Djinn

by Billy Baltimore

  “What do you mean, one of the Big Ed’s? There’s only one of them… right?” Emma said, feeling a fresh bout of nausea coming on that she began to suspect had nothing to do with her hangover, nothing directly due to her hangover, anyway.

  The girl cut her eyes down.

  “Yeah, well, that’s what I’m talking about. I passed the genie on and now… well, now bad things are happening. This genie, she gives you what you want, but in ways you don’t want and it’s my fault. Well, maybe not my fault, you know? I mean whoever put this game out, that’s whose fault it is. Not even a damned warning label, ya know? Warning, this game contains a box full of lying assholes! I should sue!” she said.

  Emma shook her head, feeling like they were getting off track.

  “Big Ed’s? Wait, I wasn’t dreaming or really… I wasn’t dreaming?” she said.

  The girl glared impatiently at Emma and crossed her arms.

  “What?” she said.

  Emma cut her eyes to the side.

  “Nothing, doesn’t matter. Why would you asking a… genie for a maid have anything to do with Big Ed’s?” Emma said.

  The girl rolled her eyes and sighed.

  “Cause before I knew I was getting screwed on this dealio, I had to name the person I was passing the genie to. She said she didn’t like being locked up in a bottle for a thousand years so she came up with the game instead. She liked to get out she said, serve her master, she said. Yeah right! More like screw people right in the ass, I say! Look, are you going to help me or not?” The girl said.

  Emma jammed a hand in her front pocket and rubbed her face with the other.

  “We’ll get to that. So you passed the genie off to Big Ed’s—”

  "No! I passed her off to Genie McSweeney—”

  “Wait, stop. Who? Is that even a real name?” Emma said.

  The girl crossed her arms again and looked embarrassed.

  “Yeah well, she’s a friend, or a girl I know. She’s someone who could use a break, maybe. I mean her name is Genie McSweeney for shit’s sake. If your last name was McSweeney, would you really name your kid Genie? Parents must be complete tools, anyway maybe it was on account of her name being Genie that I thought of her, ya know, cause I was talking to a genie. Geeze, that’s so meta,” the girl said, looking away thoughtfully.

  Emma pursed her lips in thought.

  “So, she passed the genie on to Big Ed’s?” Emma said.

  At this, the girl got upset.

  “How am I supposed to know who she passed the genie to? It could be anybody! It was like three days ago! I’ve had my own problems, ya know?! She said, gesturing to the maid who hadn’t so much as moved the entire time.

  Emma nodded.

  “Okay, so your cleaning woman, here. She lets you eat at Big Ed’s but not at home?” Emma said.

  The girl nodded back.

  “Uh-Huh. I wished for a maid to clean my house and so that’s what she does, but she follows me around everywhere. I don’t know!” she said.

  The nature of the problem began to dawn on Emma. A rogue Super-Nat was on the loose in Hemisphere and they had a three day head start at screwing shit up.

  “Yeah, okay,” Emma said.

  The girl looked at Emma, confused.

  “Okay, what?” she said.

  “I’ll take the case. My fee is one-hundred— One-fifty a day, plus expenses,” she said.

  5

  After Kaitlinn and her over achieving, if somewhat dim-witted, maid left, Emma had gone inside and splashed some water on her face. No, that was a lie, she filled the sink with water and filled the water with ice. Then she filled the water and ice with her head. A quick towel dry and a rubber band and she was good to go. There just wasn’t time left for a proper scrub. Kaitlinn had said she conjured the Djinn three days ago and that was a lifetime for a rogue supernatural. Extending her arm, she let Barrett onto her shoulder and then she was out the door. Emma didn’t bother going to the one her client had passed the Djinn too. It was already too late for that. The last person who had the Djinn with any certainty was Big Ed and that’s where she headed. The real Big Ed’s off Cedar Lane, near Main.

  As she made the turn on Cedar, she slowed her car and took in the scene. Knowing now that the Diner she had tried to eat at before was the result of some kind of wish gone bad, she was only mildly unnerved by the site of bunches of them along County Road 13. Enough time had gone by for the drones inside to do some real damage and chicken and waffle plates had begun to spill out the doors, pushing themselves into the parking lots of the duplicate diners all along the road. What she was not entirely prepared for was that there would be just as many, if not more Big Ed’s in Hemisphere, but there they were.

  They stretched down Cedar Lane. They monopolized Main street. She could see two leading down Maple, and she assumed they kept going. Up ahead on Pine, she could see the corner of one. With establishments already occupying the lots on these thoroughfares, the buildings had simply appeared where there was space. They jutted out into the streets, blocking off the roads and forming a narrow channel that maybe two people could walk down shoulder to shoulder. Emma stopped her car at the junction of Cedar and Main and got out. It wasn’t like she could drive any closer anyhow. Upon closer examination, she saw that the buildings didn’t simply occupy space in front of and beside other buildings. In many instances, the backs of the copy-cat diners had pushed into established businesses, and not gently. Angry shopkeepers lined the streets, yelling, pushing and shoving, in some cases trying to make sense of how all of a sudden there was a diner in the shopping and dining areas of their stores and restaurants.

  For their part, Hemisphere’s finest were trying to control the crowds. They had moved their squad cars up as close as they could, but had not gotten much farther than Emma had. Barricades had been set up to hold back the crowds and beat cops were trying to direct traffic, such as it was, and keep people from starting a riot. The general swell and direction of everybody’s angst seemed pointed in one direction and directed at one person. The real Big Ed’s and the real Big Ed.

  Emma made her way through the tumult and saw a nervous young cop standing in front of the original diner, rubbing his forehead and looking like he wanted to flee. He jumped when she approached him.

  “He-Hey! Get back! You can’t be here!” he said, holding out both hands, his face flushed and his eyes wide.

  Emma reached into the inner pocket of her leather jacket and pulled out her I.D. She didn’t expect her Private Detective identification to carry much weight with the cop, but she hoped it would convey some legitimacy.

  “Relax officer… Creswell. I’m here to help. I may know a little something about what’s going on,” she said, as the cop took the I.D from her and looked it over.

  “Emma Spaulding. Paranormal Detective,” he said.

  Emma took the I.D back from him and tucked it in her pocket.

  “I think I know what’s going on here. A client of mine may have rubbed a Genie the wrong way. Created a real mess. I’m on the case and I need to talk to Big Ed. Think you can do me a solid and let me in there?” she said.

  Officer Creswell wasn’t looking at her. He seemed lost in thought for a moment.

  “Hello? Officer? You still with me?” she said, snapping her fingers in front of his face.

  She didn’t really have time for this. Every second wasted was another that the Djinn could wreak havoc.

  “Spaulding… Spaulding… Yeah, you’re that detective that got booted off the force after roughin’ up super-nats one too many times. You’re a private dick now, huh? Man, that’s gotta suck,” Creswell said, smiling in a way that made her want to rough him up.

  Instead, she took a breath and let it out. On her shoulder, Barrett, her parrot let out a screech and hopped onto the cop, climbing up and sitting on his cap.

  “Hey, whoa, there. Hey, is this Detective Barrett? So, it’s true, he really is a parrot, huh? Ain’t found a way to change him back, yet
, I see,” he said, looking up under his brim as the parrot made himself comfortable.

  Emma was just about to tell her partner to get off the nice young police officer when she saw the bird poop all over the brim.

  “Ohhh, no, no… No, I haven’t figured out how to uh…” she said, her words trailing off as the bird climbed down the cop’s arm and fluttered back over to Emma’s shoulder.

  Emma kept her cool and headed for the entrance to Big Ed’s. Officer Creswell turned and watched her.

  “Hey, congratulations on the promotion,” she said, pointing to the officer’s cap.

  “Promotion? What promotion,” Creswell said as Emma slipped inside Big Ed’s.

  Creswell reached up and removed his cap, only then noticing the fresh avian adornments, looking like the “scrambled eggs” emblazoned on the police commissioner’s dress blues cap.

  “Aww, Man! Come on!” he said about to wipe the cap with his hand and thinking better of it.

  He noticed too late that she had gone inside and made a half hearted attempt to stop her again before his stained cap recaptured his attention.

  “That wasn’t very nice, partner,” Emma said, smirking and letting the door swing closed behind her.

  “Doing my duty!” Barrett said with a squawk.

  Inside, not a soul was in sight. The diner looked abandoned and was a marked contrast to the tumult going on outside.

  “Big Ed? You here?” Emma said, standing just inside and looking out across the diner.

  It was eerie, the way it looked exactly the same as the diner she was in earlier, absent all the stray chicken and waffle specials and drone waitresses. The only noise that she could hear was the crowds outside and the occasional cop yelling at somebody to get back. The sounds faded into the background as Emma took a step further into the diner.

  “Big Ed? Look, they told me you were in here. I need to talk to you. Pretty quick. I think I have a line on what’s happening, but I—”

  Her words were cut off by the appearance of Big Ed in the kitchen. An imposing figure, he filled the doorway, from top to bottom and side to side.

  “I’m here, Emma,” he said, his voice deep and sonorous, if not a little timid sounding.

  Emma breathed a sigh of relief and moved toward him, coming around the register and into the dining area proper.

  “It’s all my fault. What’s happening out there, you know? I did that,” Big Ed, said. All his usual good-natured jocularity gone.

  Emma stopped short. His lament tugged at her, made her think of Sully Barrett and the change that she knew was her fault..

  “I, uh… don’t have a lot of time, here Big Ed, so I don’t really have a pep talk. Suffice to say, this is most assuredly not your fault and you aren’t the only one with a Djinn problem today,” she said.

  Big Ed wrinkled his brow.

  “What has gin got to do with it? I never touch the stuff,” he said.

  Emma almost laughed, but it was something else she didn’t have the time for.

  “Not gin, djinn, ah, genie. A particularly nasty one at that. A girl hired me this morning. She let it out of its cage and sent it on its way, but first she made her own wish that didn’t turn out like she expected. This super-nat doesn’t like to be fenced in and fixed the rules so she gets to roam. You’re wish only works if you pass her on… but I suspect you know that by now,” Emma said.

  Big Ed pulled a towel from the tightened strings of his apron and patted his forehead. With a big sigh, he slumped down in a corner booth.

  “The only success I ever had was by workin’ hard, Emma. I shoulda’ known taking the easy way out would only lead ta trouble,” he said, looking straight ahead.

  Emma looked to the door. She really needed to get what she came for and get going, but some part of her knew she couldn’t just hammer the man for info and run. She slid into the booth across from him.

  “Let me guess, you wanted a string of Big Ed’s?” she said.

  Big Ed looked at her.

  “Yeah. I always thought, you know, maybe get out from behind that fryer, be a big man,” he said, an empty laugh escaping his lips.

  Emma smiled and reached out, taking hold of Big Ed’s hands.

  “You are a big man, Ed,” she said.

  Big Ed, chuckled, and some of the warmth came back.

  “Yeah, big problems, too. What am I gonna do, Emma? My wish seems to near on wrecked all of Hemisphere,” he said.

  Emma let go of his hands and sat up straight.

  “You let me take care of that, Big Ed. There’s a rogue jammer out there, and I’m on the case. All I need to know right now is who’d you pass the genie on to. I’m playing catch up here, and that thing is built for speed, okay?” she said.

  Big Ed nodded.

  "After I made my wish, you know, I passed him onto Harvey, Hendricks. Harvey Hendricks. Wasn’t really thinking about who, just thinking about my chain of diners. Harvey was the first person I saw, so I passed the genie to him,” he said.

  Emma nodded.

  “And this Hendricks, you got an address on him. Know where I might find him?” she said.

  Big Ed nodded back.

  “Sure do. Harvey—”

  Big Ed’s words were cut off by a distant whistling sound and a tremendous crash. The noise startled Barrett and he fluttered from the napkin dispenser onto the table. Big Ed and Emma jumped from the booth and ran to the large front window. Off in the distance, over the tracks, and deep in what looked like the residential section, smoke rose in the air. A couple of seconds later, a large fiery object cut an arcing trajectory through the sky. A second after that there was another impact. The sound rolled across Hemisphere and shook the windows of the diner. Out in the street, the crowds forgot their own problems for a minute as all eyes looked to the source of the sound. Emma’s shoulders slumped.

  “Let me guess. Hendricks lives in that direction?” she said.

  “Yup,” Big Ed said.

  6

  There weren’t quite as many Big Ed’s visible as she headed into the residential areas off Miller Road. It wasn’t until she passed LUCY’S FURS and the turnoff for Palmer Road that she saw the castle. Make that two castles.

  The first castle had a mailbox on a post by the side of the road. HENDRICKS was stuck to the side in black and gold reflective letters. Separating this castle from the next was a wide field. Dotting the field was an array of figures and accoutrements. Men in armor, some holding large spears, others swords and shields. Spaced at various spots on the field in front of the castle were large catapults. Other soldiers manned these. It was the catapults that flung the giant flaming projectiles at the other castle. Not to be outdone, an equal number of soldiers and catapults stood in front of that one, sending an equal number of flaming projectiles back.

  Emma slowed her car to a stop and could only stare at the scene before her. The noise was deafening as the whistling sound cut through the air, then the thud and crash of the projectiles assaulted the high walls of the castles. On the tops of each of the castles, archers let loose with a barrage, the arrows arcing across the sky at their counterparts on opposing castle, or down on the soldiers below. The soldiers with the big spears readied themselves and charged. They met in the middle with a clash of steel and screams. They seemed to fall by the hundreds. After this initial engagement, those still standing pulled their swords and began to hack away at each other. As the soldiers killed each other and fell, behind them fresh recruits appeared out of thin air and waited their turn, the process seemingly on auto-pilot.

  “Gone Medieval!” Barrett said, pacing nervously on the headrest.

  Emma did her own medieval battle with her car door and got out. With Barrett on her shoulder, she thought about what to do. Hendricks got the genie, but there was another castle across the way. It too had a mailbox. Emma approached it and read the name. COOPER was stuck to the side, also in black and gold reflective lettering.

  Looking up to the top of this castle, s
he saw a man in a red flannel shirt, suspenders and bluejeans with his arms in the air, yelling as loud as he could. The words were unintelligible, but definitely were not meant to be flattering. Turning back and looking at Castle Hendricks, another figure, this one in a blue flannel shirt and blue jeans was mirroring him, arms in the air, a stream of epithets shouted out.

  “Oh, boy,” Emma said, looking at Castle Cooper and figuring that he was the last to have the Djinn. She stepped off the road and started for the castle.

  All around her and Barrett, the battle raged. Ducking and turning, bobbing and weaving, Emma tried to avoid all the pointy ends of swords and spears. None of the soldiers took any notice of her at all. They all seemed like the drones manning the diners, set upon their tasks with laser-like focus, only instead of chicken and waffles, these drones were hacking and killing.

  She eventually made it to a lowered drawbridge across a moat. Across the bridge, the wall of the castle and a massive archway led inside. The tumult of war subsided only by the smallest degree as she passed through the entrance leading up to an imposing wooden door. Above her to either side, lookouts stood waiting, archers at the ready obviously meant to unleash feathered death on any who breached the perimeter and tried to force their way in. They stood motionless as Emma passed.

  At the door, Emma took hold of a massive iron knocker and gave it a rap. The sound echoed all around her. She didn’t really expect someone to answer, but someone did. The door swung open. There, bowing low and waving her in was a bent and decrepit old man in fine auburn and gold clothes, the same vacant look in his eyes.

  “Uh, okay, um, I need to see… Cooper. I have some questions, er…” Emma said, finding the whole thing ridiculous and not really knowing how to proceed.

  The old doorman turned and started walking away. Emma didn’t know what else to do, so she followed him.

  The servant drone led her across a large great-room bedecked with tapestries on the floor and walls. A huge roaring fire burned away in a cavernous fireplace. Across the room, a winding stone staircase hugged the wall and ascended.