She peeked up and then turned away, “Thank you for coming to my rescue earlier. I was shocked that he had come so soon.”

  “You don’t need to thank me, Barb. That man has no right to put his hands on you. I would have done the same for any woman.”

  She studied my face and, hopefully, she saw that I was telling her the truth. “Well, thank you.”

  I planted my hands on my hips, “Barb, what’s going on?”

  She scanned the backyard turning away from me so I could only see her profile. Normally, she held her head high, her chin pointed up. Tonight, everything appeared to be weighed down.

  “Grey, I need some time.” She cleared her throat. “I appreciate all that you have done for me and for Allie, but I need to do this on my own.”

  “Okay,” I drew out the word.

  She considered me for a moment. “Whatever Todd is going to do is going to be big, huge, and I am going to need every ounce of my strength to deal with him. I can’t afford to get distracted right now.”

  Ah, okay, now I get what she’s saying, I thought to myself. She wants me to back off; maybe she has changed her mind already and wants to put the brakes on. I understood it, but it hurt like hell.

  “Whatever you need, Barb. I’m not trying to get in your way, and if you want me to stay out of all of this, then I will,” I gave her a tight-lipped smile, “but if you need anything, anything, you ask, okay?”

  Her nod was jerky, and I had the impression that she was about to fall to pieces and that she did not want me to see it.

  “Um, I’ll just go then.” I pointed towards the guest house, “You know where to find me if you need anything.”

  Her voice hitched as she replied, “Thank you, Grey.”

  I stood another two seconds engraving that sad look into my mind before I walked away. It bothered me deeply to be told that she didn’t want my help, but I understood it. She was proud, and she had been through a lot. As much as I wanted to be there for her, I didn’t want to add stress on her by hovering over her when she clearly didn’t want me to.

  The shop was too quiet when I walked in. The shadows of all the machines were distorted and eerie, reminding me of a graveyard. I flipped the light switch on to chase away the demons.

  I needed to go by Nate’s grave. It has been awhile, I thought absently. I realized, as I thought about Nate, it wasn’t as god-forsaken painful as it used to be. That didn’t mean that I didn’t love him, or miss him, because I did. I knew that it meant I was healing in my own way, and beginning to live my life again—which up until a few minutes ago, I had thought might include Barb and Allie. I wasn’t so sure now.

  I yanked the vinyl cover off one of the saws. It wasn’t right of me to think of these things. She had so much going on, it was important for her to figure this all out.

  I just wished she would allow me to help.

  I couldn’t fix her problem. Hell, I couldn’t even get a grasp on my own life right now—but I could do something about that. I picked up a chunk of wood and ran my calloused hands over the raw piece. I had a job to do, and I was going to do the best that I could.

  For the next four hours, I lost myself to the sounds of the saws and sanders. Finally, at after one in the morning, bleary-eyed, I swept up the remnants and tidied the workshop.

  Exhaustion pulled me under the moment I lay my head on the pillow, and for that I was thankful.

  I woke up at eight and toyed with missing breakfast, but I figured there was enough stress in the house, and I wasn’t going to add to Gloria’s right now.

  At nine, I joined a happy little girl and grandmother who were seated at their regular seats in the conservatory.

  “Barb is on the phone with the attorney,” Gloria commented as I sat down.

  I had nothing to say, so I nodded and focused on filling my plate and chuckling at Allie as she made a mess of her pancakes.

  “How is she?” I finally got up the nerve to ask once my plate was cleared.

  Gloria sighed and leaned back in her seat, “About as well as can be expected. I don’t think she slept that well last night, but I guess that’s par for the course.”

  “Yeah, I guess so.” I left a few minutes later, without having seen Barb, and briefly I wondered as I went back to work if she was avoiding me.

  Lunch time arrived and again, no Barb. Gloria remarked that she was on the phone with her boss back in California. By the time we were done eating, I was even more sure that Barb was avoiding me.

  “Gloria, I’m not going to make it to dinner tonight. I have something I need to do.”

  She eyed me suspiciously, and I forced my face to reveal nothing, “Anything I can help with?”

  I shook my head. My initial plan was to disappear for the evening with no plans, but as I watched her study me, I knew she would see through that. “No, I’m going to the cemetery. I haven’t been by to see Nate in a while.”

  Her gaze softened. “Ah, okay. Are you sure about dinner? We can hold it later for you.”

  “No, but thank you. I won’t be very good company, I never am after I visit his grave.”

  “Understandable.” She chatted a few more min
utes about the job and then I was excusing myself when Barb walked in.

  “Hello, Barb,” I stated politely after a quick glance her way. I wiped my mouth and set my napkin down on the side of my plate.

  “Grey, how are you?” she asked me as I rose.

  “I’m fine. Thank you for asking. Sorry, but I need to get back to work. I hope you ladies have a nice afternoon.” I nodded at Gloria, “Gloria.”

  The door was closing when I heard Gloria utter the words, “What did you do now?”

  I started to laugh, only because I figured she would have seen my quick escape for what it was.

  I spent a few more hours in the shop and then cleaned up and took a shower. I avoided going through the house to get to the garage and slipped in the back door to snag the keys to Walter’s truck.

  It wasn’t until I pulled into the cemetery that I realized I wasn’t using this as an excuse to avoid Barb, but that I really did want to visit Nate.

  It had been a good three months since I had last come here. I berated myself for staying away so long. I wanted to come every month and tend to the small space that covered his casket, but it was so damned hard.

  I pulled up along the edge of the roadway, trying to keep enough space on the narrow path to allow another car to drive by if necessary. I stared out over the grave markers, my gaze pulled automatically toward Nate’s and his mother’s final resting places.

  Their plot was in the center of a new area, and I threaded my way toward them, averting my eyes out of respect for the other stones as I walked. I stood at the foot of the plot and stared down at the small gravestone over Nate’s grave: Nathaniel Greyson Bloodstone – Beloved Son. My heart wept at the memory of the day they set the stone and I realized that he was gone forever.

  I turned to Cheryl’s stone. It wasn’t much bigger than Nate’s, but only one side of it was engraved. The other side was supposed to be for me—not that I had wanted to be buried beside her, but because I wanted to make sure I was resting beside Nate when my time finally came.

  I crouched down on my haunches and brushed away a few twigs from the area near his stone. I didn’t bring any flowers, but from my pocket I pulled out a Matchbox car. The paint was peeling on the side, but not because it was defective. This one had been his favorite. I had toyed with putting it into his casket with him, but at the time, I had not been able to part with it.

  Thirteen months had passed since—the air sucked out of my lungs: thirteen months. My God, it had been thirteen months since I had held my son, looked into his face, and kissed his forehead. My vision wavered as tears filled my eyes.

  “I miss you, Nate. I wish you were here. I wish you could meet Allie, you’d like her.” Nate always had liked to play with younger children.

  I plopped down on my backside and pulled my knees up, holding the small toy between my hands over my knees. “You should see where I’m living right now. You would love it. There is the most awesome lake. I know you would have enjoyed swimming there.”

  I glanced at Cheryl’s grave again. I felt nothing for her, not even anger at her affair. It wasn’t right to hold on to the anger when someone died. In a way, I forgave her, but I also let go of all the feelings I had had for her. She was a distant memory to me now.

  Someday, I would find someone to love—someone as wonderful as Barb, who would care about me for who I was and would love our family as much as I did.

  For a moment I allowed the fantasy to bloom: Maybe it could be Barb, but as the thought began to flourish, I quashed it.

  I was raw enough, I didn’t need to pile anything else on to my emotions.

  I set the car on the edge of his grave marker. I placed a kiss on my fingertips and ran my hand over his first name. “I love you, Nate. I miss you big guy.”

  The sun was heading for the far horizon when I finally pulled myself away from his grave and returned to the truck.

  My next stop was a tavern down the road. In the past, I had always stopped here for a single drink after my visit. Tonight, I purchased dinner and a beer. It had been so long since I had eaten out. Well, not counting the breakfast I’d had with Gloria.

  I spent the time reflecting over my life and thinking about my future. When I was done with this job, what was I going to do? Would it be possible to stay on at the estate for a little while and use the wood shop? Maybe I could make some designs, sell them, and then afford to buy a few tools to set up my own shop—but what if Gloria wasn’t around any longer? I twisted the paper napkin in my hands. Maybe I should talk to her about it, see if there was a way to rent the place out if she did pass away.

  I flattened my napkin on the table and asked the waitress as she passed for a pen. While I nursed my second beer, I began to sketch a chair design that had begun to percolate. The longer I sketched, the more I liked it.

  I paid my bill and hustled back to the guest house. I didn’t even make it upstairs before I snatched a pad of sketch paper off the counter and got lost in transferring the original design over to the paper, adding the details that I hadn’t been able to draw on the napkin.

  Absorbed in my work, I barely registered the door opening. Barb stood in the doorway looking nervous. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

  I flipped the drawing over and stretched my back, glancing at the clock to see it was after ten. “No, I’m finished for the night. Is there something you need?”

  “You didn’t miss dinner tonight because of me, did you?”

  Why would she even care? “No, I had things to do tonight. I told Gloria that.” I went about wiping up the little bits of eraser that were all over the work area.

  “Oh, okay.” She continued softly, “I just wanted to make sure.” She turned to go.

  “Barb,” I called out as she stepped out the door, and she paused. I wanted to ask her if she was alright, if there was anything I could do for her, but the words lodged in my throat. I swallowed twice, “Have a nice night.”

  Lines creased her forehead, “You too.” She closed the door behind her.

  Chapter Twenty

  Barbara

  I had hurt him, and I didn’t believe that he had missed dinner for any other reason than to avoid me.

  What I had said to him last night hadn’t been fair. I wanted nothing more than to have him beside me to help me through this, but I knew it wasn’t his problem, and I had no right to drag him further into the chaos of my world.

  My purpose for coming to the workshop was to apologize to him, yet when I stepped into the shop, I saw pain that I didn’t understand deep inside his eyes. I thought I could discern new lines etched into his face that I hadn’t noticed the night before, and I felt responsible.

  Had he been going to say something else as I left? He looked as if he wanted to say something, but he didn’t.

  I returned to the house, feeling restless, and ended up in my room. A light outside my window caught my attention, and like a moth to a flame, I was pulled toward it.

  Grey sat on the glider of his porch again, his hand wrapped around a bottle that he lifted to his lips—lips that I had touched with my own. Off in the shadows, lightning bugs flashed on and off like miniature fireworks.

  I had no right to ask anything of him or to burden him with what was going on in my life. My attorney told me to expect trouble from Todd. Carl said that he hadn’t heard much from the West Coast, but he thought that the silence was worse: the calm before the storm.

  What was Todd going to do? Would he somehow force me back to California? Yeah, he would. Would he have me prosecuted? Sadly, I thought that he would.

  The glass was cool against my stressed forehead as I leaned forward and observed. I knew that Todd was going to cause a problem, and Grey had already lost so much. It wouldn’t be fair to get closer to him and then get pulled away.

  I clenched my eyes. I wanted so badly to go to him. I had only known him for a short time, but his soul was calling out to mine. The moments I spent with him were like a balm on my soul; the
y soothed me.

  I couldn’t be selfish; I wasn’t that kind of person. I left the window after one long glance at Grey and got ready for bed.

  * * *

  Four days had now passed and I felt as if I was walking on egg shells.

  I’d hired a nanny for Allie, not that I had much to do, but for her to have another person would give me time I needed—time to plan, time to think, time to heal.

  Grey came for meals as he did before, but there was a distance in him that I knew I caused. Gigi mentioned it more than once, and I told her it was best for everyone. I couldn’t give him what he wanted—what I wanted.

  Yet, as I wandered the gardens, I felt the pull toward him as if there was a magical thread that bound us together. I was so tired of my inner musings and the stress of waiting. I didn’t want to bother him, but I needed to be around someone.

  Grey bent over a work table with his wide back to me as I studied him for a moment. I waited until he finished using a router on the piece of wood before him, then I opened the door.

  “Barb,” he said, surprise in his voice as he turned to the door. His light blue t-shirt seemed to bring out the blue of his eyes, even behind safety glasses. “What are you doing down here?” He didn’t sound upset, but tension filled his shoulders.

  “Hi, Grey,” I ran my hands over a spindle that he’d made, “just stopping by to say hello.” I glanced around the room and saw piles of pieces he’d made. “Things look to be going well.”

  He set the router down and dusted off his hands, pulling his safety glasses off his face. Yeah, the color of his shirt definitely made his eyes brighter.

  “Yes, things are moving along great.” He turned away from me and brushed some sawdust off his work space. “How is Allie?”

  Neutral territory, that’s good, I thought to myself. “Allie’s great. I hired a nanny; she’s playing with her now.”