After the End

by Natasha Preston

  This might not feel awkward, but I don’t know if we should talk about it. Then again, a lot was said last night, potentially too much. I didn’t hold anything back, and that will need to be addressed. I told him I wanted him, so it’s unlikely we can move forward without that little fact popping up. Not that I want to pretend like last night didn’t happen. I don’t think I could even if I did want to.

  “And you snore,” he adds.

  “I do not snore!”

  He laughs and casually leans back against the counter. “No, you don’t snore.”

  Thank God for that.

  I don’t actually know since I’m proper sad, and I haven’t had a boyfriend in a very long time.

  “You can’t tell me if I do, can you?”

  His dark blue eyes look different. He’s free, like he’s no longer carrying around the weight of the world. There is no pain in his eyes today, and that does crazy good things to my insides.

  “No,” I admit. I don’t even remember falling asleep. “God, my head hurts. I am never drinking again.”

  Hanna laughs and throws a pack of painkillers at me. I catch them on the rebound as they hit my stomach.

  “You say that about every three months, Tilly.”

  “This time, I mean it. Beer sucks.”

  “The beer isn’t the problem. The shots of Jäger were the problem.”

  Oh, yeah, there were shots. What was I thinking?

  I chuck two painkillers in my mouth and swallow it with a massive swig of coffee. “I need to lie down and sleep until tomorrow.”

  “No can do. We’re going bowling today,” Hanna replies with a smile in her voice.

  Linc and Jack groan in response.

  “Bowling?” I question. Another thing we’ve not done since before the accident. How quickly we can fall back into our old lives like the carefree teenagers we once were.

  “Yeah, we love bowling, Tilly. Remember?” she says pointedly.

  Am I missing something?

  She’s talking like we’ve had a previous conversation about this, and I should know what she’s clearly hinting at. Well, I don’t bloody know, and I’m not privy to this inside information. Maybe she dreamed it. Maybe we actually had the conversation, and I really am going insane. Or I was drunk. The latter is the most likely.

  “Sure,” I reply slowly.

  Hanna claps her hands together. “Great! Let’s get ready.”

  “Now? Hanna, my head feels like it’s going to implode.”

  “Well, you should learn to handle your alcohol better, shouldn’t you?”

  Gently shaking my head, I reply, “You’re too happy in the mornings. You should work on that.”

  She smiles and grabs Jack’s hand. “Come on, babe. Let’s kick everyone out and go and get dressed.”

  Her eyebrow arches as she walks past me.

  Does she know what happened between Linc and me last night?

  I mean, I remember bits, but if Linc told Hanna everything, then I want to quiz her before I look like a drunk idiot in front of him for not remembering.

  Okay, so I definitely looked like a drunken idiot since I was the very definition of the phrase.

  Jack and Hanna leave the room and take all the oxygen with them. I turn to Linc and bite my lip.

  What do we do now?

  “So …” I say. “Last night was interesting.”

  With a smirk that illuminates his whole face, he puts his coffee down and folds his arms. “It certainly was interesting. Do you want to talk about it, or are we going to pretend like it didn’t happen?”

  I narrow my eyes. “Guess which one I’m leaning toward right now.”

  “I think I can guess.” He keeps his eyes on me, his tone light and playful, though his words aren’t. “But will you talk about it anyway?”

  “Yes.” I take a sip of coffee, needing the caffeine hit before I open up without the aid of alcohol. Admitting my feelings for Linc is scary. Though, apparently, super easy when I’m under the influence.

  “You surprise me, Tilly. I thought it would be harder than that.”

  I put my coffee down and fold my arms, mirroring his posture. “I can make it harder, if you want.”

  That cracks a laugh out of him, and in turn, it has me relaxing. We can do this. Slowly because I have to tread carefully until my parents are okay.

  “I don’t think you can make it harder, Tilly.”

  “I could walk out that door.”

  He pushes off the worktop and takes one step closer. “Yeah, but then where would you go? You don’t have a car here, and you live about a thirty-minute walk away. I can’t see you doing that with a hangover.”

  “My legs aren’t hungover,” I reply, narrowing my eyes.

  His smile widens. “Tell me you meant everything you said last night.”

  I place my palm on the counter because the pleading in his voice makes me light-headed. He told me he wanted this, but hearing that, understanding how much he wants me, is something else entirely.

  I swallow damn razor blades. “I meant what I said last night.”

  His chest caves with the release of a long breath. “Good.”

  “Next question?”

  “When are you getting dressed? We have bowling to get to.”

  My eyebrows knit together, and I stand up straight. “That’s your question?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay.” Surely, there are other things he wants to discuss? “Are you getting dressed? You wore those clothes yesterday.”

  “I’ll go home, shower, and change, and then I’ll meet you all there.”

  “Okay.” I turn on my heel and walk out of the kitchen because the way he’s looking at me is making my heart pound.

  29

  Tilly

  Hanna, Jack, and I arrive at the bowling alley first, so we set up the game and wait for Linc to join us.

  I rub the dull ache behind my forehead and sip a Coke. Something fizzy is supposed to be good for headaches, right? It’d better be because I’ve tried just about everything else. I drank so much water back at Hanna’s before we left that I’ve been dashing to the toilet every five minutes.

  “Maybe he’s not coming,” Hanna says, tapping the screen, finishing loading our names onto the computer.

  I look up at the monitor hanging above us. “Really, Han?”

  Instead of inputting our names, she’s written Hot ’n’ Broody for Linc, Smokin’ Abs for Jack, Coors Slut for me, and Loves Jack’s P for herself.

  Unfortunately, I already know how much she loves Jack’s penis because it’s a topic she enjoys bringing up frequently.

  She shrugs. “If Hot ’n’ Broody even turns up.”

  He’ll be here. He’d better anyway. He’s the only reason I’m here in these god-awful clown shoes, ignoring two irritating children telling their parent that they’re bored. The dad seems to take the stance that they’ve paid, so they are staying despite the fact that none of them are having fun, and they all look like they’d rather be anywhere else.

  “Linc didn’t have a cute dictator forcing him out of the house, babe, so he’ll be here in his own time,” Jack says, sipping on a beer at eleven in the morning.

  I’m still not okay with beer yet. Beer and I are taking a break.

  “Well, next time, we’ll have to send Tilly back with him to hurry him the hell up.”

  Going to Linc’s house is less daunting than it used to be, but I still don’t feel completely comfortable, so I don’t know how often I want to be there. Especially since it would be so easy to get caught. All my parents would have to do is look out of their bedroom window or the living room window, and they could see the front of Linc’s house.

  Then, there would be tears and a whole heap of questions I’m not ready to answer yet. And one particular question I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for is, How can you want him when he was involved in your brother’s death?

  For real, how?

  I don’t think I’ll ever kno
w the answer to that. All I know is that I don’t blame Linc for Robbie’s death. I’ve missed him so much, and I like him more than a friend.

  That might make me a shitty sister or the worst person ever, or both, but I can’t lie to myself anymore.

  I’m facing our alley, so I don’t see him, but I feel him approach. His boots thud against the wooden floor. I turn slowly, needing a few seconds before I face him again.

  When I look around and our eyes meet, my heart stops. I tap my fingers on the palm of my hand.

  God, he’s beautiful.

  His dark blue eyes follow me like a hawk as I step closer to him, my feet like jelly. He’s wearing a black T-shirt and dark denim jeans with black boots. Simple yet so bloody effective that I feel faint.

  “Hi,” I say, coming to a stop about five feet away from him.

  “Hey, Tilly. Nice shoes.”

  “Don’t get cocky. You’ve got to wear some, too, and no one looks good in those shoes.”

  He tilts his head to the side, his eyes falling down my bare legs. “I don’t know …”

  “Hey,” I say, playfully swatting his arm. “My face is up here, and now, I know you’re just being nice. These shoes make me look like a clown.” They’re a size too big because my regular size is all in use. I could probably swim like a mermaid in these.

  “Oh, I wasn’t looking at the shoes, Tilly.”

  “Okay, let’s start!” I turn to Hanna. “Who’s up first?”

  “Casanova over there,” she replies, smirking so much that she’s probably going to get muscle strain in her cheek.

  I hate her.

  “I’ll go and get clowned up then,” Linc replies and retreats to the desk.

  I hope they don’t have his size either, so he has to go up one. Not that he’d look bad. It’s incredibly hard to look at his feet when there is so much else going on. Like the face, the eyes, the strong arms, the abs, and that V I’m desperate to get a proper look at.

  Calm down, girl.

  “You need to stop,” I hiss, tugging Hanna’s arm.

  “Babe, you can cut the sexual tension with a knife. You want him, and he blatantly wants you. And we need to have a conversation about last night. What happened when we left? You guys were at the beach for ages after. Did you … you know?”

  “No, we did not have sex at the beach!”

  “You should. But lay a towel down because sand will be everywhere. Literally everywhere,” she says as if I didn’t get what she was hinting at the first time.

  “I get it, Han, and I have no desire to shake sand out of my hoohoo.”

  Throwing her head back, she laughs. “Hoohoo. You can say vagina.”

  “I can,” I confirm. “But it doesn’t have the same ring to it.”

  “Seriously, bed him soon, please!”

  Rolling my eyes, I let go of her wrist. “I’ll get right on that … just for you.”

  “Ha. Just for me, I’m sure.” She looks over my shoulder and takes a step back from me.

  Linc is coming back, and she doesn’t want it to be obvious that we’ve been talking about him. It’s doubtful that her looking at him and then moving away isn’t suspicious. She’s crap at subtlety.

  “Are we doing teams or every man for himself?” Linc asks.

  Don’t say you want to be on his team, you desperate fool.

  “Every man for himself,” Hanna replies. “Jack sucks, so I don’t want to team with him.”

  “Right here, babe,” he says to her, raising his hands.

  “It’s not my fault you can’t throw a ball straight.” She leans into his chest and kisses him.

  They’re so good together, so in love, and everything is so easy. It isn’t, of course. They have their own set of issues and arguments, but the fact that they can be together in public without people talking makes my heart ache a little.

  I want that.

  People are already looking at me and Linc. There is a middle-aged couple at the end lane, who keeps glancing up. They probably know my parents and are wondering if they should bring it up or mind their own business.

  They should totally mind their own business, but when did that ever stop people from gossiping?

  Linc ignores Hanna and Jack’s flirting and heads to get a ball. I follow him because I actually don’t want to watch them being cutesy—and not just because I’m borderline jealous, but because I’ve never been big on PDAs.

  “Make sure you focus on the ball and not my naked body,” I tell Linc as he swings his arm back.

  He stills like a mid-bowling statue and stares at me. “Is that how this is going to go?”

  I nod once. “I’m not above cheating.”

  “Your competitive side is coming out, I see.”

  “Usually does eventually.”

  “I think I’ll be fine.” He leans a little closer and whispers, “This wouldn’t be the first time I’ve imagined your naked body.” Turning back, he rolls the ball down the lane and knocks all but one pin down.

  I don’t move because my heart is pumping blood around my body so quickly that I feel my head go a little dizzy.

  How often does he imagine me naked?

  Is it as much as I imagined him naked when we were at Legoland?

  Now, I’m thinking about him naked.

  “Who’s up?” Linc says after he throws his second ball and gets a spare.

  I jump at his voice, my heart rate picking up. The image of him naked in the shower with droplets of water running down his six-pack vanishes, and I want to cry.

  “Jack is,” Hanna replies, nudging Jack’s arm.

  Linc steps around me, but he doesn’t go far. His chest is inches from my back; I can feel his body heat. To stop my brain from short-circuiting, I keep my eyes on Jack as he takes his turn.

  “You okay?” Linc asks quietly.

  “Uh-huh,” I mutter in reply. “Fine.”

  Not fine! Definitely not fine.

  “You’re tense.” His voice is low, speaking in hushed tones so that no one else can hear us, “What’s changed?”

  I turn my head to the side because I’m not really sure what he means. I don’t feel tense. Besides the whole naked thing. “Nothing. I’m fine. Really.”

  Linc watches me with purpose. He’s trying to work out if I mean what I say or if I’m covering up. Let’s not dwell on that because I’m okay at this particular moment in time. I tend to want to take those moments whenever I can. It’s not going to be long before my mind has caught up, and I’m freaking out again.

  “Okay,” he replies. “You’re up.”

  His face is relaxed and emotionless, so it’s anyone’s guess if he believes me or not. That damn boy’s poker face.

  I take my turn. The ball rolls into the gutter twice.

  Straightening my back, I watch the pins reset. Well, I’m not usually this bad at bowling. Though it’s been a while since I’ve done it.

  Behind me, Hanna is saying something, but I can’t hear it because my blood is pumping in my ears.

  “He’s so into you,” Hanna sings under her breath after her turn. Linc is up next.

  “Will you stop?”

  “Don’t worry; I’m going to fix this.”

  “Fix what?” My eyes go wide. “Hanna, do not do anything! Nothing needs to be fixed.” Only everything needs to be fixed.

  Hanna rolls her eyes. “Trust me, babe.”

  “I don’t trust you!”

  Linc hands Jack the bowling ball for his turn since they’re both using the biggest one.

  Laughing, she bumps my arm. “I won’t embarrass you. I’m just giving you two a little … nudge in the right direction.”

  “We’re going in the right direction!”

  Jack waits for his ball to come back before his second go. Linc is near him so he can’t hear us. Thank God.

  I don’t have long to convince Hanna not to do anything.

  “Sure, thanks to me and my blasts from the past. This is just another one of those. We’re go
ing to the cabin.”

  I deadpan, “How is that a blast from the past when we never went with them?”

  “We heard about it. And, anyway, we’ve been away with them to other places, but if you want to go back to that clubbing weekend in the crappy, cold caravans—”

  “Absolutely not,” I reply, cutting her off.

  Our local radio station hosts a weekend at a holiday caravan park every year. It’s like clubbing on the road. The building becomes a club, and ticket holders stay in caravans from Friday to Sunday.

  It rained the entire time, and the caravan was not like one of those posh ones that look like a house inside. It was small, it smelled bad, and the walls were paper-thin.

  Not to mention, the whole time, I was on edge because I was pretending to be eighteen with the fake ID Robbie had gotten for me. To this day, my parents think we went to a normal holiday park.

  “Tilly, come on. If he leaves before you realise you’re as in love with him as he is with you, it will be a tragedy. There has already been too much of that.”

  Her words floor me and slam into my face with the force of a ton of bricks.

  Hanna thinks I’m in love with Lincoln.

  He turns around, his stunning blue eyes meeting mine, and I’m falling.

  Oh shit.

  My lungs empty as my entire future shifts.

  30

  Linc

  I walk over to Tilly while Jack throws his ball, and she visibly tenses, the closer I get.

  What the hell happened?

  “You okay?” I ask.

  “Uh-huh,” she mutters, avoiding eye contact and shuffling past me to take her turn.

  I frown after her, a ball of ice forming in my stomach. Has she changed her mind again?

  Hanna slaps my back. “Don’t fret, Romeo. All is good.”

  “What?” My frown deepens. “What did you do?”

  “Oh my God, why does everyone think I’m going to interfere and mess things up? Relax and be ready for the cabin, okay?”

  “Hanna …”

  I have a lot of respect for her. My best friend is building a life with her, and she’s so good for him. But I’m not letting her screw things up for me and Tilly. Not when my whole future is resting on a knife’s edge.