“Don’t Hanna me. I promise I haven’t done anything bad.” She waves her hand, dismissing the conversation. “Okay, my turn!”
Tilly sits on the booth and watches Hanna. The Ice Queen is back. But I’m not letting her freeze me out. I head straight for her and sit down.
“What did she say?”
Tilly’s mouth curves in the smallest of smiles that doesn’t travel as far as her eyes. “Forget it.”
How can I?
“We’re cool?”
“Obviously, Linc.”
She bumps her arm into mine and laughs. The fake sound rubs against my skin.
We’re not cool.
The weekend after the tense bowling game, my bag is on the backseat of my car. I’m outside, leaning against the door, waiting for Tilly to hurry up. Her parents are at work, but I still don’t want to go inside. It doesn’t feel right. After what I was involved in, I can’t go there unless Emma and Dan are cool with it.
We’re meeting Hanna, Jack, Ian, and Mel at Jack’s where they should all be by now. We should have been there five minutes ago.
Her front door flies open, and she walks out, holding a small suitcase on wheels. Her eyes settle on mine as she swings the door shut and smiles.
“Sorry,” she calls. “I couldn’t find my phone.”
“You didn’t think to come out and ask me to ring it?”
Her mouth snaps shut, and her shoulders sag. “Huh. No, I didn’t.” She locks the door and heads toward me.
I take her bag and put it next to mine. “Ready?” I ask.
“Yeah. Let’s go!” she replies, jumping on the spot with wide eyes.
“Someone is excited.”
“Cabin on a cliff with a hot tub. Running on the beach, eating junk food, and drinking beer. What’s not to get excited about?”
She gets into the car, and her seat belt is buckled before I can get around to the driver’s side. I love seeing that smile on her face, so bright and full of life.
“Jack had better pick up my beer. I gave him the money,” she says, flipping the sunshade down in the car and running her fingers through her hair.
“I don’t think he’ll forget,” I reply.
It doesn’t matter if he does anyway. I have a box of bottled Coors Light in my boot.
Settling back in the seat, she turns her head to me. “Are you looking forward to this weekend? You don’t seem to be all that excited.”
“Just because I’m not jumping up and down doesn’t mean I’m not excited.”
“What do you do when you’re excited then?” she asks. The innocence in her voice makes the words more amusing.
I laugh, and she shakes her head at me.
“No need to make it rude, Linc. It was a legit question.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” I try to stop myself from grinning, but it’s pretty damn impossible right now. “I don’t know what I do really.” It’s been so long since I’ve been genuinely excited for anything. I would be for this weekend, and I kind of am, but I’m more nervous than anything.
Tilly means so much.
I make a left, and we head down the road to Jack and Hanna’s place. Their house is wedged between two larger houses, sitting shorter than the rest, like a doll’s house. Hanna has been gardening, obsessed with having the perfect garden.
If I didn’t know her and her personality, I would think she was a Stepford wife. Everything has to be perfect.
They’re sitting in their cars, not making a point at all by being totally ready to leave. We’re late. I pull up beside Jack’s car. He grins and points to the road. Hanna waves at Tilly, who waves back. And then I drive again, passing Ian’s car to lead the convoy.
“How many times have you been to the cabin?” Tilly asks.
“This will be my fifth time.”
“I’m so ready for this weekend. It’s going to be a lot more chill than Legoland.”
“Yeah.” And I get to see you in swimwear.
She smiles, this time fully, and it’s so stunning that she takes my breath away. Since bowling, the flirting has stopped. We’ve only seen each other once, and that was a quick chat before she went in her house.
I’ve got to give her some room to breathe. She’s not going anywhere.
She’s not.
“Do you have a what happens at the cabin stays at the cabin deal, or are you allowed to talk about it?” she asks.
“What do you think we do there?” I can’t keep the amusement from my voice.
“Orgies.”
“Orgies,” I repeat. “I love my friends, Tilly, but I have no desire to see their dicks.”
The last of her tension vanishes, and she tilts her head back, laughing. “You don’t?”
“You do?”
She fake shudders. “I definitely don’t want to see what’s inside Jack’s and Ian’s boxers.”
I, of course, notice that she doesn’t mention me along with Jack and Ian, but I sure as hell won’t say anything.
“So, you really just drink and play cards?”
“There are bars a few miles away, Tilly.”
“Ah, so you spend all day playing cards and chilling in the hot tub, and then you go hunting for women.”
“You make it sound like we attack them. Full consent, Tilly.”
She rolls her amber eyes. “I know you don’t attack women.” There’s a pause before she asks, “How many women?”
If we were together, this would be dangerous territory, but with my general dislike of most people and the fact that the last four years have been turbulent, to say the least, I’ve not slept with many women.
“Five.”
“Huh.”
“What does huh mean?”
“Nothing. I just thought that it would be higher.”
Okay.
“I’m not sure what to say to that.”
“Well, you have so many women throwing themselves at you, and you’ve only slept with five of them.”
So many but the one I actually want.
“I didn’t sleep with the desperate ones.”
“Hmm, good.”
“Good?”
Biting her lip, she nods her head, her eyes lingering longer than mine since I’m driving.
31
Tilly
I feel like a criminal. Walking into this sacred man-only cabin is like having a police car driving behind me. I’m not actually doing anything wrong, but boy, does it feel like it.
Jack, Ian, and Linc got a lot of shit for cancelling the boys’ weekend in favour of a mixed weekend, but they promised their other friends—Tony, Luke, and Marc—that they’d do it properly another time.
The guys take all the luggage into the cabin. I hang back with Mel and Hanna as we admire our surroundings. The cabin is up on a cliff, overlooking the sea. Jack’s parents own the three acres of land the cabin sits on, so it’s peaceful here.
The sun has started to descend behind the ocean.
My phone rings as Hanna and Mel walk toward the side of the cliff.
I answer and hold the phone to my ear. “Hey, Mum.”
“Hi, love. Are you there okay?”
“Yeah, we’ve just arrived. I would have called.”
She laughs nervously. “I know.”
On the few occasions where I do go away overnight, she never waits for me to call first.
I swallow the lump in my throat. Mum has been sitting at home, waiting for the allotted time it takes to get from our house to here to pass, so she could call.
This is why I can’t move away. What would she be like if I was living somewhere else? She’s nervous enough when I go away for the weekend.
“What is the cabin like?” she asks.
“Looks good from the outside. What are you up to?”
“I’m going to read,” she replies.
That means she’s too anxious to go out, and she needs to keep her mind busy. I get it; I like the escape, too.
“You and Dad should make the most of
the free house this weekend,” I say. No mental images, please!
“Your dad is going to cook something nice tomorrow.”
“That’s good. If he does the white wine with chicken pie thing, save me some!”
Laughing, she replies, “I can’t promise anything. So, everyone there is okay?”
“Yep, Jack and Ian are unloading our bags, and Hanna and Mel are looking at the view. You’d like it. Nothing but trees on one side and the sea on the other.”
And, no, I haven’t told my parents that Linc is here, too.
“Sounds lovely. I’ll let you go. I just wanted to check in.”
“I’ll text you later. Love you.”
“Love you, too, darling.”
I hang up and try to ignore the heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
How long can I keep my very fragile friendship with Linc from Mum and Dad?
The thought of them finding out I’ve been hanging out with him makes me queasy. I don’t want them to think I’m betraying Robbie.
I don’t want me to think I’m betraying Robbie.
Mel and Hanna are still looking out over the ocean, so I join them.
“Why doesn’t Jack bring me here for dirty weekends?” Hanna questions, frowning into the horizon.
“Maybe because this is his family’s place,” I reply. “No one wants to have sex where their nana has sat.”
She shrugs. “As long as his nana isn’t there at the time, I wouldn’t care.”
Lovely.
I hate it when people have sex on sofas. I don’t want to sit where someone’s naked, sweaty arse has been.
“How are things with Linc?” Mel asks me.
My shoulders tighten.
How are things with Linc? God, I do not want to talk about it.
I shrug with a stiff shoulder, wiping my hands on my dress. “Fine,” I reply.
“Fine?” she repeats, her voice loaded with scepticism.
“It is what it is.”
Hanna raises both hands. “And it is what?”
Fucking love.
Love.
What the hell was I thinking, letting him back in?
I could have ignored him for a few months. I could have crossed the street and looked the other way when leaving my house. Instead, I got caught up in nostalgia and let the old me take over.
Now, I’ve fallen for him, and I have no idea how to get myself out of this mess.
Paging Jennifer!
“We’re friends, Han.”
She nods slowly, and I want to punch her pretty face. “Sure, babe.”
“Let’s go inside,” I say, walking between them before I push them off the damn cliff.
It’s all fun and games until someone falls in love.
When I get in, the guys are loading a ridiculous amount of alcohol onto the kitchen worktop.
Linc watches them with a smirk on his face. “I’m going to be really loud tomorrow morning.”
Jack gives him the middle finger. “Or you could join us.”
“No, thanks,” Linc replies without hesitation.
No one will be driving until Sunday, so there is no reason Linc can’t have a drink, but this isn’t about making sure he’s always safe when in a vehicle anymore. This isn’t even about him not wanting it. This is about guilt.
“I’ll be joining you,” I say, taking a bottle of Coors Light.
“Yes, Tilly!” Ian says, pointing at me. “Let’s get on it.”
Linc laughs. “I’m looking forward to your hangovers.”
My lips part as I watch him joke around with Jack and Ian. He’s smiling, the tension around his eyes and jaw is gone, and he is laughing freely.
“Which room is ours, Jack?” Hanna asks.
“Last door on the left. Mel and Ian are first on the left, and Tilly is last on the right. Bathroom is first on the right,” he says.
“Where are you sleeping?” I ask Linc.
“Sofa,” he replies.
“What?”
“It’s okay. I usually get a room, so it’s definitely my turn to slum it.”
My eyes pull to the two large, soft leather sofas, forming an L-shape in front of the fire. “That doesn’t look comfortable,” I tell him.
“It’s only for two nights, Tilly.”
If we weren’t here, he would get a room.
“Come on. I’ll show you to my room,” he says playfully, grabbing my small suitcase.
I follow him along the short hallway behind the kitchen area. Linc opens the door and goes inside.
This feels too right.
My heart pounds so hard; I’m sure he can hear it. The room is small. There is just enough room for a double bed and wardrobe, but it’s decorated rustic-style with lots of wood, and it’s super cute.
“Bed is comfortable even if it is small. The wardrobe door gets stuck. You just need to tug it.”
“Okay,” I reply. “Do you want to hang your stuff in there, too?”
His stuff with mine. Sounds like a good idea.
He blinks at me like he’s surprised I would offer. “Thanks.”
“Are you sure you’re okay on the sofa? I’m smaller than you, and I don’t mind.”
“No,” he replies before I’ve even finished my sentence. “I’m not sleeping in here while you’re on a sofa.”
“I knew you would say that.”
“Ah, that’s why you offered, isn’t it?”
I nod. “Totally. If I thought you would take the room, I wouldn’t have said anything.”
Linc laughs and wheels my suitcase next to the wardrobe. “I thought as much. So, you’re planning on having a hangover in the morning?”
“Yes, and I expect a big, fat greasy breakfast to fix my stomach.”
“Oh, the sober guy becomes the chef?”
“Absolutely. If you’re not going to drink, you have to cook.”
“Is that the rule now?” He steps closer as he speaks, and I find myself taking a step, meeting him halfway until I can feel the heat radiating off his godlike body.
I pull my bottom lip between my teeth to give it a use since it wants to be attached to his.
Linc’s eyes snap to my mouth a heartbeat later. It takes him a second to recover and lift his gaze. When he does, his eyes are burning with lust.
Maybe I should offer him joint use of the bedroom.
Lift the bottle to your mouth and drink.
“Would you ever consider drinking with us again?” I ask.
His eyes drift away, scanning the room. “I can’t.”
“Okay,” I say. “That’s okay. I just don’t … look, if this is your decision, that’s fine, but if you’re staying away from alcohol because you feel guilty, don’t. You weren’t driving, Linc. You weren’t the one who should have been sober.”
His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “Thank you, Tilly, but I made a promise to Robbie, and I intend on keeping it.”
“I understand. I just want you to know that I don’t blame you, and I wouldn’t think less of you if you ever chose to have a drink.”
His eyes darken, and his chest expands with a deep breath. “You don’t know what that means to me, Tilly.”
Actually, I think I do. I can see how much it means, and it feels amazing to be able to give him that little bit of peace. Jesus, I want to do it all. I want to heal every broken part of him until he never looks at me with those tortured eyes again.
How quickly his happiness has become entwined with mine.
“Well, I’ll unpack and leave some space for your things,” I say, shuffling back a step and putting my hand on the handle of the suitcase.
Linc takes the hint and clears his throat. “I’ll bring my bag in soon.”
He leaves the room, and the door clicks shut behind him. I exhale, closing my eyes and gripping the handle. My pulse is racing, and my body is unbearably hot after our close proximity.
I wanted him to kiss me again, and I could see from his posture and the tightness around his m
outh that he wanted the same.
Yet he’s now gone, and I’m standing alone in a tiny room with my hormones blazing.
I take a second for my heart to calm down and then busy myself with the task of hanging my clothes. We’re only here for two nights, so I don’t have much, but it takes up a small slice of time that I need to calm myself down.
As I’m hanging my last dress in the wardrobe, there is a knock on the door, loud and powerful. Linc wants to come back in.
“Yeah,” I call, grabbing my suitcase and sliding it under the bed until Sunday.
Linc pushes the door open and carries his holdall in. He puts it on the bed and tugs the zip all the way around the bag. “You only brought dresses?” he asks, his voice pained as he eyes my side of the wardrobe.
“We’re actually having a summer, so hell yes, I have dresses, but I also have one pair of jeans and a T-shirt,” I reply.
He raises his free hand while the other takes out a pile of clothes. “I’m not complaining.”
“What are the others doing?”
His bow creases at my sudden change of subject. “They’re getting in the hot tub with a shocking amount of alcohol.”
“Are you getting in now?” I get to see him in swim shorts.
“I guess. Why?”
“Do you fancy going for a walk first?”
“Yeah.” His reply comes a little too quick, but it makes my heart jump.
I just want to spend some time alone with him before I have to share him with the group.
32
Linc
As much as I want Tilly wet and in swimwear, I want her to myself more.
We leave the cabin after letting the others know where we’re going. I know this land like the back of my hand since I’ve been coming here with Jack for years.
I lead Tilly along the cliff front, so we have the sea as a backdrop. With the soft orange glow of the sun setting in the distance, Tilly looks more beautiful than ever.
“I can’t believe you guys have been keeping this place to yourselves all these years.”
“Well, it’s not mine, so there wasn’t much I could do, but I’m glad you’re here now. It certainly beats six guys playing cards.”
“You love those boys’ weekends.”
“I do.”
Though it hasn’t been the same the last four years. We still have a good time, but then they come home, and I go back to a town that I will never feel totally happy in.
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