Indecision

by Caragh Bell

  ‘To prove what? Now I can’t hang around with him anymore.’

  ‘Exactly.’ Samantha rubbed her arm. ‘Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you two took a break from each other for a while.’

  ‘But he’s my friend ...’

  ‘Just until we go skiing. Then you’ll both have your other halves and all will be normal.’

  Lydia closed her eyes. ‘I’ll think about it. To be honest, I’m sick of everyone interfering in my life.’

  Samantha nodded. ‘Don’t get cross. Just forget it now. Talk tomorrow.’

  Luca ordered another beer. The barmaid smiled at him suggestively but he ignored her.

  Why did his mom have to ruin everything? It had all been going so well. What did she mean about love? That was the most stupid thing he had ever heard. Sure, he liked Lydia. What hotblooded male wouldn’t? Sure, he wanted to push her onto a bed and have mad sex with her but that was it. Love? Luca and love did not mix. God, he could kill his mother sometimes.

  The beer was placed in front of him. Images of Lydia filled his mind. He debated whether to text her or not. She had looked so embarrassed. He wished he could hold her and comfort her and ...

  What was he thinking? Hold her? What had he become? A sappy loser, that’s what. It was a week to Christmas. He would just avoid her until then. Simple.

  He drained his beer in one go.

  ‘Wow,’ said the barmaid, pulling down her top a little to reveal more of her cleavage. ‘That was fast.’

  Luca looked at her through half-closed eyes. ‘What time are you finished?’ He threw ten euros on the bar.

  Her eyes widened in excitement. ‘In about half an hour.’

  ‘You got your own place?’

  ‘Yeah, just down the road, it’s a flat and –’

  He cut her off. ‘Meet me outside.’

  Chapter 23

  ‘Deck the halls with boughs of holly, tra la la la la la la la la!’

  Colin whistled the rest as he set the table.

  ‘Could someone gag him, please?’ Molly scowled at her cousin. ‘Jeez, Col, you’re so annoying.’

  Helen Kelly placed the last cracker on her husband’s place mat.

  ‘Finally, we’re finished.’ She looked at Colin fondly. ‘Thanks for all your help.’

  ‘I love this kinda thing, Auntie Hel. No probs.’

  Ollie sauntered in with a beer in his hand. ‘What time are we eating, Ma? I’m wasting away here.’

  ‘Ollie! You had a fry for breakfast – how could you be hungry?’ Sarah shook her head.

  ‘Cos he’s a pig.’ Lydia stuck her tongue out at her brother. ‘Am I right?’

  ‘If I’m a pig, what does that make you, Ted?’

  Diana McCarthy, Colin’s mother, floated into the dining room, a glass of Moët in her hand.

  ‘Colin, darling, Daddy’s arriving. He’s trying to park next to the garage, but your Mini is in the way.’

  Colin jumped up and grabbed his keys off the dresser. ‘I’ll be right back.’

  Lydia looked at Diana as she poised elegantly on the edge of an armchair. Her blonde hair was styled in short waves, her make-up immaculate and her manicured fingers boasted huge diamonds that sparkled in the fairy lights. Her clothes were stylish and expensive. Lydia couldn’t believe how different she looked to her baby sister Helen. They shared the honey-blonde hair but that was it. Her mum’s hands were covered in bread dough more often than not. She rarely wore make-up and her clothes were comfortable and understated. Helen looked like the type of mother you could cuddle and kiss; Diana was like a statue: incredibly beautiful but untouchable.

  Colin’s father Oscar walked into the room, closely followed by his son.

  ‘Hello, all.’ He nodded curtly at the family. ‘Sorry I’m late, the traffic was bloody awful.’

  He was a taller version of Colin, tanned and striking with chiselled features and hair that was greying at the temples.

  ‘Drink?’ offered Seán Kelly, holding out a flute of champagne.

  ‘I’d prefer a scotch, Seán, please.’

  He took off his cashmere full-length coat and straightened his tie.

  Colin loved him but also found him incredibly intimidating. They had a strange relationship. Oscar was very macho and, although he didn’t disapprove of his son’s sexuality, he didn’t condone it either. When it came down to it, he didn’t have time to dwell on it. Oscar McCarthy didn’t have much time for anything except his work.

  When Colin was a child he was cared for by a Colombian nanny called Marta. As a result he spoke conversational Spanish and she was the reason he could cook so well. Every day after school, she would show him how to make cakes and soups. She even put him to bed at night, crooning lullabies in Spanish. Diana and Oscar worked every hour that they could; they didn’t neglect their little boy, but they certainly were not there as much as they should have been. It was Marta who looked after him when he was sick and it was Marta who cuddled him when he cut his knee. It was Marta who held a crying Colin on his thirteenth birthday when he finally realised that he liked boys rather than girls.

  Marta retired when Colin left for college. She now lived in London, much to Colin’s chagrin. He missed her dreadfully. She was his mentor, his confidante and above all his friend.

  He planned to FaceTime her after dinner. It was their ritual on Christmas Day. He wanted to tell her about Val and how happy he was.

  ‘We’re almost ready to start,’ Helen announced, accepting a flute of champagne gratefully from her husband.

  ‘Thank Christ for that.’ Ollie looked relieved. ‘I thought I’d have to attack the ham there for a while.’

  Sarah’s phone started ringing. ‘It’s Andy, I need to take this.’ She disappeared upstairs.

  Lydia immediately thought of Dominic. He had been horrendously busy up until the day before Christmas Eve. They’d had a brief reunion yesterday before he had raced home to Ballycotton.

  Lydia had pouted when he told her he had to leave. ‘I never see you, Dom. I’m going crazy.’

  ‘We’re off to Austria in a couple of days, Lyd – I had to work doubly hard to get time off,’ he said firmly. ‘Just wait a couple of more days.’

  Idly, she played with her phone and debated whether to ring him. He was probably drinking aperitifs with his witch of a mother at this stage.

  She frowned. I’ll just wait until he rings me.

  The Tara debacle had been forgotten about. She had avoided Luca for the last week of college and was surprised when he didn’t even attempt to get in touch.

  She had expected an apology or an explanation, but nothing happened. A part of her missed the attention; it seemed she liked the flirting and the admiration. Samantha said she had seen him clubbing with Jessica in town last weekend. She said he had his tongue down her throat for most of the night.

  In a way, Lydia was relieved. It cleared the air for the skiing trip.

  ‘Would you all like to sit, please?’ Helen had red cheeks from cooking.

  The whole family squeezed around the mahogany dining-room table.

  Lydia watched Colin sitting between his parents. He looked thrilled. It was probably the only day of the year he had them to himself without a Blackberry buzzing or an email taking their attention. He adored Diana – that much was plain. They had the same brown eyes that resembled pools of molten chocolate. He loved her impeccable taste and overall look. If anything was beautiful or exotic, Colin was immediately drawn to it.

  The McCarthys had spent Christmas with the Kellys for as long as Lydia could remember. Diana didn’t cook nor did she decorate her home. Instead, they came to West Cork to enjoy the festivities and savour the home-cooked food.

  The traditional starter on Christmas Day was Sally Barnes smoked salmon and brown bread. Lydia loved the soft, almost buttery, texture of the locally smoked salmon. She squirted lemon juice on top, along with black pepper.

  ‘Wine?’ Her dad looked at her expectantly.

  ‘Yes
, please.’

  Sarah nibbled on melon and prosciutto, as she was not a fan of fish. Molly forked up her salmon with one hand whilst texting with the other. Ollie wolfed down his, surveyed the table for leftovers and then polished off the remainder of Diana’s.

  The conversation varied from travelling to the economic crisis.

  Colin and Sarah cleared the first course whilst Helen heaved the turkey out of the top oven, where it had been resting.

  ‘No sprouts for me!’ shouted Molly.

  ‘Do you want a hand, Hel?’ asked Seán, lighting the two candles at each end of the big table.

  ‘No! Just refill the wineglasses!’ she called from the kitchen.

  ‘I’ll help,’ said Colin immediately, jumping up.

  ‘Me too,’ said Molly. ‘Just in case a rogue sprout ends up anywhere near my plate.’

  Together they deposited bowl after bowl on the table. A large platter full of slices of turkey and ham took centre stage accompanied by a jug of gravy.

  This has to be my favourite dinner of all time, reflected Lydia.

  She piled her plate high with mashed turnip, carrots, roast potatoes, sprouts, gravy, cranberry sauce and her personal favourite: bread sauce. It was an acquired taste and had been passed down from her grandmother.

  ‘The ham is delicious,’ observed Colin. ‘Did you put whiskey on it?’

  Helen nodded. ‘Brown sugar, whiskey and cloves.’

  ‘Delish.’

  ‘So, Lydia, how’s Dominic?’ asked Diana. ‘Any news?’

  Lydia blushed. ‘News? What do you mean?’

  ‘Oh, you know, we could all do with a wedding.’ Her eyes twinkled.

  ‘Sarah is your woman, then,’ said Lydia. ‘She has been with Andy for aeons.’

  Sarah glared at her sister. ‘Don’t go there.’

  Colin drained his wine. ‘Don’t mention marriage. I don’t see why people do it. Lydia is fine the way she is. So is Andy.’

  ‘What about me?’ Sarah looked affronted.

  ‘You know I love your boyfriend. I would be heartbroken if he tied the knot.’

  Sarah shook her head, laughing. ‘Give up, Col. Give up.’

  Suddenly Ollie let out a groan. ‘This is bliss. Bliss!’

  ‘Have you had enough, darling?’ asked Helen fondly. ‘Would you like more turkey?’

  ‘I’m okay, Mum. I’ll wait for a mini-dinner later.’

  Later that evening, Lydia was watching Titanic with Colin and Molly when her phone buzzed. They had the living room to themselves as Ollie, Andy and Sarah were playing Scrabble in the dining room and Helen and Seán had gone for a walk along the seafront.

  She looked at Luca’s name in surprise.

  Happy Xmas X

  Her face broke into a smile. Eagerly, she texted him back.

  U 2. Where U 2day?

  Settling back in the couch, she waited for a reply. Glancing over, she noticed Colin staring at her knowingly.

  ‘Dom on the phone?’ he asked innocently.

  She made a face.

  Her phone buzzed again.

  In Craig’s. Watching Titanic. Bored.

  Lydia smiled. She had been surprised that he hadn’t gone home to New York but Colin had said he didn’t bother because of the skiing trip. It wouldn’t have worked. She picked up her phone to text him back but something stopped her. Maybe it was Colin’s look of disapproval, maybe it was the fact that she missed Dom. Either way, it was not appropriate. She silenced her phone and put it away.

  As if on cue, Dominic rang.

  ‘Hey, baby, how was your dinner?’

  Lydia smiled. ‘Amazing as always. Oh my God, I’m so full now though. How was yours?’

  ‘We had goose. It was nice, but rich. Mum decided on something different this year.’

  ‘What are you doing now?’

  ‘Eating chocolates and watching TV. What are you up to?’

  ‘Watching Titanic.’

  There was a pause.

  ‘Look, Lyd, I’m sorry I was in such a rush the last day. Things have been crazy lately – I know I was a bit short with you.’

  ‘No, no, it’s me. I’m being selfish. It’s just I miss you, that’s all.’

  ‘Is Colin there?’

  ‘Yeah, why?’

  ‘He rang me the other day. It was the strangest conversation.’

  Lydia sat up straight. ‘And?’

  ‘He asked me about skiing and gave me some details and then started lecturing me on you and me – how we never see each other. He told me to make more of an effort.’

  Lydia stared murderously at her cousin who was crying as the great ship went down on screen.

  ‘Anyway, I told him how busy I was, blah blah, and he backed off. Is there something I should know?’

  Lydia laughed nervously. ‘Not at all. You know Colin, always nosing around.’

  Colin’s head swung around at the mention of his name.

  ‘We’re okay though, Lyd, aren’t we? I mean, I know it’s been tough but we’re halfway through the year and –’

  ‘Everything is fine, baby. Just fine.’

  ‘I’ll be down tomorrow.’

  ‘Can’t wait.’

  ‘Love you.’

  ‘You, too.’

  The phone went dead.

  ‘I’ll just check the pudding.’ Colin jumped up and ran out of the room.

  ‘Col! You’re dead!’ Lydia ran after him. She caught up with him by the utility room. ‘What were you thinking?’

  ‘Dom needs to watch his back and, as he’s not around to do that, I have to do it for him.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Do I need to spell it out?’

  Lydia’s eyes glittered dangerously.

  ‘I think Luca could take you away from him. There, I said it.’ Colin looked at her defiantly, his cheeks flushed.

  ‘I’m not a doll or a plaything being tossed from one to the other!’

  ‘Lyd, I’m just saying, that’s all. There a thing between you two, everyone can see it. Jesus, even his mother saw it.’

  ‘Just shut up.’

  ‘Deal with it, baby doll. Otherwise people will get hurt.’

  ‘For the last fucking time, there is nothing going on!’ Lydia grasped her hair in frustration.

  ‘Dom is so great and –’

  ‘Just shut up. I don’t want to hear another word, okay?’

  Colin opened his mouth but then thought better of it. ‘Okay, I’ll say no more. I’m sure you know what you’re doing.’

  ‘I do.’

  ‘I love you, Lyd, you know that. I’m on your side. Always.’

  Her expression softened. ‘Thanks. Now, stop worrying about my love life.’

  He kissed her cheek. ‘I promise.’

  Dom arrived at lunchtime the next day. He was greeted in the kitchen by Toto and Ollie.

  ‘Hey, Dom,’ said Ollie, eating a ham sandwich. ‘Happy Christmas!’

  ‘Where’s everyone?’ asked Dominic, switching on the Nespresso machine.

  ‘Bed. It was a late one last night.’

  Toto jumped up on the chair and tried to eat the crusts that Ollie had discarded.

  ‘Piss off, Toto,’ admonished Ollie, pushing him away. ‘I’m the scraps person around here.’

  Dominic chose a purple capsule of coffee and pressed the button on the machine. Soon the kitchen was filled with the rich aroma of coffee.

  ‘Was it a good day in the Maguire mansion?’

  Dominic shrugged. ‘The usual. The twins got iPads so that kept them quiet. Mum had too many sherries. Dad and I played poker.’

  ‘Sounds very civilised. Colin got pissed and dragged out the karaoke machine. We couldn’t shut him up. Eventually his mother had to put him to bed.’

  Dominic laughed. ‘Is his mum still here?’

  ‘Nah. She and Oscar, his dad, left at seven. They are off to Dubai for New Year.’

  ‘We’re off skiing tomorrow.’

  ‘I heard. Watch Lyd wi
th those Jägerbombs, will you? She’s a disgrace.’

  ‘I’ll try.’

  Helen walked into the kitchen with tousled hair and half-closed eyes.

  ‘Hi, Dom,’ she muttered sleepily. ‘I could sleep for a week. I know I say it every year but next Christmas we’re eating out.’

  Ollie choked on his tea. ‘No, Mum! You couldn’t do that to me. You are the queen, the Goddess of Christmas dinner. I couldn’t live without your turkey!’

  Helen beamed at her son. ‘Oh Ollie, you are so sweet.’

  Dominic stuck his fingers down his throat behind her back. Ollie winked.

  ‘See you later – I’m going to unearth my girlfriend from her hibernation.’

  He climbed the stairs, coffee in hand. Molly’s door was tightly closed. He passed the bathroom and met Sarah coming out with her hair in a towel.

  ‘Dom!’

  ‘Hey, Sarah! Happy Christmas.’

  ‘Just back from my run. It was cold out this morning.’ She glowed with health as she continued down the corridor.

  Dominic smiled to himself. He couldn’t imagine Lydia after a run. Exercise was not something she approved of. It was far more likely that she was hungover in bed.

  Opening Lydia’s door slightly, he observed a lump under the duvet.

  He stole in quietly and turned the key in the door. As quick as lightning, he took off his clothes and two seconds later he was snuggling up in bed spooning her. Lydia groaned and turned slightly. He nibbled her ear gently, hoping to rouse her slowly. He knew how crazy she could get if woken suddenly. Lydia smiled and rubbed herself against him like a kitten. He hardened straight away. He reached inside her pyjama top and started squeezing her nipples, feeling them harden under his touch. Lydia moaned. Pulling off her pants, he lay down again behind her. Positioning himself, he slipped into her warmth from behind.

  Lydia gasped.

  ‘Morning.’ Dominic buried his face in her neck. ‘I missed you.’