I close my eyes. Damn, he’s good.
He’s definitely forgiven.
***
I only have this weekend left before I have to get back to the office. Patrick promised he would try and make himself more available, even when he was not at his best emotionally. But he did say we wouldn’t be able to see each other this weekend, because he was flying to Melbourne for a work event.
It’s a beautifully warm November morning, so I put on my swimsuit and a mint green crocheted beach wrap. I pack a bag with a towel and some sunscreen and head for the door.
Finn is sitting in the living room and looks up as I pass. “Where are you off to?”
“Oh, I was going to head over to Bronte and have a swim at the beach before dropping in to see my brother.”
“You mind if I come along for the ride?”
“Sure. I mean, I was just going to catch the train and walk…”
“How about I drive?”
“I won’t say no to that.”
“Just give me a minute to change.”
I watch him go off to his room and smile. Finn is so sweet. I am very lucky to have a roommate like him. And now that everything is sorted out with Patrick, I can almost handle the fact he’s going to be engaged soon.
Finn reappears. “Ready?” he beams.
“Yes. Let’s go.”
I have to admit, it’s pretty nice to be chauffer driven across town to the beach. I put The Smashing Pumpkins song Today on Spotify so it plays through the truck’s speakers. Finn and I sing about how great the day is at the top of our lungs as we drive through the streets of Newtown. I haven’t felt this content in a long time.
We park near Josh’s place and walk down to the beach. My brother is funny about going to the beach with other people, claiming he will only visit on his own so he can relax properly, so I know not to knock on his door and ask him to join us. But I do text him to let him know I’ll be dropping by with Finn in an hour. I jokingly ask him to have a cool drink and some yummy snacks ready for us.
His reply comes through just before we reach the sea bath.
Your wish is my command.
I grin. It will be good to see Josh again.
There are a lot more people down here than last time I visited. I can’t believe that was just under five months ago! It feels like forever.
Finn looks out appreciatively at the beach. “You want to go in the pool or the ocean?”
“Let’s start with the pool. The ocean looks a bit rough today.”
We leave our stuff on a nearby bench and climb into the cool water. I work my way around the outside edge and come to rest about halfway down. Finn joins me, folding his arms on the wall that separates us from the ocean.
“I need to do this kind of thing more often,” he muses. “Emma doesn’t really like the beach, so we usually head into the city on our days off.”
“How can she not like this?” I ask, waving my hand out at the bay. “It’s gorgeous.”
“It is,” he agrees. “I suppose she’s more of a resort-pool type person.”
“Ah.” It’s the first negative thing I’ve heard him say about Emma in a while. “How’s the overseas trip planning going? For the record, I’d still recommend Obertauern, but I’d advise calling ahead first and checking that the gastro outbreak is over.”
He laughs. “Actually, it did sound nice from what you described. Do you think you’d ever go back?”
“I’d like to. I want to experience it as fully functioning human.”
We’re quiet for a moment, listening to the waves crash below us.
“Do you ever wonder if you’re on the right path?” he suddenly says.
“All the time. Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know. Are you happy?”
“I…um…I think so.”
“What’s going on with you and Patrick?”
I stare at him. That came out of nowhere. “What do you mean?”
“Are you dating him?”
“I, uh, actually, I’m not sure. I guess? We haven’t officially labelled it.”
He doesn’t say anything. I look back out at the horizon.
“Why were you asking about life paths?” I ask.
“I don’t know. I guess I was thinking about work and relationships, and living in a different state to my girlfriend…”
“But she’ll be back soon.”
“I know.”
He doesn’t sound super excited about the prospect, but I don’t say that. Maybe he’s nervous about the idea of proposing. And then I realise I’ll soon need to start thinking about what I’ll do once Emma returns. I’m glad in a way that I got sick, because it means I get Finn to myself for a bit longer.
“Is she going to be around for Christmas?”
“Actually, I’m not sure. I think the project officially wraps up soon, but there’s a chance she’ll have to stay for a few more weeks, which means it could be January by the time she returns.”
I wonder if that’s why Finn is so contemplative, because he knows he won’t be able to spend the holidays with his girlfriend.
I let go of the wall and float around on my back. Seagulls circle overhead, and I hear the excited shrieking of children nearby.
After we are sufficiently cooled down, we head back up the road to Josh’s house.
“Are you sure your brother won’t mind me coming too?” he asks.
“Of course not. He’s cruisy.”
Josh’s front door is unlocked so we let ourselves in and find him lying on a timber sun-lounge in the courtyard out the back.
“Hey, Josh. This is my roommate, Finn.”
Josh had been reading something on his iPad, but he stands up to shake Finn’s hand. “Hey. Nice to meet you.”
“We’re overheated from the beach, so now we’re ready for something cold to drink. Do you have any iced tea?” I ask.
He points to me and rolls his eyes at Finn. “Check this one out. Thinks she’s at a hotel or something.”
Finn laughs. “Sorry, I’ve probably spoiled her after being at her beck and call while she was sick.”
“You were sick?” Josh looks at me questioningly. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Oh, it was just a little dehydration thanks to an Austrian gastro bug.”
“Still, you should have called. I would have come to visit.”
“It’s all right. As Finn said, he was a very helpful roommate. He made me breakfast and dinner for a whole week.”
“Is that so?”
I follow Josh into the kitchen, but Finn stays out in the courtyard to admire the vegie patch Josh has recently planted.
“What’s going on there?” Josh asks, when we’re out of earshot.
“Nothing. He’s my roommate. And he has a girlfriend.”
“So why is he here with you today and not with her?”
“She’s working in Melbourne.”
“Interesting.”
I slap his arm. “Stop that. We’re just friends.” I don’t want to tell him about Patrick, because I know he’ll lecture me about sleeping with my boss.
“Whatever you say.”
I help Josh carry a tray of glasses back to the courtyard. Josh follows with a jug of iced tea.
“Josh’s place actually is almost like a hotel,” I say to Finn.
“Except I’m too busy to make my roommate most of her meals.” He looks at Finn. “That must have taken up a bit of your spare time.”
“Oh, I didn’t mind,” he says casually. “Lauren and I have the same taste in food, so I just doubled the quantities. It was nothing.”
Josh shoots me a are you sure you’re just friends? look, but I ignore him and pour the tea into three glasses.
***
On the drive on the way home, Finn looks thoughtful.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“Yeah. I was just thinking you seem to have a great relationship with your brother. I’m an only child, and my parents are back in No
rway, so I don’t really know what it’s like to have something like that.”
“Believe me, you’re lucky that you don’t have to put up with your twin sisters trying to convince you that your dad is some sort of hero for putting up with your mum all these years, and then have your mum want to use you in some twisted revenge plan.”
He laughs. “Well, when you put it that way…”
“Are you close to your parents?” I ask.
“Not really. I haven’t been back to Norway since I left after high school, so it’s hard only communicating on the phone and via email. They come out every couple of years to see me, but they feel more like acquaintances these days. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do about it, unless I went back to live there.”
“Would you?”
“I don’t think so. My whole life is here…”
He goes quiet again.
“There’s nothing else bothering you?” I prod.
“Oh, no. Not really. Nothing worth talking about. Anyway, what was your childhood like?”
“You’re really interested in hearing about it?”
“Yes! Why? Is that strange?”
“A little. But I’ll indulge you. I’m the baby of the family, so I was always trying to catch up to my big brother and sisters. Taylor and Lily were inseparable, so I had to accept that I wouldn’t be as close to them as they were with each other. I think Josh understood that, so he always looked after me and never complained when I wanted to tag along with him, even if he had friends over.”
“And all three girls followed their parents into real estate.”
“Yep. It was fun at first. I liked that we were all working on the same team and helping each other out.”
I notice my cheeks are wet, and wonder when I started crying. I quickly swipe away the tears so Finn doesn’t notice.
“It sounds nice,” he says softly.
“It was,” I admit. “Real estate was like a game, and we made a ton of money. But then Dad went and ruined it all.”
“I’m sorry.”
I stare out the window. I do miss real estate, but it’s become permanently linked to a traumatic part of my personal history. I feel another surge of anger at Dad for not only ruining our family, but also my passion for a job I actually loved. And while MultiDate has been a good learning experience, it’s definitely not what I expected. And to be honest, I don’t think it’s something I want to do in the long term. I’ve started to understand Ariel, but I don’t want to end up like her. If I stay, I fear I will.
Finn is quiet the rest of the ride home. But just before he unlocks the front door to the house, he turns to me.
“I hope we can always be friends,” he says.
“We will,” I promise.
He gives me a long look and then disappears into the house.
I’m not sure what just happened.
THIRTY-ONE
My first day back at work is easy. It probably helps that I’m really only dealing with one cameraman and two contestants—Chelsea and Grant. Chelsea was kicked off in week seven, and Grant left the same week I did, but they’ve been in touch and seem to be hitting it off. I think even Ariel will approve of the reunion footage we manage to capture.
Patrick texts me at seven, just as I’ve arrived home and scrambling around for my key.
You want to come over tonight?
I’m kind of exhausted, and while I very much want to see Patrick, I don’t think I’m at my best. I text him back.
Can I see you tomorrow instead? It was my first day back at work today and I’m super tired.
He doesn’t reply. I wonder if that means he’s annoyed by the rejection, or he’s been distracted by something. But I don’t have time to dwell on it, because when I walk through the door, I hear Finn talking to someone. It takes a second for me to realise he’s on the phone. And whoever he’s talking to isn’t saying what he wants to hear.
“What the fuck does that mean?” he demands.
A beat.
“And you’ve decided tonight is a good time to mention this? After two whole years together? Is this how you’ve always thought, or is it a new thing?”
Another beat.
“Really? You don’t want to be exclusive? Fine! We won’t be fucking exclusive!”
I hear a crash, perhaps from Finn throwing his phone or some other item against the wall.
I don’t know what to do. Should I check on him? Maybe I’ll go to my room to give him some space, and then I’ll talk to him later when he’s calmed down.
I’m just tiptoeing towards the hall when his door bursts open. He stops when he sees me. His eyes are red.
“Lauren.”
“Uh, hi.”
“When did you get in?”
“A couple of minutes ago.”
“Ah. Did you…?”
“I heard the end of you talking to someone.”
He shakes his head. “What a fucking mess. Will you have a drink with me?”
“Um, okay.”
He goes to the cupboard and retrieves a bottle of scotch. He pours a generous slug into the bottom of a glass and holds up the bottle. “You want this or a beer?”
“Um, I can go scotch, but maybe with some Coke?”
“Cool.” He rummages around in the fridge and finds it. He pours me a drink and hands it to me, clinking his glass with mine.
“What are we toasting?” I ask.
He smiles bitterly. “To fucked up relationships.” He downs his drink in one go. He quickly pours himself another and gestures for me to follow him into the living room.
I sit down on the couch. Finn chooses the floor, but rests his back beside my legs.
“So, what happened?” I ask gently.
He takes another swig of his drink, but doesn’t finish it all this time. “Apparently my girlfriend is under the impression we aren’t in an exclusively committed relationship.”
“What? Why does she think that?”
“Fucked if I know. I didn’t think we had to spell it out. Who does that anyway? ‘Emma, do you want to go steady?’ It’s supposed to be fucking implied.”
“But didn’t you discuss it when she went to Melbourne?”
“I thought we did. As far as I was concerned, we’ve been a proper couple for two years.”
“Maybe she was channelling Ross on Friends and thought you were on a break,” I offer.
He snorts. “No, there was definitely no mention of a break. Can you believe she then tells me she never thought we were exclusive, even when she was here and we were fucking living together?” He makes a choked noise, and buries his face between his knees.
I rub his shoulder, trying to offer some form of comfort. “That sucks, Finn. I’m so sorry.”
I put my glass on the side table, and then take Finn’s drink from his hand, because he looks dangerously close to spilling it on the carpet. He probably also doesn’t need any more alcohol in his system. I slide down onto the floor beside him, pulling his head over to rest on my shoulder. I stroke his hair and let him cry.
“You really loved her, huh?” I say after a moment.
He looks up and into my eyes. “You know what? No, I didn’t. I thought I did, but it was all based on a lie. How could I?”
“I think you can still love someone, even if they don’t feel the same.”
“But that’s not even it. The foundation wasn’t where I thought it was. So I’m deciding right now that I never loved her.”
I rub his shoulder again. “Are you hungry? Do you want me to order pizza?”
He laughs, sounding strangled. “You think food is the answer to all my problems?”
“No, but it will make things feel slightly less crappy.”
“This is what I like about you. You’re so practical. And I never have to question where I stand with you.”
“Um…”
Before I know what’s happening, he reaches out and pulls my face to his. It takes a superhuman effort to pull away before
our lips touch. This is all wrong. As much as I have wanted Finn to kiss me in the past, I’m now with Patrick. And Finn is obviously heartbroken over Emma and just gravitating towards the first person who shows any compassion.
“We shouldn’t do this,” I whisper.
He stares at me, his eyes full of pain. “I know.”
“I’m going to go out for a while. But I’ll be back soon.”
He nods miserably. “Okay.”
“Do you still want me to order that pizza?”
He forces out a laugh. “No thanks. Hey, did you know Emma hates Hawaiian pizza? I should have known right then and there something was wrong.” He leans forward, resting his face on his crossed arms.
I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to leave things awkwardly, but we both need some space.
“I’ll see you a bit later.”
He makes a small noise of acknowledgement without looking up.
Once out on the street, I call an Uber. I think I’ll take Patrick up on his offer after all. I haven’t actually been to his place before, but I’m able to look up the address on my phone by remotely logging into the studio’s intranet.
The Uber soon arrives and drives me across the city to Darling Point, where I find myself out the front of a stunning sandstone building. There seems to be only a small handful of residences that make up the entire block. The gardens out the front are immaculate, clearly looked after by a full-time employee.
I text Patrick. I’m downstairs.
The front door buzzes and I let myself in. I walk up a set of steps to the first floor and knock on his door. My hands feel clammy, so I quickly wipe them on my pants. I regret not thinking more about my appearance before coming here. I’m still wearing the black skinny jeans and slightly sweaty blouse I put on this morning for work.
Patrick opens the door. “Lauren,” he says warmly. “Come in. You obviously changed your mind.”
“I did.”
I follow him into a spacious living area that looks out onto the harbour. A large balcony complete with outdoor dining setting and sun lounge has views all the way to the Harbour Bridge. This is definitely next level, even with the houses I’ve seen on the Sunshine Coast.
“You have a lovely place,” I say politely.
He laughs. “Thank you. Would you like a drink?” He points to a glass of champagne on the kitchen counter. “I just poured myself one.”
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