Fallen: A Paranormal Romance Novel (Shadows Of Regia Book 1)

by Tenaya Jayne

  “Erin?” he looked right through her, but his eyes fixed on the new open portal. “Are you here?”

  She dropped her invisibility. “I didn’t think I’d be able to sneak up on you that easily. But then that’s something you don’t know about me. Stealth is my greatest strength despite the fact I’m only half elf.”

  He looked stunned then his face closed to her again. “Why are you here?”

  She moved forward and reached for his arm. She took his watch off and touched the medallion on his wrist. “You keep this hidden. I didn’t know…For the first time, I feel like maybe we aren’t a cosmic mistake.”

  “Why?”

  She turned and picked up the rock and showed him. “I saw you. All those years ago. I’ve kept this all this time. I never go to sleep without laying it on my chest for a few minutes first. There’s power inside it. Power you put there.”

  He just gazed at her desperately. She set the rock down again. “I missed our appointment. I need to make up for that.”

  He raised an eyebrow at her. “I’m happy you’re here, but that sounds…I don’t know how much I feel secure doing with you. You hurt me today.”

  “You can have me if you want me.”

  “Do you want me?”

  Yes. She thought. For years. The real you.

  “I want something real or nothing at all,” she used his words. “There’s something I want to do with you right now. Something I really want.”

  “What?” he breathed,

  She could feel she’d pushed him to the edge just with her words.

  “I want you to trust me for just a minute. I know that’s asking a lot. I don’t deserve it, but I’m asking anyway. Will you try?”

  He looked torn. “I’ll try.”

  “Turn around.”

  His eyebrows pulled down, but he turned his back to her. She reached around his waist and put her palms flat on his chest, resting her cheek against his shoulder blade. He tensed, and then sighed, relaxing. In a moment, he covered her hands with his.

  “This feels nice,” he said quietly.

  “I want more.”

  “How much more?” his voice was wary.

  “Trust. Just a little more trust.”

  Her fingers went to the buttons on his shirt. She slowly began to undo them. He inhaled sharply, but he didn’t move away from her. She unbuttoned them all and slid his shirt off. He looked over his shoulder.

  “Stay just like that,” she said.

  He nodded and continued to glance at her sideways over his shoulder. She took a step back, pulled her shirt off, and unhooked her bra, letting it fall to the floor. She came back to him, pressing against his back and winding her arms around his waist again.

  It took a minute for their breathing to ease back to a normal speed.

  “What now, Erin? Is this all you want?”

  “Yes. It’s enough. It’s good…Is there something you want?”

  He closed his eyes and groaned. Then he pulled away from her. “I want everything. You’re killing me with wanting you, but I’m not going to touch you when you’re ashamed to be with me.”

  He picked up his shirt off the floor and put it back on, avoiding looking at her. She left her bra on the floor, but she pulled her shirt back on quickly.

  “So you learned something you like about me tonight. But it’s something I keep secret. I’m glad you’re here wanting things from me, but I hate it at the same time. I can’t go public with the anonymous stuff I do. To the world, I’m just a womanizer, maybe a murderer. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, but you do. You don’t want to be seen with me. You don’t want anyone to know you’re my mate because you’re embarrassed by me. Do you have any idea how that hurts, Erin?”

  She opened her mouth, but he held up a finger to silence her.

  “I get it. It’s my fault. I brought it on myself. I don’t blame you. I just…”

  “I want you,” she said.

  “Sure, in the dark. Just so no one knows, right? I can be your whore, is that it?”

  She flinched and shook her head in protest, but he kept talking.

  “I want to not care, but I do. I want to claim every inch of you over and over, but not if you’re going to lie about us afterward. There’s no trust in that. The idea of that being the reality between you and me breaks my heart. I want you to stand beside me in the light.”

  She moved closer to him. He couldn’t trust her yet. “I hear you,” she whispered. “I understand. I didn’t have a plan when I came here. I just had to see you. I had to touch you. You made me so happy to learn that you did that for me all those years ago. I always held onto you, not knowing your identity, drawing strength and comfort from you and what you left for me.”

  “You still don’t know what you want,” he accused.

  “You’re right. But I promise I won’t hurt you on purpose anymore. I’ll stop trying to destroy you.”

  “Thank you. That’s something.”

  “Are you really with Melina?”

  He smirked. “Does it matter that much?”

  She could see he needed her confession. “Oh, it matters.”

  “Jealous?”

  She threw her head back. “Yes! Okay? I don’t want her touching you. I don’t want you touching her. Happy now?”

  “Marginally. I’m not with Melina. She’s my best friend. We’ve been friends our whole lives. Our parents are close, have been since before either of us was born. She thinks standing in publicly as my girlfriend is a good way to protect me from whatever is happening right now. She’s my alibi for whatever. And even if something happens while we aren’t together, she’ll say we were.”

  “Have you ever slept with her?”

  “No. I’ve kissed her but that’s it…Did you spend the evening with Jaris? You didn’t burn me at all.”

  “I stayed home with my dad. We played poker.”

  It was the first time she saw Maddox smile, really smile. It was innocent. Beautiful. She moved to him again, reached around his neck, and kissed him. He was hesitant for a second, then he took her under and made her head spin.

  “I want you with me, Erin,” he said quietly moving his mouth to her neck. “I want you to say it. Say you’re mine. I want you to stop seeing him. I want you to let me in. Show me who you are. I’ll take my mask off if you take yours off.”

  She exhaled raggedly. She didn’t want to but she pulled back from him slowly. She had to be fair to him.

  “Okay. I feel like I can really think about it now. Really consider us. Let’s spend the day together tomorrow.”

  “Are you leaving then?”

  “Um…I want to stay, but I think my brain is going to burn up if I do.”

  “Mine’s already there.”

  “I can’t commit right now, and I see you need that.”

  He gazed at her mildly and put his hands in his pockets. “Goodnight then. I’m glad you opened the portal. Now I don’t have to worry about you running home in the dark…regardless of how stealthy you might be.”

  “Goodnight.” She left and was back in her room in a second. She looked at the open portal and smiled. That thing was dangerous. Instant direct access. Hmm…could be fun.

  It was really late now. She climbed into bed, trying to stop thinking about climbing into bed with Maddox. She thought about messaging him but then decided against it. She’d never get to sleep if she kept the communication open.

  She closed her eyes and smiled. Maddox was the gift giver. Her mind couldn't merge the two. The shadow she’d loved all these years—now she knew his face, his voice, all of him. Her mind refused to mesh the two into one, but still, peace and happiness moved through her. She focused on her feelings and tried to send them to him.

  Erin dreamed a lot. Her mind blurred with amalgams of Jaris and Maddox. She woke while it was still dark, not on a jolt, but the second she woke, she was fully awake. Instinct told her to be still and listen, there was a reason she was awake.

&nb
sp; A faint thump sounded outside her window. Very faint. Her gut sent her a fast, stern warning. What did she do? She didn’t have a weapon. A shadow passed over the drapes. Her heart jolted. Were they going to try to get in? An eye peered at her through the tiny gap in the curtains. She gasped just as Maddox landed in her room, a sword in his hand.

  She pointed at the window, her hand over her mouth. He was gone the next second through another portal. She ran to the window and looked out. Maddox was there, moving through the shadows, then she couldn’t see him anymore. She paced. Be safe. Be safe. Be safe. Her mind chanted over and over. The moment stretched out taut, every second an eternity. What if something happened to him? What if…What if…panic ran it's long moist fingers around her heart and tugged on her lungs.

  Maddox landed back in her room. She crashed into him and held on as hard as she could, blowing out the breath she'd been holding. Erin pinched her eyes shut tight, relieved and terrified at the same time. Nothing had happened to him, and yet the fear she'd felt just a moment ago… The magnitude of that fear startled her.

  “Did you see anything?”

  “No. Nothing,” he said. “What happened?”

  “I woke up…kinda weird you know, alert. There was someone outside, looking in my window. I saw their eye through the gap in the curtains. Then you came. Who do you think would do that? What for?”

  “I really don’t like the thoughts I have to answer those questions…You might have picked up a stalker. Lots of people saw you at the club the other night. It might have been Jaris…”

  She stiffened in his arms when he said that. He ignored her response.

  “It might have been the person who’s trying to frame me.”

  “Oh gosh.”

  “Yeah. Your house is not protected. We need to fix that in the morning…do you want to come and stay the rest of the night with me?”

  She did, but she shook her head. “What about my dad?”

  “Right. I guess—”

  “Will you stay here?” she asked.

  “Okay. Should I crash on the couch?”

  “If you want…you can stay in here with me.”

  “Well, that’s an easy decision.” He smiled and kissed her lips quickly.

  He set his sword down and stretched out on her bed. She grimaced, realizing how small her bed really was and he was taking up almost all of it.

  “Where are you going to sleep?” his smile was cheeky.

  She climbed up next to him and elbowed him in the ribs. “Scoot over.”

  He shifted to his side and pulled her close. Tangled up, they made it work enough so at least she wasn’t going to fall off the edge. She looked into his eyes, his face next to hers.

  “Here you are again,” she whispered.

  “You keep sending me feelings I can’t ignore. You were in danger.”

  “I never thought of myself as a damsel.”

  He played with the ends of her hair. “I never thought of myself as a knight.”

  They grinned at one another.

  “Is your dad going to go nuts in the morning if he finds me here?” he asked.

  “I doubt it. He’ll probably shake your hand and thump you on the back.”

  “Interesting man.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Yeah. He…”

  When she hesitated, he squeezed her gently. “Let me in. It’s your turn.”

  “I don’t want to talk about my parents. He’s a romantic, and he wants me in a relationship. I’ll leave it at that.”

  “Stingy,” he complained.

  She mulled it over for moment. “My parents were destined life mates. He was from Paradigm; she was from Kyhael. My mom’s family is still stuck in the old ways and don’t like the races mixing. I don’t have anything to do with them. They don’t want me anyway. I’m just a Halfling to them. My parents moved here before I was born because Anue is more diverse…Your mom has done so much to end racism in Regia, but of course, it will always exist… I was twelve when my mom died. All these years, I’ve seen the depth of that loss in my dad, but he swears one day with my mom was worth a lifetime of pain after.”

  Maddox stared at her for a moment. “Thank you.” He closed his eyes and exhaled, relaxing against her.

  With his eyes closed, she felt free to stare at him. He was gorgeous. She had always thought so, even back when she would have rather cut out her tongue than admit it. She leaned forward and brushed her lips along his brow and then down his jaw. He looked at her as she pulled back. There was a startling intensity behind his gaze and it looked like he was fighting it back.

  “What?"

  “You’re mine.” His whisper was so quiet as he closed his eyes again.

  “We’ll see.”

  “Stubborn…and occasionally stealthy. I’m learning you.”

  She nestled down more and closed her eyes. It felt better than she imagined it would, and she dozed off.

  Erin woke up alone in bed to the sounds of male voices taking from the other side of the house. She listened for a minute. Her dad sounded in good spirits talking to Maddox. He told him his favorite, cheesy, worn out joke. Erin rolled her eyes, but Maddox laughed. The sound caught her sideways. It was genuine and relaxed. She slid out of bed, stood in her bedroom doorway, and looked out at them.

  The two men sat at the kitchen table together, drinking coffee and just chatting. Maddox glanced up as if he sensed her looking at him. Their eyes connected. He smiled and winked at her. She backed up and shut the door. She groaned as she looked in her mirror. That needed to be fixed ASAP. Heading to her shower, she reminded herself she was spending the day with Maddox. She needed to look hot, but not like she was trying to look hot.

  The water splashed over her head and shoulders. She leaned her head against the shower wall and closed her eyes. The shower was the rain. The beginning. The first touch and every touch that followed. The memory enveloped her like steam, alighting on her skin. His hands were on her again, his eyes holding hers, impossible to look away. The light, such a beautiful light tying their hearts together. Her knees weakened, and she sank to the shower floor, wrapping her arms around herself. She knew he could feel this right now from her. Agony and ecstasy lived in the same breath as the water pelted her fevered skin, then inexplicably she went cold, even though the water was still warm.

  The shower stopped being the rain and turned into tears. The tears of grief. Tears for Selena. The tears of her family. Erin wiped her tears, a salty overflow of the well of pain inside her. Her hands shook as she held them up in front of her face. Why were her hands so weak? Why was she unable to hold onto Selena when she'd loved her so much? Why was she powerless in the moments that turned the direction of everything?

  She shook her head. She couldn’t go backward. But she could live in the past if she chose. She knew people who had. She could let herself root in one moment, one memory, and never leave it. Or she could forgive.

  Forgive Maddox…or had she already?

  What if she just embraced it? Accepted him? She was far from his first, but she would be his last. She thought about all the women before her, and it still angered and twisted her heart. She hated his memories, whatever they were…How could she ever measure up to all of those willing, beautiful, sexy partners? How could he ever be content with just her after all that?

  She didn’t want to live with her worth and self-image always a doubt in her mind. She thought about Jaris and looked at the bruises on her arm. They were almost gone. She frowned and finished rinsing her hair. She’d said she was going to spend today with Maddox. That’s what she would do.

  The time poked at her as she got ready for the day. She was taking too long, and she knew it, but she wasn’t leaving her room until she felt confident in the way she looked. She put her best jeans on again and a plain white top she dressed up with a long necklace. She finished her look with a fat belt that accentuated the flare of her hips. It was the best she could do with what she had.

  Blowing out a brea
th, she finally came out of her room. Maddox and her dad were still sitting at the table, talking like no time had passed. He looked up at her, his eyes flashing, betraying desire. Yes! You like what you see.

  She sat down at the table with them, hooked her finger through Maddox’s mug handle, and took a drink of the cold coffee. He raised one eyebrow at her and smirked, but he didn’t say anything.

  “Good morning, sweetheart,” her father said. “You took your time getting ready, didn’t you?”

  “Dad.”