A Promise Kept

by R E Gauthier

  Squinting in the dim light, she tried to look at the people inside the room for anyone who looked familiar. It had been several years since she had seen any of her coding friends; she wasn’t sure if she would recognize any of them when she did. The door to the shop opened, and several people walked in. Three women were together and chatted and laughed about something as they walked to the counter. A young man and woman kissed and caressed one another as they took off their jackets. Then a short figure drew from the crowd, and the hairs on her neck rose. Every fiber in her body told her, she knew this person. Willow? Mouse? No, it can’t be. The figure was hunched from the cold, and once the crowd dispersed, Nikki saw the small figure straighten, and that face was that of her best friend from school.

  Willamina Matheson or Willow was Nikki’s best friend since grade school. She was also the first girl-crush she ever had. After high school, Nikki drifted away from Willow because of that crush. Willow never acted like she felt the same way, so Nikki, who didn’t want to risk being outed or lose her best friend over the crush, thought it best to let their friendship go, she regretted it every moment since. This was the first time she saw that face in nearly seventeen years, but Nikki would know those eyes anywhere.

  Willow smiled shyly and waved.

  Nikki waved back, and her heart did a little flip-flop. After all these years, the attraction was still there, and Nikki’s heart was reminding her.

  Willow ordered her coffee and made her way to the table, where Nikki sat. “Hi, Nikki.”

  Nikki wasn’t sure how to respond; she knew her as Willow from school and Mouse from their coding crew. Willow had been the one to get Nikki involved with the coders in high school; then, Willow/Mouse stopped attending their meetings for a boy she had a crush on. That’s when Nikki knew that she had no hope to realize her crush for Willow. “Hi. It’s been a long time.”

  Willow flashed Nikki, one of her megawatt smiles. “I’ve been, sort of, stalking you for years. Well, digitally stalking you. I’m glad you didn’t change your signature.”

  Nikki’s heart thudded. She blinked her surprise; her body acted like she was a teenager once again. Willow had been able to stir things in her that no girl or woman had done before or since. How many nights had she lay awake or fell asleep to that smile? Nikki stifled a giggle. “You have? Other than keeping tabs on me, what have you been up to all these years?” Nikki had to admit she had stopped thinking about the beautiful Willow Matheson when she heard she was happily married to a great guy from college. She had stalked Willow as well and knew she got married and had a boy. The last she searched for her, Willow lived in Vermont and was running a tech company. She wasn’t about to tell Willow this; it may sound creepy, especially if Willow learned she also had the biggest crush on her for most of her life.

  “I could write a book on what I have been up to. But it’s not worth reading, not like your adventures as an FBI agent. The stories you could tell.” Willow reached out and drew Nikki toward her for a big hug.

  Nikki’s body stiffened at first because she wasn’t prepared for the close contact from her lifetime crush. When Willow pulled harder, Nikki relented. Allowing her to be drawn in for a very intimate hug, Nikki felt her body betray her. Every inch of skin had goosebumps, her nipples hardened, and a throbbing began that threatened to shake her very core. Nikki pulled away before she did something she may regret. Licking her lips and averting her eyes from breasts that her hands itched to touch, Nikki sat back into her seat. “I certainly didn’t expect to see you, and when you called me, I thought I had been careless. I felt maybe I’m slipping in my old age. But I should have known it was you. No one has been able to find my trails before or since you. No one has been able to set me ablaze as you can either.

  Willow giggled. “You’re not slipping or old. You’re as clever and cute as you were the last time I saw you. I just knew that you were up to something. I have something to admit; I haven’t been only stalking you, but I also created an algorithm that would notify me of your signature being used anywhere, anytime.”

  Nikki swallowed hard. If she didn’t know that Willow was as straight as they come, she would have thought the woman was flirting with her. The way her eyes darted to Nikki’s mouth and then her chest. The way Willow averted her eyes when she spoke certain words made Nikki’s heart race. Shaking her head, Nikki attempted to dislodge that notion. Her mind and body were only playing tricks on her noticing something that wasn’t there. Willow was straight, married, and had a child. The fact she had been digitally stalking Nikki for seventeen years only meant her old friend was keeping tabs on her, nothing else. “If I had known, I would have changed my signature. The way to never get caught is always to change how you sign so no one can track you. You taught me that; I guess I didn’t learn my lessons well.”

  “I’ve picked up a few more things I could teach you. If you let me, I can help you more than you know.” Willow’s eyes darted away quickly again.

  Nikki gulped. There was that look again before Willow looked away, Nikki saw what looked like longing. You're silly; it’s nothing. “I’m working on something that could get me in trouble, and I think it’s best I don’t involve too many people.”

  Willow’s disappointment was evident in the frown and slight paling of her face. Until now, the woman’s face was flush with excitement. “I can teach you how not to get caught, and I can also help you search for more information at once. Two sets of eyes are always better than one.”

  Nikki’s mind went to all sorts of things the two of them could get up to in the bunker alone during the days and nights. She had fantasized about how she would touch Willow, how she would make her…get a grip, Nikki. She had to stop it right now. The only thing that that train of thought would get her is hot and bothered. She had many a cold shower years ago, getting hot and bothered now with fantasies of Willow wasn’t going to help her find Mack. “I’m still not sure it will be a good idea. I mean, you must have people who you don’t want to be in danger. I cannot let you risk more than you’re willing to, to help me.”

  Willow’s eyes lowered, and her breathing changed. She wiped her face.

  Nikki saw a tear slide down that pretty face. Her heart clenched. “What is it? Willow, what’s wrong?”

  Shaking her head, Willow looked into Nikki’s eyes. Is there somewhere we can go that is more private? I know you're careful. The woman you’re looking for has to be very important to you, and I don’t want to tell you what I learned about her here.”

  Nikki decided to wait to ask Willow why she got upset because Willow touched on the reason that kept Nikki awake these days, finding Mack. “I can take you to my…” Damn, she hadn’t kept her hotel room because she spent all her time in the bunker. Nikki had made the small hole in the ground her living quarters complete with a bed and all of her belongings that weren’t in storage. Nikki was hesitant to take Willow there; it was small and very intimate, and Nikki didn’t like allowing people to see the real Nikki. “I have a place, but it’s not one where I can have company, is there a place you have, where we can go?” Nikki didn’t want to put Willow on the spot.

  Again, Willow looked extremely sad. “We can go to my hotel room. I’ve been staying there since…We can go there. Let’s go get a cab.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Willow’s Hotel Room, Pittsburg, April 12, 2012

  On the drive to the hotel, Willow spoke very little. Nikki tried to ignore Willow's perfume and feel the heat of the body close to her own. Distracted by Willow is not what Nikki needed right now. Once she found out what Willow knew about Mack’s whereabouts, Nikki decided she had to get as far away from the lovely woman as possible. The sadness she saw in Willow’s eyes haunted her, what could have happened to put that look there?

  Inside the hotel room, Nikki looked around. Willow had gone into the bathroom. “Make your self at home. I think I have a couple of beer in the mini-fridge. I bought them so don’t worry. I hope you still like that Amish craft beer.”
Willow hollered from the other room.

  Nikki smiled. She and Willow got drunk for the first time on the Amish craft beer, Willow’s dad had in the basement. “Yeah, I haven’t had it for a while.” The hotel room was spacious, and luckily for Nikki’s libido, the room had a small sitting area by a patio door a few feet from the king-sized bed. With her back to the bed and bathroom, Nikki sat and looked out into the fading light of the late afternoon’s sky.

  Willow approached with the same sad look on her face. A beer was in her hand, but she hadn’t opened it or even looked like she was interested in drinking it. Looking around, Willow sat on the chair across from Nikki.

  “This is a nice room. I didn’t know this hotel was so nice.” Nikki knew she was rambling, but she didn’t know what to say.

  “Yeah, I moved in here a few weeks ago after I knew you were in town.”

  Nikki cleared her throat. She knew this didn’t feel right but needed to know what Willow had found out about Mack. “Earlier, you started to tell me something, and then you got quiet and wanted to come here. I’m not pushing, but you said you wanted to tell me something in private.”

  Willow swallowed several times. Nikki could see her throat moving as if Willow needed to clear something out.

  “I haven’t talked about this to anyone. It’s still very fresh, and I’m trying to deal with it. My husband and son were killed in an accident on a highway in Vermont last year.” Willow crumbled into the chair and sobbed.

  A coldness came over her body, and Nikki reacted before she thought about it. Reaching across the gap between them, Nikki was about to take Willow into her arms when she stopped. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea. You don’t need to help me. You should be with your family and dealing with your…I think I should go.” Nikki immediately realized this situation was all wrong and would only lead to something Nikki would regret later. Once she took Willow into her arms, she would be lost. Even if Nikki was the only one affected by their touching, Nikki knew her heart would be forever broken. This is why she had run from Willow all those years ago. No matter what happened between the two of them, Nikki was the one who had the most to lose.

  “Please, Nikki. I need to tell you everything. I haven’t been able to tell anyone what I have been feeling. No one understands.”

  “I’m sure your family or friends would be better suited to—”

  “No. Before my husband died, we had been having problems, and we were going to a divorce lawyer. He and Adam were visiting his parents when the accident happened. I got to the hospital, and they were gone. I never got to say goodbye. After their funeral, I thought that I would grieve and have the usual survival guilt, but instead, I had this need to get as far away as I possibly could. I woke up one morning from a dream I had about you. It had been years since I thought of you. But that day, I started learning all I could find about you and your life after high school. I know it sounds creepy, but it helped me deal with my loss.”

  Nikki was taken aback by Willow’s candor. It did sound creepy, but it had been what she had done for years as well. She wasn’t sure if she should be worried about Willow’s mental state or flattered that the object of her most significant crush found her life fascinating enough to jump into headfirst. The fact Willow said she used it to recover from the deep sorrow of losing her son and husband was also a red flag. “Willow, I’m not sure how I should respond to that. I mean, I never had a stalker, and even though you’re not like the usual culprits, I’m worried it may not be healthy for you to fixate on me.”

  Willow ducked her head. “I know it’s not normal, but the thing is when we drifted apart, I felt like a part of me was missing for years. I couldn’t put my finger on why I felt that way until one night this woman kissed me at a bar. My husband took me to this work party, and this woman who everyone knew was an out-lesbian made a pass at me. At first, I was shocked and alarmed. But I wasn’t disgusted; I was sort of flattered that she thought I was attractive. I hadn’t felt attractive for a long time. My husband used to look at me like he couldn’t get enough of me. I liked feeling like that. After the kiss, I started dreaming about you.”

  Nikki’s mouth fell open and then closed. How many times had she played out different scenarios that Willow told her she was attracted to Nikki or wanted to kiss her? In every one, Nikki and Willow always ended up in a bed with their limbs tangled in pure ecstasy. In all of those scenes, Nikki never thought her crush would be crying. She couldn’t take advantage of Willow's profound grief to fulfill some fantasy of hers or some pent-up curiosity Willow had about having a fling with a woman. “That is not making me more comfortable about this situation. If nothing else, I know it’s a bad idea for me to stay. You can call me, and we can meet for you to give me that information another time. I should go.”

  Willow reached out and took Nikki’s hand. “Please, stay. You’re not taking advantage of me or making me do anything I don’t want to do. When I saw you searching for your friend, I knew that I needed to get in touch with you. I know where she is, and I can help you. You can also help me. Help me understand why we stopped being friends all those years ago. Why did you pull away?”

  Nikki closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she stole her heart to tell Willow the secret she had carried with her all these years. Swallowing hard, Nikki began, “it started one night when I stayed over. I don’t know how or why, but I woke with you next to me. We must have been twelve or thirteen; I know I wanted to touch you, and it confused me. After that, I knew I was a lesbian after I read this book in the library.”

  “Nikki, I had no idea.” Willow’s hand moved up Nikki’s arm.

  Nikki shivered.

  “Are you cold? I can turn up the heat.” Willow turned to do just that.

  Nikki stopped her. “No, I’m not cold. I didn’t tell you or want you to know because I knew you weren’t like me. You were always talking about this guy or that guy who you made out with behind the bleachers. I didn’t want you to laugh at me when I told you about my feelings for you.”

  “I wouldn’t have laughed,” Willow whispered.

  “Maybe not now, but then you wouldn’t have been so understanding. You were always worried about what people thought about you. If they knew I was a lesbian and you were my friend. Even if you let me down easy, we would never have been friends after that.”

  “But you stopped being my friend, and you never let me make up my mind; you made it up for me.” Willow lifted Nikki’s chin.

  Looking into those lovely green eyes, Nikki felt her heart lurch. Willow’s tears were dry now, and in those eyes, there was a look she had seen many times before. “I didn’t want you to break my heart.”

  “So, you broke mine instead,” Willow said before she kissed Nikki’s lips.

  The touch of their lips sent a shockwave through Nikki. A wave that crested over her middle and set her on fire. The kiss deepened, and Nikki’s head swam. Until today, Nikki had always been in total control of her faculties; Willow made her lose that control. Nikki forgot what Willow had said; forgot what they were even talking about. Caught up in the sensations in her body, Nikki allowed Willow to lead her to the bed. She didn’t know how she got undressed or in the bed, but a few short moments, she felt the crisp sheets against her hot flesh and felt Willow’s hands all over her naked body.

  Nikki knew she should stop Willow and get out of the bed, but her body wouldn’t do her bidding. Instead, Nikki’s hands began roaming over the body of a stranger with the eyes and smile of the girl she had the biggest crush on. This was Willow, but it wasn’t. The only reference point Nikki had was a younger Willow. Every fantasy, through the years, was about the slight, teenage girl that Nikki remembered. Willow’s young perky breasts were now full and ripened from having a baby and with age. Nikki loved smaller breasts but wasn’t about to complain about the lovely mounds thrust in her face. Nipples begged to be licked, sucked, and tweaked. Willow's thighs were now muscular and robust, and Nikki wanted nothing more than to be between th
em and feel them squeeze against her head as she buried her lips and tongue deep inside Willow’s sweet folds. This wouldn’t be the shy exploration of a new couple of teenage girls discovering what made them feel good. Nikki knew Willow might not have been with a woman before, but she certainly knew how to make herself feel good and used that experience to pleasure Nikki. Nikki’s head swam with erotic sensations all over her body.

  Willow pulled Nikki into position over her and then led Nikki’s head between her legs. “Nikki, Please. I need to know what it feels like. I dreamed about this for months.”

  Nikki felt an odd feeling wash over her body. She had many women say that to her in different ways, but no woman had ever said it with more conviction.

  Nikki couldn’t resist slipping her tongue between the moist folds and taking the first taste. Willow tasted of sweetness and musky heat. She lapped the fold, licking the sweet nectar there, her nose teased the erect bud. Willow squirmed and writhed from side to side and then bucked, grabbing Nikki’s head firmly in her hands. “Nikki, oh God…Nikki, please…oh!”

  ***

  Nikki lay watching the lights travel on the ceiling above the bed. Her arm under Willow’s head had gone to sleep long ago. She knew what she let happen between them had been a mistake, or at least how it happened. After all these years, nothing had prepared her for what she experienced. Her fantasies couldn’t have prepared her for the hunger and need inside Willow. The woman in her arms was a stranger with Willow’s eyes, lips, and voice. They had many mutual memories and happy moments, but they also shared a profound separation of half of their life. During those years, their separate experiences and life were what made this attraction foreign and wrong.